AAAAAAAAlley

________

You will be remembered as a hero. ________

Let's not sexualize children or even think of children & sexual stuff

Don't discuss sexual stuff with CHILDREN.

They cannot consent.

Children cannot consent and I dont know how many times we have to tell you this.

sex education ≠ sexual abuse

sex education ≠ child endangerment

HOWEVER

sex education = increased safety through knowledge

sex education = decrease in teen pregnancy

sex education = decrease in spread of sexually transmitted diseases

The average age for puberty to start is 11-12, but it is normal for puberty to begin between the ages of 8 and 14. Puberty is only considered 'too early' by doctors and delayed with puberty blockers if a girl is 7 or a boy is 8. And while not everyone experiences sexual arousal in the first years of puberty, quite a lot of kids do.

So, as deeply uncomfortable as it makes adults: some 11 year olds have already been getting horny for 3 or 4 years. And while their first explorations of that feeling often happen alone, some of that hornyness will drive those kids to seek out others to experiment.

So without information, that 11 year old may end up having sex with another kid and may get pregnant. That 11 year old may sexually assault a younger kid, not out of malice but out of simply not knowing that you should not do this to others. The idea that these things will not happen if we don't tell kids about sex is patently false.

Okay. I'm trained in this.

You need to be providing age-appropriate sexual education to children from as young as you possibly can.

When kids are really young this looks like "Yes, that's mummy's vagina. Please leave the bathroom because it is rude to be in the bathroom while mummy is using the toilet. Mummy is placing her boundary, sweetheart, and you need to respect that."

"Yes, daddy does have something different to mummy. What daddy has is called a penis. Yes (mummy/daddy's penis/vagina) is the same as you."

You will notice here that I use the anatomical terms for these body parts. That is for a reason. It helps your child if something does happen better be able to disclose, exactly, what has happened to them. You do not want your child trying to disclose using words such as "secret pocket" or "hidden flower" or "willie" as this can obfuscate meaning. Imagine, if you will, Maisie trying to disclose that Coach Asshole touched her sexually by saying "Coach Asshole stuck his stick into my secret pocket," to a teacher or family friend who does not know that those words are euphemisms. Maisie has tried to disclose, but has been unsuccessful because she does not have the language that she needs.

Now, next.

Children, especially girls, can start going through puberty young. Like, really young. I have taught 9 year olds who menstruate. We need to be teaching these children about their bodies. We need to be teaching boys about the bodies of people who menstruate. There is so much misinfomation amongst grown cismen about menstruation because they are not taught it in school.

We also need to teach children about consent and bodily autonomy from as young as possible. This sets them up that even if they do, unfortunately, suffer abuse of this form they are vocal in their protestations and are more likely to disclose than children who have been taught to accept that adults can do whatever they want to a child's body. Granny kissing little Maisie on the cheek doesn't look that different to Coach Asshole calling his girls at gymnastics "Special girls" and kissing/touching them inappropriately, especially to a child (who, usually, have a much less refined emotional radar and both will cause them to shut down and just accept what is happening. You want your kid to be able to say "No, what you are doing/did to my body is wrong.")

So.

How should adults behave around children?

Firstly - my golden rule of interacting with children is If you have nothing to hide, don't hide anything.

This means when you are interacting with children you always do so in an area where you will easily be visible if another adult happens to walk by. No closed doors, try to minimise rooms without windows, have another adult present.

The reason you are doing this is to make it flag as strange and unusual to a child if an adult tries to get them alone. Safe adults do not do that. By making sure you are transparent in your behaviour, the child is more likely to flag something being wrong when someone is not transparent. You are equipping the child with skills to protect themselves.

They will also be more likely to disclose to another adult that an adult was trying to get them alone.

Secondly - No secrets.

(There is a little bit of an exception to this rule but to begin with, no secrets.)

This leads back to transparency. A safe adult will not ask a child to keep a secret from another adult. If Uncle Jeff is telling Nancy to keep "our little secret" when he gives her extra dessert, then Nancy is prone to believe that keeping a secret from another adult is something she's supposed to do when Uncle Scumbucket asks her to keep his inappropriate fondling of her as "our little secret." Children who see secrets as unusual are more likely to disclose that an adult told them to keep something a secret.

This is also important as grooming usually starts as "we need to keep you getting this special treat as our little secret." Uncle Jeff giving Nancy more icecream out of the goodness of his heart looks a lot like Uncle Scumbucket giving Nancy candy and lollies and extra screentime in an effort to get her to like him and Uncle Scumbucket's secrets are going to move on to "Sit on my lap today, honey, but don't tell your mother. Remember, this is our little secret." And eventually to Uncle Scumbucket asking Nancy to keep sexual activities as "our little secret."

