the beets!

Evan is stuck in his own head. Body under the complete inhabitation of Habit.

He feels like he’s going insane. He can’t say or do anything. Just stuck watching as his own body moves of its own volition.

He hates it. He wants to die. Every time he manages to surface, even just for a second, he takes whatever he can to try and end it.

Pills, whatever knife Habit happened to have in his hand at the time. Hell he even tried drowning himself at one point.

But Habit always pulls him back just in time. Just in time to make it frustrating. Habit will laugh at him in his own head. Mock him for being so soft.

It becomes an everyday thing, and Evan starts dissociating within his own mind. Dreaming up scenarios. It seems to make the time go by faster, and he doesn’t feel as much pain as before.

Then, one day, he dreams up you. Soft hair, soft eyes, sweet smile. He dreams of you with wings, delicate, white, fluffy wings.

You look like an angel. So that’s what he calls you. Your face is fuzzy, but your voice is easy. Your giggles sound like music to him.

Dreaming of you two together in fields, laying on the grass and watching clouds pass by. You point up at one in particular.

“That one looks like a heart.”

Your giggle makes him smile, he’s watching the clouds pass by, and he sees it. The heart shaped cloud.

The soft grass underneath you both. Everything is washed over in a hazy glow of white. Like a memory long since forgotten, had finally resurfaced.

Evan is content to stay like this. By your side in his own dreams. His own made up land of softness and love he created.

Even while his own body commits atrocities outside. He holds your hand, pointing up at another cloud.

“That one looks like a horse.”

You snort, sitting up from the grass. Evan joins you, looking at you in confusion. Very gently, you extend one wing, wrapping it around him to pull him closer.

“You know you can’t stay here forever, right?”

You murmur softly, his cheek pressing against the top of your head. You can feel his frown, how upset he is at those words.

Because he knows it. And he hates that he knows it. But what’s the harm?

“I know… but I’d like to stay a little longer.”

He could feel a lump in his throat, eyes welling up with tears. Your the first and only thing he’s had to keep him sane throughout this entire ordeal. Even though you were just a figment of his imagination.

“Okay..”

You whisper back, leaning into him a little more. You don’t want him to leave either. So, what’s the harm in just a few more minutes?

In My Restless Dreams

A faint buzzing droned on throughout the hospital – constant, numbing.

When you’d arrived they stuck you in a stuffy little exam room with a chipped tile floor and peeling wallpaper, where you’ve been for the last 30 minutes. You sat on the edge of the uncomfortable paper sheets, kicking your legs back and forth in an attempt to pass the time.

Evan sat in the chair beside you, pretending he wasn’t spending half his time staring at you like you might spontaneously combust. Every time you made eye contact he’d glance away, acting as if he was just scanning the room. Unfortunately for him, there was no denying the emotions pooling in his gaze. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t hide it. He was confused and scared – you didn’t envy him. This must be a horrible situation to be in. All the ramifications of the next sixteen years, horrors he didn’t yet have to see, suddenly crashed on top of him in the blink of an eye. His mind desperately searched for more reasonable explanations – explanations he couldn’t find.

His leg bounced up and down, brows knitting together as his eyes darted between the door and the clock hanging from the wall. “Goddamn,” He hissed through his teeth. “What’s taking them so fuckin’ long?”

“I’m sure they’re just busy, Ev. Er, Evan- Ev.” You stumbled over yourself, nearly unsure what to call him. Had you nicknamed him yet? You couldn’t remember. 2009 had never felt farther away. Evan gave you a sideways glance before pushing himself to his feet.

He reached out and gently placed a hand on your shoulder. It was enough to nearly cause you to burst into tears, and you had to wrestle them back as it was.

“Can’t be anything important enough to keep them from *you* this long. I told the dipshits you need some help. I’ll go check.” He told you, giving your shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Every nerve in your body screamed at you to reach out and grab his hand, to keep him with you (and on you) just a moment longer. Your flesh ached for his gentle touch. Yet, the unfamiliarity of this past version of him kept your hands frozen in place, and the only thing you could do was watch him slip out the door.

Once again, you were alone.

The stuffiness of the room intensified how loud the silence was, pressure building in your head to a point you were afraid your it would explode. It didn’t help that your heart was racing – hammering away like a terrified little bunny rabbit. Last time you’d gone to the hospital, god knows how many years ago, hadn’t gone so well.

You thought you were being clever. Thought you were being sneaky, that you were just slipping around in the corners and cracks. He found out, of course. He always found out. Always found *you*. There was hell to pay for your actions, and the injuries he left you with were worse than his previous ones that you’d gone in for. It wasn’t more than five minutes before each stitch was ripped out by his teeth, followed by his canines pulling the flaps of the wounds wider. The sound of flesh tearing, painstakingly slowly, lived in your ears for days. Or, never really went away, I suppose. You just stopped crying about it at some point.

Habit trained you like the pet you were. If you didn’t heed his warnings and mockings, the next step was physical consequences. Bad dogs need punishment to teach them to behave, beat with the cane so that next time they’ll obey their master. Bad dogs are only measured by the worth of spilt blood.

