Lonely Heart

One

Dazai pushed him into a nearby broom closet, and though he was rather nimble and adept on his feet, Chuuya did stumble back, rattling a shelf as he swerved around. He just barely had enough air and light on his face to speak, meeting the other’s eyes as the door closed with a “wha-?” before arms were around his shoulders and lips were on his. 

Chuuya mumbled some nonsense, trying to parse a string of words to say. Dazai’s lips were a bit dry, while his tongue was the perfect amount of moist. The other taste a bit like cherry, and Chuuya realized with a start that the other had sprayed something into his mouth before shoving him in here. He broke for air just for a moment.

“Gah! Dazai, you-!” he murmured, but Dazai silenced him again with a very tongue-heavy kiss, swirling it inside his mouth aggressively. He didn’t hate it, but he didn’t appreciate the insinuation that he was being silenced.

“Seven minutes,” Dazai whispered quietly, “Give me exactly seven minutes of your silence.”

He offered no further explanation, but it rendered Chuuya speechless in that moment when Dazai kissed him again, this time grabbing his face, and pinning him against one wall of the tiny broom closet. They were incredibly cramped in here, but Chuuya felt even more compressed as Dazai pulled him into his arms. The other was usually so good at running his mouth, yet right now in this moment, his actions and affections were saying the most. Chuuya didn’t know the most about kissing, but he knew enough to know Dazai was impossibly good at it. He stroked his fingers through Chuuya’s hair, and pulled Chuuya into a few different angles. Chuuya couldn’t help the soft, sparingly few mewling sounds which escaped him as Dazai jerked him a bit. He did squeak when Dazai reached down with the other hand to squeeze his ass.

“Gah!”

“Forgive me,” Dazai whispered, releasing him for a moment, and it was so apologetic, Chuuya actually let him silence him with yet another kiss. 

Why the fuck would the other ask for seven minutes? Chuuya had foolishly not started counting the seconds when he knew good and damn well how precise the bastard was. Chuuya had plenty of stamina and he had the breath for it, but damn it! He hadn’t been expecting any of this. He tried to start relaxing, though he knew the moment he did, the other would probably release him and tease him, claiming it all to be a prank. He always had the upper hand in situations like these. Really, he always had Chuuya on his little red string of fate no matter the situation. He knew the time was almost up when Dazai pried his jaw open to swirl the most lascivious gesture against Chuuya’s tongue, leaving a small line of drool between them. Dazai sucked it off of his lower lip, finally whispering.

“Goddamn, I needed that.”

“And just what the hell was it that you needed so damn badly, you bastard?” Chuuya muttered. Just in case he could see in the dark, Chuuya made sure he was scowling at the guy. Dazai still had their mouths close to each other, and he swore he could feel the other’s facial muscles flexing in a smile.

“Ehhh? Did you not enjoy yourself?”

“I gave you what you wanted. Now what the hell was all that, bastard?”

“Aww Chuuya,” Dazai said, “You’ve always taken yourself way too seriously. It’s always been the problem with us.”

Chuuya immediately took deep offense, “Like hell it has! You treat shit way too casually. Now what did you make out with me for?”

“Ahh. Why did you let me?” 

“Because.”

“Because?” Dazai purred back.

“Because you usually have a reason,” Chuuya muttered, “A distraction? A stress reliever? What do you want?”

Dazai was silent for another infuriating minute. Chuuya wanted to shove him off when he felt the other’s finger curl into his hair, playing in it. Though Chuuya had to admit, it felt unbelievably good. The truth was that he was more angry than anything that he didn’t feel angry at all. 

“I just saw you happened to be walking down the same hallway as me, and this broom closet was here,” Dazai mumbled into his hair, “That was why.”

Then in an instant, there he was pulling away. Chuuya heard him put his hand on the door. How many minutes had passed now, he wondered. He let a whole slew of thoughts swirl across his mind. 

“Yeah right. Should have expected you would never give me the full honest truth,” Chuuya muttered, but Dazai’s fingers were pulling on his shirt with the other hand, “I wonder what you’d do if I pulled you back now that the seven minutes you asked for is up.”

