"don't you dare, for one minute, believe that my kindness makes me anything but insurmountable. i did not unzip my chest to every kind of hurt, and stagger back, wounded and alive, just to hear you call me weak for trying."
alison 'allie' cooper, 39.
elementary school guidance counselor.
Religion: N/A, she considers herself more spiritual than anything
Occupation: Guidance Counselor at Briar Ridge Elementary
PERSONALITY
Goals/Desires: First and foremost- to learn how to wink (she will succeed one of these days!); to leave the world a little better than she found it, to ensure her son always knows just how loved he is, allow any kids she comes in contact with a safe space for them to be themselves and express their feelings, get through the entirety of Ever After without crying, buy a house with some land and a place for her and her wifeâs horses, finally figure out what âcha-cha real smoothâ means in the Cha-Cha Slide
Fears: Spiders (yes, her ten year old has to take care of bug issues what about it??); unexpected loud noises (gunshots, especially); disappointing her family, letting down her son, losing herself to an addiction like her biological parents, being forced to face the tragic loss of anyone else she loves
Hobbies: Watching the sunset with a nice, warm, cup of decaf coffee; listening to all kinds (except true crime) of podcasts, going for morning runs despite not being a morning person, horseback riding, learning new recipes and collecting thrifted cookbooks (she looks for the ones with handwritten notes and additions inside), rewatching the Golden Girls an embarrassing amount of times
Likes & Dislikes: the pops and scratches of vinyl records, the way outside smells just before it rains, fresh sheets, the smell of vanilla, chocolate chip cookies without the chocolate chips (no, not sugar cookies and yes, she will debate this with you until sheâs red in the face); the wind blowing through her hair while sheâs riding a horse, fresh flowers, mani/pedis, walking through the grass barefoot, stargazing at the beach, going on bike rides with her son, sleeping in, living room dance parties, sweet wine // dishonesty, peanuts (sheâs deathly allergic), overly musky scents, freezer burn on a pint of ice cream she was looking forward to, how thereâs still an old cd stuck in her carâs cd player, deafening silences, the smell of cigarettes, being stuck in traffic, the way even the strongest air freshener canât mask the smell of her sonâs football bag, cars backfiring, power outages, off brand cheerios, bare walls, speaking in front of large crowds, itchy fabrics, fancy restaurants that serve portions so small they barely amount to a bite
TLDR
Allie is 39 years old and moved to Briar Ridge when she was 10 years old with her adoptive parents. At the time, sheâd witnessed her biological parents' deaths and wasnât speaking to anyone except her younger sister- and even then it was very little. Her adopted mother, unsure of what to do, reached out to family friends who owned horses and got her into equine therapy. This worked, and Allie began to open up and flourish. She was a soft spoken child, but as she grew into herself and into the loving embrace of her new family, she became more outspoken. More lighthearted. Sheâs always been a caring person, but once she was able to get out of survival mode and actually be a kid she really found her love of helping people, of school, and various extracurricular activities. She left Briar Ridge upon high school graduation to go to college in another state, where she graduated with honors and moved yet again, this time to be with the woman who would later become her wife. The couple lived a happy life, visiting Briar Ridge and Allieâs family for holidays and vacations. They adopted a five year old kindergartener Allie came to know through her job and honestly, the elementary school guidance counselor couldnât remember ever being so happy. But a year and a half ago, while on their way home from a date night, Allie and her wife got into a car accident- and while Allie survived with a broken arm and some knicks and bruises, her wife died. So now sheâs moved back home to Briar Ridge to start anew, once again, with her now ten year old son- hoping that the town will work its magic once again.
BIOGRAPHY
Trigger Warnings (hang tight, thereâs a lot): murder, suicide, addiction, abuse (physical, alluded to); death, car accident, miscarriage, adoption, ptsd (kind of?), childhood trauma, drugs use
Born in Washington, DC to two people who should have never been allowed to procreate, Alison Janssenâs life was thrown into turmoil the instant she was brought home from the hospital
Her parents, both addicts who lived well below the poverty line, were more concerned about where their next fix was coming from- which often left little Allie to fend for herself
Getting by with the help of those around her, Allie went into survival mode quite early on in life- often going hungry for days at a time and not having appropriate fitting clothing or electricity in the home
When her younger sister was born, Allie, unable to do anything to get them out of their living conditions, did the best she could to protect her from the lives they were forced to endure- going so far as to shield her from their fatherâs beatings, doing her best to ensure she didnât have to witness their mother passed out and strung out as much as she could
The one shining light in her life was her best friend, a little boy whoâd noticed her when everyone else had ignored her and looked past her pain, and him and his family took her and her sister in whenever they could and cared for them as best they could
Throughout her life CPS was called by concerned neighbors, her best friendâs parents, teachers whoâd seen the bruises, and even other addicts whoâs sense of right and wrong hadnât completely escaped them⌠and yet, nothing was ever done to save the girls from the parents whoâd never wanted them in the first place
They got out of their harrowing lives in one piece, but their escape came with loss and trauma like Allie had never seen. Her father came home one night in a drunken rage, which was more their normal than anything else, but this night he was different and while Allie had put on a record as loud as it would go to drown out his yelling and her motherâs screams for her sister- it didnât mask her motherâs cries for help
And despite all sheâd put her through, nine year old Allie still loved her mother, so sheâd left the safety of the back room once she was sure her sister was safely hidden away, and ventured out to try and help her mother- even if that meant taking the attention away from her and onto her own little body. But what she saw as she walked down the hallway is one that has haunted her nightmares ever since- her father had a gun, one he used to kill her mother and then, after hearing Allieâs screams, turned it on himself
That was the first time her entire world was upended, turned inside out and flipped on its axis. She was the one who called 911 and met the cops at the door, she was the one who moved the gun out of her fatherâs hands despite it not being a threat anymore, and she was the one who covered her sisterâs eyes as they left the only home theyâd ever known
The Janssen sisters spent that night at Allieâs best friendâs house, the comfort of a loving home and responsible adults surrounding them for a week or so before they were to be put into the system and possibly separated, but angels it seemed, came in all unexpected forms
At school there had been one teacher, on singular person, whoâd fought for both Allie and her sister as best he could- her first grade teacher constantly checked up on her, brought her food and clothing for both Janssen girls, and pestered CPS to the point where heâd actually looked into suing for negligence. When Booker Matthews heard of the tragedy that had befallen Allie and her sister, and how theyâd be thrown into the system because the family theyâd been staying with simply couldnât support two more children despite wanting to help, he and his wife stepped up and took them both in, saving them from the foster care system and providing them with a home and a family dynamic theyâd only ever dreamed of
Despite their new, loving home (and her new foster parents immediately putting her into therapy), the trauma of what sheâd witnessed was too much for the nine year old and Allie was for all intents and purposes mute. No matter what anyone did, the only person she would speak to was her younger sister and even then, it was brief and whispered
After seven months with the Matthews (and an expedited adoption process), the newly minted Alison J. Matthews still hadnât spoken a word. At a loss, Booker and his wife, Rosalyn (affectionately known to her friends and family as Rosie), decided theyâd move the family from the hustle and bustle of Washington DC to Rosieâs quaint hometown of Briar Ridge, South Carolina for a fresh start
There, Rosie (having learned of Allieâs love of horses through her husbandâs excellent memory of all the horse drawing Allie had done in his classroom), reached out to an old friend who owned horses and asked if theyâd be willing to let Allie spend some time there with an equine therapist- to which they happily obliged
It was this decision that, to this day, Allie says changed her life for the better. It was a slow start, but it only took a few more months for Allie to begin coming out of her shell and begin speaking again. Once she realized she and her sister were safe, they were loved, and their lives werenât going to be upended once more, she allowed her guard to fall and it was here, with the horses and the friends she made even while quiet, that her childhood began
After such a traumatic beginning, Allieâs adolescence was rather normal. She blossomed beneath the kindness and care of her parents- the people who earned the monikers of mom and dad and never went a day without telling the girls how much they were loved. She enjoyed school, got into cheerleading and tutoring, fell in love- her life was better than she couldâve ever imagined, especially after sheâd gotten into her dream school
But as life has a funny way of humbling you, and once high school ended and while she was gearing up for her freshman year at college, Allie found out she was pregnant. It wasnât the best timing, but despite it throwing her future plans for a loop, she was excited. She loved Travis and had pictured a future with him, a future that included kids- she could always go to a local school part time. It was a detour, not a diversion and despite being terrified, Allie was⌠excited
However, her excitement didnât last long. A mere two weeks after finding out she was pregnant she found herself miscarrying- an event that led to her finding out that she would more than likely never carry a child to full term, her body wouldnât allow it