The door squealed on it’s hinges as Evan sauntered back in, knife gripped tightly in his hands and a mocking smirk on his face. You hardly had any time to move before he plunged the blade into your skin with a sickening thud, ripping it back from the newly dug hole before thrusting it in again. And again. The sound of flesh ripping echoed off the barren walls, obscene wet sounds weighing the air with their intimacy.

No he didn’t.

Your head spun and the world blurred. When your vision returned to a reasonable degree, Evan was flopping his weight down into the crappy synthetic chair.

Your body was fine. There was no such knife to be had.

None of that had happened. It wasn’t real.

Your eyes remained locked onto his face, carefully inspecting every micro mannerism. Blood soared into your cheeks, veins swelling in a tingly panic. You wanted to run. To hide. While at the moment he posed no threat, the face across from you only registered as a heatless shell – empty and devoid of all the love you’d once held and never could forget, no matter how hard you tried or how many transgressions were committed in his place.

“They said they’ll be right in – had some car accident patient come in.” He told you, shifting in his seat to get comfortable.

His eyes travelled over your body for a moment, before he turned away with a faint blush as he realized you’d been staring at him the entire time.

“So uh,” he cleared his throat. “Uhhhh, the uhm. The hair – it seems. Longer? You styled it different?.” He seemed unsure what to talk about.

You nodded at him. There was no escaping the feeling that something was wrong that had settled your chest. Not to mention you just didn’t really wanna talk about the hair, of all things. “He made me let it grow.” You explained simply.

“He made you grow it.” Evan nodded slowly, taking in your words. “And by ‘He’, you mean me? Or… the thing I had become…?”

He still didn’t understand. Who could blame him? Nothing about it was easy, not even in the few details you’d already shared with him. And as guilty as you felt about sharing what you had, you still found yourself frustrated with his inability to comprehend the concept of Habit taking over his body. It wasn’t some monster Evan had become that had tortured you so – it was something else entirely. A separate being that had curled up inside of Evan. Saying that it *was* Evan was insulting.

“No-“ You sighed. “Yknow what, yeah. Basically.”

Evan held his hands up. “Hey- don’t get pissy with me, I just wanna understand. What’d I say wrong?”

“It’s fine. I’m sorry.” You tried to hold eye contanct, but the longer you looked at his face the worse it distorted, the repulsion building in your gut until you had to look away.

It was just a gross, saggy, rubbery slab of ham.

That’s all faces really were, all bodies really are. People are, deep down, just tubes of meat. Revolting concoctions of flesh, shit, piss, cum, and water. They eat and sleep and breed, and then they die. Unless they get hollowed out, scraped clean like a rotten pumpkin left for the local rodents, to be used as a coat by something else until the coat disintegrates to just bare, rotting threads. Something in which held divine purpose. Who wouldn’t want their disgusting, bloody waterballoon-bodies to be used for a greater purpose? To be free of their meaty prisons? Don’t you want your body to be a temple for something far more holy than yourself?

Sure you do, everyone does. Everyone is seeking a greater purpose, one that’s so easy to find – if you’d just give in. But sometimes, of course, it takes you by force.

Evan sat up straighter, picking up on how upset you were. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed. I-“

You cut him off, waving your hand at him in a desperate attempt to make him stop.

Vomit rose to the head of your throat, and you quickly clamped a hand over your mouth to keep it in. The world spun around you and the little monitor screen they had you hooked up as a way of keeping track of your vitals began screaming at you. ‘BEEP BEEP BEEP’ the voices echoed in the machines cries – wails of terror and grief. BEEP BEEP BEEP The smell of weeks upon weeks of matted gore and bloody hair filled your nose, room darkening. BEEP BEEP BEEP. The screams and tear-filled laminations rose, threatening to drown out the cries of the furious machine BEEP BEEP BEEP. You couldn’t imagine the amount of – BEEP BEEP BEEP - death that lead to the reek that burned in your nose – how many mothers, how many bunnies? BEEP BEEP BEEP

BEEP BEEP BEEP

You ripped the monitor off your finger to make it stop. The world went black.

At some point Evan had arrived at your side, cradling you in his arms while the two of you sat on the nasty hospital floor. You weren’t sure when, exactly. Or even how you’d gotten onto the floor. At some point you realized you were in his arms, the ugly-ass hospital room just the same as when you arrived, and that was that. He whispered things that sounded sweet in your ear, but you couldn’t actually understand anything he was saying. It was as if he was speaking in tongues, but the tone of his voice (and the fact it was his) eased you nonetheless.

It wasn’t long before multiple nurses piled into the room with you guys, berating you with questions you couldn’t make out, let alone answer. Evan did his best to explain what happened, unable to keep the fear from shaking his voice. As your head began to clear, drowning sensations dissipating, you picked up just about his entire vocabulary of profanity being tossed around in his explanations and demands.

