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warnings: 18+ mdni, BIG FYI/DISCLAIMER timeline of events canon divergent, like almost completely unrelated to original story, ambiguous unspecified timeline, in my world aerith has many adventures with everyone before the…incident, sexual content, cursing, munch!cloud, miscommunication, slight angst

pairings: cloud strife x reader

a/n: pls enjoy, it’s taken me a while to feel well enough/cognitive enough to write bc I’ve been so exhausted! My requests are still open and I am so excited to write for more of you!!

•

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ Cloud isn’t a man of very many words. At least not for a while.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ under the right circumstances one could have him chatting up a storm.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ Whether it be about combat, an interesting fact, or just something he’s taken an interest in; if someone brought it up-he would start gabbing away.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ around you, he would freeze up though. Every time without fail, he couldn’t find a word to say to you.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ it wasn’t like he was terribly awkward with women, either. As long as he felt a sense of camaraderie and trust; he had his ways of showing affection.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ with Tifa, he was shy smiles, submissive protests, quiet yet playful jabs (they were the picture perfect representation of natural chemistry)

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ with Aerith, he held her intimately close to voice his concerns, comforted her when he noticed she was in distress, they shared even quieter secrets

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ with Yuffie, they would bicker just like siblings, laugh and joke around a little at the best and worst of times, he would even give her a soft scolding here and there

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ with you, nothing almost every time. Not the slightest crack of a smile, he hardly ever initiated conversation with you, his responses to your questions would be clipped and tense (things often felt awkward)

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ It was hard, but you learned not to take it personally. You weren’t exactly the friendliest person alive, you could handle a cold shoulder. You were happy with the occasional word and passing on of orders

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ you just thought…because you were part of the same team, had the same friends, shared the same moments that maybe

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ just maybe

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ he’d open up to you at least a little bit, maybe even crack a little smile or snort

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ it’s not like you expected to be the best of buds, but you were comrades

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ spilled the same blood, fought for the same cause, his enemies were yours

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ sure you weren’t as skilled as the others. They mainly relied on you for your book smarts, sneaking around, a quick fix out of a tense situation

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ you weren’t much for fighting, and often relied on snakelike ways to make your escape for the sake of self preservation.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ Everyone agreed that you’d just slow them down if you engaged in any close combat. Plus, they could more than handle themselves with all of their combined experience (and muscle), the safest thing for you would be to make a clean break.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ you thought maybe Cloud didn’t engage with you the way he did with the others because of buried resentment. Maybe he thought you weren’t useful, didn’t risk enough for the team or the planet.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ Thoughts of self doubt, as well as not being good enough for the team often filled your head. They kept you up at night, which in turn made you work harder than usual the next few days without fail.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ your exhaustion began to show on your face, a tepid expression that held drawn-in wrinkled brows, a worried and sore bottom lip, and tense defensive shoulders. Your glasses could hardly hide your dark circles.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚ you appeared so disheveled and unapproachable one day, the girls had to take you aside on a quiet weekend morning.

“Is everything alright?” Aerith began, she led you to a couch in the back of a cheap, shady motel room they’d rented for a few days on a particularly lengthy outing. Your absent gaze met her own worried one, and you huffed out an unamused chuckle.

“I just haven’t been getting very much sleep lately.” You admitted, yet you kept the fact that it was because of a particular blond to yourself. You really didn’t want to be so dramatic about everything, but the anxiety of it all had you completely on edge.

Earlier in the morning, you saw him high five the team, (which was already rare, coming from him) after defeating a rather difficult enemy. You’d even stepped in, worried about everyone, and threw some crates as a distraction. Despite your extra effort, rather than touch you, he nodded his head in your general direction. And that was that.

Sure, it warmed you inside that he actually acknowledged you for once. Yet as the day dragged on you couldn’t help but let the fact that he didn’t want to touch you eat you up inside. Perhaps you gave off an odd smell, so he didn’t want to come close? Maybe he wasn’t fond of how grimy you always became after your escapades. All in all, you just felt defeated more than anything.

Your secret crush on him didn’t make anything better. Every word he said, you held onto like a vice. Every look he’d afford someone else, you chased. Every time he ignored you, you internalized it.

With a heavy sigh you took your glasses off. Your fingers rubbed your eyes, and then your temples.

“I probably just need some time to myself.” The girls looked at you, then at each other. It was written all over your face that you were sulking because of Cloud.

“Is it Cloud?” Jessie prodded, sitting next to you and laying her hand on your shoulder. “Y’know, I wouldn’t take that stuff to heart. He’s a big softie, I’m sure he’ll come around.”

There was a frustrated red tint that bloomed across your cheeks, and you abruptly stood up. “To you all maybe! You’ve been saying that for months now! I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong. I know I’m not good at combat like you guys are, I know I don’t bring a lot to the table, but I’m trying for fuck’s sake! At this point, I’m just done with it. He can do or not do whatever he wants. It’s childish of me to even want something like attention from Cloud fucking Strife. I feel slimy just thinking about pouting over this bullshit, I’m not a child!” Steam practically shot out of your ears, your face reddened with embarrassment at your outburst. You hated the sympathetic looks they all gave you in unison, you hated the nods as if they understood you. But most of all you hated that you couldn’t let it go, even if you shouted from the rooftops that you were done with holding out hope for Cloud. With an exasperated sigh, mainly in defeat, you brought your glasses back to your face. Carefully slid them in place, then opened your mouth. “I need some air, I’ll be fine.” As you pushed past your concerned friends and out of the seedy motel room, you let your lungs fully take in the outside air.

The smell was less than inviting, but at least there was a beach not too far away. A gentle breeze welcomed you on your trek to the deserted sandy shoreline. It was cool, comforting, and calming for your complicated emotions. You wished the raging sea inside of your heart was still and peaceful like the salty water before you. The feeling of dread that followed you. The anxiety that held space in the back of your mind. The fear that you weren’t good enough for your team. You were sick of it all.

And damn it, you were sick of Cloud’s constant rejection. Whatever calm you briefly felt, the further you walked along the quiet shoreline, the angrier you became.

In a small fit of rage, you kicked a pebble to the side and into the water next to you. You came across a beautiful, pearlescent shell, and crouched down to pick it up. You examined it, gripped it tightly, and lifted your arm to throw it into the water next. As your trembling fingers clutched it in the air, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

It was so beautiful, a fantastical shimmering blue that reminded you of Cloud’s captivating eyes. With a heavy sigh, you sat down, fully and brought your knees close to your chest, but still held the conch in the air. You wanted to throw it so bad, you were so tempted to. You just couldn’t, though. Your bottom lip trembled, because at the end of the day.

You weren’t tired of him. You could never be.

“Hey.” A slightly hesitant yet monotone voice called out to you in the dark of the night.

Your arm froze in place before you could bring it back down to you. Your entire body tensed up, because of course you recognized who it was. A warm fluttering began to patter in the pit of your stomach. You willed the butterflies away as best as you could, but that didn’t stop the heat that rose to your cheeks in their place. Your heart rattled inside of its cage, in fear or excitement, you weren’t quite sure.

There was rustling behind you, a shift in the sand as he took sure steps towards you. He approached you with not an ounce of hesitation. If you would just look behind you then maybe you’d see the determination painted across his usual scowl. He didn’t wait for a response, or acknowledgement; he knew that you heard him.

You brought your arm down slowly, and clutched the pretty shell to your chest. Your heart listened to the sea trapped inside of the conch, as your ears listened to Cloud get closer and closer. He didn’t mind that you weren’t turning towards him, he knew that whatever was about to happen would be entirely up to his next actions.

“I uh,” he stood beside you finally, and lowered himself to sit on the cold patch of sand next to you. You didn’t dare to look at him, because this was the closest he’d ever brought himself to you, and you didn’t want to mess anything up in case you were dreaming. The wind blew, and you could smell something so undeniably him mixed in with the salt in the water before the both of you. “It’s cold out tonight. You didn’t bring a jacket.”

“I don’t get cold very easily.” You replied, kicking yourself for even entertaining whatever it is he was trying to do. There was a brief pause, like he was contemplating something, before you felt warmth drape over your shoulders. It was a small, soft blanket that he’d brought with him from the motel. You looked at him then, and instantly regretted it.

His eyes were captivating, so dazzling that all of your anger melted away as you got lost in them. The heavy emotion wasn’t replaced by anything, the only thing it made room for was the sadness and longing that already occupied that same space. Your lip wobbled then, he stared at it as it did, then opened his mouth again.