Suddenly, her life was back on track⌠but it all felt wrong. She was supposed to be bringing a child into the world with the man she loved, the man she believed to be her soulmate. But now she was back to going to an out of state school, leaving him behind in Briar Ridge to fight his own personal battles while they promised to stay together and work through the distance.Â
But life wasnât done with her, yet, and when he came to visit her during her first semester, a heated argument at a crowded party turned into the end of their years-long relationship. It was like the rug had been pulled out from beneath her- in a matter of months the entire future sheâd envisioned for herself was upended and she found herself alone in a new city, feeling lost for the first time in a decade
The following spiral she went down was, as she calls it, her âdark periodâ. It only lasted a month, but during that month she did more drinking than she had in her entire life. She was drunk more than she was sober, and the night she found herself face to face with a line of cocaine was the night she knew she had to stop
The next day she was back in therapy, allowing herself to feel her heartbreak without regressing into the ways of her biological parents to numb the emotions, and slowly she found her way back to herself
Afterwards, college went by without a hitch and Allie was able to not only keep her scholarship for all six years (through her masters in counseling), but graduate with honors
It was during her masters program that she met the woman that would later become her wife. Their relationship started out as purely platonic- Margot was the chef at Allieâs favorite restaurant and the pair became unlikely friends during Allieâs late night study sessions spent in a back booth drinking chocolate milkshakes
It took a little while but eventually, they took their friendship out of that back booth and into the real world, a love story blossoming without Allie even realizing it at first- but all too quickly she found herself enthralled with Margotâs confidence and charisma
Their relationship progressed quickly and the couple found themselves moving in together- in a new state- as Margot had gotten a job offer to be an executive chef in a new restaurant that she couldnât pass up, so Allie went with her, getting a job at the local elementary school after a year of job hunting
Four years after they began dating and three after they moved across state lines together, Margot and Allie finally tied the knot in an intimate ceremony in their own backyard, surrounded by their family and friends. It was one of the happiest days of Allieâs life and looking back on it now, she wishes she could bottle the joy to sip on during the dark times she didnât know lay ahead
While Allie knew she would never be able to carry her own children, the couple had discussed adoption at length, both wanting to be parents- having so much love in their hearts they needed to share it. So when little five year old Orion âRyanâ Castillo came into her office, a look on his face sheâd known from her own childhood, she knew right then and there heâd be coming home with her one way or another
It was a fight, one that lasted far longer than either she or Margot would have liked, but a year and a half after moving in with them, Ryan was officially theirs. Theyâd begun their family and while it was a new normal, it was a normal that Allie found more joy in than sheâd ever experienced, ever could have imagined
But oh, happiness had proven to be fleeting time and time again in Allieâs world, and while on their way home from celebrating their eighth wedding anniversary the couple was hit by a drunk driver. Allie escaped the wreckage with a broken arm, some stitches, a concussion, and bruising but Margot wasnât so lucky
One week after their anniversary, with bruises still healing and a cast on her arm, Allie was saying a permanent goodbye to her wife at her funeral
The following months were a blur, her main focus remained on Ryan and making sure he knew that despite this tragic loss, he was never going to be alone in the world. She would always be there for him. She got them into family counseling, made his life as routine as she could, and yet⌠nothing felt right. Grief had a funny way of revealing cracks in a life that had been so meticulously and lovingly built, and suddenly the home she and Margot had worked so hard on felt foreign, so Allie made the decision to move her and Ryan to Briar Ridge
The irony of him being 10, just like she was when she moved to town, wasnât lost on her. She wanted a new start for their little family, just like her parents had wanted for her and her sister, and while Ryan seemed considerably better adjusted than Allie was when she came to town, she hoped that Briar Ridge could work its magic once again and bring her back to life after what she hoped would be her last insurmountable loss
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
She hadn't intended to need a shower after today's ride. In fact, while showering after a long trail ride in the burgeoning summer heat wasn't necessarily abnormal, she usually waited until she got home to disrobe and get herself clean. But after the hellish trail ride she, Shane, and the boys had gone on that afternoon- where Twinkie, her late wife's horse that she'd been riding that day, got spooked by a bunny rabbit of all things, bucked her off and directly into a large, deep mud puddle, she couldn't wait.
She'd intended to just hose off before heading home, getting most of the smelly mud (it was just mud, she wouldn't allow herself to believe otherwise) off of her body before climbing into her car that had cloth seats and would hold that smell until she could get it detailed, but Shane had convinced her to shower on the property. He'd taken the boys (who couldn't stop laughing at Allie's misfortune) to his place to play video games and given her a change of clothes and a plastic bag to put her dirty ones in before directing her to Holly's bathroom- stating something about better smelling products there. She'd wanted to argue, but she'd caught a whiff of herself and knew that he was right- she was going to need all the good scents she could get in order to counteract this stench.
Having been caught up in the warmth of the water and the task of lathering the shampoo in her hands into her hair for a second time since she'd climbed into the small enclosure, she didn't notice the door open or that she wasn't alone until a gust of cool air hit her legs and she turned, body jolting as a quiet shriek of surprise left her lips at the sight of Holly there.
"Oh my god, Hols!" Placing one hand over her now rapidly beating heart and the other on the wall of the shower to hold herself up, Allie took a moment to collect herself. "You scared me half to death, honey."
Life sure had a funny way of doing things. Two years ago Allie was married, living thousands of miles away from her hometown, going about her daily life in a routine she'd expected to alter slowly throughout the years as her life continued down an expected path- her wife at her side and Ryan and possibly some siblings for him running around. But all of that had been pulled from beneath her rather unceremoniously, and while it'd taken some time to work through her grief and establish a new routine once she uprooted her and Ryan's lives and moved them to her hometown, she'd found herself once again in a familiar sequence.
She got up, got both herself and Ryan ready for the day, and then after dropping Ryan off at school or camp she met a man for coffee. She didn't know much about him, but the pair had fallen into a routine of their own in the mornings, an unspoken agreement to meet at the cafe for coffee, pastries, and some harmless flirting. She'd enjoyed his company and their time together, but one missed morning turned into two, which turned into a week, and Allie didn't need longer to take the hint. As he exited her life, Travis re-entered it, and the irony of that wasn't lost on her.
So the fact that her high school ex boyfriend had found himself crashing in her apartment, on her couch, a handful of nights since their emotionally charged conversation at the Spring Fling Festival should have concerned her- was she allowing him too close too soon? Was she crossing a line she shouldn't be since he was technically in a relationship and she shouldn't be a source of comfort for him anymore? Instead, having him there in her space felt... right. And Allie had begun to get used to it, another routine forming- this one more precarious than any of those that came before it.
"I was thinking bout her, thinkin' bout me, thinkin' bout us, what we gon' be, open my eyes, it was only just a dream..." She'd woken up a little later than normal that morning, her alarm having been turned off the night before since Ryan was having a sleepover with Elijah. She'd climbed out of bed, momentarily forgetting that she had company in the living room as she stretched her limbs above her head- the large oversized shirt she'd slept in rising enough to reveal the short cotton shorts she'd found at the store the other day. She'd frozen when she heard the light snoring coming from another room, the memory of picking up a drunk Travis at the bar the other night quickly coming back to her as she grabbed her wireless headphones and placed them on her head, selecting a 90's/2000's hits playlist and hitting shuffle before making her way out of her bedroom, singing along quietly as the song 'Just a Dream' by Nelly came through the speakers.
Her sock-clad feet made no sound as she tiptoed down the hallway, doing her best to utilize the skills she'd honed over the years when waking up before her 10 year old son, to begin making her pour over coffee as quietly as possible. She'd stopped going to the coffee shop in the mornings, not finding as much enjoyment in it when she spent the morning alone, and instead utilized the new glass carafe she'd ordered online after her original one had gotten broken in the move.
"So I traveled back, down that road, will she come back, no one knows, I realize, it was only just a dream..." Continuing to sing along in a tone that was just below a whisper to ensure she didn't wake the sleeping man on her couch, Allie went about the practice movements of making herself a cup of coffee. Caught up in the song and her body moving on instinct, it wasn't until she'd gone into the fridge to grab her brown sugar creamer and returned to the counter that she realized she'd poured two cups of coffee.
"I was at the top and now it's like I'm in the basement, number one spot and now she find her a replacement. I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby. And now you ain't around baby I can't think, I should've put it down, should've got the ring..." Once she finished fixing her own mug just like she liked it, Allie found herself glancing between the two mugs and then to the couch and back again a few times, hesitating for a moment before she got to work making Travis' coffee how he liked it- or at least, how he'd liked it back in high school.
