R

Sick of all the couples

In their matching sweaters-

Spit-kissing till they’re tipsy

Silly-goosing, sunbathing

Steamy Sunday showers

Summertime picnics-

I’m the jelly, I’m the jam. I’m just peanuts about you.

Swapping cellphone numbers

Bated breaths-

Constant-

and abhorrent.

I feel every fibre of my being-

burn and fray

Incineration at a molecular level

“Quarks are never found in isolation”

It’s strange how you charm me

Drawing me ever closer

Inciting a chain reaction

Tell me you feel the spark, too.

Yes, I bite the hand that feeds.

Scarring you; saving me.

Rolling up my sleeves as I

Dig —

Down —

Deep.

I met a giant worm.

A helminth.

He looked at me and said:

“If you really want it,

you have to—”

Dig—

Down —

Deep.

So I took a stick-

jabbed out his eye.

He screamed —

a sound that split the ground.

And in the throes of it all,

the rain came.

To drown us out.

To wash away the evidence.

To pretend there was something worthy here

I surfaced —

sputtering —

the earth groaning in my wake.

What I found,

deep down,

after all that ruin,

after all that digging —

Was just the worm king’s eye.

Worthless.

Mute.

Unrecognizing.

That’s what happens

when you—

Dig —

Down —

Deep.

Fingers grasping desperately at one’s throat. Mewling with contempt. Lifelines at your fingertips- To whom do I owe the pleasure- Of role-reversal; the goat and the blade. Who is above? Who is below? The earth shook, the heavens screamed- All we do is wallow. A knaves depravity- Normalcy seemed obscene- As we shuddered and howled.

Flavours of us

combined into the night.

I couldn’t resist it.

The slightest lilt

in your voice—

I couldn’t resist it.

The wine that dribbled

from your mouth into mine—

I couldn’t resist it.

That look you gave me,

perched in the windowsill—

I couldn’t resist it.

Wrapped around your finger,

I couldn’t resist it.

I can’t resist you.

I lit a candle in your image,

watched it melt

like I did

when you said my name like a curse.

You spoke in psalms and false prophecy,

a child of God with bloodied hands,

whispering stay

as the smoke stained the walls.

Your halo is rusted.

My spine, a cathedral collapsing.

You took me at the altar —

no vow, just violence.

I danced with the devil

in the baptismal basin.

Called it devotion.

Called it love.

But saints don’t sleep.

And I haven’t

since you.

I fluctuate; burning agonising anger—

Sticky, sweet like honey, oozing down your thighs.

Don’t talk to me, I’m empty

Don’t talk to HIM, you’re mine.

————————————————

Pretty little thing,

Sweet darling of mine-

Holding you close when I’m hot

Ice you out when I’m “not”

My double edged emotions

Tinged by YOU constantly.

Desperation tinged with you

Glowing so brightly

And so out of reach.

A beautiful lie

Cuts deeply.

Fatigued feelings and faulty solutions

I cant seem to remember why

Fluorescent florals decay.

…I can’t look away.

I should look away.

It wraps itself around me

Surrounded

In- in reds and purples

The static

It- it gets louder

The creature

In- in my vision

Flickering slightly

I- I don’t know its motives

Random bursts of intensity

I waver all the while

Master of the long game, fearful for what comes next.

They convulse and convey

Implode and collapse

Seeing red in the moment-

Returning to apathy.

I blink once; you’re gone.

Blink twice; I’m gone.

Grinning from ear to ear. You ask me what I'm thinking about. "Nothing, really." I'm a liar. I'd love nothing more than to sink my teeth into your skin-- That, or to slice mine open once more. Faint pink ribbons on my thighs call my name day by day. I cant get enough of the unfortunate eroticism of it all. My self inflicted violence was worrying; You ask me what I'm thinking about. Nothing. Nothing at all.

Peach Flavoured Monster

A ringing in my ear.

She’s so sweet when she’s near.

And bitter away.

Your yellow and my Blue make my guts green.

Turns out,the butterflies are maggots.

For the first time in… five years, I briefly visited my home town.

Half a decade and still, a sleepy mountain town under a constant cloaking of rain

Is able to make me choke.

Severed bonds, promises broken.

Harassment and judgment.

Falling and flailing.

“But it was so long ago.”

“Don’t you miss those days?”

Never.

To see my old “home” and places I used to hide.

No thanks.

The wall of text-- A never ending cascade of word vomit. (GERD is the word) And half-baked ideas. Should've(s), Would've(s), Could've(s) The faint memory of broken beer bottles on a boulder lined beach. Several dozens of acreage between this moment and the next. Hazy afterimages; cigarettes framed by chapped lips 'n' chipped teeth. Hands flushing in the cold. Longingly waiting for an answer.