Alex

my favorite video game quest trope is "HELP US, THEY ARE STEALING OUR ANCIENT ARTIFACT. THANK YOU FOR HELPING US, AS A REWARD YOU MAY HAVE OUR ANCIENT ARTIFACT"

Old dude came in the shop and when I said "lemme know if you have any questions" he goes "what was the name of Alexander the Great's horse," thinking he was so funny. I told him Bucephalus, and he was so disappointed. Like his whole day was hanging on beating me at trivia. He says "you're only the second person who knew that" and I said "well, probably the third if you count Alexander the Great." He left without buying anything, and did not say goodbye. I think I honestly hurt his weird little feelings! Sorry I'm a bitch, old man!

I had one of these once, bookshop customer randomly challenged me to name, quote, ‘the only word in English where two u’s are next to each other’, and when I immediately said ‘vacuum’ he looked disappointed and when I pointed out it isn’t even the only word with two u’s next to each other in English and offered ‘continuum’ as an example he looked like I’d just punched his ribcage out his back like a Mortal Kombat character

People claiming this didn’t happen have never worked a day in retail

no no that’s a bop, i love it

I love this woman.

Hannah Gadsby is the bomb

I pull off my share or more of enviable puns, though I say it myself, but sometimes I get so jealous

I have never laughed at a single panel so hard in my life. 

good morning traumatised ex-gifted kids, buckwild suburban mothers, hot evil wizards, bitchy vegetarians, girls who try to be mean for five seconds then feel bad about it, hot good wizards, people who eat all the free food at functions, girls that love conspiracy theories, academically inclined polycules, gay cousins who start shit at the dinner table and the matron of ravens

inspired: merfolk actually have very different concepts of gender to humans because they're an entirely different species with their own unique culture

It’s a biological fact that fish do indeed change their sex to keep the male/female ratio balanced in their school population. So this fluidity actually makes more sense from a scientific standpoint than the silly idea that merfolk are born with a strictly assigned sex like humans.

Merfolk are all canonically genderfluid and we love them for that

Biggest failing of the internet is that in order to be vibing with my friends I have to actually be talking to them. I socialize like a cat I just show affection by sitting next to you. Ily but sometimes I have Nothing to say. Not a damn thing going on in my head

I don’t want to “have” a “conversation” I want to peel an orange and share it with you

ARE U JOKING

Why can’t American shows be this great

Girl with the glasses is a real one