Confidence is quiet, you're not.

Hi! I’m miserable. I’m unemployed. I can’t find work and am going insane sitting on my ass. Writing applications is tiring and a fucking chore when it feels like every word I write will end up in the trash anyways.

Meanwhile I am falling in love with SEVENTEEN (kpop group) and regret that I left L.A. (I had to tho) because maybe at least I could be directing some shitty music videos to bring me closer to my career and now kpop dreams.

I’m sitting here, lost in kpop, with nothing to do but write endless applications, and I won’t be going anywhere if those applications just end up in the trash. I feel absolutely lost and hopeless. I’m not sure what to do, I’m not sure what to pursue, which route to go.

Should I keep applying and try my best to start directing music videos here (even though I know 0 people who make music or are filmmakers here aka it will take years to build up a portfolio)? Should I try to push my photography or graphic design far enough for me to maybe be able to be freelancing? Should I go the shit route and just spam everyone on social media until someone answers my prayers and sees that I’m actually a skilled person? Should I try some other method that will bring me money and opportunities like a youtube channel or something?

Who knows... not me.

In the meantime I started learning korean because lol the only life motivation I have right now are korean boys that I don’t understand. It’ll look cool on a resume, it’s something to do, it’s a challenge but it might also only be a phase.

So I’m done rewatching LIS and I have to say two things: 

1. The sacrifice Chloe ending is stupid. What is the reason that Chloe has to die? The logic there makes no sense. Max went through all the scenarios. She saved Chloe and told on Jefferson, without any time jumps. Yet, there was still a storm when she was in San Francisco. That means, even if she does no time-hopping in the timeline, there will still be a storm. We know that if Max goes back, she still has all the knowledge from all the timelines. Is the game trying to say that the storm is only there because Max actually uses the knowledge she already has? Does that mean if a word ever slips her mouth that makes someone change something, a storm will be created? Does that mean if she ever mentions to Victoria that Kate committed, attempted or thought about suicide and Victoria changes her attitude, a storm will be created? If she ever mentions to Warren that she knows he could’ve beaten up Nathan, a storm will be created? Another thing is, I highly doubt that whatever was going on with Kate at the time Chloe was killed, will immediately die down after. Yes, Nathan and Jefferson get caught, but that’s after Kate’s video is up. So the video is going around, and yes, there might be less talk about the video and more about Chloe, but Chloe’s death is a shocking and depressing event! Many people (especially already depressed/suicidal people) sometimes can’t cope with the death of a friend, someone in their surroundings or even acquaintance. In other words, there is still a high chance that Kate would attempt suicide. I don’t know how long after the death the funeral was, but we see a lot of things happening in the pictures before we see the funeral. And Kate jumped in the second episode which would literally be the 2nd or 3rd day after the bathroom. Yet, Kate is still at the funeral. And again, Max wouldn’t have been able to save her with the knowledge that she might go up to that roof at any given point in time. So, in short, the ending is pointless since the only reason Chloe ‘has to die’ is because Max can’t say aloud what she already knows. Also the whole game, all the struggles, deaths and pain were all for nothing, if Chloe dies anyway. Also: Pricefield. (Okay that went unreasonable too quick.)