Pogger Blogger

TLDR: I'm no philosopher and I'm not smart enough to understand things but i struggle to know who i am as a person

People are little orbs of energy, each orb is connected by strands to an outer shell, this outer shell is what people see, it is the person we put forward before letting people see our cores, who we really are deep inside. I believe that deep deep down we don't change, we have a core "self" that develops who we are on the outside, but for the most part our identities are entirely based on the outer shell everyone sees, formed from everything that's happened to and around us. For an Autistic woman like me though i feel as if my protective outer shell is too thick from masking, that i can't see what is my core and what is more masking, so much of my autistic self got beaten (Not literal, i had a good childhood) out of me to the point where i default into masking and when my "self" comes out people think something is wrong or that I'm changing my behaviour for other people.

When i was diagnosed i thought it would be easier for me to understand myself and everything would become clear but it didn't, now i feel like I'm floating in some void outside of my own outer shell unable to get through and see me, but, I'm finding ways to slip through the cracks even if its just for a second, just little things that snap me back to my core just for a moment all that's needed is to just give it time and patience.

ANYWAYS here's a funny cat GIF.

Reading LOTR after growing up with the films I feel like if someone is interested in a book that's been made into a film they should watch the film first. films are so "hollywoodised" that they become something completely different and it makes the books feel better, don't get me wrong I love LOVE the film trilogy but reading the books feels so refreshing. For example: Faramir, in the films they introduce him and instantly have him treat the trio as hostiles and kinda forces them to Osgiliath, and yeah we get the great scene of Frodo and the Nazgul but omg in the books he's so much better, yes he is mistrusting of the random hobbit but he trusts they are doing good when he discovers they knew Boromir. In the film he has the horn of Gondor and kinda assumes they are at fault but the book using a possible dream and him hearing the horn makes it more gentle and he is shown in a more understanding and trusting.

Love it when someone just does nothing but find issues with peoples work (sarcasm), like you spend time and effort on something they have asked you to do but all they can do is find fault and ways to act like they know more or that you are doing something wrong.

And even though ive given my GP my new name to change the nhs system hasnt been updated WHY HAVENT THEY DONE IT YET.

Ig i dont get those blood test results to them before the day i dont get me perscription. I AM NOT LOSING THIS BECAUSE THE GP IS DOGDSHIT.

Like in pokemon the little lizard becomes a medium lizard which becimes a big one.