Musings

Whilst I suffer my own physical pain I see my world suffering along with me The plastic that fills the seas And builds mountains upon the earth The energy that is dug out from its resplendent insides The forests that decorate its outer cover and supply it breath Ripped away in the breath of instances

My world will suffer its own physical pain for centuries without me It suffers its pain as I suffer mine now but cannot bewail about the quality of its     existence. This world, this beautiful earth Which the sun shines brightly upon And the water fills it up, lets it drink, when it can Will suffer long after my pain is gone

I am but one individual, but as I live on this magnificent earth I will walk lightly upon its ground I will fight the leaders and profit makers in this world with my signatory impact     and purchasing power I will witness change by individuals Which in turn will change big business Which will leave leaders of politics wretched

There was an invitation given out to children for an 8 year old birthday party. Excitement builds obviously, children start talking about the party and being able to hang out with all their friends.

Then there was a text message follow up a couple of days later rescinding the invitation for my daughter to attend. The parent claiming that her child was an absolute mess and wanting to leave school if my child was allowed to come to this party.

The mother and child had discussed the invite prior to giving it out and both had come to the agreement that my child should attend, even though both children have been going through some emotional turmoil at school.

I was the unfortunate person that had to relay the message to my child because obviously if you’re going to uninvite someone, you would rather have somebody else do this nasty deed.

My child understood but was devastated by the news, as anyone would be, even if you’re a grown adult. My suggestion being we would do the best thing she wanted to do that weekend, go to Legoland.

The mother and I went to the teachers to see if there was something they could do to help these kids navigate the world of friendships. They have organised a group meeting between all the friends to help them understand how each is feeling. Great outcome.

Won’t fix anything but at least somebody is trying to do something. We are trying to build up her resilience and to recognise friends that value her friendship.

I’m feeling angry and pissed that this has been allowed to happen, the uninvitation! I can barely look at the mother without seething. I realise I won’t feel this way forever but at the moment, I do not wish to be buddy’s with her, as I wish that my daughter will stay away from her child aswell.

This morning I realised that these events usually make us that little bit stronger, even though my daughter is feeling isolated at the moment, eventually she will get to a point where she will expect this treatment from this girl and stay away from her, hopefully revealing some much better friends. As I feel the same way about the mother, I do not wish to have that much to do with the family and will keep my distance. Say my hellos and that will be about it. No need to bother with people who will not stand up to their own child and show them who the parent is!

My anger will subside and be replaced by solemn indignation, which hopefully will turn into not giving a shit about these assholes! My definition of an asshole, somebody who shits all over somebody else!

This is a saying from my 8 year old self at primary school with my friends, we would hold pinky fingers and shake and say these words. Unfortunately as with most 8 year olds, we were friends for 1 minute and broken the next, then making friends all over again.

I feel as if I’m back in my 8 year old self as my daughter who is 8 seems to be going through the same kind of destructive/constructive relationships with her friends. I am happy for her to go through this because unfortunately it teaches us valuable lessons in regards to friendships as in how much to value them or not. So even though I am there for her to talk to when she needs to and maybe help organise a chat with her teachers and even call the kids helpline when she doesn’t really trust her Mama’s advice. 

Mainly my job is to help her understand what’s happening and that even though it’s about herself as a person it’s also about all of her friends and their feelings and their mental growth aswell. I am helping her navigate her feelings rather than bowling in there to find out who is not being kind and courteous to my own child. Unfortunately, I feel it’s a better option to address her worries than bitch and moan about how awful her friends are. They may have stuff going on in their own lives that they can’t control and feel as though they are exerting some sort of power by rejecting her.

This is how we deal with stuff, we try to look at ways that will get her through this nastiness so that when it happens again, she will be able to understand that it may feel like it’s against her, but maybe she can take a step back and find some other things to do until these friends are okay with her once more, because unfortunately that’s what it’s like when you’re 8 or 20 or 45. Strategies to deal with people who are unkind are invaluable throughout your life.