By the time you got your head back on you, the doctor was sliding into the room and you were back on the paper sheets – Evan’s arms wrapped tightly around you like he was trying to keep you from falling off in another fit as he sat by your side.

He looked like he wanted to throat punch someone. And you wouldn’t put it past him, from your memory of his youth.

The doctor was a wiry older man, the type you’d find drinking himself to death on Bud Lite in a crappy bar down south. Something in his face was shifty, though you couldn’t exactly attribute it to malice. The way his eyes drifted over your body, however, made you feel like Evan’s baggy Motorhead Tee was skintight. You sunk a little closer to Evan.

Having someone to back up against was a forgotten comfort.

“So,” The doctor began, scraping the metal stool across the floor to sit on. “What’s going on with this one?” He asked, pointing at you and looking to Evan.

Evan glanced at you for a moment, seeming to share similar concerns. You just simply nodded at him, signaling for him to just go ahead and tell the story. Things were easier that way.

“Well, uh, besides what the nurses saw happen…” He glanced back to you, unsure how to politely put it. “Y/N said something about coming from 16 years in the future, says I died and got… I Dunno, possessed?”

The doctor nodded slowly, taking it all in while his eyes raked over you again. “When did this start?”

Evan didn’t react, which kinda pissed you off. It was obvious this man was making you uncomfortable, wasn’t it? And he just… Was gonna let him do it? Habit may have been a bastard, but he was nobody’s bitch and would have already kicked the man’s skull in. Here you found yourself craving his violence, and while your head told you it was wrong, you couldn’t deny the gaping pit in your stomach. Goddamn it – of course you didn’t miss him. Who could miss a monster like that? He hurt you in ways not even human men were capable of, what a ridiculous thought “missing him” was.

“Last night, I found Y/N in my kitchen. We hung out over the weekend and… *this* wasn’t goin’ on.” Evan answered plainly. His hand came up to your shoulder and gently massaged the limb. “’Got these nasty-ass lookin’ scars, too, that sure as shit weren’t there two days ago.”

The doctor leaned forward with a small grunt. “Show me the scars.” He ordered.

You looked at Evan for reassurance, hooking your fingers around the hem of the shirt. You didn’t wanna be belly-up on display for this man. Evan better know that this was all for him. If it wasn’t for his own comfort, to assure him you were okay, you’d be far-the-fuck-away from this place.

Evan’s hand shifted down to your wrist, holding it in a soft grip - preventing you from lifting the shirt. “Hey Doc, what’d you say your name was again?”

The doctor’s eyes flicked back to Evan, giving him a hollow stare. “Dr. Schechem. I believe the nurses already told you that.”

“’Believe they didn’t, Dr. Bullshit.” Evan huffed.

Dr. Schechem ignored Evan’s comment. “The scars?” He pressed, gesturing impatiently for you to lift your shirt up.

You hesitantly pulled it up, slipping your wrist from Evan’s grip, stopping the hem just below your chest.

The long, jagged marks ran the length of your abdomen. Some places had lumps of scar tissue, built up from being torn open again and again, while other places were silky smooth. They didn’t even have the courtesy of being some sort of fantasy-reminiscent edgy scars. Instead, they left your torso grossly disfigured. There was no way those could have appeared overnight.

“Does this satisfy you?” You huffed, giving the doctor a hard stare.

The doctor’s cold fingers reached out to trace and prod at the marks, causing you to flinch. Fuck, you’d think the man was a corpse with how cold his hands were. He picked at them and pinched the masses, sending lighting shooting through your spine, before leaning back with a sigh. “Well, they’re definitely real,”

You pulled Evan’s T-shirt back over your body, twisting your head around to give the Brunette man an “I told you so” look. He didn’t seem so amused.

“What caused them, then?” Evan pressed.

Dr. Schechem gave a loose shrug. “Is it possible you just never noticed? Bumbling around in a dark room while distracted with… other body parts tends to do that. You wouldn’t believe the fights I’ve seen young couples! Especially when women are involved, oh the fits they have when the woman gets mad her man didn’t know about a scar or birthmark - unless its on her good bits.” He laughed. “Once I knew this woman who had a whopper of a birth mark right on her-“

“We’re not like that.” Evan cut him off sharply. “And you seem to speak from *personal* experience there, don’t’cha?”

The doctor swallowed nervously, eyes fixed on Evan.

Grief’s icy claws burrowed deeper into your guts once again. ”we’re not like that”, he’d said. All those years, all those memories - just gone. Like they never happened. But they did happen – to you, and you alone. Evan didn’t, and never would, remember the time he took you for ice cream at 3 in the morning. He’d never remember when you spilled water on yourself at a restaurant and he poured an entire glass down his shirt to keep you from being embarrassed. Or when you bought the puppy at a vet’s office (whom he’d named “Biter”. Guess why!) and brought the little guy home to him, or any of the late nights you’d spent together arguing or crying or screaming at each other just to come out closer than ever. Those memories were yours to bear alone.

The doctor held his hands up, chuckling softly. “Well, in that case, you probably just didn’t see em.”