“How curious,” Dazai trilled, “Wanna find out?”

Chuuya wrestled with himself. He knew he and Dazai had always been a tragedy. Dazai knew it too. It was juvenile to be pulling stuff like this at their age considering their history. Even so… 

“Just go,” Chuuya whispered finally, “Hope your plan works out, whatever role I had to play in it. Better yet, I hope it backfires spectacularly and you finally bite it, asshole.”

“You’re so funny,” Dazai said with a chuckle. His fingers left Chuuya’s shirt and he opened the door, “Nice doing business with you, as always!” 

With that, he took his leave. Chuuya stupidly felt bereft. Later, he would think about this interaction in the broom closet and how he never heard anything come of it. Was the Port Mafia not privy to some certain information now? Had Dazai prevented Chuuya from setting eyes on a person of interest? He considered the context of the place they’d been at the same time and became increasingly irritated by the fact he could find no connection or clues suggesting what Dazai’s motive might have been. This was just one memory in a long list of memories he’d shared with Dazai.

Two

He didn’t see Dazai coming, but he had just glanced in the broom closet when someone grabbed him by the waist. He only saw it was Dazai because the lights were on inside.

“Hey!” he was kissed fervently. There was heat to the kiss, but there was heat emanating from the other as well, “Have you been drinking?!” he accused. Dazai grinned, pulling the string switch that was illuminating them both. He heard the other giggle and Chuuya felt Dazai leaning into him as he was kissed. 

“Gah! Just like I thought, you taste like cheap booze. Can’t you at least drink higher end shit if you’re gonna be breathing into my mouth?”

“Mmm? But I’m going to take Chuuya’s breath, so it doesn’t matter….” Dazai mumbled, and Chuuya moaned when Dazai kissed him hard, lifting him by the waist and into the very sparing open air of the broom closet. It was a bit more spacious than the last because they were inside a hotel. 

“What the hell are you even doing here, Dazai? How the ever loving hell did you find m-?” Dazai pecked his lips, silencing him. He kissed Chuuya’s cheeks rapidly, sinking the other down onto his neck. Chuuya made a soft, embarrassing sound.

“I can find you easily, always. Didn’t you know that? Now stop complaining. Count to four hundred and twenty.”

“Ugh. This again?”

“Shush,” Dazai said, and he kissed him much slower. Unlike his reaction the last time, Chuuya actually let his arms rest on Dazai’s shoulders. He’d had time to think, and he figured if Dazai could play it off like it didn’t matter, then so could he. When he’d relaxed into it, actually kissing back a little, he heard Dazai also release a little moan, which was a sound that could only be described as delectable. Dazai must have been somewhere between drunk and blasted. Chuuya wished he knew what brand of cheap booze he had been drinking, “How do you taste so good?” the other murmured.

“Ah- I-” 

“Mmm, gimme,” Dazai cut him off again, and Chuuya let him. Chuuya’s knees felt weak. He actually did let Chuuya breathe between kisses this time, in favor of pecking and licking all over the other’s cheek and face. He pulled on Chuuya’s choked with his teeth, to which the other clicked his teeth disapprovingly. Dazai chuckled, “Aha, apologies.”

“That’s the second time you’ve had poor behavior, you know,” Chuuya murmured, but he satisfied his irritation with a kiss initiated on his own. If Dazai’s hum of satisfaction was anything to go off of, Chuuya knew it wasn’t actually a punishment. “Are you actually gonna tell me what you grabbed me for this time, or is there more cryptic bullshit?”

Dazai hummed, pulling away a bit, “Well now you’ve just spoiled the magic, haven’t you? Just as well. Four hundred and twenty seconds have passed. Or were you not counting like I told you too?”

Chuuya snarled, “Like I take orders from you!”

Dazai turned on the light again, grinning. As Chuuya expected, the other’s cheeks were very lightly tinted pink. 

“I really am enjoying this strategy of distracting your attention, Chibi. It’s almost worth having to suffer through your company,” Dazai made a flippant gesture that had Chuuya irritated all over again. 

