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@alhaejoon

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whispers "all"
( time frame march â13 â sometime in the uncertain future )
⣠â a text not meant for you
( kkt : c. sulli n. taewon ) so tell me( kkt : c. sulli  n. taewon ) what dâya like about him?Â
â â a vague text
( kkt : n. taewon ) this is exhausting.
â â a long-winded confession text
( kkt : n. taewon ) i donât think( kkt : n. taewon ) new york was a good idea( kkt : n. taewon ) but i donât know if i want to come back either
âş â a sassy text
( kkt : n. taewon ) you? hip? ( kkt : n. taewon ) .gif attachment.
â â a drunk text
( kkt : n. taewon )Â my bo y taytay( kkt : voicenote sent to n. taewon ) drunkhaejoonsinging_downonme_jeremih.mp3Â
â â a worried text
( kkt : n. taewon ) did something happen?
â â an angry text
( kkt : n. taewon )Â jesus christ, taewon.Â
â â a morning text
( kkt : n. taewon ) DONâT LEAVE YET OK iâm coming back to your place( kkt : n. taewon )Â i think i left my wallet again
⢠â a desperate text
( kkt : n. taewon )Â i think i lost my wallet. like, for real this time.Â
â â a misguided advice text
( kkt : n. taewon ) just show off your bombastic moves again( kkt : n. taewon ) bound to impress anyone
âź â Â a congratulatory text
( kkt : n. taewon )Â YOU DID IT MAN( kkt : n. taewon )Â youâre officially internet famous( kkt : n. taewon ) .video attachment.Â
â â a text that should never have been sent
( kkt : n. taewon ) taewon( kkt : n. taewon )Â they deleted the video of you dancing to bombastic( kkt : n. taewon ) and just when it hit 1 million views too iâm
dean is talking, that taehyun knows. he hears his voice somewhere far away, somewhere that probably is not drowning in chaos and destruction. he has lived with jinwoo for half of his life, and that was already traumatizing. but this. this level of mess is something he has never in his life seen. and taehyun has seen some fucked up shit.Â
âiâm not worried,â he says, voice getting slightly high pitched, so he tries to make it normal again. ânot worried at all.â not much success.
without even thinking he enters the room, completely uninvited. he bites on his lower lip as he stares at the tv. turned on. there is no one watching. not a single soul watching the fucking tv why is it on? and then he looks somewhere else, at the desk. his heart does that thing when it twists and turns and he knows anxiety is coming. there are papers all over it. the pens they are all over but where they are supposed to be. there are two cups of coffee, one that taehyun is sure hasnât been used in a while. he looks closer, almost gasps. one of the cups left a coffee stain on the desk.
unacceptable.
âuh,â he starts, fidgeting, âso,â picks up a pen, puts it in the pencil case, âthis is. nice.â
he's been close before, too close for his liking; weight at the tips of his toes, dangerously teetering over the edge, only a matter of milliseconds before the fall, only a matter of time before some saving grace swoops in and considers a close call. but there's no luck this time; taehyun's flung open a pandora's box before he even knows it and is left frozen, deer in the headlights traumatized. should've seen it coming, now he reckons he's really done it. congrats, dumbass.Â
against better judgement, he tries again. "hey, taeâ" dean saunters after him into the room, warning held at his lips that maybe, just maybe it'd be best for the sake of his possibly frail, germaphobe health to not look so hard at the mess, but a second take at taehyun's expression has him thinking 'nevermind' and dropping the effort once and for all. the damage's already been done, and saying that "it's not that bad" just might not be a good idea, for better or worse.Â
"nice?" dean smiles weakly. oh boy. "um, yeah it gets pretty busy in hereâ" a glance at the room; busy? really? "âif you haven't noticed."Â
DEAN x Saucony
[ txt: â joon bug ] seems like itâs been one of those days for the past week, bud. u okay? u need a bottle of soju or smth? [ txt: â joon bug ] unless its the other kind of day [ txt: â joon bug ] then this is a good thing, yes??? [ txt: â joon bug ] pls help im an otome gamer not a mind reader
( kkt : p. mijoo ) soju before 11 am sounds like a terrible idea ( kkt : p. mijoo ) but in all honesty, if you're down for it... ( kkt : p. mijoo ) think i should be fine. hby though you doing okay? ( kkt : p. mijoo ) omelette...? ( kkt : p mijoo ) *otome ( kkt : p mijoo ) i don't really know what that means but i'll take your word for it

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( pour up october â16 )Â
( â it had been something of a gamble, weighing heavy with the chances that the answer wouldâve been âno.â but when your sunbaes have insisted to give it a shot, who was he to refuse? ) ( â itâs by the blessing of some miracle of miracles, that it somehow happened: soccer superstar choi minho phoned in for the show to pitch in his two cents during the sports segment, and dean couldn't be more greatful ) itâs not exactly the most elegant of places, but apparently itâs one of the best places in town. ( â theyâre sitting at one of the tables inside the bustling restaurant, portable grill at ready, as they wait for their order of galbiâhis treat, as promisedâto come by )  thanks again, by the way ( ' he smiles ) youâre a lifesaver.
