AkeemSpeaks

Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

•

Love-“I want it all for myself, Sorry If I’m coming off insecure”. You don’t know what you don’t know

•

Walk with me- We continued to grow like branches on a tree. You want to trust them, and you try to trust them, but you can’t get pass your past. She wasn’t asking for much, but still it was too heavy for me to carry. I wasn’t strong enough to let it go, truth be told, I didn’t realize that it was something I had to let go...I didn’t know. We continued to grow like two branches on a tree. I let my insecurities get the best of me and my actions, and at the same time become too heavy for her to carry...

•

Link in Bio.

I decided to take my hair out, fearful that my locks were not growing correctly & that I somehow manage to already mess up the process. I didn’t know where to go to get them retwisted

I went downstairs to the dorm lobby where I hoped to find any girl who knew how to braid hair. With my hair flowing everywhere I chilled in the lobby for about 10 minutes before she came through the door. She was wearing a colorful headwrap, and a robe. Without much of a hesitation, excuse me, she stopped, do you know how to braid hair, I asked her.

She looked at me, in a way to observe if I was worth her time, yeah I do, she responded. Again, without hesitation, I asked, Are you busy right now, do you mind braiding my mine, I can pay you? Surprised that I was serious, she took a moment to think. She said I got you. Although we never met, she trusted my intuition.

I had to go back to my room to grab my hair items, so we exchanged numbers, she told me what room she was in and we went in different directions. Happy as hell that I was about to get my hair done, I hurried to my room, grabbed my things and sent her a text, I'm on my way.

Love isn't Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

Love,

Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

Love- Point to the left and ride that wave

Walk with me- Here I was walking down memory lane. After working so hard to break the habit, at least I thought I did, I found myself staring at the old me. I guess some mirrors are just harder to clean. I went with flow though, a decision was made. Based on our actions, I realized I wasn’t the only one who chose to ride that wave

Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

Love- Take your time

Walk with me- Patience. It was never a question on whether or not I’d be patient, it’s how I move. Rushing into the mood never satisfies anyone, quick setbacks rarely equate to the bigger outcome. I’m a slow reader anyway, so I’ll take my time to read what’s in between the lines if you’re willing to share your story. Underlining the scars we mask so well, but Highlighting the moments you found glory. Patience. It was never a question on whether or not I’d be patient, it’s how I move... .

Link in Bio.

Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

Love- Assumptions & Opportunities. I think you’ll appreciate both

Walk with me- Assumptions, a risk that is two fold. Or, a chance at opportunity. Assuming can take things out of context, make things complex, misconstrue a point made or a thought articulated. Assuming can be a set up, setting yourself up for something that isn’t what you think it is. Especially if you act on it on what you think it is

Or, assuming can put things into context. Give life to words that may have been too shy to speak, or too nervous to wave, or in many cases, just waiting on you to come create context...make contact

A chance at opportunity. You see her, she sees you, or they see them. So an assumption is made. “I think there’s a connection”. So we walk over to connect with them. Opportunity: A circumstance that makes it possible to do something. What if she says yes? And now you’re a couple. Blessed

Assumptions can make things complex, yes, or, it can give you a chance at opportunity, it all just depends on the context

I’m not leaving my opportunity up for chance, and so I’ll assume there’s an opportunity every time I give myself a chance....Hi, my name is

•

Link in Bio.

Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

Love-The reset button looks different for everyone

Walk with me- Some prefer to throw themselves right back into the routine, others prefer to hibernate until they feel ready again. For me, individually I struggled with both before. Wearing the mask made it difficult to be in normal places, around familiar faces, but feel nothing normal about me. Finding excuses to distant myself only allowed it to linger longer

I learned, there’s a balance, at times I need my peace, for clarity, and then there’s my people, with open arms when I need them. Always make time for yourself, but understand you never have to do it by yourself. Balance

Link in Bio.

Peace,

2:00 am

Early morning thoughts usually came as an extension to the dream I was having, or, me replaying the actions from the day before. It wasn’t that long since she left, the perfume smell was still fresh, lingering on my pillow, fragrance left on my chest. I lay here, what was so special about that moment I thought.

I couldn’t go back to sleep so I started writing. “Peace, I am up with no telling when I’ll go back to sleep. Yesterday was a great day overall, practice was solid, and class was class. Shorty came over. We were chilling, talking, getting to know each other. It was casual talk to be honest. We both were attracted to each other physically, our comments about it told the truth. And so did our actions.

Truth be told, this feels more like a sexual rabbit hole. I’ve been in this situation before, I’m all too familiar with this feeling, but I’m also all too comfortable with it, too. Am I wrong? What’s the best decision from here? I wonder if she feels the same way. I hope that she isn’t.

Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

Love,

Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

Love-It feels all too familiar

Walk with me- College was a breath of fresh air that came with a lot of lessons. Some of those lessons hit harder than others, lingered longer than others. You tell yourself never again, until you find yourself in that position again. This all feels too familiar. It happens to the best of us.

Link in Bio.

Peace,

8:00 pm

I cut the TV on, knowing that this would either go two ways, we would actually chill, watch some TV and then bounce for class, or, the Tv would be watching us, either or, I was cool with. Flipping through channels only to land on sportscenter, neither of us were mad though, since sports was our thing. We debated our favorite teams, who was better than who, who had more game, who deserves MVP, shit like that.

"You're not even that nice", I shouted, in a very low tone. "What, I cant beat your ass", she responded. You're crazy, and as I was saying this, I was swinging my pillow towards her face. She must have felt both, because she grabbed my shoulder with one hand and tried to defend herself from another blow with the other hand. I placed my hand up under her underarm, and with the free hand, which was also holding the pillow, I did several pump fakes, trying to get the best angle for another bop to the forehead. We went back and forwards until finally she snatched the pillow.

Both somewhat out of breath, when she threw the pillow behind her I went in for a kiss, and another kiss, and another, barely moving my head far from hers, my lips, barely leaving her bottom one, within a matter of seconds she, we, were trading kisses and removing clothes. Her lips were full, and I like that. She pushed me on my back and...

Love isn't Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

Love,

Peace,

1:30 am

She text me, I'm downstairs. I was in my room doing work, but I knew that she was coming over. I went downstairs and signed her in. The dorm had a guest sign in sheet that folks had to fill out. This was dangerous because if you signed someone in, and someone after you came up to sign their person in, people had the opportunity to know your business. Why would they have a sign in sheet like this at the front desk of a dorm, no clue, but I had to manage it.

I was already a private person so this way of signing in made me uncomfortable. I didn't want anyone in my business, and, if I did have a girl over, how would that look for other girls who also look at the book? It was a set up. When there is a will though, there is a way, and so I never put my information on there correctly. The person I was signing in, they always had to sign in before me, I would sign in after them so they didn't question why Cory in room 215 was signing them in.

We went upstairs. Most times, when I was in the room, I was there by myself. The fellas in the first room were always out and about. My roommate enjoyed being in the room, but he was always out, it helped that we also had our own way of communicating when one of us had company. The roommates in the 3rd room, well, I saw them every once in a blue moon.

We sat on the bed and started talking. The weekend had just past so there was a lot of nothing to talk about. If you weren't partying or in Philly, weekends on campus was ghost town. She was a commuter, so I can only imagine how unengaged she was. Talking about my track meets were cool to me but I always felt like what was cool to me wasn't always cool to others, so I minimized my excitement to share, to only sharing small pieces of how the race went.

Love isn't Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

Love,

Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

•

Love-Pull up...skrrt, get in the ride, left hand is steering, the other is gripping your thigh

•

Walk with me- The encounter was natural, the interaction was art. The room was a canvas, left our mark all over the place. Paint can get messy, but so can a room filled with two bodies. Nothing is safe, don’t worry about the lamp, I’ll pay for another one. It’s getting hot in here, so take........

•

Link in Bio.

#NoMàsMask #loveisnotlost #BreakTheCycleTour #blackboyhealing #blackboyjourney #blackboyjoy #love #blackboymagic #blackbloggers #innerglow #healing #lovestill #love #blacklove #selflove #lovestory #blacklovequotes #blacklovepage #blacklovedoc #melaninbloggers

Peace,

2:00 am

Ask me why I started texting her when I started to do my homework, no clue, knowing that if she texted me back my attention span for my homework would no longer be there. She must have been playing the same game, because she didn't respond right away, not that I was expecting her to, but her move was well played. She was older than me by two years so she knew what she was doing, and I am not even mad at her.

But now I keep looking at my phone, anticipating the moment it will go off, and her response would come through. My homework was staring at me stare at my phone, nothing was moving but the time, seconds ticked away, and minutes disappeared. I gave up on doing my homework that night, and I also gave up on waiting for a response. I was tired and ready to take my ass to bed. I had a rule, after a certain time, I stopped doing work anyway.

I laid down, cut the light out, bing, my phone went off, when I looked, to my surprise, it was her. I opened it up, "hey what's up. I am good, chillin, you". This time I didn't stare too long, as I responded, 'my day was good, practice was hard, just chillin now'. I didn't tell her that I was on my way to bed, because if I did, she may have ended the conversation early. You know how some people be like, "oh well don't let me hold you up, or stop you from doing so and so".

We went back and forth for while, I learned a lot about her interest in playing ball, and how she got to RUC, and she learned about my athletic journey as well. We laughed about the record our men's team had, how bad they were for a long time. Based on the conversation, it was just an intro, we didn't go any deeper than what was shared.