“Listen, you! If you don’t tell me what your problem is this time, I swear I’ll-!”

Dazai had opened the door though, and Chuuya froze. The other was grinning at him.

“Sorry Chibi. You lose, like always. Next time I’ll give you a hint to help you along.”

Chuuya huffed. Not like it mattered to him anyhow. Whatever it was was sure to piss him off.

“I swear one day I’ll see you killed.”

“Though not before tasting my cheap booze on your tongue, huh?” Dazai licked his lips, and Chuuya scowled. He let Dazai walk away. 

Truly, Chuuya must have been a masochistic man.

Three

Chuuya knew it was Dazai this time. Dazai put a finger to his lips, pulling him from a crowd of people, and Chuuya followed him in silence fascination at the expression on the other’s face. Dazai wore none of his usual bravado and faux demeanor. There was almost a vulnerable quality if Chuuya let himself be duped enough. He showed no resistance when Dazai pulled him into the broom closet. 

“How do you keep finding these places?” Chuuya muttered and braced to be kissed, but to his surprise, Dazai grabbed his face rather enthusiastically, holding it with minimal pressure and staring into the other’s eyes. 

Oh, this was how it was going to be, was it?

“Quit it,” Chuuya frowned, “Just do what you’re going to do. Three hundred and sixty seconds, right?”

Dazai nodded once, “Yes, exactly.” 

“Wha-? Exactly what, asshole?”

“Quiet. Complete silence from you,” Dazai said. He continued staring fixatedly into Chuuya’s eyes. It was all the more perturbing because the other hadn’t even bothered to turn the lights off this time. He waited a beat.

“This is so much worse than usual! What are you even doing this for? Is this really all just some ruse to mess with me?” Chuuya demanded, and for a moment, some of the upset he’d been harboring over these instances came out in his voice and facial expression. “You usually just slobber on me, but now you’re just clowning. Admit it!” 

“No need,” Dazai said quickly. 

“No need?!”

“No need.” He repeated, “This is seven minutes in heaven.”

“Wha-? Oh shut up!”

“Did you think I forgot?” Dazai whispered, leaning in close. He finally pecked Chuuya on the lips one time, “Chuuya is an angel. I need you to not open your mouth for this to work.”

“Gah- I should have known it was always a prank! I hate you!” he didn’t let the upset show on his face, biting his lip to repress the grimace. Dazai pecked him on the lips again. 

“Time’s up… that’s all I can ask of you, right Chuuya?” The other whispered. 

“As if. You always ask too much. You take too much! You’re the worst.” Even so, Chuuya knew the truth was that he’d always go along with it if it meant Dazai still wanted him in his way. 

“Hence why I only ever ask for the seven minutes,” Dazai said flippantly, pressing their foreheads together, “Ah well. Until next time.”

“Next time? You mean you’re gonna keep up this bit?!” 

“Why not? Until you start outright rejecting it, I can still get my kicks, can’t I? Hmm??”

“Just go away!” Chuuya snapped finally, making a fist. Dazai opened the door with a sly grin. Chuuya called him every colorful name in the book as he went away. 

“Just… stop pretending you mean it each time,” Chuuya finally grumbled before slamming his closed fist against the wall. He tacked on the second half only in his thoughts. It only makes it harder.

Four

It was barely a week before it happened again. Chuuya was smoking a cigarette when Dazai appeared beside him. He looked at him sidelong and as suspected, the other was looking down at the view from top of this eight story building. Chuuya had been standing up there after a mission. He’d just dismissed the remaining subordinates.

“I don’t even know why I question it anymore,” he said flatly, and admittedly the length of time it had been since their last encounter was much shorter than usual. He hadn’t even had time to brood over it properly. In fact, he’d been brooding in that exact second. “Oy. Suicidal maniac. What the hell are you doing up here?”

Dazai’s eyes slid upward in a slow motion as they glanced sidelong at him. He strolled over and held out a hand. Without thinking, Chuuya reached into his pocket and offered Dazai a cigarette, which the other took. 