29092016 THURSDAY / TRACKER 01
munâs notes
tracker is below the cut folks! just let me know via IM if iâm missing anyone asap âcause i got the memory of a goldfish oops. because after finishing up plotting with some folks will result in a total to at least ten threads ( and anything way, way more than that would be pushing the limit for me cries ) and i need to get nara ( @kwnaraâ ) off the ground as well, plotting on dean will be temporarily closed until i get my shit together on my 2nd baby. aight, tysm and i hope everyone has a great weekend!Â
â ⢠â
( time frame september â15 â sometime in the future )Â
âhey,â she says, the hint of protest in her voice compounded with a single look. in her hand, the melona bar becomes tributeâto traditions, like this one. that theyâre shared is simply enough. she taps hers against his, then nods, satisfied. âcheers.â
she looks at the curve of his cheek again, absorbing the familiarity of his guarded demeanour, his disaffected tone of voice. at some point, heâd turned nonchalance into a second skin. haejoon doesnât wear it as well as he thinks. seventeen and disillusioned. seventeen and not so unusual, but not unimportant either.Â
when did he learn to look so tired?
she lets out a brief hum, frown worn soft. her eyes turn to the melting tip of her melona bar. fishing through the jar, she settles a matching green gummy bear into the imprint of teeth left behind.Â
âi can guess what happened. so how about the why?â and it should go without saying, but she says it anyway: âonly if you want to, of course.â
haejoon stares at the gummy who seems to stare right back at him, the quaint, familiar sight enough to bring out the tiniest hint of a smile back on his face, the first real, genuine one he's made all evening. "the green ones still your fave, huh?"a fullness returns to his voice, colored with the the smallest touch of nostalgia.
a guess, an inkling, a trace of premonitionâthere's never a real beating around the bush around her. couldn't imagine trying to, really. not when honesty's a growing a habitâadmittedly, not worn with the same sharpness, the same clarity that sulli brandishes the tendencyâgroomed meticulously. somehow it's easier, always easier, to cut right to the chase in moments like these, stretched slow and thin, nearly timeless.Â
he leans against the side of his bed, eyes wandering over to the trail of glow in the dark stars still taped to the ceiling. how long has it been since he first got those?Â
"well, the first is obvious: i got caught. " he snorts softly, seemingly amused, at first. but truth be told; there's guilt laden somewhere in there, tinted blue and heavy. he's only ever good at putting it lightly. next to his desk sits his backpack, and it's from there that he reaches over for what's kept in one of the side-pockets. gingerly, he pulls it out, places it on the floor:Â the pack of cigarettes.Â
"but i went back and bought a second, anyway." he taps on the box. "it's the same kind that my dad used to have." there's no need to look at the calendar, the day left unmarked. when they'll have to bring out the incense, the fresh fruits, wipe the frame clean of dust.
"i don't need to say much else, do i?"Â

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â
( time frame september â16 )Â
the sentimental has his heart sinking low, with a kind of ache he had once been familiar with. maybe if he closes his eyes and waits a little longer, the weight would anchor itself here, press itself onto the hard surface, in memorandum: that in these earliest hours of the new day, alive and clear in the peak of a summer slowly fadingâi was here, i was here.Â
"i'm not taking much with me. gave the radio away to the neighbor down the hall the other day." his eyes are veered straight, looking right into deep blue, but his mind's on the feeling of her touch; subtle, accepted with second nature notion, yet he can't help but be aware of how present it is. only a few days before he's long gone, and it took this much longer to get to here: to let everything fall into place, all steady heartbeats, warm skin. absently, his thumb grazes over her knuckles. haejoon can already feel it, that lingering regret, slowly rising.
and perhaps it's because of just that that his eyes finally leave the sky and settle on her. takes in her shadow, her silhouette. wonders if she can see the way he's looking at her, how the question lingers in the cold night air, sighs into the dark.Â
should he take the chance?Â
"jieun," his voice is soft. he leans in close.Â
(Â is it too late? )Â
â
( time frame mid-november â08 )
heâs taken to sitting against the wall, well squatting to be honest, as his thumb scrolled through his phone aimlessly through his kakao chats. thereâs not much of them, or much to really scroll individually as well, heâs not surprised why though. completely aware of his shortcomings when it comes to messaging people. really hard not to in situations like these, where the evidence is right up in his face.
then again, thereâs been different situations that had reminded him. times when week long absences in texting has become months and even hit a year at some point. often it would end with friendship that fade away. ones that could have lasted longer but justâŚdidnât. so he canât help but treasure these friendship that have managed to last in this new technology/texting age. especially haejoon of all people.
[ kkt to | hae í ] well i donât think i know anyone else in your major [ kkt to | hae í ] unless you know people to introduce me to đ
thereâs a grin on his face as he responds back, comfortable enough to make the joke although still mildly regretting it after a few seconds and quickly he types afterwards in hopes of sending
[ kkt to | hae í ] although donât worry youâre still the best
but the sounds of the door opening, and the sudden volume increase of chatter from the room leaves taewon in surprise as he jumps a bit from shock. even so much as to suddenly lose his balance and fall on his bottom. with a wince, he quickly stands up, hand wiping the debris from his back and trying to put on an expression as if that never happened. right on time for him to come face to face with haejoonâs crooked grin.