“I think you’re important to the team.” That took your by surprise, and you stared at him in bewilderment as he continued, “You’re valuable in a lot of ways, I’m not good with words; but I know you work your ass off to pull your own weight. I didn’t realize that I came off as a dick this whole time.”

“Did Aerith or Tifa say something-”

“No, I heard you. I came by, to talk to you, and I heard you yelling.”

“I was yelling? Oh, jeez.” You sighed and knocked your forehead onto your knees. “Cloud, forget I said any of that. I didn’t mean for you to hear it.”

“I’m glad I heard it. I don’t like that I made you feel like shit.” He wished he could take a picture of you, or a video, because when your head turned to face him as it rested against your knees; he swore he saw a million stars. Swore that entire galaxies had to be held inside of those big, brilliant orbs, they were breathtakingly beautiful. This was why he couldn’t be around you, he felt like such an idiot. Couldn’t find the right words to say to you. In that moment though, he knew he couldn’t run from you. “And uh, good job with that distraction…earlier.”

“What are you playing at, Strife? Why are you out here? Why are you talking to me?” The tremble in your voice, the way your eyes were glossy with unshed tears, he wanted to reach out to you. Comfort you in any way he could.

“I’m a cowardly bastard that thought if I kept you at a distance, I wouldn’t make a fool of myself. I was wrong, I’m sorry.”

“What does that even mean?!” You felt more than frustrated as you watched him try to explain himself, the only thing that kept you sane was the tide that occasionally splashed against your covered feet.

“It means that I don’t know how to act when you’re around.”

“But why?”

“Fuck if I know!” You’d never heard him raise his voice like that, it took you by momentary surprise. You blinked at him owlishly, as warmth pooled in your stomach once more. Rather than those same butterflies, they were replaced by ticklish tingling that made your thighs clench together.

“Cloud, use your words. What could I have possibly done, to make you want to avoid me? Why do you avoid me? Do I smell bad? Am I ugly? I didn’t think you were so vain-”

“You’re beautiful! You don’t smell bad! I don’t know what this feeling is, I just.” It’s his turn to sigh, rub his eyes, and then stare off into the open water. “I think you make me nervous.”

“I…make you nervous?” You laughed, in complete disbelief. “Cloud, that’s ridiculous. How could I possibly make you nervous?”

“You’re just gonna gloss over the fact that I think you’re beautiful?”

“Is that what makes you nervous?”

“It could be.”

“Tell me, Cloud. Be honest with me.” You set the shell that had been held tight against your chest onto the ground next to you, and placed your hands at your sides. The noise from the tide flowing in and out calmed you finally, which gave you the confidence to say what you said next. “Does the idea of touching me repulse you? Do you hate working with me? It’s not that you’ve been a dick to me, but your cold attitude hurts Cloud. I think I’d rather you tell me off, and actually be mean to me than ignore me for months on end.”

“Nothin’ about you grosses me out. I just, I freeze up when you’re around. Figured, if you didn’t have expectations, didn’t seem to care, then I might as well just keep doin’ what I’ve been doin’. I didn’t think you’d take it personally. I didn’t even think you’d notice.”

“That’s such bullshit Cloud, there has to be something else going on. There has to be more to it.”

You didn’t realize it, not until he opened his mouth to speak again, that you were gradually moving closer as moments passed between the two of you. Both of you seemed to tune out everything around you, the sound of the waves, the fact that you were alone on that beach. You especially seemed to forget that you were hopelessly in love with the cold man before you. You were alone, in a secluded spot, with your unrequited love, having an actual conversation with him. Heated words, at that. As if time started again at the realization, your heart began to beat faster.

“I uh,” there he went again, with that little bit of hesitation from earlier, and you couldn’t stop your hand. It practically had a mind of its own as you reached out towards him, and carefully rubbed his shoulder in encouragement. “I think I have…feelings? For you?”

Your breath caught in your throat as he admired it, yet you couldn’t quite believe those words as they tripped out of his unsure mouth. Yeah, right. It’s not like you wanted to laugh at him, but you couldn’t help the unamused little snort that left you, he was just so clearly confused.

“Cloud, you don’t have to lie to me.”

“I’m not lyin’. When have I ever lied to any o’ you.” He didn’t sound angry, there was a solemnity that clung to his voice. A sincerity that was just so Cloud. “I didn’t realize my feelings until Jessie pointed it out a couple days ago. That’s why I went to your room tonight, I wanted to talk about it. ‘M not used to this kind of thing, but I figured that I could at least talk to you about it.”

“And that’s when you heard me?”

“Yeah.”

“Cloud I,” you squeezed his shoulder then, and smiled at him warmly. The hurt inside of you was still there, but you hoped he could make it up to you now that he was realizing his feelings. “I don’t really know what to say. I’ve liked you for a while, but being ignored hurt me.”

“How can I make it up to you?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe start with giving me a high five?” You took your hand away from his shoulder, and held it in front of you. Your manicured fingers wiggled in place as you waited for him to follow through, but it was half-hearted in case he really didn’t want to touch you.

His lips quirked just a bit as he lightly tapped his palm against yours, and you decided then that you could afford to be a little bold. He took the small step towards the skinship you’d been craving, it’d be fine if you clasped your fingers together. Right? So you did; weaved your small hand into his larger one, and then admired it as if you couldn’t believe that he let you do that.

“You really like me?” You asked, unsure if you should even bring it up for fear of him taking it back.

“Yeah, definitely.”

“Why ‘definitely’, when you weren’t sure earlier?”

“Dunno, I just know now. I like holding your hand.”

“Wanna hug?” Rather than answer you, he pulled you closer by your clasped hands, until you were practically touching noses with him. He let go of you, just to snake his arms around your middle and pull you flush against him. It felt heavenly, his firm yet somehow still soft, warm body against yours. You didn’t hesitate to wrap your arms around him, place your knees on either side of his hips, and bury your head into the juncture between his neck and shoulder. You fit like puzzle pieces. He nuzzled his face into your hair, and you sighed in contentment.

It didn’t do much to take away the ache that’d been trapped inside of you for months now, but it was certainly beginning to at least heal your doubts. There were birds that circled the sky, they chirped as they danced around each other. The conch that you desperately wanted to throw into the water, laid forgotten nearby.

You drew yourself back, just to look into those pretty mako-infused baby blues. He was so pretty, would he let you kiss him?

Almost like he could read your mind, he drew his face closer to yours. Your breaths mingled, your noises brushed against each other, and you licked your lips in anticipation. Finally, as you closed your eyes simultaneously, your lips locked in a sweet kiss. It was a tiny peck, but you’d remember it forever. The way that sparks practically flew behind your eyes. The way your fingers carded through his soft unruly hair. The way you gasped just slightly like you still couldn’t believe what was happening as it was happening. It was almost too much at once. Still, you deepened the kiss, tilted your head to the side as you moved your lips against his.

It was supposed to be something small, at least that’s what you told yourself, but it quickly began to heat up with every passing moment in his arms. You felt glued to each other, if one of you moved away the other followed in that same direction. All of your pent up desire for him poured into that kiss. His confused and clumsily inexperienced nature drove you further and further together. Your chest was pressed into him, your hands traveled from his hair just to wrap themselves around his shoulders and hold him in place.

The sound of the mesmerizing water was drowned out by soft noises and heavy panting. Each time you drew yourself away for a breath, he’d bring you back in for another intense kiss after a beat. It was almost sickening, how addicted you were becoming to just the sensation of his lips on yours.

All good things must come to an end, though. Because just as his hands wandered from your waist, and began to nervously explore the inside of your shirt. Just the brush of his gloved fingertips on your tummy, nothing too crazy. There was then the sound of hurried footsteps approaching and hushed yet tense whispering voices that followed them. You broke up, not that you wanted to; but you couldn’t let anyone see you like this. Out of respect for him, out of your own pride, and just because you didn’t even fully know what had just happened. How could you possibly explain that to anyone?

Your reluctance to let him go had him pulling you back just to kiss you one more time. All of the heat that was once there had dwindled into just a faint warm brush of his lips. His forehead knocked against yours as a frustrated and reluctant sigh escaped your bruised lips. The two of you finally pulled away, and sat next to each other like you hadn’t been sucking the soul from each other’s mouths. Just in time for your gaggle of girls to find the two of you.

You with that pretty blue conch as you twiddled with it in your hands, knees pulled to your chest just as before. Him with his legs kicked out, one hand suspiciously close to you, the other picking at something in the sand as he looked down at it. An awkward cough that he really didn’t mean to do brought a hesitant, breathless laugh up from your ticklish stomach.

