a.

I saw too many of your close friends tonight who brought you up. i’ve gone months without you living rent free… but yet I was immediately brought back. I don’t know how I still find myself defending/ hiding your behavior after all these years. I’ll never figure out if it was because I loved you or what..

me even trying to be involved with you is lucky. i’m so scarred and worn from past relationships that it’s unfortunate for anyone who tries to speak to me..

& if you wonder if I hate you..

I don’t miss you because I’m lonely.

going through emotions and having nobody to express them to is top 3 worst feelings.

so when do I get to the part where I stop thinking about you? some days are easier than others but I do catch myself wanting to call you… and say what? I haven’t thought that far yet.

fuck.