a room in her head

“He was,” David replied, pretending to be dejected for half a second before he offered Allie a grin and adding, “But I think he’s balding now, so who’s the real winner?” Which reminded David that he needed a haircut. Badly. He watched her carefully, his head ducking as he nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.” And she was. There was always the possibility that things would work in their favor, that they would be loved in return. And even if they weren’t, with that single rejection they would be able to move on. But David wasn’t ready to move on yet. So instead he allowed himself to think of a world where Spot was able to reciprocate those feelings, a smile on his own face. “Really really happy.” He shook the thoughts from his mind, leaning back into his seat. “On the surface, he’s pretty rough around the edges. All tattoos and bruises.” He smiled softly, his eyes glazing over as he thought about Spot. “He’s the kind of guy who breaks into his friends apartments at midnight on their birthday, who gets into fights just to keep his friends safe.” He looked down at his hands, fearing that the pounding of his heart was loud enough for Allie to hear, swallowing the lump growing in his throat as he continued to speak about Spot. “He’s complicated, but good. So, so good.”

“Sometimes complicated makes things interesting.” Allie shrugged, pulling one knee up to rest her chin upon. “Sometimes, when it’s the right person, we’ll happily take the complicated.” She remembered all those days spent in the hospital, waiting at Alvin’s side as he battled the worst monster in the world. Her mother would often try to make her go home, especially on the bad days. But Allie knew long ago that her place would always be at his side. She would find ways to sneak back into his room, falling asleep in the strangest positions as she would read to him with his hand in hers. “He sounds wonderful.” Allie offered, smiling at Davey as she saw the effect simply saying his name had on the boy. She knew it wasn’t enough, but that kind of affection deserved to be recognized. “Very different from you, however. Isn’t it strange how two such different people find affection for each other?”

          “WELL I-” he paused, he didn’t really think that part through, and now he was worried all these little creatures were going to be upset with him as he scanned them over with his shimmering blue hues. “i’m sorry little guys.” john said under his breath with a sigh before glancing back over to her, she was reading, but social cues weren’t his forte sometimes. her response, however, was short, and he was already mentally kicking himself for continuing talking once more. “oh, uh, great book.” john said kindly, nodding his head before glancing down at the book in his lap, pursing his lips together. “i’m reading romeo and juilet, i’ve read it five times now but it’s my go-to book when i’m trying to clear my head…like meditation sort of?” he explained as he held the book up to wiggle it in the air a little.

“I have one of those.” Allie smiled as he described what the book meant to him. “Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson.” She explained, wishing dearly she had it now. “It’s been one of my favorites ever since I was a little girl. I re-read it all the time, almost embarrassingly so.” Allie admitted with a laugh. But Treasure Island was such a timeless classic, with pirate ships, treasure, and adventure? It was everything a good book should be in Allie’s opinion. “But this one is good too.” She shrugged, looking over the title cover once more. Neil Gaiman was a little pretentious for her tastes, but the story was good. He always did think of clever plots, Allie could appreciate that. “So...what do you like about Romeo and Juliet?” She asked curiously, looking at the love-lorn cover of his book. “Not exactly a happy one, is it?”

Ernst laughed softly at her excitement, following along with what she had said. Though he waited as she typed something else out, reading it as she showed it to him and he instantly gave a shake of his head. Grabbing his own phone he typed out, ‘I’m sure.’ Letting her read that before adding, ‘if you don’t want to keep typing, I can read lips a bit if you go slow enough. Whichever you wanna do’. As Allie sat in the chair, he reached out and took her hand, tugging her gently with him until he found a private corner of the library with bean bags. Ernst pushed them next to each other before plopping down onto one, a wide grin across his features. He held up a finger, telling her to wait a second as he began to type once more. ‘Okay, is there anything in particular you want to know to say? or we can just, start with the basics? And if you wanna tape this or anything so you have something to watch to practice, feel free. Whatever you wanna do, Allie. I’ll follow your lead!’