“And what – you think I’m just making this up?” You snorted at the doctor.

“Calm down there.” The doctor shook his head, pushing himself up from his seat and obnoxiously scraping the metal stool over the floor again. “You gave us a nice run, I applaud you two’s creativity. Now, the front desk will be waiting for you guys to discuss a payment method.”

“I’m not giving you fuckers a fucking cent.” Evan snapped. “Come on, that’s the best you can do? Bullshit!”

His fists clenched, body tensing. This little 5’4 man was really gonna fight if he had to. But honestly, you just felt guilty – you *knew* what was going on, this was just a waste of time and money. Not to mention all the energy Evan was pouring into being pissed about all this – even though that dumbass doctor deserved a fist to the jaw.

Dr. Schchem gave him a long look before conceding with a sigh. “Fine – I’ll go talk with my nurses and see what else we can do.”

“Yeah, you do that.” Evan snorted back, tossing an arm around your shoulder and pulling you in.

You watched the doctor leave the room, muttering under his breath as you leaned back against Evan’s chest with a sigh.

“I’m sorry, Ev.”

“What for?”

“For…” You gestured vaguely around the room. “All this.”

Evan brought his other arm around your midsection, pulling you into a tight hug and burying his nose in the crook of your neck. “Nah, it’s not your fault.” He murmured against your skin. “You need to be taken care of once in a while – or, all the time really, but…” He trailed off with a weak laugh, pressing his face deeper into your neck.

“Kinda is my fault,” You shrugged.

He shook his head. “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s Doctor Dipshit’s mother’s fault for dropping him on his head as a baby.”

You giggled a little, gently bopping him on the head. For a brief moment, if you tried hard enough, you could really almost pretend that nothing had changed.

“Evan, that’s not nice.” You teased him, giving a sarcastic eyeroll. He laughed and brought his head down to rest against your shoulder.

He clicked his tongue. “Yeah but it’s kinda true. She probably did it on purpose, too.”

The clock ticked monotonously against the wall, the buzzing from the lights filling the spaces inbetween. You weren’t sure how long it had really been since the doctor left, but you were beginning to think he might simply not return.

But you were probably just being impatient.

The worst thing about the wait wasn’t the sitting or the coldness of the hospital, but instead the way it gave your thoughts room to wander. Your gaze bounced around the room, a looming sense of dread settling into your chest. There was a brief moment, upon Evan finding you in his kitchen, in which you almost believed that everything was over and you could return to normal. Or rather, forge a new normal. Waking up in his bed, in spite of the new problems, felt *right*. You were in his sheets, where you had always needed to be, even though it was painfully different.

The last 16 years had taught you to never get too comfortable, however. And the expanse of the lifeless, shiny white hallways in this building did nothing to ease the ache.

Was this Jeff’s hospital? You couldn’t remember. You didn’t even know what it had looked like anymore, there was just a vague memory of him having worked in one. What had he even done? Him being a *doctor* didn’t sound right.

This wasn’t unusual. Memories didn’t quite fit in their boxes, not since everything went to shit. For once in your life it was far better to trust feelings than your knowledge.

But you know who would still know?

“This isn’t… Jeff’s hospital, is it?” You rasped quietly, looking over to Evan. And praying to god that this was right – the last thing either of you needed was for it to turn out that Jeff had never worked in a hospital.

Evan’s arms squeezed you tighter, bringing his thumb to gently massage your hip. “Nah, I didn’t think you’d want the whole tribe fussing over you right now. These places do all look the same though, huh?” He murmured, glancing around the room.

You nodded slightly, leaning into his touch.

He buried his face back in the crook of your neck again, eyes fluttering shut. Having him all pressed against you felt like a little escape of its own.

“I’m so fucking tired…” He mumbled. His chest heaved with a heavy sigh.

You brought your arm around to run your fingers through his hair, fingertips weaving their way through his familiar brown locks.

Evan froze momentarily under your touch – from the position you were in, you were completely oblivious to his flushed cheeks. It took him a moment to regain his composure, settling back into the crook of your neck and melting into your touch as you continued to stroke his head.

“Didn’t sleep?” You hummed.

He shrugged against you. “Last night was the first night in a long damn time I got a few hours straight – I haven’t slept that good in weeks.”

Oh no- was it already starting? Had this happened last time, and he’d just never told you? Your stomach flipped over, anxiety gnawing at your guts.

“Why not?” You asked him, forcing the question through your dry throat.

Evan hesitated, tensing. “Ah, I just… am having a hard time, ya know?”

That was the least convincing statement he’d ever made in his life, and it only served to make your current condition worse. The lines on the little machine told it all, and you only prayed Evan didn’t notice. This was about *him*, not you. For once in his fucking life you wanted to focus on him again instead of having to worry about yourself.

“Hey,” You cooed, twisting around to look him in the eye. “You can always talk to me.”

Evan’s gaze softened. “Thanks,”

If nothing else, if there was no way to prevent this – to save him – you would at least be someone for him to lean on.