âdid you think it was my ghost that was sending you those messages?â he mirrors the grin with his own, straight and pearly whites exposed for all to see. âwould it be too shocking to say i missed you and feel tonight would be a good night to catch up. or should i be more subtle..â he offers and reaches out to put his arms around haejoonâs shoulder and pull him for a one-armed hug. âlike telling me how wonderful of a class you probably just had instead.â
the message still remained unsent but itâs okay this time. he can respond as much as he want this time.
lesson number two: if there's another thing that he's managed to pick up over the time that he's known noh taewon, it's that he'll probably never ever see him eye to eye.Â
not with that kind of height. christ, what'd they even feed this kid?Â
"hey, did you grow talleâ?" but the question is cut short, and he shakes it off, dismissive. his eyes are probably playing tricks on him. moving onâ
"it wouldn't be too far off from the truth if i thought it was, you know." he jokes, offering a light punch against his shoulder. in a much more metaphorical sense, naturally, keeping in mind taewon's sporadic activity when it comes to keeping tabs on any messages. but there's no mind heeded to the matter, it wouldn't really be haejoon if he were to nitpick, especially so when it came to the case of his friendâmore delighted ( and relieved ) that he's been holding up just fine.
but a breath into even mentioning, sarcasm or not, the near-death experience that had been this morning has him shifting gears: one moment, the portrait of a perfectly happy young man; the next: a look of pure dread that not even the most skilled of professionals could capture.Â
( yikes. )Â
"jesus, let'sâlet's not go there," the smile returns, albeit weakly, as he's pulled into  "bad doesn't even cover it, man, but anyway," back to square one: "you missed me? wow." he presses a palm over his heart, complete with an expression of mock surprise to show how incredibly flattered he was. 'that's a first,' is oh so close to slipping out, but then he remembers that the last time ( and the time before that ) had in fact, not been instigated by him at all. suppose that's how his friend pleasantly manages to surprise him, time after time. it's always the nice ones, huh?Â
"okay, so. where should we go first then? the usual spot? noraebong? the club?" he muses out loud, thinking hard. "you know, actually there's this new place that's opened up nearby. we can just grab takeout and then stake out at my place. or yours. whatever ya want, itâs on me for today." Â
dean and his glasses tho

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You can put your trust in something thatâs obvious, thatâs measurable or predictable - but thatâs not faith. Nor is believing in something that gives you no pause for doubt, no reason or desire to question. Faith is something more than that. By definition, it cannot have proof as its foundation.
James Islington, from The Shadow Of What Was Lost (via ecouri)
in this new life of his, taehyun has learned to accept eccentricity. when you reach rock bottom (or the lowest you can get while still remaining human) itâs impossible to not see some shit, and taehyun has seen his fair share of it, to be completely honest.Â
so itâs not really a surprise that draws him into that guy whoâs sitting just a few steps away from him, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. the bizarre scene picks up his attention and has taehyun stuck in place, eyeing him from afar, unlit cigarette just a few inches away from his lips. he stares at the boy for a while, chest weirdly heavy as he looks at him. there is something about the scene that makes it melancholic. if taehyun has ever to describe sadness, heâd think of that boy and his cigarettes - one burning, one left yet to burn.
itâs out of character for him to approach strangers like that. kim taehyun would much rather be alone than talking to anyone, and yet here he is: walking towards him in slow steps, this odd sense of empathy hitting him as he gets closer. he clears his throat, places his own cigarette pack on the table.
âthatâs a waste of good cigarettes,â he says, sitting down by the table next to the boy. âyou can use these if you want,â he hands him his own, âthey are cheaper.â
it takes a single sound, like a pin drop into a pool of silence, and the spell is broken, gone in aflutter of leaves. a moment, then a moment more, the opening and closing of sleep eyes before the rest of his sense slowly begin processing the details. the full smell of smoke, the orange glow flickering out with a sigh, the second shadowed presence that folds himself into the second seat, the grainy photo staring right at him, uniformed with a straight-line of a mouth, polished demeanor. didn't he used to smile a lot? dean's not sure. he can't remember.
he turns his gaze to the other, expression lined with muted puzzlement before it changes slowly, passing over to reveal a soft smile. "that's actually really considerate of you," a chuckle follows, wry and uncertain, as he's not sure what to do with this sudden act of generosity, even more so that it's coming from a stranger. something about his voice, demeanorâor maybe it's the little alcohol he's had that's talking, sobering as it might beâthat makes him feel steady, anchored. a hand grabs for the box, and he turns it, this way and that, as if he's considering using them instead.
"well, actually, these are just as good, i think." dean sets the pack down, slides it back to him. "it's just this guy over here is kind of picky. even in the afterlife." he nods to the picture, laughs again. there's another bottle of soju where the seal hasn't been broken yet beside it. ah, he almost forgot his manners. "would you like a drink?"