You do not want children thinking that safe adults keep secrets.

Thirdly - this ties in a little with secondly but Teach your child the difference between a safe secret and an unsafe secret.

If you are unsure of the difference yourself -

A safe secret:

Does not hurt anybody by the keeping of it, including yourself.

Is usually accompanied by a feeling of excitement

Has an end date where everyone will become aware of the contents of the secret.

A safe secret is a surprise birthday party, a camping trip, a surprise trip to disneyworld, pizza!

An unsafe secret:

Can hurt someone and can hurt to keep

Is accompanied by a feeling of nervousness or dread or shame

does not have an end date. The secret is ongoing.

You can see how Uncle Scumbucket's secret is unsafe, but also how Uncle Jeff's secret is unsafe because Uncle Jeff's secret does not have an end date. Uncle Jeff's secret is unsafe because it is priming Macy to see Uncle Scumbucket's secret as reasonable, which leads back to the grooming discussed above.

Lastly, and this is very important -

'Protecting' children from having access to sexual education actually does them an injustice.

We do not live in a perfect world.

Bad things can and do happen to children, with depressing frequency. Get me drunk sometime and I'll tell you what I'm legally allowed to disclose of the stories where terrible shit has happened to children I have cared for.

Pretending that they don't happen means that if they do happen, children are unable to recognise and respond appropriately. You are making your child less equipped to protect themselves, not more.

Children who are taught age-appropriate sexual education from a young age are so much less likely to be in a situation of sexual violence than those who are not taught age-appropriate sexual education. Children who are taught age-appropriate sexual education are more likely to disclose if something does happen to them, than children who are not.

Protect your kids.

#2: "hi [professor], hope you're doing well! unfortunately, I'm [sick/stuck at work/dead] and won't be able to submit [assignment] by [due date]. could I please have an extension? if not, is there anything else I could do to make up this credit? thanks so much, [op]"

The FIRST SENTENCE is the thing you want the recipient to do. Do not make them guess.

I want to let you know about ... (This email is to inform someone of something not to ask them to do anything)

Could you please do ... (This is a request. You want them to do something).

I'm looking into x and wondering if you can help me (this is also a request but for information instead of an action).

People do not want to read an email and even if they do read it, most people are skimming and not interested. Tell them what you want first, then provide context or other information (when you need a thing is often key). If the email is informational, you can even add "you don't need to do anything, this is just to keep you informed!" People will appreciate not having to figure out what you want from them.

If you can't articulate what you want the recipient to do with the message, you are not ready to email them. I read too many emails where I have no idea what the person wants from me.

a mother's final lullaby

Uber is a fucking shell game of a company designed to leech investor capital and output bootleg cabs.

Nvidia posted a profit in 2023 of $4.37 billion. This is like someone stealing less than a penny from me.

And they lock this kid in a prison hospital for LIFE?

Stunning dimples

Experience falling down the stairs

Grace will never stop talking

Surgeries require having a designated person to look after you. Many injuries require driving to somewhere like an emergency room which can be hard to do if you are the one injured. If you're home with the flu, it's hard to tell when it's bad enough to go to the hospital without another person checking on you. And if you pass out it requires another person to find you like that to get medical aid.

If at home is out of reach of a phone and has a heart attack, a fall, a stroke, a freak accident: they are not getting help until someone finds them.

If someone lives home alone, it may be a full day or more before help comes. Most emergency conditions are fatal by that point.

But if you're married, your spouse will probably notice if you get up in the middle of the night and never come back to bed. They are more likely to hear a sudden fall, or to at least find you within a few hours when they come home from work. They may notice strange behavior that may indicate a stroke, and if they notice in under 24 hours it may be reversed.

Someone living alone having a stroke may not be able to leave their bed. They will not be found until someone comes looking for them. Their work will assume they're ditching, and only call in for a wellness check if they think that's out of character Classmates will assume they're sick or something came up. Maybe they call their family once a week and the lack of communication will be noticed.

But someone who lives with you will notice you can't get out of bed and will call you an ambulance.

Getting paid leave to take care of a sick roommate isn't often allowed, but if it's your spouse or significant other, your employer is more willing to accommodate that. Bereavement leave is for close relatives not friends or roommates. You can connect your spouse to insurance. Your sibling, parent, and bestie don't qualify.

There are a lot of very specific ways in which marriage specifically is accommodated that benefit all those involved in ways other relationships aren't recognized. Living with anyone changes things from living alone, but there's more going on than just that.