“Not what a wanted,” Dazai admitted, but then he pushed Chuuya into the small structure where the stair access was located, “But I’ll take it.”

He put the cigarette in his mouth, and pressed it into Chuuya’s, lighting it. Chuuya glared, but he could feel himself blushing.

“The hell are you doing?”

“There’s no broom closet nearby,” Dazai murmured, pulling a drag and puffing it into the wind so it wouldn’t blow on Chuuya, “That’s why.”

“Seriously?”

“You count to four hundred and twenty this time. It’s so tiresome always being the one counting.”

“The hell? You’re the one wanting me to be quiet so you can harass me, so it’s only right you do the counting.”

Dazai made a haughty noise and then pressed their shoulders together, leaning on him before taking another puff. This was a bit more unorthodox than usual. Dazai usually liked to keep his pranks consistent even if he himself wasn’t a very consistent person: consistently inconsistent even. Or maybe it was inconsistently consistent? Eh, Chuuya didn’t really care. He knew it was at least related to whatever scheme Dazai had been pulling on him lately, and though Chuuya couldn’t stand the guy, he found himself doing like usual and staying relatively quiet as they basked in those precious seven minutes. Dazaiy didn’t take another drag after that. He threw his cigarette down and put it out when Chuuya put his. This time, Dazai surprised him even more.

“Thanks,” he heard the other say, and Chuuya scowled.

“Don’t you dare jump over that ledge!” he snapped, and Dazai laughed. He twirled around from where he’d taken a step away and pressed in to kiss Chuuya one hot, romantic time. He tasted like Chuuya’s expensive cigarette he’d just wasted. 

“seven minutes every time I ask,” Dazai purred, “I always forget what a good dog you are.”

“May as well let you toy with me because otherwise you’ll double it for later, right?” Chuuya said dryly. Dazai lingered in his space. To literally any other pair this would be romantic, right? Where Dazai was involved, convolution lurked. 

“Who knows?” Dazai purred, “You still haven’t said no.”

He waltzed to the door, opening it with ease. Chuuya was pretty sure Dazai hadn’t come from that way. How long had he been up here? What did he even do during his work day? For a while, he’d been leaving the matter alone because he’d decided Dazai was happy at the Armed Detective Agency, but a sense of weariness took over him.

“If it really is that fucking important, you better keep asking for your stupid seven minutes.”

“Of course it’s important,” Dazai purred before disappearing, “As I said, you’re my angel.”

Chuuya smoked another cigarette after he left.

Five

This time is similar to the second time in that Dazai had clearly found him when he’d had too much to drink. It was similar to the first in the way that Dazai just kept kissing him and kissing him. Unlike any other time, however, Dazai just kept talking.

“My angel, my angel,” he murmured, kissing Chuuya sweetly and softly. Chuuya was panting, dizzy, and struggling to keep up. “God, it’s been too long.”

“What… why are you… hey…” he couldn’t muster up the energy to care between kisses. He gave up and just let it happen, holding onto the other like he wanted to. He’d run into the other at a bar, and he just happened to have also finished his second glass of wine.

“I’m so lucky… never happens… I took a gamble, and ha! Found you!”

“Mmmf!” Chuuya wanted to point out that he was pretty sure four hundred and twenty seconds had already past, and he also wanted to point out that Dazai was acting way too into it to be acting, and he also wanted to point out that Dazai was very obviously hard pressed against him. He didn’t know what to say or how to go about it though. He found he didn’t want to break the spell. When Dazai finally let go, it was only to brush Chuuya’s hair away where he’d accidentally slung it in the other’s face. Chuuya was sure he looked the most flustered he’d ever been in his life, but luckily they were in the dark this time. 

“You’re beautiful,” Dazai mumbled. Chuuya mirrored Dazai’s fingers combing through his hair. The other’s hair felt a bit coarse and dry. Dazai’s lips had never stopped being dry. 

“You’re… actually drunk,” Chuuya half laughed, and Dazai bit him on the lip. He yelped when Dazai started sucking on it. 

