Okay I tried again how's this
My shift ended in thirteen mintues. Thirteen minutes until freedom. Thirteen minutes until my next cigarette. Fourteen, maybe. Had to clear the pressurization doors first. Stupid policy. Just thirteen long min–. The klaxon shattered my hopes and my eardrums. Damn, I swore. I checked the readout. Double damn. This was no ordinary alarm. It was a crackdown.
"I've got hostile interpretors on all sides." I heard her voice in my ear, and it sounded like honey. Or, it would have if the klaxon hadn't shattered it. Instead it sounded the way kicking glass feels. "Not so loud, sweetheart." I said into the mic.
Instantly three voices responded: "Jenkins you're on an open mic." "Keep the channel clear." "Jenkins, are you hungover again?" That last one was hers.
"No!" I said
"The hell you mean "No"? We've got a Chiron-code alert coming in on all channels, we can't have you clogging our—"
"Wasn't talking to you, Tosser." His name was Tosha, but I only used the names of people I respected. And I didn't respect him.
"Quiet, both of you." That was her again. Valia. She outranked me, but only because she'd been here longer, cared more, and was significantly better at her job than me. "Mech up, all of you."
"Yes ma'm" came one reply. "All of us?" Came another. I had the same thought, but knew enough o keep my snout shut. Also I was a rat.
"All of you! This is chiron-code. If I wanted some of you, I'd have said some of you. Toshua, you're in the Juggler. I've got Vipets raining down on the eastern border and I need those skies CLEAR!." Her emphasis on the last word sent another wave of glass-sharp pain ringing through my ears. I tried to hide it with a smile. "Jenkins, you're in the Greminator, Chizahorauwyn, I need you in the 'Tower. And Jenkins, stop grinning like a drunken, lovestruck fool."
Affirmatives rang out. I didn't move. "The Greminator, m'aam?" "Yes, I spoke…oh. Right. The modifications." THe modifications she'd been referring to were the fact that someone (unknown but devilishly handsom) had replaced the standard neuro link with one that went up the butthole and pressed against the anus. This was strictly against policy, and I was punished for it, and not even in a sexy way, even though it was Chizahorauwyn who did it, and not me.
"Fine. Take the Spider. And try not to get yourself killed."
"The spider?"
"Dfam it, Jenkins, why do I have to repeat myself every time with you?"
"It's just that the Spider is still full of Cole."
"It doesn't run on coal, you nitwit." Tosha said.
"Not coal, Cole. You know, our intern."
"Ah. Right. Him."
Cole had been assigned the spider. A joke, since he was always trying to hook up with the other officers. And the spider was good at hooking up, you see. But he'd died on the first misison, and so they'd retired the mech, but really not retired it, just put it in cold storage, and his bits were still inside of it.
"No time to hose it down. I need you on the ground five minutes ago."
Five minutes ago, I was still counting down to my last cigarette. But hey, maybe I could smoke in the mech. It's not like I could make it smelll worse.
I was wrong. It could smell worse. But it didn't. My cigarette smoke just made the place smell like dead bodies and cigarettes, instead of just dead bodies. There was only one dead bondy, but it smelled like at least two. He'd reptured his intestines when he'd died, so it smelled a wee bit like poo-poo too, and if anything the cigarette was helping to cover up the wee poo smell.
I stepped over the slduge that used to be Cole and strapped on my neural link through my ear, and not my anus, since that wasn't allowed. It still hurt though, on account of the yelling (and the hangover, Valia was actually right about that part, but I wouldn't tell her because I didn't want to be fired). I thought wow this hurts almost as much as i image it would hurt if it went up my butt, but it's going in my ear and NOT up my butt.
I looked out at the battlefield. The vipets weren't coming. They were here. And it was time for me to ride. I blew a kiss at the picture of valia that was in the cockpit, no wait this was cole's mech, I printed out a picture of valia and put it in the cockput and b lew her a kiss and rode out into the battlefield. My mech reported its stability at 10% and I thought hey that's pretty good. I'm almost that stable.
Then the mic turned on and I heard my coworkers die.
Gonna add a nsfw tag anyway just for the allusions to your original submission but yknow what, we reward effort and taking honest critique around here. Reminds me, if you got your first submission saved somewhere the writer really wanted to read it after I mentioned it
Gambit here’s original submission was just a lil too explicit for an all ages game but I feel like this just barely squeaks under the line. We have a submission for the mechsploitation fic contest!
Cyberrats fans, if you dont want this one to win the grand prize of 1 inked illustration, start your typewriters