“W-what’s so funny?” Aerith asked, as she finally approached the both of you. Tifa, Jessie, and Yuffie followed suit as the curious girl carefully eyed your appearance. It was clear to her that there was a shift in the once tense air between you. That something had happened in the short twenty minutes they’d left you alone. Cloud’s hair was mussed up just the slightest bit, there was sand on your reddened knees, and you were suspiciously out of breath. Not enough for anyone else to notice, but she prided herself in being extremely observant. She kept whatever she found to herself, feeling like she’d struck gold and wanted to keep it a secret just a little longer.

“Nothing, Cloud told me a joke before you guys showed up.” You replied, your voice was airy and dreamy. Nothing like they’d ever heard in his presence. Since when did either of you talk to one another? Jessie snorted like she couldn’t believe it, Cloud was hardly a comic.

“I’d like to hear this ‘joke’. Must’ve been a good one if it got you out of the dumps.” Jessie teased, she settled herself beside you, and rested her head on your shoulder as she wrapped her arms around your frame. She peaked over at Cloud, who was quieter than usual. His own dreamlike state not lost on her, she just couldn’t quite put her finger on why he was like that.

“It ain’t as funny if I gotta tell it twice.”

Tifa spotted the blanket that Cloud had brought out for you, discarded a small ways away. Crumpled, covered in sand.

“It’s quite chilly out, now. Why don’t we all head back, and get some shut eye? We have a lot of ground to cover tomorrow, we should all rest while we can.” She suggested, easily brushing off whatever suspicions she had in favor of making sure all of you got some proper sleep. Especially after the hectic day they’d already had.

Aerith piped up, “Yeah, let’s head back, I have some snacks we can share before bed!”

Just like that was all anyone needed to hear to get moving, everyone got up, dusted themselves off, and made their way back to the motel for the night. Neither you nor Cloud uttered a word to each other, or even spared a passing glance. Content with how things ended.

•

Or at least you were content, until you were tossing and turning in your uncomfortable bed. Lying awake, staring up at the ceiling as Aerith slept soundly beside you, without a single care. You wanted to talk to Cloud, thoughts of the nights previous events painted itself when you’d close your eyes. Just as you’d think you were finally going to get some rest, you’d remember the feeling of your body firmly pressed against his. Your lips sealed yet moving fluidly together. What would it be like if your tongues intermingled? If he’d kept his slow ascent up your shirt? If you applied just the tiniest bit of friction down below?

Your tossing and turning caused Aerith to shift in her sleep, and she groggily blinked as she turned to face you.

“Can’t sleep?”

“That would appear to be the case.” you sounded guilty, even though you weren’t even sure of what.

“A certain bird-brain on your mind?”

“Uh-”

“Why don’t ya go talk to ‘im?” She took the chance to scoot closer to you, your eyes widened as she clasped her hands around yours. Although she’d already been whispering, she somehow made her voice even smaller. She sounded as if she was scheming something. “Y’know he has his own room.”

“Aerith!” You whisper shouted, horrified at what she could be implying. “I-I don’t think I should go talk to him. We’ve hardly spoken this whole time, what could I possibly have to say to him?”

“You could talk about what happened at the beach.”

“Nothing happened at the beach.”

“You’re a terrible liar.” She smiled at you, then shifted to take a quick look around the dark motel room. On the other bed; Tifa and Yuffie slept soundly, across from your bed; Jessie lightly snored away on the couch. Arm rested on her stomach, legs kicked up and across it. “You should sneak out before anyone else wakes up. I won’t snitch on you.” As if to prove her point, she mimed zipping her lips, locking them, and throwing away the key. “It’s about time you guys kissed and made up.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea? I don’t want to make things awkward.”

“They were awkward before, I’m sure they’ll be awkward after. But don’t you wanna try to understand each other? It’s better to live with a little heartbreak than to not have taken that chance at all, right?”

You stared at her, then. Beautiful, soft, kind emerald green eyes that were filled with an emotion you couldn’t quite place. Truthfully, you wanted to see Cloud. Being around him was addicting in a sense. Even if he didn’t spare you a passing glance, you kept going back for more. Kept doing things to get him to notice you. Had you even properly told him off for that? Had you even painted a proper picture of everything that you’d been feeling since the moment you met him?

“What if he regrets what…happened? He’s had time to think.”

“Well, do you regret it?”

“Of course not!” Your voice rose in pitch at that, which caused Jessie to groan and turn over. Her back was facing you, but that didn’t stop the hammering in your heart. Your wide eyes stunned into place as you waited for her body to relax and her breathing to run even again. What were you even trying to hide? Why would it matter if any of them woke up? You were an adult, why did you feel so ashamed of everything?

“Then, regardless of how he feels, I’m sure it’ll all work out.”

Those words calmed your nerves just the littlest bit but it was enough, and you nodded your head assuredly. You felt a slight determination, and you quietly hyped yourself up as you carefully got up and out of the room. Aerith quietly cheered for you as you left. Her whispered woo’s and go get him brought a smile to your face while you closed the door behind you a quiet don’t be out too late followed you outside.

His room number was 20, on the floor directly above where you were staying.

Before you walked up the steps, you hopped in place and shook your hands at your sides to get the nerves out. “You can do this. You’re a smart, capable, attractive person. You got this.” Right as you were about to take a step forward and up the steps, you heard movement behind you.

“What are you doing?” That same cool and collected voice from earlier called out to you.

“C-Cloud!” You whipped around in surprise, and mortification. Had he heard all of that?

“‘S late, what are you doing out here?”

“I was gonna come…see you.” You admitted, with your head bent low and your voice hushed.

“Why?” He took a step closer, then another when you didn’t answer right away. “Everything alright?”

“I just missed you.” Your eyes widened at your slip up, you’d meant to say, “I mean! I mean I wanted to talk, about some stuff.” He acted like he didn’t hear that first part, and brushed past you.

“Okay.” Cloud made a vague motion to follow him, flicking his hand in the direction he was going in. You followed him up the steps, your heart began to beat rapidly the closer you got to his room. He smelled like he’d just showered, and while you looked at his back, your eyes trailing slowly up his figure; you took notice of his dampened shirt. The little droplets in his hair.

“What were you doing out?”

“Needed some air.”

“You could get sick, coming out here with wet hair.”

“It’s hot in my room. Was only out here a couple o’ minutes.”

You finally reached his room, he fumbled with the beaten up keycard before scanning it and opening his door for you. His expression was scarily blank, his steps were evenly paced behind you. You didn’t know if this was such a good idea anymore, but it was too late to worry about all of that now. How could you go back when you were finally seated on the edge of his bed? Having an impromptu stare down with him. Neither of you looked away from the other, even as minutes stretched by and no one said a word.

It was time to put your big girl panties on.

“I’ve liked you, since the moment I laid eyes on you. And grew to like you even more the longer I spent time with you. Despite your lack of enthusiasm to be around me, my weak heart just couldn’t help itself.”

“Listen, I-” you held your hand up, and shook your head before he could say anything. You had to get some things out, he could say his piece later.

“I really really like you, and it really really hurts me that you treated me so coldly because you didn’t know how to deal with your mutual attraction. It’s honestly super fucked up, the fact that I had to see you be chummy with literally anyone else but me.” Your voice trembled as you tried to keep the same confidence you came in with moving. But it was so hard when he looked like a kicked puppy as you continued to speak. “My brain is a mess right now, I don’t know if I believe you when you say you have feelings for me. But I’ll take your word for it. I know we k-kissed, but anything can happen in the heat of the moment. It will take a little while for me to fully trust you.”

“I understand.” There was a pause between you, rather than uncomfortable you felt your nerves finally calming down. Cloud took that moment to move from his spot against the wall across from you and take up a seat next to you on the bed. His body was rigid when he took his gloves off his motions were borderline robotic. He turned his head to face you, his puppy-like eyes instantly melted your heart. “I meant what I said, but I’ll do what I can to prove myself.”

“It isn’t about proving anything, I just want us to establish a solid line of trust. I want us to work on our honesty, and communication. I have to be every bit as involved in all of this as you do. If you even want to try anything with me.”

“What exactly would we try?”

“I don’t know, Cloud.” You sighed and took your glasses off to rub at your eyes. You weren’t frustrated you were just so mentally exhausted at that point that, and you felt your body finally succumbing to that same exhaustion. “We could try being friends?”

“I dunno if I can be friends with you after making out like that.”

“So you want to be my boyfriend or something?”

“Would you want that?”

“Maybe eventually.”

“Well, what’s a step below boyfriend and a step above friend?”