Quietly, as the song continued to play through the headphones perched atop her head, Allie picked up the two mugs and walked quietly into the living room, placing the steaming mug of coffee on the coffee table close enough for Travis to see it when he woke but far enough to ensure he didn't accidentally knock it over, before making her way to the balcony- humming quietly to herself along with the beat as she shut the door gingerly behind her and curled up in one of the Adirondack chairs, enjoying a quiet moment to herself while the heat wasn't overpowering and the song changed to another familiar melody.
Have you ever thought of Shane or Nate as more than friends?
âI havenât. Those two are like brothers to me- so I guess family is more than friends? But not anything romantic. Thinking of either of them that way feels like going against nature, if Iâm being honest. Sorry guys.â
When will you admit you're in love with Nate and marry him?
âAs much as I love Nate and wouldnât be where I am today or the person I am today without him and his friendship all these years⌠Iâm not in love with him. We did make a pact in our teens that weâd get married if we were both still single at 50 though so⌠only time will tell I guess?â
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
âThis feels entirely loaded but in the spirit of the game⌠Iâd pie Nate simply because he brings up seeing my side boob any chance he gets, marry Travis- even with Mrs. Wilson and our boys trying to make Shane my husband, and I guess that leaves snogging Shane⌠even though that feels unnatural to even say.â
Travis refuses to answer right away. The moment stretches, quiet and full in a way that makes his throat tighten. His hands still hold hers, even as she starts to pull back, even as the outside world crashes in around them again with the reminder of everything they arenât allowed to beânot really. Not anymore.
Her words echo in him like footsteps down a long hallway, each one touching something tender, something buried. And when she says you are more than enough, something inside him fractures and settles at the same time. Like maybe he doesnât need to keep bracing for the fall, because sheâs right here. Because sheâs still Allie.
His fingers relax slightly, but they donât let go. Not yet. He watches her as she gathers herselfâefficient, practical, gracious even in retreatâand he knows what sheâs doing. Heâs done it, too. That subtle step backward when the truth gets too loud. When the heart starts to believe it can still have something it was sure it had lost for good.
He almost lets her do it.
Almost.
But then he shifts on the bench, turns just enough to face her fully, and his voice, when it comes, is low and steady, the kind of calm that comes only after a storm.
âYouâre right,â he says, eyes locked on hers. âWe should get home.â
A pause. âBut I donât know if I can walk away from this without tellinâ you what I really want to say.â He takes a breath, deeper than the others, like heâs drawing strength from the space between themâwhat littleâs left of it, at least.
âI never stopped loving you, Allie. Not when I left, not when I tried to build something new, not even when I convinced myself you were better off without me." Should he be saying any of this out loud? No. But was that going to stop him? Of course not. Because if he didn't say it now, he might never. "I thought if I stayed gone long enough, if I stayed quiet, maybe that love would⌠fade. Turn into somethinâ easier to carry. But it didnât. And sittinâ here with you, like thisâitâs only made that truth louder.â
His voice wavers, but he keeps going. âI know it doesnât fix anything. I know the past is heavy and complicated and messy as hell. I know Iâve got a lot to answer for, and I ainât askinâ for anything youâre not ready to give. But I couldnât leave tonight without saying it out loud. Not this time.â He finally releases her hand, but only so he can tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers brushing her cheek again in a way that feels like muscle memory. He lets his hand drop afterward, resting it in his lap.
âYou donât owe me anything,â he adds, quietly. âBut if thereâs even the smallest part of you that still wonders what it might look like to try again one dayânot rewind or pretend like nothinâ happened, but to really try to.... I don't know? Build somethin', even if it's just as friends....âIâll be here if you need me.â
The smile he gives her is soft, worn at the edges by time and heartache, but unmistakably real. âAnd if all this was just one nightâa moment in timeâwe needed⌠then Iâm still glad for it. More than I can say.â
He stands slowly, shoulders rolling back, steadier than when he first sat down with her. He doesnât move to leave just yet. He waitsâbecause thatâs what this part is, he thinks. Waiting. Hoping. Not pushing. Letting her decide if theyâre still standing on the same page, or if this is just where they say goodbye a little softer, a little more final than they ever have before.
It wasn't often Allie was rendered speechless, but sitting there, hearing Travis speak the words she'd only ever allowed herself to dream of in the quietest times of her life, she wasn't sure what to say. A storm of emotions warred within her; excitement, guilt, hope, and fear were just a few that battled for dominance. But none were quite strong enough to win, so there she sat. Silent for the moment, just staring at him with a look akin to bewilderment on her features.
When Travis had ended their relationship all those years ago, it'd felt like when he left, he'd taken her heart with him. Little pieces of it had returned to her in the form of the friends she'd made, Margot and their marriage, and Ryan. But to hear him admit he'd never stopped loving her, that he wanted to be in her life if she'd let him⌠it felt like she'd finally been able to take a breath after being underwater for too long. That first, glorious breath of fresh air, before another wave came crashing down over her once again. He had a family- a woman waiting for him at home with their daughter. And there was where the guilt lied. Would her happiness require the ruin of a family? Could she live with that? Was that even on the table?
There were so many questions but Allie knew now wasn't the time to ask any of them. They had plenty of time to figure things out, to move forward in a way that began to heal the pain of their past while building something new- and what that looked like she wasn't sure, but what she did know? "I never stopped loving you, either." The words were a whisper shared between just the two of them, an admission that hadn't been spoken out loud outside of her therapist's office- but that was years ago.
Unable to help herself, Allie leaned into his touch as he pushed the hair behind her ear, her breath getting caught in her throat for a moment as her eyes drifted halfway closed. She allowed herself that brief moment of respite before forcing her eyes back open and her consciousness back to reality, where she watched him stand and wait patiently for her respond.
There was a brief stretch of time where she said nothing and remained seated on the bench, her eyes searching his face as if she'd find her words written there. But finally she stood, her own legs shaking with the weight of everything admitted between them that night, and she spoke. "I don't want this to just be a moment in time." She admitted carefully, afraid to allow herself to feel too much hope when there were still too many unknowns and too many variables. "And I want to talk about all of this, about⌠us." She swallowed thickly, "But not tonight."
Sucking in a slow breath through her nose, Allie took a step forward and placed a hand on his arm, her grip gentle as her head tilted back to look up at him. "Where are your girls tonight?" She asked, quickly continuing once she realized the way the question could be perceived. "I don't think it's best for you to go home to an empty houseâŚ" Trailing off, she chewed lightly on her lower lip before offering. "Ryan's at my parents tonight, why don't you crash on the couch? It's really comfortable and that way I know someone's around in case you need anything. What do you say? Besides, you shouldn't be drivin' right now." Her tone was teasing as she nudged him gently, the tentative smile on her features growing as he agreed to come with her and her grip on his arm dropped only to link an arm through his and begin the walk back to her car.
Maybe this was a mistake, but in the moment everything felt⌠right.
starter for: @aliscncooper
location: allie's place
After picking up the boys from school and dropping them off with his mamaâwhoâd all but shoved him out the door, happy to have the grandkid time (and Ryan was a certifiable grandkid by now)âShane turned his truck toward Allieâs. His head was a mess, thoughts circling with no end in sight, and he knew there was only one person whoâd give it to him straight. Someone who knew both sides and wouldnât pull any punches.
By the time he made it to her place, he didnât bother pretending he was fine. He sank into the couch with a heavy sigh, slouching low until, leaning his weight against his elbow as he reached over and stole one of Allie's fries that he had literally just bribed her with to get her to let him in. âHow the hell do I go two damn whole years without screwinâ things up with Lana⌠and then manage to make her absolutely hate me in just one night?â
Moving back home to Briar Ridge had been a bit of a gamble. The small beachside town held a lot of the happiest memories of Allie's life, but also some of the hardest. The ghosts she'd left behind in this town remained and she was trying to navigate her way through them while simultaneously building a new life for her and her son. And while Shane had been a big part of her past, he was also such a huge part of her present, and she hated the way his own ghosts had seemingly caught up to him.
Instinctively, Allie's hand went to Shane's back, easily slipping beneath his shirt as she began to run her palm in soothing strokes along his skin- something she'd done for him since they were children, something she'd also done for her son whenever he needed it. "She doesn't hate you, Shane." Her voice was soft, comforting, but held an undercurrent of strength and conviction, leaving no space to question the truth of her words. "Why don't you tell me what happened?"