“Hey… Dazai… don’t you think your little gimmick has run its course?” Chuuya mumbled when Dazai had been kissing him for over twenty minutes. It was way too long now for Chuuya to still be convincing himself it was all just a prank, yet here he was.

Dazai froze. “Are you finally rejecting me?” he murmured in a voice that was more sober than he’d first appeared. Chuuya flinched.

“I… I mean…” Chuuya pressed their foreheads together, “I just figured you’d be bored by now. Don’t go turning it into some even more irritating thing.”

Dazai hummed thoughtfully. He pressed his mouth into Chuuya’s ear and started licking and sucking. Chuuya kept himself grounded in the moment by repeating the fact that they were both lonely and had been alone for a very, very long time. 

“Mmm… fuck, Dazai I’m… I mean I…” Chuuya said, holding onto a shred of his sanity when Dazai nipped his jaw. “I… if I said I wanted it to be longer than seven minutes,” he moaned, “What would you say?”

Dazai paused. “Try me,” he whispered. Chuuya grabbed him by the waist and squeezed him, suppressing a hard grimace. 

“Not like this… I mean I couldn’t say it while I was sober, but not like this…”

Dazai pulled away, pressing a smiling mouth to Chuuya’s cheek. 

“I understand,” he said softly. “That was far more heaven than I deserve anyway.”

“Wha-? The hell are you…?” he was kissed again, hard. Then Dazai whispered “forgive me” as he took his leave. Chuuya stood there, dumbfounded for a few minutes before finally taking his leave.

Six

“I found you this time, asshole!” Chuuya declared, barging into the ADA headquarters. Everyone was immediately in alarm with the straight-laced notebook guy jumping into action in a defensive position. Farmer Boy Kenji, the Weretiger kid, and the weird illusionist were warily standing in front of their coworkers, but Chuuya made a beeline for where he knew the bum would be on the couch. Dazai looked up at him lazily, headphones latched to his head.

“Ugh. Just what are you doing here?”

“You. With me. Now.”

“No thanks.”

“No thanks?! I’ll kill you, you son of a bitch!”

“You make it no fun! The pursuit and the thrill of bothering you on the job is what makes the bit so satisfying! You clearly have no sense of creativity or cunning when it comes to running a gag, Chuuya.”

“You know perfectly well it isn’t my style!” Chuuya snapped, and he dodged when Doppo Kunikida tried to karate chop him, “Besides, I called to make sure abducting you right now would be convenient.”

“Hah?!” Dazai and his indignant coworkers looked immediately affronted. At that moment, Edogawa Rampo slid by in his office chair and spoke up.

“Oh yeah, Chuuya texted me and made sure we didn’t have anything major going on. He’s also not gonna hurt him or majorly threaten him or anything, so you guys can just let him take him.”

“Seriously?!” the weretiger declared in pure shock. Then he grew increasingly exasperated when his remaining coworkers immediately relaxed, seeming even relieved Chuuya was here to take him. My God, even after all these years, Dazai had never stopped being insufferable. 

“Let’s go!” Chuuya said, swerving back around to face Dazai, who looked chagrined.

“What a paaaaain!”

“Come the fuck on before I tell them about the time I had you hanging upside down by your feet and made you throw up!” 

“Ughhhhhhh. Coming,” Dazai threw his legs down. Chuuya grabbed his wrist and hastily pulled him away. 

He pulled Dazai a long way without saying anything. Dazai walked along, pointing out all the potential broom closet locations, mentioning how time inefficient and also incompetent Chuuya was for not planning better. Chuuya, who had his own way of going about things, ignored it without a second thought. He’d had enough of this already. 

He brought Dazai to an old timey arcade which was all but abandoned this time of day. Dazai looked around at the area, openly acknowledging what he saw was a broom closet. If they wanted to, they could easily sneak past the area’s supervisor into said area so Chuuya could get his “revenge” so to speak. Chuuya wouldn’t be satisfied.

“I want more than seven minutes,” Chuuya said seriously, looking Dazai in the eye. Dazai froze, shell shocked for a moment, but quickly playing it off with a clearing of his throat.