“I’m not sure there’s a word for that. But I’d be fine with something like that if you are.”

Cloud took a moment to contemplate your response. He wasn’t weighing his options, he didn’t actually have to think too hard about what he wanted. This situation was just something he wasn’t used to. Sure he got hit on quite a lot, maybe he had a few people that he could’ve been interested in had his life went in a different direction. There were hardly opportunities to date when you lived as a full time merc and a part time ‘eco-terrorist’. He knew that he would be alright with whatever you wanted, even if things went unlabeled or unspecified for a while. It’s not like he was itching for commitment, he just wanted to try things out with you at least. He figured it’d be nice to get to know you. Learn your likes and dislikes.

“Alright, why don’t we just see where things go? Nothin’ crazy, no pressure.”

“No strings?”

“Let’s not get too crazy.” You cracked a smile at that, finally feeling the tension in your shoulders dissipate as you worked things out with him. He honestly seemed pretty enthusiastic about whatever arrangement you’d come up with, even with all of its ambiguity. “And about what happened on the beach.”

“Cloud-”

“Stuff like that doesn’t need to be a thing, I wouldn’t wanna make you uncomfortable or upset you.”

“What if…I want us to do more of that? What if I liked it?”

“Yeah?” He leaned in, curious about the growing heat in your cheeks. It gave you whiplash with how the air could shift at the drop of a hat between you two. One moment, you’re having a serious conversation, the next you’re leaning in close with bated breaths and a longing stare. Was this how it would always be with Cloud?

Your life consisted of being able to predict things. You prided yourself in how capable you were at gauging the situation and responding accordingly. You couldn’t count the number of times you’d pulled everyone out of a sticky situation within a few short moments. You relied on numbers, facts, and your vast knowledge to get you by.

Cloud on the other hand? He was not something you could read. You couldn’t predict his next move, ever. That’s partially why you admired him so much. He relied on pure instinct and determination. He was sure of his skills, knew his limitations, but didn’t let things stop him or slow him down. Above all, he was extremely kind. To a fault, even.

This Cloud, the one before you, you didn’t recognize him. The way he looked at you made warmth bloom throughout your body. He was so close, you weren’t used to him being within your proximity. You weren’t used to watching the mako swirl in his eyes. You could count the freckles that scattered across his cheeks. His breath fanned across your face as he got closer to you. You found yourself welcoming the way he caged you in as you leaned back against the motel mattress.

He climbed over you, his shoulders were catlike as he peered down at you with a curious glint in his eyes.

“Yeah. We can do that, it’s a good way to get to know each other.”

“If you say so.”

“Y’gonna kiss me, Strife?”

“If you ask nicely.”

Your brows wrinkled, a bratty little pout began to form on your lips. “You’ve got me fucked up if you think I’m gon-”

Your eyes widened by surprise when he took those same pouting lips into a hungry kiss. It was clumsy, your teeth knocked together, but you returned it just as fiercely. Tried to match whatever tempo he was thinking up on the spot. Your nimble fingers found their way into his soft hair and you tugged at it gently. Your nails teasingly scraped at his scalp and he made a noise in the back of his throat.

It was slightly strangled which caused your thighs to clench together. Was this really happening? Were you actually making out with Cloud Strife again? He so clearly enjoyed being on top of you. You could tell by the way his hands trailed your ticklish sides and his ears burned in desperation and desire.

You tapped his shoulder when you felt his gloved hands creep under your shirt and graze the soft skin of your tummy. He pulled away, just enough for your noses to still be touching and his eyes peered at yours curiously.

“Take those off.” You pointed at the gloves that were held guiltily under your top, and he wasted no time to chuck them off and throw them behind him. You smiled then pulled him down for another heated kiss, this one deeper and sloppier. A string of saliva kept you connected when you’d pull away for air just to reel the both of you back in for more.

Your head was spinning in that dark, quiet room. Quiet save for the heavy panting and occasional noise that bubbled itself up from your lips every so often. There was shuffling outside of your door, people came and went from the outside of the motel. You were both too stuck in your own world to recognize anything going on. The building could catch fire and neither of you would notice.

Instead, you focused on his surprisingly soft yet calloused hands as they smoothed over your bare breasts under your comfortable top. While one curiously explored your chest, the other trailed down to squeeze at your thigh. Just to slide its way under your knee and hike your leg over his hip. Your bodies stuck together, his pelvis met your own and you sucked in a sharp breath at the contact. Something that could’ve been considered sweet and intimate naturally evolved into dirty grinding.

Cloud hadn’t done anything like this before, but considering his military background he’d heard enough locker room and barracks speak to know what goes on. The intimacy between two partners, man and woman or what have you; he’d heard countless gruesome recounting. Heard all of the nasty details, the experimentation, just how good it could feel if you had the right partner.

Not that he was ever that curious about all of that.

Not until he had you under him. Would you let him touch you like that? Would you want to experience more with him? If he thought of it hard enough, he was sure he could picture how delicious your reaction would be if he took it further. The way your cheeks would heat up. Your brows would pinch together. Your breath would turn even more ragged, even more unkempt. What would you do if his hands snuck their way towards your warm slick center-

You clenched your thighs around his hips as you felt his fingers lightly trace your covered sensitivity. Had he realized what he was even doing? With reluctance you pulled yourself away, desperately needing to see his face. You needed to see what expression he was making, ask him if he knew what he was about to get himself into. (If he pressed all the right buttons, the answer would be you.)

Your eyes widened when you saw just how dazed he appeared, your trembling lips were desperate to pull him back in and kiss him senselessly. He just looked so handsome, making a face you’d never seen before.

“This alright?” He asked, breathless as he continued to tickle that special place and simultaneously grind himself against it. He was out of his mind, he didn’t know what he was saying, or even what he was doing, but he couldn’t stop the words as they spilled from his lips. “Want me t’ touch you here?”

“Do you want to touch me?”

He looked at you then like you’d grown two heads. There you were, lips bruised, hair a mess, legs now spread. There he was, kiss bitten, drooling, rock hard. “Don’t be fuckin’ dense. Y’ want it or not?”

“Cloud,” you leaned further back just to bring your legs flush against the mattress, “I want it. Make a mess o’ me.”

“You’re in for it.”

For all the experience he lacked, he made up for in enthusiasm. His hands squeezed your thighs as he sat back, wanting to get a good look at the way you were laid out. Feel you for himself in a way he’d only dreamt of for the past months of knowing you. They were soft, plush, thick in his hands and he didn’t have to look to know he was so obviously hard. He glanced down, you were so wet that the grey shorts you were wearing darkened at the center. Dampened with your only growing arousal, desire painted itself across your half-lidded expression.

“Can I kiss it?”

You blinked at him, taken aback with his forward request. He sure didn’t beat around the bush.

“Y-yeah. Go for it.” He pulled your shorts down, around your ankles, before he finally slid them off. You watched his every move, your breath hitched when he grabbed your hips to pull you over his bent legs. He bent you at an angle that wasn’t too awkward or uncomfortable. Just enough for him to lift you the way he needed to. Finally, he pushed your black (soaking) panties to the side, brought you up to his face, met you halfway; and kissed your weeping flower.

Cloud had never had a pussy in his face before. As he continued to plant light kisses with a sprinkle of some deeper ones against yours; he quickly realized he’d been missing out. You tasted sweet (you quietly thanked your morning self for having a big bowl of fruit for breakfast) and a little bitter. Your arousal was thick, slippery, and a string of it followed his mouth when he’d pull away. All in all you’d never been so turned on, you quite liked the way he looked between your thighs.

“C-Cloud, ‘nuff o’ that, quit teasing me. Lick it, please.” Your breathy tone made his hips stutter against nothing, his grip tightened around your legs where he held you up. Your heavy breathing gradually filled the room, and a desperate cry broke free from your throat when he indulged your request.

Tasting you fully, swiping the thick pad of his tongue flat against you? He about died and went to heaven. His movements were slow at first, tasting you with a newfound curiosity. The way he slowly and experimentally explored your precious area made your breathing turn ragged. Up and down, top to bottom, slowly and deliberately. You couldn’t tell if he had come up for air even once, but you weren’t about to interrupt him. He could handle himself. (Admittedly if he died right there it’d be the only way he wanted to go, suffocated by your delicious dripping pussy.)

He decided that he could pick up the pace, he was unsatisfied with the lack of noise that came from you. Although it wasn’t because he wasn’t doing a good job, because it felt amazing; you were just insecure in the moment. Had enough headspace to cover your mouth and control whatever noises that practically begged to come out. He wanted to change that, needed to hear you to know that he was doing well.

