hazey rae

transfem looking for advice about.. being myself?

hey, i had a tumblr back in like middle school through college but deleted and now im back and i know my account isn’t very old but i wanted to put this out there as its something ive been working through.

i turn 28 tomorrow. i’ve been out since i was 17 with friends and 19 with everyone. i told the people i wanted to, i changed my name, started hrt, exist in the world as a woman.

but i’m not comfortable. i did all those things, but i never learned how to feel comfortable existing in the world as the person i want to be.

i shrink myself, i don’t speak unless spoken to, i don’t feel confident enough to wear more feminine clothes (or the ones i want to wear, i should say), and i. just don’t.. portray myself in the way i want to.

i live in a very small town (1000 people) and know of queer people, but have very few in my life. i know zero transfems. and i feel like that’s such a detriment to myself.

i see online the girls coming out on tumblr or twitter or tiktok or anywhere just like. being happy. and giddy. and sultry and expressing themselves with their hands and wide smiles and twirling in their cute clothes or getting tattoos and finding their confidence. they’re so beautiful. so happy. so free.

i feel like i’ve wasted my twenties being scared. i don’t want to be scared anymore.