"Got it," glad to be of some use in the situation the man dropped to a semi-awkward bend at the knee and reached for the fallen beverages. Unable to help but eye the label on one of them with genuine curiosity. As Emil straightened, he met her gaze once more and gave the counselor a nod. Quietly thankful for the chance to meet her around town, to separate him from what her latter on-the-job impression of him may come to be. They were not an easy family, as a whole. Having long since lost the ability to co-parent in a way anyone might deem to be civil.
"Join you?" he echoed with a hint of surprise, "Oh well... damn, that's nice of you... sure!" The words stuttered, faltering for the briefest second though his expression remained warm. "Though, hey, i'm not sayin' I don't have full faith you could eat this all if you really wanted to."
A laugh stuck in his throat and he rotated on his sneakers towards an empty table nearby, chatting as he walked. "You haven't been in town all that long, yeah? Holiday events like this seem like... a decent impression of the town." He'd never really been much of anywhere else other than his brief attempt at college, but Emil still had the impression few places came together like this. It could be a bit much, if you weren't used to it or a fan of socializing and prying eyes. Little did he know, Alison wasn't exactly a new face.
"Though, I imagine the basket competitive is going to get lively."
"Thank you so much." She watched him grab the two bottles with an appreciative smile, grateful neither had broken open in the fall and she was able to try the apple flavored soda that had caught her eye at a food truck containing Mexican food. She'd been told about Isa's parents and the tension between their separate households, but she wasn't going to judge him based off his relationship with the mother of his child. It was clear Isabel loved both her parents and was well loved in return, which was all that mattered to Allie. Besides, it wasn't like she hadn't dealt with difficult families before- she'd been born into one.
When he repeated her offer with the note of shock in his voice, Allie wasn't sure if she'd crossed a line she in the invitation. It'd been friendly enough, truly hoping she'd have a companion to help her finish the food she was certain would go uneaten should she go at the stack alone. Quickly, she began to explain herself. "I planned for my son to be with me, but you know ten year old boys... if they have a choice between spending time with their mom and their friends, well..." She shrugged with a soft chuckle. "I get the short end of that stick. It'd be nice to have some company." She offered, her own smile warm, shoulders sagging in a bit of relief as he agreed. "And I appreciate the trust but if I ate all of this I'd have a stomach ache for the rest of the day, plus heartburn, I'm sure- and I left my Tums at home." She joked.
Moving easily through the crowd at his side as they made their way to the table, her plates of food still precariously balanced in her arms, Allie couldn't help but to chuckle. "I came back a couple months ago, yeah. But I actually grew up here. Left to go to college and life didn't seem to bring me back- at least permanently- until now." Setting all of the food down once they reached their destination, Allie climbed onto one of the bench seats and began to separate and uncover the plates and to-go containers, handing him a package containing a fork, knife, spoon, and napkin, before unwrapping her own. "I was here the year a brawl broke out at the basket decorating- do you remember that?"
Travis doesnât move at first. Her arms wrapped around him root him to the spot, locking something loose inside of him before slotting it back into placeâeven if only for a moment. And for a while, all he can do is feel it. Her fingers in his hair, the weight of her belief pressing gently into his chest like both an anchor and a life raft. The kind of thing a man doesnât realize heâs starving for until itâs already there, warm and real.
He doesnât know how to ask for this. Hell, he doesnât even know if he deserves it from her. But she offers it to him, anyway. Like she always has.
And when she finally pulls back, his hand lingers at her waist, fingers brushing the fabric there in a way that says thank you without needing to speak the words aloud. He watches her thenâevery word, every tremble in her lipsâas she gives away pieces of her heart just to hold him steady. And when her voice cracks, it slices straight through himâsharp with guilt, and warm with gratitude.
The old nicknameâMarshallâlands like a whispered prayer in a place thatâs felt hollow for years. He exhales hard, staggered by how one word can knock the wind out of him so effortlessly.
âJesus, Allie...â His voice is thick, rough with years of silence and what-ifs. He rubs a hand over his face, then looks down at the chocolate she offers. A dry, broken laugh slips out of him. âYou always did know how to hit a man where it hurts. Right in the soft spots.â
He doesnât eat the candy right away. Just holds it in his palm, staring down at the foil like maybe it holds an answer. To the past. To the future. To how the hell he ended up hereâon a park bench, next to the only person whoâs ever seen him for exactly as he is and loved him anyway.
When his eyes lift back to hers, the smile on his lips is small, but itâs real. âYou wanna know who I thought I was supposed to be?â he asks, quieter now, like the bench and the breeze are the only witnesses to his confession. âI thought I had to be the guy who fixed everything. Who never needed or asked for help. Who carried everyone elseâs weight like it was his job. I figured if I kept moving, built a life, checked all the right boxes... maybe I could outrun the parts of me that still felt broken. Or empty. Or still in love with a girl who made me want to be better just by sittinâ next to me on a damn swing set.â
His voice wavers, but his eyes donât. âI couldnât outrun it,â he says. âAnd I sure as hell couldnât fix it.â
The chocolateâs already started melting in his palm when he reaches for her hand againânot tentative, not uncertain this time. He takes it in both of his, holding on tight like it might vanish if heâs not careful.
âI donât know what tomorrow looks like, Allie. I donât know how to undo the things I messed up, or if Iâll ever feel like Iâm enough again. But I know thisâright now, sitting here with you... I feel more like myself than I have in years.â
He leans in just slightly, his forehead almost brushing hers. âAnd if you believe in meâeven after everythingâthen maybe I can try to believe in me too. Not all at once. But a little more every day.â
He pulls back enough to brush his thumb beneath her eye, gently catching the tear before it falls. His touch is soft. Familiar.
âYouâre not the only one who wandered, you know. Iâve been lost for a long time. But maybe... maybe the road back starts here." With you. "With this.â
He pauses. Then, softly, like a vow: âI missed you every damn day, Allie. Even when I told myself I didnât.â He unwraps the chocolate she handed him earlier and pops it into his mouth again, this time letting it melt on his tongue. Like maybe heâs learning how to savor things again. Like maybe second chances can taste sweet.
The feeling of Travis back in her arms felt like a reckoning, like the world had slowly began putting itself back on its axis after being askew for as long as she could remember. It was a feeling she'd nearly forgotten- the way everything just felt right when they were together. For that reason the embrace lasted longer than she probably should have let it, allowing herself a couple moments of selfish indulgence, before she pulled back.
His lingering touch had her eyes drifting down to his hand, almost needing to see that the warmth seeping into her skin from his touch was real and not imagined. Her own hand found his, giving it a gentle squeeze- a silent response to his silent gratitude.
And despite the fact that he sat there in front of her, drunk and emotional, vulnerable in a way she wasn't sure he'd been in a long time, Allie found herself grateful for their time together. She'd felt it when he showed up at Margot's funeral and gathered her in his arms, allowing her the first moment of reprieve in her grief as she fell apart. No words had even been spoken between them before the tears came and she hadn't been cognizant of the way his presence was all she'd needed to feel safe enough to let go. Allow her walls to crumble, even if only temporarily, and to let out some of the pressure of the pressure pot of emotion she'd been holding in since the night of the accident.
Travis, even after everything they'd been through, was her home. The thought hit her in a way that had her frozen for a moment before a wave of guilt washed over her, threatening to pull her under and away from the present. How could he be her home when she'd been married to someone else? When he had a family with another woman? When neither of them had dared to address the fractured history they shared and instead chose to simply show up for each other when they were needed the most?
She didn't know how she would deal with the contradiction, the guilt of feeling whole with Travis when Margot had also been such a large part of her heart, accompanied by the feeling of being complete in a way she hadn't been since they'd parted. The simple joy it brought her to be able to bring him an ounce of comfort in a world that had clearly ripped most of it away.
It was his voice that brought her out of her head and back to him, her eyes refocusing on the man who'd taught her what love was supposed to feel like, and for a moment she could have sworn she'd seen him as he'd been at eighteen.
Blinking a few times, she offered him a small, apologetic smile. "And I didn't even have to aim." She teased, though her voice was quiet- only loud enough to be heard between them. "Guess some things really are like ridin' a bike."
Their conversation may have been heavy, too heavy, some would say, for two exes who'd only interacted a handful of times in the past decade, but still- the silences between them felt easy. Allie's usual need to fill the space didn't rise to the surface and she instead sat comfortably with him, quietly munching on the chocolate as she waited for him to be ready. Something she realized she may have been doing this whole time. Something she'd always do. Because no matter the distance, the time, the silence⌠Travis was worth it.
Her soft brown eyes held no judgement as they met his, unwavering in their sincerity as she listened to him. Affection shined through, mixed with silent sorrow for what he'd been holding on his own for so long. Her heart aches with the what-ifs. Would he still be feeling like this had she gone after him all those years ago? Rather than accepting his decision to leave, had she fought for him- for them, would he still have lost himself? Would she?