He lowered your body, took note of the way your chest heaved and your face was flushed a deep rouge. He wanted to see you come undone, didn’t want it to just feel good, needed it to be better for you. You looked at him in confusion, as you’d been getting worked up while the time ticked away in that small room. If he kept that pace up you were sure to cum in no time.

He tapped you, motioned with his hand for you to scoot up the bed. As you slid your body up the scratchy sheets, he took his shirt off, then his pants. His heavy clothes thudded against the floor as he threw them to the side, and you took that opportunity to toss your own shirt off. He had to stop his eyes from bulging out of their sockets when he realized what you’d done. He wasn’t prepared to see your bare chest on display.

You laid back again, legs spread, hair fanned out against the surprisingly soft pillow under your head. A picture of angelic beauty, now tangible beneath his wandering hands. Pliant as he began to work you up, nimble trained fingers that caressed your seething body with such care. A gentleness you weren’t prepared for.

His inexperience definitely shown through in the way he hesitantly and somewhat clumsily brushed his hands over your sensitive breasts. A soft and quiet noise finally made itself heard in the dark room. Music to his ears. Cloud noticed that your panties were still on. Even though you weren’t completely bare, it somehow made him more excited. You were desirable in every sense of the word. Cute, comfortable cheeky panties, soaking wet, he needed to kiss what they so diligently kept hidden.

“Cloud,” your voice was somewhat breathy and hushed, “please, keep going. Touch me more, feels good.”

“Alright.” He laid flat on his stomach, right between your legs. At an agonizingly slow pace he teased your panties off. It felt like an eternity had passed when he finally exposed you to the brisk air that filled the empty room. Cloud snaked his arms around your thighs, and then wasted no time getting right into it.

His nose bumped against you, you felt the grazing of his teeth. He clearly didn’t know exactly what he was doing, but he’d heard enough locker room chatter to have at least an idea. Cloud figured a good place to start would be where you were the wettest. Where your sweet syrup trickled out, his tongue snaked its way inside.

The sensation was odd, it wasn’t that it stung; but feeling such a foreign stretch from his tongue took a little getting used to. It felt good, caused little bumps to ripple through your body. Your heaving chest caught his attention once again, a pretty blush broke out across it. He reached up, gently teased one of your breasts, and you finally let out a high pitched mewl.

He paused, then applied a little more pressure, massaged it and then tweaked your nipple. When he noticed the way you squeezed your eyes shut and bit your lip, he switched to give the same attention to the other one. Your thighs quivered in place, as little noises continued to spill from your glossed lips. Tried as you might, as he quickened his pace against your dripping pussy; it felt too good and you couldn’t hold back your noises any longer.

“S-shit, ‘s good!” You slurred out, hardly registering the fact that your hands began to tug at his silky blond hair. They raked against his scalp, bringing his own noises out and against your sensitive arousal.

“Y’like it?”

“Fucking love it, don’t stop.” You mewled and your hips began to move with him. A gradual push and pull that never fully let him leave you aching for too long.

Cloud was always the type of man that preferred to lead with his actions, rather than words. He was more than happy to express his desire and affection for you, cushioned between your two lovely thighs. You smelled floral, like whatever soap or oils you used daily. Tasted sweet like the fruity confections you couldn’t help but indulge in whenever you’d pass by a bakery. You felt like velvety soft petals or the freshest pillowy pastry as you stayed wrapped around his head and mushed against his face. Pudding? Ice cream? A sweet doughy bun? He wracked his brain for what he could possibly compare you to, but it was just so distinct and unique that it could only be described as you. A flavor he wanted to monopolize as well as continue to explore.

He hoped he wasn’t being too rough with you, he knew he was holding onto you with a deathlike grip. Surely you’d be bruised around your thighs, it’d be disappointing that he couldn’t see you in a bikini for a while. You wouldn’t mind in the slightest, though. It was only a proper trade off for the best head you could possibly receive.

Cloud wasn’t too hasty, but he drank you in like he couldn’t get enough. He was parched as he lapped at you just as a cat would lap up some cream. A soft flattened tongue that explored every ridge or fold that it could. Even if it didn’t feel good in that particular area, you moaned just as loudly because gods he made it feel good somehow. Your mind made the phantom-like sensation into reality. Just the sight of him, alone. Curiously licking the juncture between your thigh and pussy. Making a noise like he’d just tasted something positively delectable. You were falling for him all over again.

Despite how enthusiastic he’d been, he hadn’t paid much attention to your clit. It throbbed and ached for his touch but you didn’t know how to ask him to kiss it more. You felt awkward, and a little embarrassed to make demands, even if he was the one that wanted to do this in the first place. You also felt an odd pressure to keep going with the flow, considering it was his first time doing something like this. You wanted him to thoroughly enjoy himself, and not worry too much about how good it was.

His tongue started from your dripping hole, licking up whatever he could in the moment. If he stayed right there, he wouldn’t cover much area. He knew that it would be frustrating for you if he focused too long on one thing. But he was just so addicted to the sweet honey that was provided on tap for him.

He begrudgingly dragged his tongue away, flat with the slightest pressure just the way you liked. Up to the nub he’d been curious about, but felt a little intimidated by. Whenever he’d run his tongue over it lightly, you’d tense up and tighten your grip on his hair. It was clearly sensitive, he wasn’t sure how much he could do to it without hurting you.

He gently ran his tongue over it, made sure there was enough saliva to cushion his tastebuds against it even more. Just as he knew you would, you scraped your nails against his scalp, gripped his hair, and squeezed your thighs around him.

“Fuck, that good?” He asked, heaving in breaths as he looked up at you. Captivating mako that swam inside of an oceanic blue gaze. The prettiest eyes you’d ever had the pleasure of being lost in. You moaned out loud when he kept eye contact with you, and descended upon that sensitive little button again. Slow, calculated licks just to gauge your reaction. You were blushing so furiously, hair mussed up, tears in your eyes as you watched him. It felt like your lower tummy was burning, if he kept it up you were sure to cum all over him.

“So good, feels so good. Don’t stop, Cloud, give it to me.” You breathed out, airy and high pitched as you whined and writhed beneath him. “That’s my spot, kiss it more.”

“Whatever you want.” He kissed your clit, licked it, sucked on it, then kissed it again. You rocked against his face as he lapped at it slowly. He took the hint, experimentally licked it faster and your hips stuttered.

“Ah! Yes!” You cried out, gripping the sheets and his hair at the same time. Your body seemed to vibrate in place, jolted upwards involuntarily. He had to apply a little bit of force behind the way he caged you in with his arms to hold you in place. Against his face, around his head; he refused to let you move so much as an inch.

Cloud was all spit, tongue, and thrashing head movements as he got more engrossed in the feeling of you and the gradual increase in pitch of your noises. It was euphoric, he didn’t even need to touch himself to feel like he was getting off. The sensation of you moving across his tongue, the visual stimulation, your god damn noises. He could cum just from eating you.

He was beside himself, hardly registered that you were even talking to him as he intensified his ministrations. Back and forth, up and down, faster and faster, it was so wet that the sounds of you gushing over his tongue filled the room more than your noises did. You couldn’t even think of your slumbering friends in the room just below the bed you were laid out on. Not as you continued to cry out for him.

“Cloud, yes!”

“Right there!”

“Oh shit, I’m sensitive there!”

“Oh!”

“Mmm-!”

“Ah!”

“Ngh, don’t stop!”

“Feels so good, fuck!”

Each thing that came prattling out of your drooling maw only spurred him on. Blond featherlike hair, bounced and swayed as his head moved against your dripping essence. Just when you could catch your breath, he would kiss your clit then flatten his tongue against it. A soft, pillowy pressure, so wet and slippery and your grip tightened in his hair. He moaned into you. Punctuated each noise you made with a fat smooch right where you were most sensitive. He just had to make out with that little nub. It was all tongue, with a little teeth, frantic movements that had you panting loudly.

“Good?”

“The best, ngh..”

Smooch.

“Right here?”

“Right there, yes, ah!”

Smooch.

“Want more?”

“Fuuuck yes, gimme more!”

Smooch.

He just loved hearing you speak, your voice sounded strained, hoarse, strangled even and his poor cock was drooling in his undergarments. Your lower half spoke even louder as more of your arousal trickled out of you. Cloud could practically gulp you down, he loudly slurped, groaned, smacked his lips. He didn’t want this to end.

