concept: a pair of pants that fit perfectly

Okay, like, I only have one opinion about Venom as a character and I believe in it with my whole entire being so I’m just going to say it.

Preface: So we are all on the same page about the Symbiote is in love with Eddie Brock, right?? And Eddie loves the Symbiote. They use the word ‘love’ in-text. It’s romantic and sexual and obsessive and fucked-up and mutually self-destructive and gross and heart-rending and real and 100% canon. They consider themselves married. This is basic-level Venom lore. Okay, we’re all in agreement, right? Good.

Remember that meme about how Venom isn’t drawn with a dick but since the Symbiote is more than just a full-body sleeve, and he’s got his own discrete systems and shit, he honestly should have a dick, right?? Re: that hypothetical dick… C’mon, it’s so simple. I dunno why no one else has ever said it. I dunno why no one else has ever thought it. It’s almost too obvious. I’ve known where that dick is my whole entire life. I thought everyone would know.

I said it back then, but only in the tags. I should have just gone all-out and said it outright. But I didn’t, and now there’s Venomfuckers everywhere and normies across the globe are freaking out about how 2018!movie!Symbiote makes out with 2018!movie!Eddie and nobody seems to like. Get it. And that’s driving me balls-out insane. So I’m just gonna say it.

The Symbiote’s dick is turned inside-out, rock-hard, lubed-up, and sheathed to the hilt inside of Eddie Brock’s red-hot puckered asshole 24/7/365, gently rocking into him at all times.

There. I said it. The world may not be ready for the truth but this is the hill I will die on. Venom is fucking himself every minute of every day. During fights. During chase scenes. Downtime. Mealtime. Bedtime. Anytime. Every single drawing of Venom ever drawn, they’re fucking. Eddie’s getting his ass lovingly plowed. He and the Symbiote are connected and entwined forever, one and the same. That’s why Venom’s dick isn’t visible. It’s just on the inside. And inside of Eddie Brock. And very, very busy.

“One of the best bits was my daughter Eloïse’s contribution, who was one of the Cloud-Riders. You only get a very, very, very little glimpse of him. Eloïse is 11 now, but ever since I’ve been on Force Awakens — she was about six when I started on that — she would every so often say, ‘Dad, I’ve drawn you some aliens. Can you make them real? Can you draw them up better?’ Some of them I thought were really good. They were very simple drawings but the actual core idea was quite cool. Since The Force Awakens, I’ve occasionally taken some of her drawings, redrawn them in my style, and included them in our presentations. They’ll go up on a big wall, and J.J. [Abrams] or whoever the director is will go around and pick some aliens. I’ll go home and she’ll be like, ‘Dad, how’s my alien doing?’ And I go, ‘Well…it’s still on the wall.’ There’s a pyramid of choice. As it gets toward the top, things fall off and aren’t made, until we get to the final top row, as it were, which gets made. There’s a C list and a B list and then the A list. ‘Dad, how’s my alien doing?’ ‘Well, it’s on the B list.’ She’s like, ‘Okay, okay, okay.’ [Laughs] Then, ‘How’d it do today?’ ‘Well, sorry to say, it’s not going to happen. It didn’t make it to the A list.’ And she was brilliant about it. Given what I tell her about what I do, she fully realizes the precariousness of the whole thing. You know, when you go to see the final film and half the stuff we do is not in the film, she knows it’s not a given. So she’s very grown-up about it.

“This character, Auromae Iselo, really made it high up in The Last Jedi. Rian [Johnson] had picked him and he was getting close, and then he didn’t happen. And then I put him in again; I’d keep redrawing him and putting him in new costumes. I think I put him in a casino outfit for The Last Jedi. [Laughs]

It is so well known that women are better and safer drivers than men that OUR CAR INSURANCE RATES ARE LOWER. Women get into fewer accidents, get fewer DUIs, and receive fewer speeding tickets than men.

“women never shut up”

Several scientific studies have shown that not only do men talk more than women, they also think that women have been talking for much longer than they actually have. Men interrupt and talk over women, dominate conversations, and still think women talk too much.

“women are shallow”

Lol next

“my wife is my ball and chain lmao”

Multiple studies have shown that marriage between men and women: Increases male lifespan, decreases female lifespan Decreases male depression rates, increases female depression rates Decreases male stress levels, increases female stress levels Increases male health and happiness, decreases female health and happiness Increases a man’s chance of getting a raise or promotion, decreases a woman’s chances of getting a raise or promotion

“women are too emotional”

Men love to say this about women after hurting them, in order to shift the blame and dismiss their feelings in one go. In reality, women are taught to hold our tongues and control ourselves quite literally from birth. We’re taught to put men’s needs and wants ahead of our own emotions regardless of the personal cost. Men are taught to do more or less whatever the fuck they want to women. Men take their emotions out on women while women are expected to shove theirs down.

“women talk to much” (PBS, resources included)

“women are shallow” (just read the book, Dataclysm. by okcupid founder (?) that includes data about sex, gender, race, in finding online romantic partners)

“ball and chain” (University of London)

the bird in your hand must be a small bird in order for you to have it in your hand.  the birds in the bush may be any size and thus possibly worth more at market

it is possible to throw a net around the bush, guaranteeing capture of the two birds