cherry valley forever
Today's Document
shark vs the universe
hello vonnie
will byers stan first human second
One Nice Bug Per Day
RMH
Love Begins
Game of Thrones Daily
Product Placement
Noah Kahan
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
πͺΌ
ojovivo
β
PR's Tumblrdome
π
sheepfilms
π©΅ avery cochrane π©΅
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
seen from United States
seen from TΓΌrkiye
seen from Bangladesh
seen from Kuwait
seen from Mexico
seen from Malaysia
seen from Bangladesh
seen from Venezuela
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from South Korea
@alm0ndmilkcows
Hey there, my name is Lex and this is my shit show of a diary ?? I like to talk about my life and complain about my issues here.
This is a safe space.
TW
There are mentions of SA, SH, sui ideation, eating disorder, and addiction through out this blog.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
Just another day of me wanting to kill myself.
I have an assessment for admittance to a psychiatric PHP or IOP program. I am not doing well, at all. This is miserable.
I live with my grandmother now and she always has to comment something about food. I've resorted to buying and hiding snacks inside my wardrobe so I can have the occasional unhealthy snack without her making me feel bad. After all my years and being in & out of ED treatment centers, you'd think she'd know not to do that. It's really messing with my eating habits, schedule, and my hunger cues. I'm also extremely constipated rn and omw to go buy miralax (as directed by doctor) and gonna buy an enema π
I've picked up a lot of hobbies to keep myself busy and started being more active and exercising with my boyfriend. I'm passing all my classes. Still trying to find out wtf is causing me to feel so fucking dizzy. Thinking it's a thing called vestibular migraine. We shall see!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
It's so amazing what the body can do. Fighting against us and fighting for us.
I've relapsed
I see my favorite band, Bad Omens, tomorrow in Austin by myself. I'm so fucking excited and it'll be the first show I've gone to alone. Sadly am having to sell my VIP upgrade bc I can't make it to the Seattle show any longer ): but atleast i'll still be able to see them tomorrow <3
I went to see them.. they were great, sounded awesome but the experience as a whole did not live up to my expectations. They booked an outside venue during the hottest part of summer in Texas (102 degrees that day). The floor was dirt so dust was in the air. People were passing out left and right. People were rude but itβs probably due to the heat making everyone grumpy. I could continue to reason why I was disappointed but I did get a really cool shirt and some videos, albeit I decided to not die in the pit and moved to the back where the view was only a smidge better. Maybe next year will be better.
I feel pretty depressed today. I can't get thoughts out of my head. They keep seeping in, whether it's about my hatred for my stepmom and how she traumatized me or my ex best friends abusive ex and how they fucked me over after I uprooted my life and moved in with them (I no longer live with them and moved back to my home state). I miss Seattle so much though, I truly felt like I belonged in Washington despite my traumatic experience with my roommates. I still feel like I belong there. I want to go back.. I hate being in Texas. Unsure if my mind would stop though. It's making me want to relapse back into taking pills again.
Just make it stop.
your mental illness is mean and itβs a liar. You are never as horrible as you think. People love you. You are worthy
How could someone love me when I'm so unkempt, I'm literally having to cut knots out of my hair bc they take over 2 hours to brush out. I start using bathing suit bottoms as underwear bc I'm too fatigued to do laundry until I have absolutely no choice. I can spend 8 hours staring at the ceiling with only crackers next to my bed and still go to sleep early.
How?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
I see my favorite band, Bad Omens, tomorrow in Austin by myself. I'm so fucking excited and it'll be the first show I've gone to alone. Sadly am having to sell my VIP upgrade bc I can't make it to the Seattle show any longer ): but atleast i'll still be able to see them tomorrow <3
Next weekend (sept 9th) will be my 23rd birthday. My boyfriend is going to take me to buildabear to splurge on the halloween collection bears and then we are gonna make homemade calzones and watch The Nightmare Before Christmas bc he hasn't seen it. I'm really excited about this.
Due to the repercussions of having struggled with an eating disorder for so long, I no longer can go days without eating without heart palpitations and tachycardia fits giving me anxiety attacks.
I have been missing it lately. Not the daunting scale and the mental turmoil that is body dysmorphia (I have that even in recovery for an eating disorder) but, the ability to focus so much on one thing that the outer world and what gives me anxiety isn't so anxiety inducing. Yes, eating has given me anxiety but it no longer is the kind of anxiety that completely and utterly debilitates me from living my every day life.
There is a fucked up part of me that misses being what the pro-ana girls wanted to look like. The photos of me that "made it" to ed twitter. I so desperately would seek validation from that side of the ed community. Not realizing I was adding to the problem and promoting it; I was sick too and far gone. In denial.
Now I can't starve, but I can work out and I can hyper-fixate on the meals I plan to eat.
But if I do, I know I'll start hating myself even more than I do now and I'll probably ruin things that are great for me. I don't know. This is just how I've been feeling as of lately.
I feel like I'm getting bad again. My eating disorder is coming back full force. I don't know what the fuck to do with myself.
I've been really stressed, anxious, and sick and I'm losing so much weight again and now I have lost probably about 20 lbs of progress. I feel like my ed is coming back full force and I don't want it to. I'm not even intentionally losing weight. Everything is loose on me now.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
September 2nd and October 4th I'll be seeing Bad Omens in concert with VIP.
I'll be seeing Sleep Token September 30th and MIW October 3rd.
Music is the only thing that keeps me sane, it's basically my lifeline.
Just bought presale tickets for Movements on September 12th
Major Trigger Warning for whomever comes onto my blog.
Sensitive subjects are talked about as this is where I vent.
SA, mental illness, addiction, SI/SH and just my life.
I'm not completely sad all the time