“Cloud, hold on, ’s a lot!” You held his hair firm, tugged on it just a bit. It wasn’t like you wanted him to stop, your stomach was just tingling dangerously at that point. Your clit throbbed as his tongue continued to caress it.. “Ease up, ‘imma cum if you go that hard!” Your lilted whine only had him sucking and licking with added vigor. “S-seriously I’m gonna-!”

“Then cum, I won’t stop ‘til you tell me to.”

That bastard knew you couldn’t tell him to stop. Not when you’d done this much, gone this far. You were drunk on the feeling of him and he could see it clear as day.

He continued at that erratic pace, licking, rubbing, sucking. His lips hypnotized you as that burning knot began to tighten right in the pit of your tummy. The ghost of one of his fingers traced your entrance as his mouth stayed glued to your little button. He tapped, gently dipped inside, a silent question that you answered by shifting your hips. His finger was swallowed up, eagerly and hungrily. He moaned out, a sound that had your head thrown back, eyes squeezed shut. Pretty cries that left your mouth to fill the heady motel room.

Your insides were just so tight, with his finger he could tell so clearly. He throbbed in his briefs, gentle bobbing that had beads of pre trickle and bloom against the fabric. He wanted to feel you, but held himself firm. This wasn’t about him, what he really needed was for you to cum all over him.

Even though it started off as an experimental, in and out motion while he rubbed his tongue up and down, things very quickly intensified. Cloud sped up his movements, used his free hand to help you rock against his face and into his touch. It was too much, you felt you’d burst at any minute. His pace was a little uneven, movements a bit too hasty, he just needed you to cum.

“I’m gonna…ngh….” You squeezed your eyes shut again, closed your legs around him as much as you could. With your back arched into the most pretty crescent, he played your body like a finely-tuned instrument. Added a second finger, and in response you squeezed him even tighter. Cloud nodded his head in encouragement, backed off to watch his fingers disappear in and out. He drove them in hard, and when he suckled on your clit once more, it drove you over the edge. “Oh, Cloud, I’m cumming!”

“That’s it.” He let you ride out the waves of your pleasure on his face. Lovingly caressed the tips of his fingers against that spongey spot inside of you that had you seeing an even brighter white. The stimulation became a little too much, and you pressed his forehead away from you. Tapped his bicep until he let you go with a loud huff of air. He needed to catch his breath, finally allowed himself to collapse next to you in exhaustion. While the both of you breathed heavily, with flushed cheeks, starry eyes, and red lips; you reached out for his hand.

It was timid, as if you were nervous to touch him. Nervous to crave his touch and presence, even after all that had went on that entire evening. He snorted, squeezed your hand tightly, then brought it up to his mouth. He affectionately kissed your hand, then rested it between the both of you again.

“Cloud, I can touch you if you wan-”

“Next time. I’m good right now.” He grimaced, shifted in his spot, then turned his head to the side. But you saw it, the way his ears bloomed such a beautiful rouge. He didn’t want you to know that he definitely came in his briefs while he fingered you.

“I really don’t mind helpi-”

“I’m tellin’ you that you really don’t gotta worry ‘bout me.” You nodded, not wanting to be too pushy. If he was good, then you were good.

“That felt really nice.” You said after a couple of beats.

“Glad to hear it.”

“Y’sure that was your first time doing that?”

“Pretty sure.”

There was a brief pause. It wasn’t awkward, neither of you had the brain power for conversation after all that. Your breaths were still breathy and hoarse, sweat slicked your foreheads. You both stared at the ceiling, and Cloud squeezed your hand.

“Just to be clear,” he started, he shifted on his side to look at you, “I won’t do this stuff with anyone else.”

Your heart stuttered, “Why’s that?”

“I’m serious ‘bout you.”

You grinned, uncharacteristically bashful despite still laying bare beside him. You didn’t need to respond to him. Regardless of how things would turn out in the future, because you were sure there were things the both of you needed to work on; you felt like everything would be okay.

Cloud was known for being a kind man, a hard-ass at times sure, but he was not dishonest. He was incredibly loyal. Devoted to a fault. You had to believe him when he said he was interested in you.

Some more time passed in comfortable silence. You’d moved up the bed, he’d shed his sullied clothes and joined you under his covers. You were laid against his chest, still in disbelief over the fact that he’d just eaten you within an inch of your life. Right as you were about to reach up, you caressed his cheek to bring him into a kiss your phone loudly pinged.

You reached over to where it was discarded, the bright screen almost blinding you as you opened the message.

Aerith: Listen girl, I’m happy for you; but pls get some rest. We gotta be up in three hours. :P xoxo

•

"It seems to be recovering," Xiao notes from where he's sitting, still keeping reasonable distance, "It may be able to fly tomorrow if nothing comes up."

"You're right..." Your eyes follow his to the bird, which is now resting but looks significantly better than in the previous days. "Guess we'll have to bid goodbye to our Baobao soon."

Xiao huffs under his breath, feigning annoyance to hide his reaction. Such a ridiculous name you chose, what he gets for letting you pick. You notice his action and smile, making him turn his head away. He'd be damned if he makes it more obvious that he finds it endearing.

Taking advantage of the fact you didn't tease him this time, he redirects his attention back to the bird. It's been moving more confidently, and he'd seen it fly short distances. It seems to have taken a liking to Wangshu Inn, though, and still receives the food the two of you extend to it.

He has to admit, he'd grown fond of it in this short time. Not just 'it', but Baobao, he suposses. At first, he felt mild curiosity paired with sympathy. Then, it somehow turned into the perfect reason for you to stay over at Wangshu Inn for a few days. Now, he looks at it and feels a certain softness.

He had a growing interest on what bonds concerned, specially after meeting you. You two had a special relationship, and through you, he'd learned to appreciate both old and new friends in ways he had never explored before. Slowly, Xiao went from wanting to sever your connection and reject your company to wishing to strengthen and cherish it. And he was always looking to do so in his own quiet way.

Like in this instance. He had heard humans could improve their relationships through the care of another living being, and he'd wanted to try it out now that he'd found a creature he felt connected to. The bird, ailed and hurting, gave him a glimpse of his past for a second. Morax found him in a similar state, gave him a name and freed him. So doing the same for this creature feels redeeming, and he trusts you with this process. It has a meaning to him, and he hopes it'll bring the two of you closer.

Even so, he admits he didn't anticipate it'd work to this extent. That the mere act of giving it a name would make it stand out from other living beings. That the memories you made these days would take hold so soon, that it'd really make life feel different if just for a little while.

So though he knew from the start the bird was not to stay close forever, he feels a certain dissapointment, similar to when he has to see you leave after spending time together.

Like every moment this happens, Xiao reconciles with the feeling pretty easily. Perhaps he's used to goodbyes, or your kind words about hope for a reunion actually got through his thick skull for once. But when you two are set to return it the next day, there are no visible traces of regret as it flies away and explores the trees nearby.

"There it goes..." you murmur softly, something like fulfillment in your voice despite the sadness of seeing it part. "I'm glad it recovered. And that you included me in this, too. I enjoyed taking care of Bao, though now I kinda wished it stayed longer."

"Farewell was part of the process... but I understand the feeling. Even so, i believe it helped build a new connection between us." Xiao muses in a low tone, like saying the words too loud would make them too real, would expose his vulnerability. But all you can do is smile, quietly acknowledging the purity of his intentions.

Silently, you reflect yourself on these past days. You almost feel like a parent watching their kid taking their own path, the way you both named and looked after that small bird together. You wonder if Xiao realizes, that it was the first thing you thought of. How to you it felt more like co-parenting than solely aiding a creature in need.

"I'm sure it's not a forever goodbye. It'll come visit us from time to time. We did a good job at raising it, after all." You comment, half serious, half jesting. You see the way Xiao's sharp eyes widen slightly at your comment, gaze flitting towards you. "Raise? It was a grown bird. We only nursed it back to health."

You hum, muttering a 'sure' that doesn't sound too convincing. Before he can question it on his own, you push subtly, "It felt similar to parenting to me."

Xiao stills at the words, colors rising to the pale skin of his face. He turns his head away, typical gesture when he's flustered, and crosses his arms. "...It's a bird. Parenting is reserved to one's offspring."

"I mean, we can do that, too." You prod mischievously. "This was like a trial period, and we both liked it from what I can tell. Don't you think we could build an even stronger connection if we-"

"...Stop," He interjects meekly, a hand covering his flushed face. You're joking and he knows it, but he hadn't considered that it could be seen in that way. Now you're putting silly thoughts in his head and he's not handling it smoothly. You almost feel bad, though you don't regret it. You do decide to quit teasing, still, as he looks once second away from melting in embarrassment.