“I’ve just been having these shitty-ass dreams.” He explained, taking a hand from your abdomen to rub his face. He seemed genuinely distressed by whatever these dreams were, blue eyes turning hollow as he thought about them more. “It’s… well… In these dreams, it’s always… me – us – but… but wrong…?” He sighed. “It’s fine, they’re just… dreams.”

Your hands came up to cup his cheeks – sending a bright pink blazing across them. “Whatever they are, whatever you feel, please tell it all to me.” You rubbed his blushed skin with your thumbs, the close proximity allowing you to feel how hard his heart was pounding in his chest. “I *want* to listen. I wanna listen all night long, mm’kay?”

The door squeaked open, interrupting your little moment, but this time it wasn’t Dr. Schechem. Instead, a large burly man stepped into the room. His arms were crossed, but there was a sympathetic look to his gaze. “Look - you guys gotta leave.” He grunted. You spun around to face the man, unable to keep the disgruntled look from your face.

Evan tensed. “What, he calls a security guard instead of treating his patients?”

The security guard took in a deep breath. “I’m sorry. We can discuss options later, but for now all I can do is get you guys out of here.”

You pushed yourself off the bed and out of Evan’s grip. “Come on, Ev, lets just go.”

And really, you didn’t mind leaving. You didn’t really want to come here anyway. You grabbed his hand, intertwining your fingers with his. The security guard seemed kind enough, the type of man you could look at and feel safe around, but still – he had a job to do, and the way that violence threatened to rupture sent a shiver down your spine.

“No –“ Evan snapped. “This is bullshit, you’re just gonna take this?”

The security guard gave a weary sigh. “I’m not saying I agree with this, but I can’t help until we get outside.”

You tugged him harder, pulse squeezing in your neck as blood soared to your head. This bubble was about to burst underneath you. “Evan.”

The way Evan’s arm was tensed in your grip, muscles prepared for a move, made your hands feel numb against his skin. His desire to protect you was sweet, but violence always came with the sort of sweet you’d find in the sickly, sugary scent of rotting trash and decaying matter.

Some people wore the scent well - learned to combine it with their perfume or cologne, and while always mildly unsettling, still managed to work. Others, however, were simply not made to carry the odor of violence. One such being Evan, who in spite of all his ambition and training, wasn’t the skin of a killer.

Evan gave you a bewildered look, eyes blown with adrenaline. “We came here to get you help, no way in hell-“

“Evan!” You cried, tears threatening to spill. “Please can we just go?”

The room fell with a deafening silence, both men staring at you with sympathy and guilt. Their gazes choked you where you stood, suffocating you. It took a good minute for either to move, both waiting to determine if that first tear was going to fall. Finally, Evan broke the silence, his movements cutting the air like a blade as he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you into his chest. Finally, you felt like you could breathe again.

“Lets get out of here, huh?” He murmured, guiding you towards the door.

You shrugged him off and charged out through the halls. Goddamn it- why couldn’t you just enjoy this? You get a second chance and spend it all freaking out. God…

The doors slammed shut behind you and Evan as you got back in the car, air cold and heavy as Evan started the engine. You gazed over at him, trying to gauge his mood. He had that look he’d get, when he was starting to get lost in his head trying to fix everyone else’s problems.

He meant well. You knew he did.

He had followed you out of the hospital and dealt with the front desk when you’d been too confused. You didn’t remember your insurance information anymore – or anything else, really – which had made the paperwork they wanted you to fill out rather difficult. Evan argued for you, that you could email it to them instead or just come back since they already had your legal info and could get ahold of you. Eventually, they agreed.

Now, you were trying to figure out what to say to him. Sorry? Thank you? All of the above?? Silence wasn’t your guys’ thing – not then, and not now. Or… yeah, whatever.

The better question – was why Evan wasn’t playing music. What the hell kind of car ride was this?

“Are you sick?” You teased him, turning around in your seat to dig around in the back. Your memory kicked in big time, and bingo – right where you knew it would be. His box of CDs.

“I assumed you’d want some quiet after that fiasco.” He laughed. “I see why Jeff works at the other hospital, I guess.”

You pulled the box into your lap, snorting at Evan’s comment as you began to dig through it. “I’m not sure I actually believe that man has a medical license.”

“A hillbilly medical license, maybe. His medical school experience was just pouring piss and whiskey on wounds then calling it a day.” Evan looked over at you, making a face.

“Yeah…” You hummed back, meeting his gaze. Your eyes drifted over his features, running on a mind of their own while your hand lay limp in the CD box. Was he always so pretty?

Evan turned his attention back on the road, letting you fully have the chance to enjoy the view. You momentarily gave up on your search for music, taking the chance for once in your life to slow down and rest a moment. His car smelled so strongly of him – which you couldn’t remember having ever noticed before. The way the sun shone through the window and illuminated his face and made his blue eyes glow sent a swirl of fever through your chest.

His eyes flicked up to the little internal mirror, meeting your face. “Whatchu looking at over there?”