Finding her mouth running dry at his quiet confession, Allie swallowed and licked over her lips, buying time so she could find the right words. "I'm sorry you've had to carry all of that for all these years, honey." She began, her words careful but full of conviction. "But you can't outrun yourself. And you don't have to fix everything on your own. Everyone knows you're strong as hell, but we all need a little help sometimes. There's no shame in it." She reached out and gently cupped his face in her hand, a soft, intimate gesture that felt both forbidden and necessary, as her thumb swept across his cheek. "Sometimes we gotta slow down, let it all catch up to us. It hurts, God does it hurt, but the relief of not carryin' the world on your shoulders, even just for a moment, can be worth it." Was she talking about them in that moment? Maybe. But still, she continued. "Especially if we're not doin' it alone. And Travis, you're not alone in this. In any of it."
Allowing her hand to fall from his face and back to her lap, Allie brought her other hand up to tuck some hair behind her ear. She'd opened her mouth to speak again, unsure of what more she could say to help assuage his feelings, when he took her hand into both of his. The warmth seeping into her bones, like sunlight running through her veins as a bloom of heat tinted her cheeks and chest. But she didn't retreat, instead she curled her fingers and held on.
"I know it may not feel like it, but Travis Marshall, please know you are more than enough. Just as you are." Her grip on his hands tightened, needing him to understand just how strongly she felt about the words she was speaking into the shrinking space between them. "You don't have to know what to do right now, butâŚ" Closing the distance so their foreheads were pressed together, Allie sucked in a slow breath before continuing. Her voice softer than ever, laced with all of the affection and conviction she could muster. "I will always believe in you. And I meant it when I said if I have to do it enough for the both of us I will. That's how strongly I feel about it. That's how much I believe in you. But I know you can find that belief in yourself again, too. I have faith in you, Trav."
She leaned away at the same time he did, allowing them each a sliver of personal space as her face leaned into his touch and her eyes closed for the briefest of moments. And when they opened again, her gaze instantly found his and a ghost of a smile colored her features.
"That's the thing about home, you can always go back. No matter how far you strayed, no matter how lost you are. It's always there. You just gotta look." Reaching up, she gently pinched his cheek just below his eye. How her heart could feel simultaneously heavy and light she had no idea, but then, Travis had always been able to bring out the most complex and simple emotions in her. Often at the same time. "I-"
She was about to admit to missing him, too. That even though their lives had gone two separate directions, with different partners and families, she'd always held him in her heart. But the noise from a group of teens walking by, their boisterous laughter and ruckus conversation, popped the bubble that had seemingly formed around them and Allie was jolted back to the reality of their situation. They were in public, he was in a decade long committed relationship, and she was overstepping.
"Speaking of home." She began, leaning back to allow more space between them as she gathered up the remnants of their candy and put it into the pocket of her cardigan to be disposed of later. "We should probably get you there, yeah?"
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Sonny was so used to hiding, existing in plain sight in various foreign cities, around people she doesn't recognize and likewise, don't recognize her -- that it feels almost surreal to be around people who actually know her name.
Even before she turns toward the voice calling it, some part of her should've known who it belonged to. She'd met Allie quite a few times. Twice over the phone, at least four or five times in person. Enough to know, Allie was a nice person. Someone sweet, friendly, and welcoming... all things, Sonny herself has never been exposed to prior to meeting Shane. MC life wasn't exactly all that kind to her or forgiving. And, it seldomly came without some sort of price to pay. The people of Briar Ridge were different. Built different. Allie, included.
There was no telling what she might've heard about her recently. But, judging by her surprise, Sonny was willing to go out on a limb and guess Shane hasn't informed her of her return yet. Or had he? "It is," just to be safe -- she treads lightly. Sussing Allie out for any indication that she might be crossed with her. Was she relieved to learn she was still alive? Upset she left, too? Or angry on Shane's behalf? Maybe all the above? "Hi, Allie." A warm smile, though clearly weak but surprisingly genuine, tugs at the corner of Sonny's lips as she stands up to meet Alison halfway. "I'm sure you have a lot of questions for me. You're certainly not the only one." With a gesture of her hand, Sonny urges Allie to have a seat beside her and, join her for a drink at the bar. "It's actually me. I'm back. You're not seeing ghosts. Although, I'm sure you probably wish you were."
As the other woman spoke, Allie couldn't help the way her eyes dragged across her frame, looking for any visible reason she'd been gone for so long. For any reason that she'd shattered Shane, one of the best people Allie had ever known, so completely and seemingly so easily. She'd known Sonny was back in town, there wasn't a lot she and one of her oldest friends didn't talk about, but seeing her there? Right in front of her? It was such a different experience.
Despite everything Sonny had put Shane through, Allie wouldn't deny the fact that she felt a surge of relief run through her knowing the woman was alive and seemingly unharmed. After everything she'd done and all the pain she'd caused- she was still Elijah's mother, and Allie knew first hand what it felt like to lose a mom and to watch a child suffer from the loss of a parent. She wouldn't wish that on anyone, even if she quietly thought to of her favorite people might have been better without the woman in front of her in their lives. But that wasn't an opinion she needed to voice or focus on. Instead, she slid into the empty seat next to her and turned to face Sonny- giving the younger woman her full attention.
"I wouldn't ever wish you were a ghost." She countered quickly, voice soft as a hand came out to rest gently on the other woman's arm for a brief moment before returning it to her lap. After everything she'd done to pick Shane back up after Sonny's sudden departure, she may have wished the other woman had stayed gone but she also knew that the knowledge that she'd seemingly left instead of left was a double edged sword. Happy she seemed to be alive and well, but angry and upset in the way she'd treated Shane and Elijah.
"You're right, I do have a lot of questions." She began slowly, hands fidgeting slightly in her laps, twirling her wedding ring around her finger absentmindedly. "But you don't owe me any answers." A small smile pulled the corners of her lips up. "How are you?"
"Aw c'mon, you're pretty much my only hope now and you're going to make me wait a whole ten years? That's just cruel." Directing a pointed look towards his best friend, Nate raised a finger to point at her. "I saw your back and a tiny hint of side boob, that doesn't warrant disrespect to the easter outfit." He kept his voice quiet enough that it wouldn't gross out Ryan but the devilish smirk on his face let her know that he was no way done teasing her about it.
As soon as Allie burst out laughing, Nate began shaking his head. "The disrespect!" Gesturing to Ryan and his clearly embarrassed face, Nate nodded in solidarity. "She's a nightmare, bud, we really can't take her anywhere." Slinging an arm around Ryan's neck, it was almost a world record at how quickly the young boy slipped out of it. "God, she's laughing at me, you're acting like you don't know me. The Cooper family have truly broken my heart today."
He might have been dramatic and proclaiming his heartbreak, but the amusement on his face was evident. "It's an amazing hat! It has bunny ears but is still male with the sports looking logo!" Gesturing to the white logo on the front of his hat, Nate wiggled his head so the ears of the hat would jiggle. "Ebay, for your information and I know you're only asking so we can wear matching ones next year. Don't hate me because you didn't think of anything this genius."
Taking the hat off, Nate placed it straight on Allie's head before running a hand through his hair. "You don't pull it off as well, but you do look cooler."
"You keep bringing up that you saw my side boob and I'll make it fifteen years." She said pointedly, her own voice lowered to spare the ten year old who was currently engrossed in his phone and not paying his mother or godfather an iota of attention. Being back in the same city as Nate had been more of a blessing than she'd ever have been able to guess- sure, her family was here. Being back around her mom and dad was special, sure, but Nate had been in her life for as long as she could remember. He'd been there for every single one of her worst and best days, and without him she wasn't sure she'd be where she was or who she was now. He was that important... though with that importance apparently came annoyance. Playful, of course. But still.
Her laughter couldn't be contained, no matter how embarrassed Ryan looked or how (faux) offended Nate was. It'd been too long since she'd laughed so freely and once the flood gates had been opened, it seemed there was no closing them. Then Ryan slipped out of Nate's grasp so effortlessly, Allie's laughter only intensified. So she wasn't the only one the pre-teen got embarrassed by and that was comforting... and hilarious. "The Cooper family is just trying to be honest with you." She got out between laughs, her hands rested on her knees as she attempted to catch her breath. "But even when you embarrass us with your outfits and weird hats we still love you."
