NEON GOD IN MEGASTRUCTURE HELL

He picked up the mask. The red paint was chipped and the golden accents had gotten clouded with age and lack of care. As his hands traced the leather of it, his memories ran wild. He wasn’t him anymore.

Characters - Kai chisaki, rappa (brief interaction)

Warnings - ptsd, suicidal ideation, abuse mention, limb loss

Set 10 years after overhaul looses everything, gets captured and gets help. Trying to be a better man chisaki sets out to deal with his past and all the pain he had caused and been apart of.

‘Oh golden boy don’t act like you were kind, you were mine but you were awful everytime. Don’t tell them what you told me, don’t hold me like you know me. I would rather burn forever’

‘But you should know that I died slow, running through the halls of your haunted home.’

‘And the toughest part is that we both know, what happened to you, why you’re out on your own’

It clocks to me as being how the more Mob understood about it, the more he pretty much ‘died’. First he lost twixxel, then he loses his sense of safety, then last of all along with losing his personhood and his life - he lost the idea that verity wasn’t anything but a simple mod, he also lost the idea that they could’ve ever been anything resembling friends. He realized that verity truly wasn’t capable of seeing him as a person, and why would an ai possibly be able to do that?

I Don’t think mobs only death was at the hands of the gun, but it was by realizing what exactly verity was and how verity saw him and others.

I think there’d also be pain in knowing that he’s not the only one. This will keep happening and he can’t even begin to stop it.

This shit got me stunned because it makes sense to me. Realization hit me like a freight

Even the threat of being hit for you being bad, even the mere constant threat and no actual physical violence is still so damaging. And since the threat always lingers of course the child in a maladaptive attempt at facing the uncertainty starts to harm themselves in an attempt to not only appease their parents/aggressor, but to calm down because ‘it’s over,I’ve punished myself, no one has to do it to me anymore’

But the feeling keeps coming, and the child - thinking they can have control - starts treating themselves worse and worse.

Until their mind starts thinking. ‘Oh this is not enough.’

And the line of ‘his hatred of other gingerbraves not comparing to the feelings he holds for himself’ it got me wondering, ‘what would make him hate other gingerbraves? What made him have such feelings’.

I saw someone’s thoughts about it being ‘of the feelings must be that he loves himself or thinks very highly of himself’ Also I looked it up and there’s already the opinion of ‘oh since it’s said ‘the hatred of other gingerbraves doesn’t compare to the way he feels about himself that means he must like himself’

I think not because he 1. Doesn’t look like the mf to love himself 2. That hatred of other gingerbrave has to come from somewhere and where else would it come from if not hating his own form or something akin to that.

I like to think some shit happened to shawty that he couldn’t power himself through with optimism and hope and so it just died.

I think he had to become more than his basic gingerbread person ahh self just to survive and thus hates all incarnations of his own being that haven’t had their own sense of self so crushed up like he has.

Cause gingerbrave doesn’t use magic at allll through the entirety of cookie run, and what else would get a mf to stop being the physical head lead of the team if not some trauma.

He’d hate how he was the only one left crumbled into bits while every other version of himself got to survive/the event not happen, I bet. He’d hate ovenbreaker especially because they’d proooobably be around the same age if I’m to guess, and craven would hate to be reminded of the life he cannot lead because of what was taken from him.

Then im just thinking about the idea of some situation causing ovenbreaker and craven to have to cooperate, some serious situation that’s gonna fuck EVERYONE over not just the emo fuck or the buff fuck. And whilst going through it ovenbreaker finally breaking because craven is getting on his nerves and going ‘ok what the fuck happened to you?! Cause you act like me and you act like that kid, PERSONALLY did something to you!! so what is it!’

And for some reason craven has no come back, no room to push the question off, nothing to get out of this so he just goes ‘because you still have them.’

‘Them..?’ The buff fuck ponders before it clicks.

He means Gingerbright, wizard cookie and strawberry cookie.

Because the one thing that every gingerbrave loves dearly across all timelines, is his friends. The one thing that keeps him going is that the people around him need him

Oven wanderer taking a moment before piping up

“I…I’m..?”

“Don’t say it..No one else cried the day it happened, so why would I want tears now…especially from a fraud!”

“…..”

“What? Am I now some precious lil victim you need to save? Am I now, in your eyes, salvageable?!”

“No. I still can’t look past the many lives you’ve taken. You..you’re still a monster.”

“That’s the smartest thing you’ve ever said.”

“…no one should have to lose their friends like that. Not even you.”

“Not even me?? Not even me??what do you mean by that?!”

“You’re smart enough to come to your own conclusion on that. You know that.”

I kinda had it in my mind that oven wanderer would be the one to crack the facade that craven has, or some shit like that