Heat rushed to your cheeks. “I, uhm-“

Evan smirked, hands tightening against the wheel. “Hmm?”

It was hard to compose yourself, with the sun still illuminating his face like that. Maybe you hadn’t truly appreciated him quite enough the first time you had him – or maybe, you’d simply forgotten just how gorgeous he was.

“That’s okay,” He shrugged smugly. “Keep it to yourself then.”

You giggled, swatting at his shoulder. “Fuck off.”

He laughed in response, face giddy. It wasn’t hard to figure out he enjoyed being the spotlight of your attention.

The two of you settled into a comfortable quiet. His hand was gently resting on the shiftstick, and you were half tempted to reach out and grab it.

How long had it been since you’d had his hand in yours? The soft pads on his fingers gently massaging the back of your palm, holding onto each other until you got sweaty.

You bit your lip at the thought. It would just have to wait – it was too soon for him right now. And that was just fine – neither of you were going anywhere. Not for a few years, at least – and now, you had the chance to make up for everything you’d regretted not doing.

“How about some lunch?” He chirped, breaking you out of your thoughts. “What’s that one god-awful restaurant I always give you shit about?”

You blinked, surprised. “It’s already lunchtime?”

“Dr. Bullshit wasted a lot of time.”

Lunch did sound nice – and the idea of sitting alone at a table with Evan made your chest flutter.

“I’ll pay?” Evan looked over at you, wiggling his eyebrows.

You giggled. “Sounds great – keep your eyes on the road, hotshot.”

Evan slouched in his seat, picking at his food. You tilted your head at him – it wasn’t like him to play around with his food. Normally, he’d be inhaling it right now.

“What is it?” You hummed.

Evan shrugged, lips flattening into a line. He continued to pick at his lunch. “Ah, nothing. So uh – you feelin’ any better?”

It wasn’t just nothing, clearly. And the fact that he was shrugging you off like this made your stomach turn. Was it something about his sleepless nights? You couldn’t save him, but you could at least be here for him if he’d just let you. Maybe this time around you could fix all the things you regretted. Wasn’t this what second chances were all about? Or was it all, in spite of the knowledge you gained the first time around, hopeless?

“I’m better, especially now that I’m sitting here with you.” You smiled. “Having someone with me makes it seem… like less of a weight.” Which was true, you weren’t lying. But would that get through his thick head?

He smiled back at you, lightening up a little. “Good to hear,”

He wadded up his straw wrapper and tossed it at you. You dodged it with a small squeal, excitement surging through your veins. “Evan!” You giggled. You picked the wrapper up and tossed it back at him, which he made no real move to dodge but to turn his head, and ended up getting it stuck in his hair. He didn’t notice this, of course. The sight brought a swell to your chest.

You slouched back in your seat as he faced you again, sticking his tongue out at you.

“Ya missed.”

“Evan, You’re fucking stupid.”

He shrugged, holding up his hands in defense. He was still clueless as to the straw wrapper in his hair, and you had no motivation to tell him. How long would it stay there?

“So,” You leaned back in your seat, clearing your throat as you turned the conversation back to a more serious note. “Talk to me, Evan – please.”

You could see the way he deflated, shoulders slouching. It almost made you feel bad to ruin the moment, and deep down, you were sad it was already over. But, you needed to get him to open up. None of this mattered if it meant that you could go on to have far more silly moments than you’d gotten the first time around. The two of you could make up for it later on.

Evan’s chest heaved with a sigh. “Like I said, I’ve been havin’ these… dreams. It’s real fuckin confusing – or, it was.”

You tilted you head.

“I dunno what it all fucking means.” He stated plainly, looking you over. “But it all stopped when you showed up last night. You have something to do with it, I know that much. I’m not that goddamn stupid.” His point was punctuated with a dry laugh. There was no humor behind his story, if anything, it was just concern. To put it lightly.

He continued. “In all of them – and they’re different every damn time – it’s always you. As you are now, with your current appearance ‘n all… beat to shit. And in all of these dreams it’s just you suffering and being fucking miserable. Sometimes there’s….” He shook his head, trailing off as if he was about to say something taboo. “Anyway, when you showed up last night, I had to double check I wasn’t dreaming. Then I nearly puked my guts all over the goddamn floor.” He laughed again. It hurt you.

You wanted so deeply to reach out and touch him. To comfort him. To fix his problems. “Evan-”

“I don’t- I don’t know.” He interrupted you, eyes wide with visons of things he wasn’t meant to comprehend yet. “I’m not gonna let that happen though, okay? Not gonna fuckin’ happen. Nope.”

He stood up. “Come on, lets go to my place, yeah? Play video games?”

“That sounds great.” You murmured, smiling up at him before following. He hadn’t touched much of his lunch, and all the way out he cast glances over his shoulder that were impossible to miss. He was tense – you didn’t remember this part, not in this year. What else did you not remember? Or, was time being diverted just to throw you off? Many ideas filled your head, making you uneasy with worry. Making you paranoid – unless, you were actually being watched. And knowing the thing that’d kept you for all those years, it wasn’t unlikely. Being at Evan’s house, in his arms, was the only thing that sounded good right now.