"Alright... I apologize. We do have enough with Baobao for now. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, yes? I believe these days will repay us with more than just memories." You switch with surprising ease back to normal conversation, while he's still taking deep breaths to recover from your teasing. He listens regardless, and while he's used to not keeping expectations, he considers the idea if just to please you.

You spend the rest of the afternoon together at Wangshu Inn, before you have to bid Xiao goodbye. The days you spent with him happened in indulgence to his and your own wishes, so now you have to take care of the responsabilities you neglected in that time. As usual, you told him you'd come back whenever you could, and that you'd write letters regularly in case you're away for longer than expected. Xiao doesn't hog you, he never does, but his gaze lingers on you as you dissapear into the distance.

The next few days go on, and nothing's really changed. Nothing besides the fact that Xiao has a new set of memories to look back to, another thing that ties him back to you. That was the objective, though he still frequently struggles with adjusting and welcoming these feelings. It's at least proved to make his days more bearable, if anything.

Specially when you're proven right, and he sees your little birdy return to the eaves of Wangshu Inn. Yes, it's both his and yours now, and he quite enjoys it. He pretended to not give space to idea of it returning in his mind, but he feels the corners of his lips lifting slightly.

Xiao leaves some food, before observing from a distance. He's already thinking of when he'll get to tell you what happened, that your Baobao (may you never catch him addressing it by its name) actually returned to visit. Distance does make the heart grow fonder as you predicted. A troublesome feeling, admittedly, he wonders if he should just write to you again to get you out of his mind for a minute.

Bonds are interesting things, he concludes. The feelings tied to them make his otherwise dull life taxing at times, but they also grant him a peace he hadn't felt in a long, long while before he could experience them. He doesn't regret a single thing, he wants to keep sharing new experiences. And though the restlessness he's currently feeling is annoying, it's nothing when compared to the fulfillment your existence brings him.

And as he watches your little bird pay attention to the food he left, his mind keeps circling back to the same thought.

Oh, he can't wait to see you again.

“holy fuck!” she screamed. the needle went in deep. between the struggle of trying to hold down an uncontrollable six foot seven patient, an intern stuck her senior resident with something over 13 mg of ketamine.

“i’m so sorry! i didn’t mean to!” the poor girl squealed. doctor robby ran to the door to yell across the floor, “i need a gurney!” those remaining around the unruly patient continued to struggle to hold him down.

the resident shook her head, attempting to fight off the sedative. “no it’s alright, i’m about to go on the trip of a lifetime.” adrenaline seemed to be the only thing keeping her on her feet. she held her hand in her palm, a wave of wooziness suddenly washing over her. she mumbled, “down.”

“what?” student doctor dennis whitaker had poked his head in through the double doors, holding one side open, waiting for the nurses to run in with a gurney.

“falling down.” is all she could slur before the world went dark.

౨ৎ

she released a long, drunken hello, marbled by her dry throat. whitaker smiled, “hi.” he slightly adjusted the blood pressure cuff on her upper arm. “i’ll be quick, i promise,” he whispered. she nodded slowly. her head felt like it was a million pounds and weightless all at the same time.

his fingers grazed against her skin as he quickly tested the space beneath the cuff to make sure it was tight enough. had his hands always been so large? and his fingers so tough with callouses?

“was i sleeping?” she mused as the plastic cuff tightened around her arm. whitaker, taking note of her charts, shook his head. “you got stuck with an accidental dose of ketamine. fun, huh? yeah. you uh fell. pretty hard. we thought maybe you hit your head on the way down so we gave you a ct scan. you had just succumb to the sedation. how do you feel?”

she groaned, “i’m really sleepy. i miss you.” whitaker lowered the tablet, “i’m right here,” he chuckled. “no.” she patted the spot next to her in bed with a heavy hand, “you’re not.” she licked her dry lips, “you’re always so warm. i’m cold. c’mere. pretty please, denny?” she pleaded with half lidded eyes. her hands slowly stretched outwards towards her coworker. whitaker’s face flooded with a pink flush, all the way from his cheeks, down his neck, to the tips of his ears. the blood pressure cuff deflated with a loud beeping on the monitor.

“oh uhm…” his mouth hung slightly open in shock. it simply made him all the more handsome in her hazy, heavily intoxicated eyes. the way his wet, plush lips parted, she just wanted to slot her “fingers -

“what?” whitaker suddenly drew his hands up defensively. she shook her head as if to clear something out. she responded, “what did i say?” those big blue eyes wide as saucers, he quickly undid the cuff on her arm, pulling it off and setting it aside. he was suddenly nervous. “i’m - i’m gonna push a little bit of flumazenil now that we know you’re stable. it’ll - it - well you know, you’re a… doctor. uhm, and i have some ondansetron - zofran. zofran. so you can eat. i’m gonna, uh -“

in a gloved hand he plucked the pill from a white capsule cup off the counter. he held it up as if to show it off. “we could inject it, but since you haven’t eaten today, we’ll let it dissolve under your tongue so that it doesn’t have as many adverse effects on your tummy. sorry - stomach. i give this to a lot of children.”

whitaker lowered his hand, “say ‘ah.’” she shook her head and smiled up at him hazily, jaw shut tight. he huffed in building frustration, “doctor -“

“what’s the magic word denny?” she cooed. the intern sighed. he looked tired. he shrugged limply, figuring she was just arguing to argue. she encouraged, “say ‘please, doctor!’ c’mon, be a good boy.” her heavily euphoric mind had her flirting with her colleague.

whitaker swallowed harshly. he had always admired his superior. the dichotomy of her bedside manner, her overwhelming kindness and her crass sense of humor - reserved only for the colleagues who she knew could handle it - was violently charming.

once he had seen her at a bar. it was a weekend and she was wearing clean heels and a tight mini dress. she was flirting with a man too old for her. in fear of feeling like a pest, he sat across the bar. he watched for hours. she traced her polished fingertips over a ladder in her stockings as she spoke. she spun her hair in a tight coil around her finger nervously. she brushed his arm, she slipped her hand up his thigh. she delicately picked up her glass and slipped a twenty beneath it. after what felt like an eternity, she stood, pressed her purse into her side and pulled at her skirt. she left. he hid himself behind the rim of his glass when she passed by. then he left too. whitaker spent the rest of the night touching himself to the thought of her exposed thighs. he had never seen her in a tight dress. he had never seen the bare skin of her legs before. it was only ever baggy scrubs and messy buns. if only she’d let him kiss her there. at the crest of her pelvis. he’d spend hours between her legs and plead for more like a man starved.

so his look softened. a sudden lust pooled in his stomach. hot and needy. his brow scrunched up in a perfectly pathetic arch. surely she meant nothing of it. it was a cruel, crass joke. still, his pants were becoming uncomfortably tight.

“p - please…” he cleared his throat quickly, “please, doctor.” it almost sounded like a moan.

she gently parted her lips. whitaker’s brows furrowed. he cradled her chin with his free hand and pressed his fingers into her cheeks, forcing her jaw wider. oh what he’d do to see her like this on her knees. preferably sober. he’d brush his head around her silken lips -

she lightly giggled and lifted her tongue. whitaker pressed the pill into the underside of her mouth with two fingers. she closed her lips around his touch.

his body stiffened, “ah -“ he squeaked. she sucked gently, tongue circling around his fingertips until his gloved fingers left her mouth with a harsh pop.

the intern swung around. he gathered his things in his arms. he was being completely inappropriate. she pouted, “don’t go,” she whined. he blinked his big, nervous eyes, “i’m gonna get you a sandwich. i’ll be back.”

she puffed out her lips and threw her head back like a child. her lower lip quivered and suddenly she was letting out tired, dry sobs. she felt childish and silly, but she also felt like she was completely out of her mind. everything was distant and dreamlike. so she laid her head back and cried until she eventually fell asleep again.

“hey,” his soft voice beckoned her into the waking world. whitaker brushed his thumb against the apple of her cheek to swipe away a rolling tear. she palmed at her eyes until she could make out the redheaded country boy through her fingers.

she giggled like a school girl, “hi, huckleberry!” he winced, “you too now, huh?” his face was so close. he smiled lightly, “here’s lunch.” he laid a giant, wrapped sub in her covered lap. it was only when she looked down that she realized she was dressed in a gown. those expensive scrubs she wore for her slow day, probably torn up to pieces somewhere, knowing dr. robby. her hunger outweighed her surprise.