When the hat was placed atop her head, Allie's eyes instantly went up- as if she could see through her skull to the monstrosity now providing her shade from the afternoon sun. Shaking her head with an eye roll and amused grin, Allie pulled her phone out to look at herself in the camera and her uncontrollable laughter almost started again. "God, you really do have a big ol' head don't you?" She teased, pulling the hat off of her head and putting it on Ryan's- who scoffed and mimicked his mother's movements with this own phone before making a comment about not understanding how anyone could think this hat was cool. "I think we've collectively decided this hat should be retired for good, Nate. Maybe we can get you a cute little bunny tail next year or something. Not as manly but somehow not as cringey, either."
Walking in to the house that felt like a second home to the single mom, Allie didn't bother with knocking- she simply slid off her shoes on the porch and stepped through the door, calling out as she did. "Honey, I'm home!"
With a full tote on her arm, she moved further into the house and made her way to the kitchen. There, she began unloading her haul- wine, cheese, crackers, some artisan chocolate bars she'd gotten in a care package from Margot's mom, and a few packages of pre-cut fruit (mango was finally back in season and Allie couldn't have been happier about it).
Once it was all spread out on the counter, she easily found the corkscrew in a drawer and opened up the bottle of red wine, letting it breathe while she gathered glasses and plates to lay out the cheese and crackers and fruits she'd brought over. She was about to play some music on her phone when Lana caught her attention and she looked up to her best friend with a warm smile. "Hey Chappy. I brought all the snacks and thought we could probably order from Vim's or something later because we have a lot to catch up on."
Travis watches her hands like theyâre something sacred or blessedâlike heâs not sure if heâs supposed to hold onto them or fall to his knees in front of them for offering softness when heâs done nothing to deserve it.
His heartâs thudding in his chest like itâs trying to get out, like maybe itâs finally had enough of being kept under lock and key. He doesn't flinch when she takes his hand, but he does look down at their joined fingers like he's surprised they're even real. Her warmth bleeds into him, up his arm and into places that have been cold for far too long.
"Baby," he repeats, soft and stunned, like the word itself could somehow stitch the last two decades together if he said it just right. Or she did. And God, it almost does.
Then her apology follows, and his face crumples just slightly at the edges, his features pulling taut like her saying sorry is the last thing he wants from her. His free hand comes up to rake through his already-mussed hair, eyes drifting to the horizon againâonly brieflyâbefore turning back to her with something close to disbelief.
âYou donât get to say sorry,â he says, quiet but insistent. âNot when Iâm the one who blew it. Not when I'm the one who left you.â
The words hang there a second too long, heavy and bare.
He lets her guide him to the bench without protest though, sinking down like the weight of the dayâand her, and all the things heâs been carryingâare finally catching up to him. He doesnât try to reclaim his hand when she lets go. In fact, it stays exactly where it was, limp and open between them, like maybe part of him had hoped sheâd keep holding on.
Her questionâDid someone make you feel that way?âmakes his jaw tighten just then, and itâs a few moments before he answers. When he does, his voice is hoarse. âNah. No one had to.â He chuckles, but itâs dry and brittle, like the sound might crack if heâs not careful. âIâve got a whole damn chorus in my head that does a good enough job of that all on its own.â
When she reaches for his hand again, he lets her take it. This time, his fingers curl around hers just slightly. Enough to feel like maybe heâs not so alone in all of this. And her answerâDonât worry about meâmakes him exhale through his nose like he wants to argue, like maybe he has worried, even when he wasnât supposed to.
âI shouldâve been around for all of that,â he mutters. âThe kid. The grandparents. The wine and the bubble baths.â His smile is small, sad. âEven just the damn chocolate eggs. I shouldâve been around for you.â
He stares at the candy in her hand, his gaze lingering there almost like itâs too much. Like kindness feels more dangerous than the liquor still warming his bloodstream. But he takes one. Slowly. Reverently. Like it costs him something. Like it gives him something, too.
Unwrapping the foil in silence, he doesnât speak again until the chocolateâs half-melted in his mouth and thereâs nowhere left to hide from what sheâs asked. âIâm tired, Allie.â His voice is low, rasping. âNot just physically. Not just from today. I mean bone-deep. Soul-tired. I feel like Iâve been wearinâ someone elseâs skin for years, and IâI donât know how to get back to who I was. If that guy even exists anymore.â
He pauses, glancing sideways at her. âI tell people Iâm fine 'cause itâs easier than explaininâ how grief donât go away just âcause time passes. How regret shows up like an old friend you hate but still let in. How sometimes I wake up and it takes me a second to remember who Iâm supposed to be now.â
He swallows thickly. âBut you? You look at me like you still see him. The me I lost a long time ago. And that scares the hell out of me, Allie. 'Cause if heâs still in there... then Iâve got no excuse left for why I gave up on him.â His eyes meet hers againâmore sober now, more raw than beforeâand for a long second, all he does is look at her. Like she might disappear if he blinks.
âBut God, I've missed you,â he whispers, almost broken. âI didnât know how much 'til just now.â He clears his throat roughly, then adds with the faintest smile, âAnd this is good chocolate. You always did know the way back into my heart was through sweets and second chances.â
With the life that she'd led so far, pain seemed to be a constant companion. There was always a dull ache sitting in her chest, matching her heart beat for beat, and she'd long ago learned to live with the feeling. However, there were times when the ache intensified into something bold and angry- a feeling she couldn't ignore.
And now, sitting there with Travis as he brought up their shared history, their shared pain, it was as if the simmering embers of their past just had gasoline thrown atop them and the flames roared back to life. Not when I'm the one who left you. She had to look away from him them, blinking once, then twice, in slow succession as she sucked in a painful breath through her nose.
Allie had lost a lot in her life. Her childhood, her biological parents, the ability to carry a child, her wife⌠and yet, despite it all, the loss of him still hit her the hardest. It was still the deepest wound, one that refused to heal completely, and his words had just ripped it wide open. "You did what you had to do." She offered quietly, doing her best to placate them both with words she'd found herself repeating any time their relationship got brought up. The day he'd left her was one of the hardest days of her life, but neither of them would benefit from her lamenting on that. He didn't need her to match his melancholy, so she pushed her own pain aside and finally brought her eyes back to him.
There were unshed tears shining in the corners of her eyes as she looked at him, unable to hide the emotion on her face as he bared his soul. Every part of her wanted to reach for him again, pull him into her arms and do whatever she could to help take away the pain she saw in his eyes. But she'd touched him enough, reached for a man who was no longer hers, and she wasn't sure she'd be able to let go again. So for now, she kept her hands to herself and did her best to contain her own emotions and allow him space to express his.
"I know it's hard to drown out the noise in your head sometimes." She started, her words careful, her tone soft. "But just because that chorus is loud doesn't mean it's right." She moved closer to him on the bench, her gaze never leaving his face as she turned so she was facing him completely- legs crisscrossed and tucked beneath her frame. "Nothings ruined tonight, Travis. And look around, no one but me's payin' attention to you." Tentatively, she reached up and placed a hand on his cheek. "There's no scene. There are no ruins. It's just us."
She lowered her hand then, already missing the way the warmth of his skin felt like the first rays of sunlight after a long, dark winter. His admission, that he should have been there, zapped the last of the warmth from her skin and it took everything in her not to look away again. The tears were back and she swallowed the lump that had appeared in her throat, forcing herself to speak past it. "You had your own family to worry about, honey." The reminder of Evan and Sadie was like salt added to the already gaping wound that was her love for Travis, but she pushed the pain away and continued. "You had your own kid and grandparents, wine and bubble baths... though Evan seems more like a whiskey kind of girl if you ask me." She offered him a soft, wobbly smile. "You were around for the chocolate eggs with Sadie. You are around for all of that with her. You-"
Unable to stop the crack in her voice, Allie finally broke eye contact and cleared her throat, head shaking reverently. When she spoke again her voice was quieter but didn't carry any less conviction. "You've been where you're supposed to be. With your family."
But did she believe that? Was he supposed to have had a family with another woman? Live the life they'd so meticulously planned together while they were just two kids in love with their entire lives ahead of them- without her? It was a question she'd battled with for years. She loved Margot and the life they'd built together but Travis and her love for him was always there. The pain, sorrow, jealousy she had no right to feel stayed tucked away in a box in her heart as she did her best to pretend like after he'd left she'd still been a whole person. Like he hadn't taken a piece of her with him. But now that box had been cracked open and all she could do was hope that the contents didn't spill out and completely consume her.
Watching as he took a piece of the chocolate, she matched his sad smile and set the small pile down on the bench between them, plucking one up for herself and carefully unwrapping it and popping it into her mouth. Unlike him, she'd never been able to let the sweet treat simple melt on her tongue and she'd chewed and swallowed before he'd gotten any words out. And when he finally spoke...