Unfortunately for me though, I have a friend who thinks that it’s fine to drag me into all the 8 year old bullshit! I had previously told her that I thought she needed to address the teachers and perhaps teach her child how to deal with the difficulties at school through possibly acting out what she needs to say and the like, strategies. I also pointed out that as 8 year olds they had the capacity to recover from these friendship assaults pretty quickly and relatively unscathed. That maybe if she were to drag me in aswell, that our friendship may not come off quite as well as expected. She heard me but unfortunately obviously didn’t agreee with me as then I was dragged back into another 8 year old spat.

They kind of go like this “Your daughter has ruined one of the toys that my daughter took to school and we would like her to apologise and pay for the damage”. Unfortunately my answer goes, “Of course, if she has done something wrong we will definitely address it”. My daughter is not a vindictive soul and would not break something on purpose so of course it had to be an accident. I did ask my daughter to which the reply was “The first time I saw it was when it was broken”.

This is where I start losing my shit but losing my shit as in, she bloody did it again, dragged me into some more bullshit that I just don’t need to deal with. I have a job, a family, a house, mountains of bills, lots of stuff to do in general. I do not need to know about your child’s shitty little toy that if she valued it so much, should never have taken it to school.

Finally after harassment, well what I feel is harassment, asking me to organise a chat between the children involved, texting me to say that she feels that it hasn’t been addressed yet, finally me blocking her number and then when I return from holidays, she turns up outside my house asking me if I’m planning on addressing the subject. To which my reply is, “We are done on this, do not ever discuss any 8 year old crap with me ever again, this is over, my child has told me she didn’t do anything and I believe her and I do not feel the need to prove it to you, we are done!” To which she replied “Oh okay”.

Dilemma: Kris Kringle gift

 Phone text conversation between brother & sister in regards to $50 Kris Kringle gift (supposedly surprise gift given to family members drawn at random) given to 26 year old nephew

 Brother

Hey what did you get my son for xmas?

Maybe you made a mistake because he got a tiger certificate thing in the envelope? Should that be for someone else?

 Sister

Same thing, he adopted a tiger too! He just didn't get the soft toy to go with it! What do you get someone who has everything?

 Brother

You could have asked

He is looking to build a house a bunnings voucher could have helped you asked me to get that for your partner. You were asked too what you wanted and got that

 Sister

Tell him to give it back & I'll get him a Bunnings voucher & next time just give me a list of what everyone wants for Xmas.

 Brother

Or you could ask thats what i do

 Sister

Just because you do it doesn't mean we all have to do it, or are you telling me that's what you want me to do from now on, I'm sorry I thought Xmas was about getting together at Xmas not about f__ing presents, tell him to send it back to me & I will get him the Bunnings voucher.

 Brother

We made it kris kringle to get 1 present each so obviously not about the f__ing presents but maybe we just stop doing this as well. Dont worry about the voucher

 Sister

No reply.

Are there any thoughts on what a Kris Kringle gift should involve, should you ask or should you spend time to think about a gift to give? If somebody asks you what you want, does that automatically make it a reciprocal call for you to ask them?

Christmas is a nightmare for this very reason, take away gifts and it’s all about just spending time with family, nobody is expected or expects anything. It’s the one time of the year that family is expected to come together but it puts so much pressure on all relationships or does it? In a family that loves being together it is a beautiful time to share and converse with each other in meaningful ways. Sometimes unfortunately it’s also all about what everybody has or doesn’t have.

I’m getting desensitized to Christmas unfortunately. For me, it’s all about getting to the shops and getting the gift buying over and done with. I don’t like to get involved in all of the consumer consciousness. I also am trying desperately to not create more landfill.

I have young children who absolutely love Christmas but they have to listen to me bemoan it. I feel bad for them because we used to have a ball at Christmas as kids, riding on bikes and playing cricket and hanging out, feasting. Now it just seems like a chance for everyone to rip into each other. I honestly hold my breath at family gatherings and pray that I get out of there alive these days with my wits still about me.

My children gave away 25 toys each for Christmas this year to our local community house for other children to play with. They were more than happy to do that. We will make that a yearly thing from now on. Its 25 toys to mirror an advent calendar, so by not receiving but giving for 25 days of the month of December.