No one is coming to shield you from your suffering. You can't cry it out of your system or distract it into disappearing. You try to forget, try to move on, but the hurt doesn't vanish just because you want it to. Some days it sits quietly beside you. Other days it suffocates. It lingers. It presses against your chest. You have no choice but to carry it. You breathe through it. And all you can really do is survive it. It's not easy. It drains you. It isolates you. And eventually you learn that survival isn't about escaping the pain. It's about learning to live with it, until one day, it feels just a little bit lighter.

It's not sadness. Sadness had a pulse. This doesn't. This is the stillness after everything inside you has already died. It's the feeling of being hollowed out, like someone scooped out your insides and left you walking around with nothing but skin and silence. I wake up with it. I fall asleep next to it. I'm not crying. I'm not breaking. I'm just... gone. I don't even know what I'm mourning. Maybe it's something I never had. Maybe it's me. Whatever made me feel real, it's vanished. And I'm left with a body that moves and a soul that doesn't.

I don't want to be here anymore. Not in this body, not in this house, not in this world where every breath feels like a burden. I want to vanish into some place nameless and quiet. A place where no one asks who I am or what I've done. Where strangers stay strangers and no one tries to understand me just to tear me apart. I want to run from my name, my memories, from the voice ir. my head that never shuts up. I don't want to be known. I don't want to be saved. I just want to exist without being watched, judged expected to perform. Just one day. That's all. One day where I'm free from this weight crushing my chest, before everything ends.

There's a constant unrest inside me, a mix of dread and exhaustion. I want to try, but the energy just isn't there. It's the dread of falling short, yet lacking the energy to try. It's craving connection but shrinking away from social moments. My feelings swing wildly to. I care deeply about everything one minute, then feel like nothing matters the next. It's feeling a whirlwind of emotions all at once, only to be swallowed by a paralyzing numbness that leaves you frozen.

I don't expect anyone to understand me. Not anymore. Not when the people who've been around me my entire life still look at me like I'm a stranger. The ones who raised me, who watched me grow, who hear my footsteps every day in the same house, they don't really see me. They notice when I speak too little, but they never ask why. They see the tiredness in my face and assume I just need more sleep. They hear the quiet but never recognize it as pain. I just keep it all in now because I've run out of ways to explain what never made sense to anyone but me. If my own blood couldn't see me, why would anyone else bother?

I'll be begging my friends to take pictures of me and this is the pose I hit:

im in disbelief at the fact that a lot of folks are simply over palestine. like protests are dwindling down. people are not very interested in news related to gaza. some are simply over it.

Thunderbolts be like…

Bob: Hey Walker, can you give me the opposite of these words?