The vulnerability in his words sucked the air from her lungs and suddenly it hurt to even breathe. Her hands twitched by her sides, wanting to reach for him, to pull him to her, to do whatever it took to lift the burden he was carrying off of his shoulders.
She had a masters degree in counseling, she listened to children's problems daily and found solutions for them, but right now? Right now Allie felt out of her depths. Unsure of what to say that wouldn't be overstepping, scared that any words would cause him to clam up and shut her out- that she'd overstep without meaning to and end up out in the cold again. Because even though he was dredging up old feelings and opening old wounds, being in Travis' presence brought a warmth to her life that hadn't been there in twenty years.
So Allie simply allowed herself to listen, she let him get it all out until she couldn't hold herself back anymore and she reached for him. His admission that he'd missed her causing her to throw caution to the wind. However she was supposed to act be damned, she needed to hold him. And she had a feeling he needed to be held just as much.
"Who do you think you're supposed to be?" She asked once she'd gathered the large man into her arms, one hand coming up to run slowly through his hair. "Because who you are is enough, Travis. It always has been and it always will be."
Despite the shaking in both her voice and her limbs, Allie continued. "You can put it all down, you know. The expectations, the masks, the worries. You can put it down if you need a break. There are people who love you who will be around to hold you up, to carry what you can't right now." Pulling back a bit to look at him, Allie allowed her worry-clouded eyes to meet his. "Baby, I only see you. Just as you are. I always have. No one is who they were when they were a teenager but... what you put down you can always pick back up again."
Her hand found his cheek once more and her thumb brushed over the stubble there. "This is your life, Trav. Maybe it got away from you for a bit but you can find your way back. And you don't have to do it alone. You know that. I know you know that." She paused, lower lip falling beneath her teeth as she sucked in a breath through her nose. "But it's okay to be lost. Lord knows I've wandered through life, unsure of where to go or if I'm on the right path. But I found my way and so can you. I believe in you, Travis. I know you'll find your way. And if I have to believe in you enough for the both of us, I will."
But God, I've missed you. The words were both a balm and a new wound on her soul and she pulled him to her once more, her arms embracing him tightly as she let out a quiet sigh. "I've missed you, too, Marshall." The admittance came out without thinking, spoken directly into his ear before she laid her head down on his shoulder for a moment of selfish reprieve. Then she was pulling back, scooping another piece of chocolate up and unwrapping it, offering it to him with her own faint smile barely coloring her features and a silent tear sliding down her cheek, no longer able to hold all of her emotions in. "See? Maybe you're already findin' your way back to who you wanna be."
   It'd been a long time since he'd found so much enjoyment out of getting a coffee in the mornings. When Allie had tugged on the sleeve of his shirt the feeling that had overcome him was a resurgence of high school. There was a giddiness in the grin that had responded immediately to the touch and a shine in his eyes that felt so carefree. Seeing this woman in a different light, such as the sun, but also a different atmosphere that had an anti morning grind feel to it, didn't little to help the allure that had captivated him from the moment they'd met. If anything, the flirtations were coming out easier than ever.
â Hibiscus flowers, palms, and sand have been the key to dignification all along? And I happened to chase it all my life only to stumble onto it by accident? â Hand to chest, his grin nearly held more of the shape of a smirk, Niko tipped his head. â How does a newly dignified man bestow his gratitude onto the title designator? â The color that bloomed on the apple of her cheeks was something Niko had paused to take it, and he'd wished she hadn't taken back her touch so quickly. There didn't seem any right way to convey that feeling, and before he'd been given a chance to think something through Allie sank her teeth into her bottom lip.
Thankfully his reaction was imperceptible, that slight intake of breathâbut, there was no disguising where his gaze had pinned. It'd actually taken Allie setting that lip free from torture and speaking for Niko's eyes to flicker up to her own. Hearing her laugh only encouraged him to find ways to provide himself with more of the sound. â The government is too slow moving. You're better off putting yourself into hiding. I have a great uncle who exiled himself to island after embarrassing himself at a family event. Would you like his contact information for tips? â
The faux offense was reason for Niko to hold his hands up in a half shrug, a look that attempted claimed innocence. â Ooof, â he audibly winced, â that demotion was fast and swift. From Sir to Mr Ramsey in just a few minutes. â Feigned wounding was sold on his countenance. Until Allie distracted him once more by moving in closer and biting that lip again. We're going to have to have a conversation about the abuse there, he thought. Niko's eyes narrowed as her conspiratorial speech began to reel him in. â Of course you would use me for my connections. â His head shook before Niko moved an inch closer and dipped his head. There was a pause though, an act of looking around and over his shoulderâto be sure no one was witnessing the crime he was about to commit for a pretty face. â Alight, Robin Hood. I can't outright tell you. The wrath of the committee could be worse than William Wallace, butâif you'd like to take a stroll with me over here towards this cluster of trees, â he cleared his throat, allowing her to get the memo.
Morning coffee had always been one of Allie's favorite rituals. For the longest time it consisted of waking up a little early to enjoy the peace and quiet of the sunrise, making her pour over coffee to her exact specifications and enjoying it on the porch of the home she'd left behind when she and Ryan came to Briar Ridge before starting her chaotic days. But now? She'd seen the breaking of her beloved pour over carafe as a sign that the move wasn't the right choice- at least until her morning coffee runs started to include him. Niko.
He'd somehow effortlessly slid into her morning routine and she'd gone from looking forward to quiet sunrises to ensuring her routine was structured around making it to the cafe in time to share a portion of their days together. It was silly, really. A grown woman with a crush that gave her butterflies, but it was also refreshing. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this way about someone, the last time she was giddy enough to check her reflection in any reflective surface before seeing him. And finding him now amongst the crowd had been a welcome surprise.
"Who would've thought, right?" A grin of her own stretched her features and caused the corners of her eyes to crinkle, highlighting the way they sparkled beneath the bright sunlight as she looked at him. "You spend your whole life searching and suddenly, in the back of your closet, there it is." The sound that left her lips was akin to a very girlish giggle and she had to bring a hand up to cover her mouth, stopping the sound from escaping once more. God, she felt like she was in middle school, flirting with the boy she liked between classes. At least that's what the butterflies currently fluttering around in her stomach would make her believe.
One hand coming up to gather a small section of her hair and begin to twirl it around her finger, Allie let out a quiet hum of thought at his question. "Hmm⌠how would he? That's a good question." She mused, her tone playful as she looked up at him from beneath her lashes. "Unfortunately, I think that's something the newly dignified man will have to figure out himself. The designator can't have all of the answers now, can she?" Her tone was teasing, grin ever widening at their easy banter.
For a moment, her initial foot in mouth moment was forgotten and all that remained was the lightness in her chest as she gazed up at him, their eyes meeting and the butterflies in her stomach swarming in response. "Island life doesn't sound so bad⌠I could get used to having a year long tan." She mused. "Think he'd be up for some roommates? Or should I find my own island to disappear to? You know what, maybe I will take his number." More quiet laughter left her lips, head shaking in amusement as she felt her cheeks heat a bit more beneath his gaze.
Unable to stop herself, when Niko held his hands up in the half shrug, Allie's own raised and she placed her palms in his, pushing his hands down as she shook her head with a grin. "Oh how the mighty have fallen." She teased, "But look at that, a way to climb your way back to the top. Earn the title back by doing some good in that dignified shirt of yours."
This time it was her turn to feign wounded, her hands coming to rest over her heart as she let out an exaggerated gasp. "I wouldn't do such a thing! Upstanding citizen over here, remember?" Despite her attempts to appear aggrieved, the playful smile fought its way back onto the guidance counselor's features. It seemed she couldn't contain the expression when she was around him, especially when he was so effortlessly going with her bits. "A stroll?" She questioned, feigning ignorance as she straightened and linked the arm that wasn't holding her nearly empty basket through his, "I could go for a stroll." She mused. "Lead the way, Little John."
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
On instinct Emil had reached out, somewhat caught mid-air and frozen because it was difficult to know what to grab for and Alison had impressively managed to balance her haul all on her own. A heaved breath of relief parted his lips, and it was swiftly followed with a loud gruff laugh. "What're you apologizing for? I was the one distracted, following through the booths guided blindly by the fresh scent of torrijas."