He meant his promises to you all so intensely, you knew it – but nonetheless, his words were empty. And it begged the question – were yours?

And yeah, the straw wrapper was still in his hair.

Quality provided by @bigpapapenis <3

Evan was sprawled across the couch, foot on the coffee table, Xbox controller in hand. He'd spent the last five nights grinding away on the new Red Dead Redemption - and while you loved laying in his lap watching him play, as you were now, you were getting a little restless.

Sure, you two had gotten down the night before last - but it was sprinkled with him removing his tounge from your mouth to ramble on about his current game play.

It was cute! But very distracting.

You rolled onto your belly, arm flopping over the edge. "Evan, your character looks like you used him to mop the floor." You told him, looking over the screen

"I don't wanna pay for a fuckin' bath." He mumbled.

You giggled, glancing up at him. "Its like 9 dollars, dude."

"25 cents." He corrected, immediately regretting opening his mouth as you snorted in laughter. He groaned.

"Pennypincher much? Take a damn bath." You nudged him.

Evan laughed a little, but otherwise didn't give much of a response. Which was probably the worst thing he could do in the situation, as his silence only made you push harder.

You sat up and switched to sitting in his lap, him lifting his controller to let you on him.

"What, you don't wanna see big beefy cowboys shirtless?" You teased.

He huffed, tilting his head to "look around you" as if you were in the way (which was entirely unnecessary, you weren't) - refusing to make eye contact the entire time. "Fuck off."

You brought your hand to his chest, massaging his muscles through his shirt. "Big, wet, meaty cowboy nipples, huh?" You hummed.

Evan's cheeks reddened a little bit and he rolled his eyes. "It just takes too damn long." He shrugged.

Evan Myers was a terrible liar when it came to 2 things: you, and his sexual interests.

You looked up at him, giving him the biggest wet eyes you could muster. "Please? For me?" You pleaded quietly, jutting your bottom lip out.

He looked at you for a brief moment, sighing. "Damn it. How can I tell you no?"

Giggling, you threw an arm around his neck, kissing his cheek.

You watched Evan finish up his current task in game and began making his way to clean his character, combing your fingers through his hair as he played. He pressed a little kiss to your shoulder.

"There goes all fucking 25 cents, are ya happy? Im broke now" He teased, gesturing to the television.

You rolled your eyes.

The character settled into the bath, the game requiring Evan to manually bathe him - starting with choosing which body part to scrub and then making him do the work.

And goddamn, were the graphics on this shit good. Wet beefy cowboy titties in 4K.

Evan cleared his throat, adjusting his position slightly. Which didn't prevent you from feeling his half-hard dick through his shorts.

You rubbed your ass up against it, playful smirk on your face.

He let out a dramatic whine. "God, stop tormenting me-" a hand left his controller momentarily to pinch your thigh.

You were gonna say something, but the game distracted you. A woman peeked into the room, speaking in her sweet southern accent. "Would'ya like some help?" She purred.

Your hand flew to Evan's wrist, eyes wide. "Oh my god - Evan, say yes!"

Evan laughed and accepted the woman's offer.

She came into the dim room and began scrubbing down Evan's character, Evan shifting his hips a little, rubbing against your ass. The ship had sailed to hide his current predicament, but he needed some sort of friction on it.

Watching the woman tender scrub the cowboy, you began conceiving ideas.

You were horny. Evan was horny, but caught up in his game. You know how everyone could be happy?

The next day you made a little detour on your way to Evan's place. When he asked you what was in the bag, you shrugged him off.

"Just stuff." You said, leaning against the doorway to the office, where he sat in front of his computer. "Not playing your game?"

Evan shrugged, returning to his web browsing. "I'm on a forum for it, does that count?"

You hummed. At least he wasnt suddenly over the fixation. "Ah I see... say, have you cleaned up lately?"

He paused and looked around the room, confused. It was fairly clean, what the hell were you going on about?

"...wha?" He blinked at you.

"No I mean have you cleaned yourself?" You giggled softly. He was cute.

"You sayin' I smell like ass?" He shot back with a teasing grin, raising an eyebrow.

You held your hands up in defeat, bag still dangling from your fingers. "Im not saying anything, just thought you might wanna."

You made your way over to him, digging around in the bag. You pulled out a cowboy hat and tossed the bag aside, placing the hat on your boyfriend's head. "A bath might do you some good, Partner."

Evan smirked, fixing the cowboy hat on his head. "Are you gonna offer me a hand?"

"For 50 cents" you winked.

"25"

"Im not cheap."

Evan wasted no time abandoning his computer, nearly tripping over his chair on his way to the bathroom.

You let him run himself a warm bath and get settled, giggling to yourself. Yeah, you had a good idea this would be a hit - but man, he was really excited over this, huh?

After a couple minutes, some splashing and profanities, you made the assumption Evan was all settled.