Love isn't Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

Love,

6:00 pm

After practice I grabbed some food from the cafe, this was a norm pretty much. By the time practice ended I was so hungry from the workout, that I could not function until I ate something. Our cafe was okay, dinner was the best time of the day because I like the options they served. Some nights they really set us up for some good meals. After grabbing my meal I went back to my room. I only ate in the cafe during breakfast and lunch, rarely did I eat dinner in the cafe...rarely is more like barely.

When I got back to the room I put my food down and pulled my phone out of my pocket to check my messages. As I was scrolling through my social media I remembered I told her I would text her after practice. I went into my text messages, looked at the first text, and started to think about what to say. I stared at the text for while, contemplating where I wanted to take the conversation. It probably doesn't sound that complicated, but I bet I am not the only one who sits with a text message before responding. calculated moves are always a part of the game, doesn't matter what part of the game your're currently in.

I put the phone down and ate my food. After I hoped out the shower, I grabbed my homework and started to get busy. Five minutes in, I picked up my phone, I pulled up the text, looked at it, and sent her a "hey what's up, how was your day?".

Love ins't Lost, I know exactly where I put it

Love,

Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

•

Love-It’s not that hard to see, position yourself where you wanna be, the chances are higher

•

Walk with me- They say you miss every shot you never take. Nowadays the criticism comes from all the shots that you take. But every coach knows that the shooter keeps shooting, because the truth is, you can only make the only shots that you take. Doesn’t matter who shoots it, as long as it goes up

•

Link in Bio.

Peace,

6:17 pm

Arriving to the gym early was my go to, it was a psyche thing for me, if I got there early enough to relax, stretch, and mentally get my mind right, I would be ready to attack practice with a more positive mindset. It was the winter season, so my preparation had to be different, because I always found myself losing motivation to go hard. The cold weather impacted my mood for sure. In the winter I would get mad easier, faster, and because my disinterest to be in the cold weather attributed to that, my attitude during practice was like a ticking time bomb.

I knew this about myself, so to combat that, I did my very best to arrive to the gym earlier enough for me to get my mind right. Just so happen, she was there too, early, for some reason. I did not see her in the gym this early before but I thought to myself, this was my shot to say something, and so I did. I walked in her direction on purpose, she looked up, we made eye contact, and I was like oh shit, look at her eyes! I said this in my head of course, but because the window didn't close yet I went over and said what's up.

She said what's up back and from there the conversation started. Everything I gathered about her was true thus far, she was there to play ball, and she was a transfer. She told me what she was studying but it didn't stick to me, at this point, her lips had my attention, not her words. She laughed, and when she did I snapped back into reality, she laughed because my shorts were short, and my legs were thin. My legs weren't skinny like everyone else says they were, they were pretty toned for my size. I laughed back, picking up what she was putting down, I made a joke about my legs before she could. We laughed. Since everything was going so well, I asked her for her number, we exchanged and I went to practice. "This is Keem, I will text you after practice".

Love isn't Lost, I know exactly where I put it at!

Love,

Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

•

Love-Our eyes begin to check boxes before we get to know you.

•

Walk with me-I don’t know why we pretend as if we don’t see you, knowing that we see you, with a high chance that you already know that we saw you.

So everyone tries to play it cool. Conversations continue to happen but with every chance we get we look in your direction, just to see if you’re looking, to see if we’ll catch you looking, to see all of you just in case we couldn’t the first time. Shoes, outfit, our eyes begins to check boxes. Are you there by yourself? Who did you come with? Do I know them?

We throw each other half smirks, maybe a smile; we raise our eyebrows to communicate hello, and send telepathic thoughts hoping to get your attention. We play this game until, either the guy steps up, or the guy walks away.

In college it was easier to step up, and so I did....She told me what she was studying, but it didn’t stick to me, at this point her lips had my attention, not her words. She laughed at my shorts, and my legs. Everything was smooth so far, so I asked for her number. “This is Keem, I’ll text you after Track practice”

•

Link in Bio.

Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

Love-“I won't tell your secrets, Your secrets are safe with me, I will keep your secrets, Just think of me as the pages in your diary”

Walk with me- I was once told that pillow talking can be dangerous. Too much of it was never a good look, they said. That kind of vulnerability could back fire, keep your secrets to yourself.

But I was hard headed, or, I was just truly being me, going against the hood bible because what I felt wasn’t correlating with what was taught. Why? Because chances are, if I’m ever pillow talking with you, we made it pretty far, and in my head I’m choosing you. Does that mean I’m protected, and safe from one day having to find out that my secrets are no longer secrets, no!!! Should I ever be mad, no, because I allowed myself to go there.

Maybe the hood bible is wrong, pillow talking isn’t dangerous, the act of it is powerful...now who you chose to do it with, well that’s another story. Just know, your secrets are safe with me

Link in Bio.