itâs nice to see him lean into her touch ,  nice to see that she still has that effect on him that she loves to have .   â i liked you too . â  words are said softly ,  fluttering from pink lips as they fall upon his ears .  sheâs sure itâll hit ,  but the next words she has planned ? thatâll be a killer .   â i could have loved you , â  she says quietly ,  leaning her forehead against his  ( which she could actually do with his height  ) .   â and i think i did .  for a short while . â  but she shakes her head ,  nose rubbing against his .   â and as much as i forgive you - i canât forget it .  and i do ,  i do forgive you . â  a sigh ,  thumb lands on his bottom lip .  pulls against it gently .  hi kashia ! do you love me ? Â
Carmichael Davis has never had someone like him back, much less someone who admits it out loud to him. Whether it was present or past tense, it meant something to him. The idea of being romantically involved with someone always frightened him. His mother fell in love, she gave her heart and soul to a man who left her. Who broke her heart into a million pieces just before she died. Carmichael always had that stupid little fear that he too would have the same fate as Eleanor. That heâll open up to someone, letting them into his very fragile and lonely world, hoping that theyâll love him forever and always. Until theyâll crush him, leaving without saying goodbye and never looking back. Then heâll die, just like his mother. Or maybe heâll turn into his father, doing the crushing and hurting someone. Iâm cursed, he would tell himself. I can never love or be loved. Iâm cursed.
He made a promise to never fall in love, much less have a crush on someone. Until she came into his life. Georgia Brandt was his polar opposite, if he hadnât been parading as his brother, the two wouldnât have met. Ever. But life didnât work like that. It was strange and unpredictable, it made you do things you would never expect to do. Such as act as someoneâs fake boyfriend. It was a childish and dramatic plan, why the two didnât just ask Steve to handle the random student, heâll never know. But heâll never regret it. Heâll never regret holding her hand, walking her to class, going to dances together, texting her each night, meeting her cat, giving her the nickname Peaches, and every kiss they shared. Despite not wanting to like her or anyone, he did. He fell for the youngest Brandt so easily and hard too. Everyone could see it.
Iâm gonna end up like Eleanor, he thought to himself once. Iâm gonna open up to her and sheâs gonna break my heart. Carmichael believed that each time he saw her looking at someone else, whenever she flirted with another person, or when she looked at a certain someone for too long. He felt like Eleanor Davis, closing in on himself and preparing for his death that will soon follow the heartbreak. Until he remembered that maybe it was Gigi who was Eleanor and he was his father. After all, Carmichael was a double agent. Lying about his name, his reason for being at Gallagher, pretending to be something he wasnât. That after their mission and the school year ended, he would fly back home and never look back. That it would be him leaving her heartbroken as he never looks back.
But none of that was true. They werenât his parents and never will be. They were Carmichael and Georgia, Carmie and Gigi. He remembered that as they stood there forehead to forehead, noses slightly brushing together, and the tears that stung his eyes. He felt so stupid and childish right now, acting as if this was the end of the world. But could you blame him? He was still a kid, they both were. They had every right to act like this, to be childish, to be dramatic, because they were two kids forced into a dark and harsh world. They had every right to be like this.
âI... I probably did too.â Loved her, he just couldnât say it. There was still the fear of admitting it to her, to himself, to the universe. Carmichael doesnât expect her to forget, not now or ever. And he didnât plan on forgetting either. For the rest of his life, heâll have to remember how he hurt his first love. Hands reached up to cup her cheeks and head turned gently to the side, he leaned down to kiss her. It was probably their last time kissing each other but it was his first time kissing her as Carmichael Davis. âItâs okay, Peaches,â he said after pulling away, his own lips turned up into a sad smile. âItâs okay. I wouldnât want you to.â hi penny, this took me 44 days and it doesnât make sense but i wanted to go out with a bang! so take this xoxo.