Unfortunately you hadn't gotten the chance to get yourself some sort of "western" wear, but that wasn't really the point anyway.

You cracked the door open and slid into the room. Evan was slouched in the tub, wearing nothing but the godamn cowboy hat. His cheeks were flushed pink and there was no way for him to bite back the grin on his face when he turned to look back at you.

Water ran down his chest, nipples already hard from anticipation.

The scene was somewhere between adorable and sexy, a line Evan toed best.

"Need some assistance there, cowboy?" You hummed, poking your head into the room.

"Do I ever." He breathed out, making sure to tip his hat at you.

You giggled and slid into the room, crouching beside the tub. Your hand found purchase on his slick shoulder, digging your fingers into his muscles. "Where first?"

You could see his pupils dilate, eyes traveling over his submerged body as he tried to figure out where he wanted to be touched first. The anticipation pumped through his veins like venom.

"Uhh..." He hummed, lips parted and glossy. "How 'bout here, hun?" He ran one of his hands across his chest, leaving a trail of water and soap to run down his toned pecs.

A little cluster of bubbles collected on his nipple, the sight alone sending heat straight to your thighs.

You cleared your throat. "Sounds good, cowboy."

You grabbed the bottle of soap and squirt some in your hand - Evan let out a little grunt and shifted his hips at this - scrubbing it around on your palms to warm it up before softly bringing your hand, now dripping with the colored syrup, to Evan's warm chest.

He watched, eyes wide as you began to scrub it into his skin, gently massaging his flesh with your fingers.

One hand made its way up his collar bones and around his neck, rubbing the tension out, while the other stayed at his chest and danced around his nipple teasingly - not quite touching it.

Evan sucked his bottom lip in, scraping it with his teeth.

"Hm. This good?" You asked.

He nodded enthusiastically, practically begging you not to stop.

You smiled and took another squirt of soap, taking your sweet time with this one. He watched you the whole time, eyes burning into your hands, but refused to try and force or plead.

When you came back, you nudged him forward so that you could get his back. His muscles tensed and flexed as his pushed himself forward in the tub - Jesus christ. Did he have any idea what he could do to you just by moving?

Your hands met his shoulders, which were hard and tense. You took a mental note to massage him more often.

As you cleaned him off, you dug your palms into him - getting harder with each stroke. You could see his hands on the edges of the tub, fists clenched.

"Harder?" You asked, doing your best to sound innocent. "You're so tight back here..."

Evan let out a grunt. "Mmh, yeah- I mean, you're doin' great."

You pushed harder, hand coming down in one long, heavy stroke.

He borderline moaned.

Moving on from his back, your hands slid down to his hips - fingers running through the space between his hips and his thighs, but not quite getting close enough to anything more... sensitive.

It was slow and teasing. His muscles tensed, hand shifting down to his junk.

You giggled, watching him. "Touchin' on yourself already?"

Evan let out a whine that echoed off the bathroom walls. "No, I just. Ugh, I just need..."

You grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away from himself. "You don't wanna bathe in dirty water, yeah?"

He turned his head to give you a pathetic, needy look.

Finally you made your way down his legs, tenderly scrubbing his thighs down to his calves. You made sure to be extra slow here, sliding your fingers along his inner thighs like you were basting him for dinner.

His cock was now hard, and the longer you went on with his thighs, the harder it got.

He tipped his head back, cowboy hat hitting the edge of the tub wall. A long breath slid through his teeth. "Oh, now you're just teasin' me."

You giggled in response, squeezing his thigh.

By the time you finished with his bath, his dick was pressed into his belly.

Finally, to Evan's relief, your hand made its way over and grabbed his balls. He let out a broken little whimper.

"Can't forget to clean here." You hummed, gently massaging his nuts.

Evan shifted his hips into your touch. "Please," he grunted.

"Hmm? I can't hear you" You moved from his balls to the base of his shaft. He thrust into your hand.

"Please!" He cried

You smiled, giving him a good pump. "Since you asked so nicely- god, you cowboys are a rough lot to deal with..."

It wasn't long before you had him panting and squirming, water getting splashed all around the tub.

One of his wet hands left the water to grip your shoulder, soaking your shirt. "Oh god, oh God please-" He whined.

You sped your movements, flinging even more droplets from the tub. "Cum for me baby, come on...."

His hand gripped your shoulder tighter - fingers digging in so hard that it hurt.

---

And then he burst, white globs dispersing into the bath water.

He came to rest his cheek against you, chest heaving. You ran your fingers through his hair, taking the cowboy hat off and setting it aside to make it easier.

"I hope you last longer than that once you get dried off and tied up on the bed." You murmured against his scalp, pressing a gentle kiss to his head.

Evan whined in response, still trying to recover. "Mhm, yeah..." He panted, nodding ever to slightly. "I will. Don't worry, Hun...."

He turned to look at you, eyes still all pathetic- you could practically see his pulse behind them. "Can I keep the hat?"

Banner img without my name if anyone wants it for some reason!! (+alt version)