Belatedly it seemed to settle in that the counselor had opted to refer to him formally and his brows furrowed. "Just Emil will do. I never really got used to the whole... Mr. Moreno thing." He was an official adult, and a father, but it still made him feel some type of way. Even as the superior often on job sites, he didn't tend to answer to it. Her concern earned another easy laugh and a shake of his head. "Nah, you didn't catch me, or more importantly... waste any of your banquet." Emil took a minute to truly take in the sight of her arms burdened with food. "Everyone knows any good holiday is celebrated with food, so you're just embracing the spirit." He was far from judging.
Emil realized that his hands were still kind of extended in an awkward attempt to have tried to help before anything hit the ground, "Er... can I... take some of that? Walk you to a table or something?" He offered with a nod towards her load. "A few extra steps would hardly put a dent in me."
Allie's cheeks were surely aflame, the head from her deep blush nearly convincing her she would need to stop, drop, and roll in order to calm the burning embarrassment she was currently feeling. She was still new at the school, having only been there for a couple of months, and she was still working hard to make a good impression. Her own reputation from childhood could only carry her so far and she refused to coast on her father's good reputation for the entirety of her career, so running into parents with her arms full of food and nearly causing some kind of catastrophic mess was not part of her plan. Luckily, Emil was as kind as his daughter. It was easy to see where Isa got her pleasant personality from.
"I think we were both a little distracted, though the smell of food wasn't exactly calling to me since... ya know." She nodded down to the stack of plates in her arms with a soft, almost self deprecating laugh. "I was more looking for a safe place to land and enjoy... well, enough food for four I think." She mused, her smile warm as she nodded. "Emil, of course."
At his easy laughter and warm nature, Allie felt herself relaxing, her own smile growing as she nodded along in agreement as he spoke. "Embracing the spirit. Absolutely." Her smile widened into a grin and she was about to accept his offer when she realized her drinks had fallen to the grass between them. "I've got a hold on the food I think, but if you could grab my drinks, please? I'd really appreciate it." Her smile had settled into one full of warmth and gratitude. "I was actually heading to a table just over there- if you want you could join me?" She offered, motioning to an open picnic table with a nod of her head. "We've already established I bought enough for four, I'd hate for any of it to go to waste because my eyes were bigger than my stomach."
Travis gets caught mid-step, somewhere between the fairground lights and the weight of the past, when he hears a voiceâher voice. It threads through the thick, sticky air like a song he hasnât realized heâs been straining to hear all day. The kind of voice that anchors him in ways that are dangerous and comforting all at once.
As his body sways slightly with the momentum of his stop, he blinks at her repeatedly like maybe she was just another memory his brain conjured up after too much sun and too little sense. But then her hand finds his shoulder, and her face tilts up to his, andâGod help himâthere she is.
âAllie,â he whispers her name like a prayer of his has been answered, like the word alone could explain away the half-empty flask clutched loosely in his grasp, and the haze clouding his eyes. But, it doesn't.
So, he takes another breath, long and measured, like he's trying to sober up on her presence alone. Even if, that doesn't quite work either. Meanwhile, his eyesâbloodshot and glassy but not unfamiliarâmeet hers, and something in them flickers. Shame, probably. But also that soft, slow pull that has never quite faded no matter how much time has passed between them.
âIâm fine,â he says to her out of habit, before immediately wincing. Travis was many things, but heâd never been a good liarânot to her. âI mean⌠Iâm not fallinâ over or startinâ a brawl in the parking lot, so in this family, thatâs technically fine.â
He gives her a low, humorless chuckle before looking away and swallowing hard. âShouldâve just gone home. Thatâs what smart people do, right? Call it a night, take their wins where they can get âem.â He shakes the flask in his hand like it was a coin toss, then tucks it into his jacket pocket like it's something shameful he needs to hide. Which, right now, it is.
Afterwards, Travis looks back at her, and the quiet between them isnât as emptyâit's heavy. Full of all the things they havenât said in years, and some things they still couldnât.
âI wasnât tryinâ to make a scene,â he adds to her softly, his voice rough like gravel under his tired boot. âDidnât mean to⌠ruin anything.â It's clear he's not making any sense. But, that's partly due to the alcohol inebriating him.
His gaze soon drifts to the horizon where the lanterns were starting to rise, delicate lights carrying on wishes and grief and hope. And suddenly, all of itâthe beer, the laughter, the matchmaking, the half-healed ache heâs been trying to ignore all damn dayâjust hits.
âI was just tryinâ to make it through one goddamn day without feelinâ like Iâm fakinâ it,â he murmurs, more to himself than to her. âEveryoneâs got their thing, yâknow? The story they tell so people stop askinâ if theyâre okay.â
As he looks at her again, really looks, he goes on to ask: âYou doinâ yours too? Or were you actually okay tonight?â Because that's Travis, even when his hands are shaky and his heart is a messâhe's still making space for the people he loves. Which, yes, would always include her.
Twenty years. It'd been twenty years, two decades, since the two of them held any real place in one another's lives. Twenty years since he'd walked out of her life and she'd felt like he'd taken her shattered heart and all it's pieces with him. Twenty years since she'd lost a love her teenage self had been convinced was going to last a lifetime. It'd been twenty years since she really and truly knew him, and yet...
Standing there with what felt like a lifetime of separate memories and experiences between them, Allie could still see him. And what she saw had her patchwork heart aching and her hands itching to reach out and hold him. To ground him to her so she could help carry whatever was weighing him down. But she couldn't do any of that- it wasn't her place anymore. He wasn't hers anymore. He hadn't been for a long time.
Instead of an embrace, she offered him a warm, comforting smile despite the emotions warring within her. When their gazes locked, she couldn't look away. They held a familiarity she felt like she'd been chasing ever since he walked away, a warmth she'd been missing while growing accustomed the the chill of life without him. And despite their glassy appearance and unfocused gaze, Allie couldn't look away. In fact, she found her feet moving on their own accord, taking a step closer before she regained full control of her faculties and halted her movement.
It was only when he spoke, the nearly automatic response she knew was a fallacy, that she herself flinched. Her eyes breaking away from his as they slid to the ground between them. It was only when he said this family that her gaze returned to his face, a soft, barely imperceptible frown on her otherwise smooth features.
"You don't sound fine, baby." Maybe it was the concern she felt deep in her bones for him, or the exhaustion from the day's activities that had caused the slip, but either way it had her eyes widening and a sinking feeling deep in her gut. One so sharp that her hand came up to rest there in an attempt to quell the ache. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, her voice only loud enough to carry between them. "I-"
Her excuse faltered, voice wavering as she shut her mouth. She what? Forgot herself? Got lost in being this close to him again? Missed him? Yes, all of the above. But none of which she could admit, so instead she simply focused on the man before her and the words he ground out, her brow furrowing as concern washed over her in waves.
"Hey, come on." Gently grasping his wrist in one of her hands, Allie ignored the burn of her skin on his again as she led him to a slightly secluded bench and gently guided him down onto it before releasing his wrist and sitting next to him, her hands now shoved deep into the pockets of her cardigan in a feeble attempt to stop herself from reaching for him. "You haven't made a scene, Trav. And you definitely didn't ruin anything." She paused in an attempt to stop the next question from tumbling past her lips, and yet a second later... "Did someone make you feel that way?"
As his gaze drifted to the lanterns, hers didn't stray. She took in his features, both familiar and foreign, and allowed herself to really look at him. To drink him in. And it made her stomach churn with how much she could still read him, how much her heart felt like it was clawing to climb out of her chest and take up residence in his- it's rightful home. But then his eyes were back on her and they carried a vulnerability within them that had her breath escaping her in a quiet exhale. "What's goin' on with you, T?"
Once again her body moved without her permission, as if on instinct she reached for him, taking one of his hands between both of hers in an attempt to soothe him. Heal a little of what she knew was broken without understanding the cause. "Mm-mm." Shaking her head, she offered him a soft, reassuring smile. "I'm doin' just fine. My kid is happy and with his grandparents and I've got a bubble bath and a glass of wine waitin' for me at home. Don't worry about me." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze.
"Tell me about you. Whatever it is, you don't have to carry it alone. Let me help." Maybe she was asking too much of him, inserting herself where she didn't belong. But she could see the heaviness weighing him down and all she wanted to do was help alleviate some of the pressure in whatever way she could. And after a brief pause she continued, afraid she was inserting herself into his life and wanting to offer him and out were she pushing too hard.
"You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but getting whatever it is off your chest could be a good release." She offered, reluctantly releasing his hand and reaching into her pocket once more, only to withdraw her hand with a few pieces of Easter chocolate in her palm. "And if that doesn't work, or you're not comfortable with talkin' to me... how about some chocolate?" Her light smile was an attempt to lighten the situation they'd found themselves in and she extended her hand between them, the colorful foil wrapped around chocolate eggs shining beneath the lantern light.