“Just because I’ve exploited the rule a time or two doesn’t mean you get to start off your version of the gimmick by not respecting the rules. Seven minutes in heaven means seven minutes in heaven. Therefore…”

“I don’t want to go to heaven,” Chuuya said flatly, “I’m going where you’re going.”

Dazai’s mouth snapped shut. Chuuya clicked his teeth irritably.

“I’m tired of this stupid nonsense, I said! If you want to spend time with me, spend time with me, shitty mackerel! If that’s what you want, you’re staying here and playing these old arcade games with me. Loser buys dinner!” he grinned mirthlessly. He knew better than to call it a date, but it was better than nothing. “However, if it really is just seven minutes you want, I’ll give you seven,” he pointed at the closet, turning said grin into a scowl, “But this is my last seven, Dazai. I’m not playing anymore.”

It was the best way he could think to issue a choice with this man, whom nothing was taken seriously, without completely destroying their relationship. Already, Chuuya could feel the walls closing in around him. All the shitty thoughts he’d had up until this point came crashing down around him. Dazai would only ever kiss him when they were trapped in a closet. Dazai would never truly be seriously committed to anyone. Dazai was only using these bouts between them to keep Chuuya on a string. This all came crashing down around him until he felt a bandaged hand on his face.

“Seven hours,” Dazai murmured, “Seven hour date and the loser goes back to the other’s place at the end.”

He wasn’t making eye contact with Chuuya at all. Chuuya wasn’t sure who was the more shocked on between them, and he felt lightheaded when he heard it. He stared at the other, and he was imagining Dazai felt the same. In that moment, he realized all at once who was the most terrified between them; wasn’t that just fucking typical?

Chuuya played off his anxiety with a scoff. “Yeah well I better win, because like hell am I staying at some shitty Armed Detective Agency dorm. Besides, those kids really look up to you. You should try to act more respectable.”

“You’re the deviant temptress,” Dazai muttered as Chuuya pulled him over to a game booth. He shot him a glare.

“I thought I was an angel?” he said snidely. Dazai managed a small smile through the clear wave of anxiety.

“That too.”

Seven

“How does it feel?” Chuuya asked as he pushed Dazai down onto his mattress and kissed him on the neck, “How does it feel to finally lose to me?” Dazai whined.

“Like… like you’re not being quiet for four hundred and twenty seconds anymore,” and he keened when Chuuya grabbed him by the front of his shirt and jerked him harshly. “Ah- will you at least count it while we’re doing it? It just… it just feels right, you know?” Dazai stared up breathlessly. Chuuya rolled his eyes.

“I’ll let you count,” he said with a cruel grin, “Out loud.”

His initial nervousness had gone completely out the window when he saw how red Dazai’s face had become. Right now, this felt as natural to him as defying gravity. 

“That’s such a pain!”

“Who was the loser again? I want to hear you say it.”

Dazai grumbled under his breath. Allegedly “something, something” - Dazai had let him win out of pity. Chuuya didn’t really care either way.

“Say it,” Chuuya told him with a dark smile, “Or I’ll praise you.”

Dazai’s face went completely blank, “O-One!” he cheeped, and Chuuya snorted. He put a hand over Dazai’s mouth.

“Look at you, letting me mess with you like this. You must’ve really thought I didn’t want to be doing all that, huh?” Chuuya whispered. He crawled into a position more comfortable as he towered over Dazai. He had control of the situation; he knew they weren’t going anywhere, so he felt entirely comfortable saying the honest thing, “Relax. You don’t have to say it. I thought you were just using me to mess with me and relieve stress. Meanwhile, you thought I was only agreeing because it was such a short amount of time. Stupid. How fucking dumb. Well whatever,” Chuuya’s eyes looked everywhere in the room but at Dazai, keeping a hand over the other’s mouth. They were both bad at this, and it didn’t even need saying. “We’re here now. Let’s fucking do this.”

Dazai was breathing shallowly when Chuuya took his hand off. It was a facial expression Chuuya could easily get addicted to. “T-Two…”

“Are you seriously counting? Knock it off.”

“Three…”