Following him diligently throughout the library, Allie was surprised when Ernst led her to a remote corner of the library, but the bean bags were certainly a welcomed treat. She lowered herself into one, making herself comfortable as he typed out his message for her. “Oh!” Thinking for a moment, Allie tried to think back to her grade school days, when she had to learn French. She’d learned best when she had phrases that she used often in everyday conversation. Maybe that was the best place to start here. “Maybe just some everyday phrases?” Allie suggested, shrugging her shoulders as she made sure to speak slowly as to give him the chance to read her lips. “Things that can help us communicate more easily.” She explained further, nodded her head. “I feel like you’d be the best person to tell me that.”

SIGHING AS HE LOOKED at the birds all around him, he nodded slowly as he tossed another handful, “i know they won’t but…they looked so hungry, besides, i can always get more popcorn. this is a nice treat for them, a special surprise, i don’t mind.” john assured the blonde with a warm smile, watching as the pigeons pecked at the ground before shrugging his broad shoulders, “if you were a pigeon, wouldn’t you want a stranger to share a few pieces to fill you up?” he questioned, dusting his hands off on his slacks before glancing back over to her, looking at the book in her hand with a raise of his brows, curiosity getting the best of him, “what are you reading?”

“They’re gonna be mad when they realize you don’t have any more food.” Allie smiled, looking down at her book as she began to read. She was just about to sink back into the pages when he spoke again. Allie looked up, confused. He was reading and he could see that she was reading...they didn’t exactly need to talk? But, oh well...her mother had raised her to be polite. “I guess so? I haven’t really thought about it.” She admitted, trying once more to go back to her book only to be interrupted again. “Good Omens? My friend gave it to me.” Allie explained, showing him the front cover. But now that he said something, she couldn’t help but be interested in what he was reading. If anything, she’d get a good recommendation. “How about you?” She asked curiously, lifting her head to try to read his jacket cover.

Ernst beamed widely when she said that she wanted to learn ASL and flashed her a thumbs up. That was something hearing people usually didn’t do so even if it wasn’t because of him, Ernst was glad she wanted to learn it anyways. He looked over her shoulder as she scrolled through the app she had downloaded and while that would indeed teach her the basics that she would need to know, it wouldn’t truly prepare her for what conversations would be like. It was one thing to watch it on a screen, to mimic the signs they showed but there was also so much she wouldn’t be getting from the app. 

So when she turned the phone around to him, asking for tips, Ernst couldn’t help the grin that grew across his face. He reached for his phone in his back pocket, hastily typing away. ‘I can help you? Heard that I’m sort of a pro at it.’ He grinned, pulling it back once she was done so he could add some more. ‘Really though, if you want to learn, I’m your guy. I actually have a bunch of free time right now if you’re not busy?’

“Really?” Allie asked aloud again, winching as she realized she’d done it again. She nodded vigorously, trying to emote her excitement at his willingness to teach her. Allie looked down at her phone again, furiously typing up another message as he waited patiently. This would be so much easier if she could just sign. ‘Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.’ But at the boy’s insistence, a smile spread across Allie’s face as the excitement of learning something filled her stomach. She sat up straight in her chair, showing that she was paying attention as she realized she had no idea where to start. Should she just watch him? Write something down?

The library wasn’t a place that Ernst frequented a lot, that was until recently when he had started his cooking kick. He was making his way back to the recipe book section when he noticed the girl out of the side of his eye. She looked very familiar, he swore he remembered seeing her before but then again he could be wrong. However, as she waved at him, he wasn’t expecting for her to start signing. He knew that a look of shock had over taken his features as he watched him, it was slow, an indecator that she was probably new to it but that didn’t matter nonetheless. What did was that she was someone he could  communicate with somewhat. So he gave a wave back to her, wanting her, Allie, to know that he had seen her. Setting one of the books back onto the shelves, Ernst made his way over to her. ‘Hi Allie. I’m Ernst.’ He replied, making sure he was slow enough that she could follow along with him.  ‘Your signing looks really good!’ He added, his face still stretched into a wide grin. 

