Why? That May 2009 bank holiday weekend was not my finest hour for so many reasons. What would I change? Everything. I would not mix socially with someone who was still playing in the financial markets and touched by scandal—I think I've said that a good grasp of ethics is a journey like other and I had no line managers or mentors at this point. I would not imagine for one minute that I had a good grasp of the agenda of someone so sophisticated. I would not fall—even internally--for the "I'm in love with you and leaving my wife" b.s. (I at least knew enough not to respond outwardly.) And, now that we all understand things better, I would not assume the legal age of a middle-aged man's "girlfriend".
In my defence or, at least, in explanation, I had, stupidly, had my head turned by S and being catapulted without warning into a weekend with his then mistress felt like I was being emotionally shredded. I also had an accident with a quad bike and had either bruised or cracked my ribs without any chance of medical attention. And, I was beginning to realise that things were not as above board as S had promised (he has a pole dancing pole in his basement ffs), which I realised might have ramifications for my career and reputation. Plus my 3-yr-old son was there and I remember fretting about the pool, quad bikes, silliness of the other guests, and alcohol consumption on his account. (Did I issue an ultimatum on his account? Yes, and it was complied with. Things calmed down quickly and everyone left, except the three of us.) For all these reasons, I was focused inwardly and not a neutral observer of whatever more sinister context there might have been. Actually, what I mulled over to myself by way of explanation was whether I had been dragged in to the situation to witness the steps S was consciously taking to extract himself from his marriage. I suppose I thought that the helicopter couple were mutual friends of S and his wife and he was being an absolute jerk in order to ensure a speedy divorce. I feel utterly stupid in retrospect—of course, he saw me as a mark, someone without support who was a little bit needy and self-obsessed, preoccupied with trying to do the right thing, lacking sophistication etc etc.
At one point S said to the couple who arrived by helicopter something like "don't worry about her, she's too stupid to understand", ostensibly talking in front of his girlfriend about her lack of appreciation for Shakespeare jokes (vis. Hamlet as a name for a great dane puppy). I was shocked at the casual insult—more fuel to the fire of my overall concern--but his girlfriend didn't react as I expected. Looking back I suppose it was amusing subtext for all of them—puppy jokes aside, I was the "gull", I was the stupid one, lending a veneer of respectability (if you think about it) to whatever else was going on. But, please note, that "whatever else" almost certainly would not have been whatever it is that you are insinuating. I still think maybe I was the person being groomed for compromise, frankly, and the target was more likely to be the, er, Establishment and the Old Lady. (And you will say "two things can be true at once"...which is why I am dredging this up at all.)
As a footnote, please note that no one ever tried to leverage whatever happened with me at a later date—at least not that I was aware of—and I was not given cause to fret about it. I felt that I had had a lucky reputational escape while suffering a keen sense of both romantic disappointment and self-criticism and I just moved on.
