AllTimeLowKicksAss

okay so when I was younger (I’m talking like 10 years old) I was in love with Rihanna. If Satan had come up to ten year old me and asked me to sell my soul to him for tickets to a Rihanna concert I would have no questions asked.

anyway I was staying at this hotel and eating sushi in the lobby while this lady played the piano and sang Rihanna songs and I was freaking the fuck out because I wanted to tell the lady how good she sounded but I was too scared to. So I’m sitting there crying and this waitress comes up to my table and points to this lady in an orange treachcoat walking through the lobby and says to me “hey you see that lady? That’s Rihanna.” Those tears I was crying travel straight back up into my tearducts and I’m not entirely convinced that she’s telling the truth but I needed to see for myself. So I stand up and look at this lady and deem that it is in fact Rihanna (apparently she was staying there at the time). On the outside I’m trying to mantain a calm facade but on the inside I’ve entered a whole new plain of existance. So what do I do? Do I go up to her? Nope! Instead I do a really shoddy job of hiding behind pillars and stalking her until she leaves the lobby.