“Really?” Allie spoke aloud, her grin growing as she processed what he was saying. “I mean...” Allie thought hard for a second but soon realized she didn’t know how to sign that. Really, she’d only looked up the one phrase...but the more she saw ASL being used, the more she wanted to know how to use it. “I am learning.” She signed slowly. “I want to learn ASL.” Allie reached into her back pocket and pulled out her phone, scrolling through the pages to show Ernst the ASL app she’d downloaded the day she’d seen him in the library. She had another thought, flipping through her phone to open the notes app to type out a message for him. “Any tips?” Allie typed out quickly before showing it to him. 

David was glad he found this kind of friendship with Allie. He hadn’t expected it from the girl who approached him under the stars, though he had chalked his own expectations up to his mopeyness at the time. But this was nice, it was comforting, and it was well-needed. They were two friends who held each others secrets despite not knowing anything about their romantic prospects, though something told him the longer they spent time as friends, the more likely that was to change. “You’re telling me. I think I dated a girl in third grade who gave me a note, but then a week later she dumped me for some guy named Brad. Brad.” He scoffed, though he had long since gotten over that particular relationship (and really, did it even count?) He wanted to play it all off as some joke, but he didn’t want to lie to Allie, either. “It is. What do you think the odds are? That either of us will actually say anything?”

“Oooh...” Allie giggled, trying her best to seem serious. “Brad sounds super hot though.” She teased, not meaning it at all. Every Brad she’d ever met was either boring, brainless, or banal. What was the use of Brads? “I’m not sure,” Allie replied truthfully, shrugging her shoulders. A part of her wondered if Alvin already knew. They were so close, it seemed impossible that she’d been able to keep this secret from him. “But...if we did, we might end up pretty happy.” A smile lit up her face at the thought. Allie looked over at Davey as if inviting him to think, even for a moment, what it would be like if things worked out in their favor. Because in her mind, it was absolutely wonderful. Not much different than how she and Alvin were now, except more hand-holding and kissing and...Allie blushed at the thought. “What’s Spot like?” She asked, sitting forward in her seat as she realized that Davey had never told her much about the object of his desires

mentions: @havencfear​

allie chewed on the end of her pencil absentmindedly, her thoughts a million miles away from the paper she was supposed to be writing for school. why did she even come to the library for school work anymore? there were way too many distractions in the form of books...and other things. ‘hey.’ other things said, sitting down next to her with a grin on his face and book under his arm. allie broke away from her menial thoughts, turning to look at alvin with her pencil still limp in her mouth, softly grunting in hello. alvin cracked an adorable grin as he handed the book over to her. ‘i’ve been meaning to give you this one for ages. i think you’ll really enjoy it.’ he explained, taking the pencil from her mouth and tapping her on the end of her nose with it. allie’s heart swelled. he managed to make her so happy. even with the littlest things...whether it was giving her a book he thought she’d like or being silly to make her smile. it was this and a thousand more things why allie was in love with alvin hallam. so much so, she couldn’t help herself. setting the book aside, allie brought her hands up to hold alvin’s face between her palms and quickly pressed her lips against his for the first time since they were seven years old. the actions leading up the kiss were fast as to not lose her nerve, but once she finally finally kissed him allie found herself taking her time to pull away. ‘i think....we need to talk.’

‘spot had on this weird hawaiian shirt today.’ davey reported, playing with his thumbs as he sat cross-legged on allie’s bed. ‘but he managed to make it look really good.’ he groaned, falling forward to hold his head in his hands. ‘hey! hold still,’ allie insisted with a lock of davey’s thick hair in her hands. a long and beautiful braid fell down over her shoulder: davey’s handiwork. he said he used to do it all the time for his younger sister. of course, allie wanted to return the favor so she was sitting up on her knees as davey sat in front of her, her wrist lined with hair ties as she twisted little braids into davey’s hair wherever she could squeeze them. ‘i’m such a dork’ davey moaned, his words muffled by his hands. he felt his cheeks heat up as he realized how head over heels he was for spot conlon...a man who wore hawaiian shirts. ‘yeah, but you’re a soft dork.’ allie pointed out, leaning over his shoulder to speak in his eyes. ‘and i like it when you’re a soft dork.’