“oh i could fuck the shit out of you right now little farmer boy,” she groaned as she quickly unwrapped the sandwich. she took a likely dangerous bite. he cleared his throat. maybe it was the drugs, the euphoric hallucinogen boiling under her skin. but she swore, in that fleeting moment, between the beeps of the monitor and the bustling noise outside, she heard a small, quaint, “please,” fall from whitaker’s lips in a whiny sigh.

the pallid farmer turns on his heel toward her iv before she can think about it much. “we are going to up the anti-sedative, alright? sometimes it makes your heart beat a little bit faster, so tell me if you feel anything strange.” his bedside voice is so sweet. so gentle. what was his… under… bed voice like? yeah, she’s definitely still high.

“sorry i don’t know why i’m explaining, you know all this. i don’t mean any disrespect.” he bit his lip nervously. between a mouthful of the best sub she’s ever had - no tomatoes ( something she had offhandedly mentioned to whitaker ) - she yelled, “yeah respect your superiors! i don’t know where i am. i don’t care. i could put my dick in this sandwich.” he loudly laughed, out of shock more than anything. she covered her mouth, “oh fuck sorry.” but he didn’t seem to mind, he burst out suddenly in a slew of loud laughs. she laughed with him, groggily. highly. closing her eyes as she continued to down her food.

when the boy had finally calmed down, she added, “i think i’m still tripping.” whitaker nodded in agreement. he heavily sat in a rolling stool and leaned into the railings of her bed. he scrubbed the back of his neck, “i’ll… i’ll stay with you for a bit, til you fall back asleep. no aspiration before you’re released.”

she put up a lazy thumb. it took her a while to eat, and she mostly had quiet, odd thoughts. happy ones. still odd. as she reached the end of her footlong, she asked, “have you considered prostitution? or elder care. you’re such a sweetheart.” bringing her sandwich to her lips she added, “just wanna eat you.”

thankfully, she didn’t see the red flushing whitaker’s face. in an attempt to match her humor, he mumbled, “i have a pretty steep price.”

she hummed, “yeah? i’d spend all my er money on that fine piece… of…” she had the sudden conscious to sensor herself. whitaker waited, eyebrows raised. when she didn’t finish, he slapped his hands on his thighs and stood up suddenly, as if he had been fixated in a trance. the sound drew her eyes to his lap. his bulge was pressing against his trousers like a big red arrow screaming ‘look at me!’ one big, big arrow.

a smirk cracked across her face and she drew her gaze down to her now empty lap. she was high, and she knew she was probably seeing things. but if not, what exactly had she said to give whitaker so little room in his pants?

“i’m gonna, uh, grab you some water. need anything else? there are popsicles in the staff room. pink ones.” he grabbed the trash from between her legs. he brushed his hand across her bare thighs to clear the crumbs. she suddenly grabbed his wrist.

whitaker paused. she pressed his hand firmly into her plush thigh. his wide eyes met her own. he took his chance and groped it. his thin, calloused fingers instinctively dig into her flesh. one squeeze, two. his eyes fluttered lightly and he croons toward her. melting at her touch.

“one pink popsicle please,” she pats the poor boy’s hand politely. the anti-sedation was kicking in, but not enough to stop her from succumbing to lust.

dennis whitaker. polite, shy, lean under those messy scrubs. he pulled his hand away like he had been scorched. he nodded, and rushed out the double doors of the room.

he was gone for too long. maybe he got distracted or maybe he was with a patient. without the occupation of a purpose, a thick wave of lethargy wracked her body. her racing thoughts quieted, and before she knew it she was dreaming again.

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she took a handful of days off, using her pierced hand as an excuse to lay around and watch tv. the woman boiled in her embarrassment for the same amount of time. why did it have to be dennis who took care of her. why couldn’t she hold her tongue. it was all a hazy memory, but she remembered pressing his hand atop her thighs, and the wetness left between her legs afterwards. when she finally returned, she avoided dennis like the plague. until finally there was a lull in the er and she caught the farm boy filing paperwork on the computer.

hands clasped behind her back, she greeted him, “hey, whitaker -“ the student furrowed his brow, she never called him whitaker. she continued quietly, warm breath tickling his ear as she leaned down, “can i speak to you in private.”

he shot up. his chair loudly rolled back a few inches. “i’ll take my lunch!” he drew a few eyes. she chuckled, “uh yeah, perfect, sure.”

dennis quickly handed his patients off to an attending before following her into the staff room. he closed the door quietly behind them. she thought she heard the lock click. she leaned against the wall, waiting for him to berate her, call her a slut. and when silence lingered in the air, he finally asked, “what’s up?”

she ran a hand over her face, heart beating in her throat. “i just wanted to apologize for last week.” dennis’s eyes had that look. big and glossy, like he could cry on command. he cracked a small smile, “oh - pft -“ he waved the thought away, “that’s not necessary.”

she shook her head violently. “yes it is. i’m so embarrassed. i was acting completely inappropriate. high or not, i should have never spoken to a colleague that way. especially a subordinate. as a senior resident i should have much more self control. i am so sorry and i don’t want this to effect our friendship or relationship. i just want to pretend it never happened.”

dennis’s smile dropped ever so slightly. “i mean, you were on ketamine,” he offered. if she didn’t know better, she’d say he almost sounded disappointed. she laughed gratefully, “a lot of it.”

“do you remember what you said?” he dug his hands into his pockets, picking at his fingers beneath the fabric. she crossed her arms and cleared her throat, “…well, just a few things. i remember asking you about prostitution, and uh, how much i would pay for it. and… well…” letting you grope my inner thigh. “that’s it really.” a pathetic laugh passed her lips as she internally pleaded for sympathy.

he took a few steps closer in the tiny room and nearly closed the space between them. she pressed herself closer to the wall, anything to avoid touching him, hurting him. corrupting him. she could feel his breath as he spoke. “so you didn’t bring me here to fuck me?”

her heart dropped to her stomach. “what?!” she laughed incredulously. she put her hands up, “dennis - whitaker. no. i wouldn’t -“

“you wouldn’t?” his face was all pouty, like a keening puppy. his eyes were wide and lips slightly plump. he was playing with her, but he wasn’t joking. he was toying. teasing.

no, he wasn’t. it was whitaker, too young for her, too pretty for anybody… for anybody but her. “denny -“ she scrunched her eyes closed and palmed at them harshly, searching for the right thing to say. trying to press perverted thoughts from her swirling mind.

before she could breathe another word, dennis lunged forward. he grabbed her wrists and held them at her side. her eyes widened. he kissed her. it was sloppy and broken. teeth clashed wildly and tongues danced. eventually she broke free of his grasp and buried her hands in his short hair. she was being smothered by his lips. lightheaded and heaving the hot breath he passed into her mouth.

he pulled away panting. his lips were kiss chapped. he began to kiss a trail from her cheek to her collarbone. “when i left that day… i went to the bathroom…” he muttered, slightly nipping at a her neck. he soothed the burn with his tongue, licking a stripe across the now red mark before planting a gentle kiss. he continued in a whisper, “i fucked my hand and pretended it was yours.”

“oh fuck” she groaned. her head reared back and hit the drywall. every doubt she had melted from her body. so did her inhibitions. she harshly pushed dennis away.

“beg for it.” she didn’t have to ask, he dropped to his knees the second she spoke. he crawled. just a few paces, just to close the space between them again. he stopped at her feet, big blue eyes doing the pleading on their own.

“please? i need you so bad,” he whined. “the second i saw you. i saw you, at the bar on main. in your pretty dress -“ he sat up on his heels, and a hand slipped under her pant leg and pushed up her smooth calf. his hips jolted forward ever so slightly. “your legs are so pretty. your thighs - i just wanna bite into them, kiss them, lick you up. i could be so good to you. please let me be good for you?”

a weak moan escaped her lips. before she could respond -

“hello? you can’t lock the fucking break room door, c’mon, man. my lunch is in there?!” it was santos. of course it was fucking santos. banging on the door like a lunatic. dennis shot up, hoping she wasn’t tall enough to see his head pop up in the door’s window.

she laughed quietly and pointed to his crotch. he followed her finger downwards. there was a wet spot pooling through his blue scrubs. blue because he had been thrown up on not once, but twice in fifteen minutes.

whitaker yelped, “sorry! just a second!” he tried to wipe at the spot, but he only smeared it further down his crotch. she covered her huge smile with a polite hand. he shot a glare at her, but with how things were going, she was sure he’d get off on the embarrassment later. “fuck!” he squealed.

covering his crotch in a very obvious way, whitaker approached the door. she took a seat in one of the stiff chairs, and buried her head in her hands.