#lovestill

Nothing.... Is always a Lie

Peace,

12:30 am

That night I couldn’t sleep. My body, relaxed and comfortable, but my thoughts were bouncing off the walls. I was still thinking about how we ended the conversation. I was still making up visuals that were supposed to be creating clarity for what she was saying. I was still making conclusions based on what I believed she was telling me. I was starting to believe myself more then I believed her.

The inside of my eyelids became a canvass, as I painted pictures of her and friend A, driving around listening to music, blasting from his nice car. I didn’t have a car. I saw them laughing and joking about all the money they can blow, because for friend A, money ain’t a thing. I pictured her in one of her sexy outfits, slaying everything and everyone around her, while he sat and watched in the front row of his car.

Then my thoughts would shift to friend B, he too had money, lots of it. I was living pay check to pay check. They drove all throughout Camden while I was at work, and when it was late, he’d drop her off at the bus stop, where she would catch the bus back to me. What’s the difference between a nightmare and a dream? Was I experiencing both?

Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

Love- Take your time

Walk with me- Patience. It was never a question on whether or not I’d be patient, it’s how I move. Rushing into the mood never satisfies anyone, quick setbacks rarely equate to the bigger outcome. I’m a slow reader anyway, so I’ll take my time to read what’s in between the lines if you’re willing to share your story. Underlining the scars we mask so well, but Highlighting the moments you found glory. Patience. It was never a question on whether or not I’d be patient, it’s how I move... .

Link in Bio.

Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

Love-The reset button looks different for everyone

Walk with me- Some prefer to throw themselves right back into the routine, others prefer to hibernate until they feel ready again. For me, individually I struggled with both before. Wearing the mask made it difficult to be in normal places, around familiar faces, but feel nothing normal about me. Finding excuses to distant myself only allowed it to linger longer

I learned, there’s a balance, at times I need my peace, for clarity, and then there’s my people, with open arms when I need them. Always make time for yourself, but understand you never have to do it by yourself. Balance

Link in Bio.

Peace,

2:00 am

Early morning thoughts usually came as an extension to the dream I was having, or, me replaying the actions from the day before. It wasn’t that long since she left, the perfume smell was still fresh, lingering on my pillow, fragrance left on my chest. I lay here, what was so special about that moment I thought.

I couldn’t go back to sleep so I started writing. “Peace, I am up with no telling when I’ll go back to sleep. Yesterday was a great day overall, practice was solid, and class was class. Shorty came over. We were chilling, talking, getting to know each other. It was casual talk to be honest. We both were attracted to each other physically, our comments about it told the truth. And so did our actions.

Truth be told, this feels more like a sexual rabbit hole. I’ve been in this situation before, I’m all too familiar with this feeling, but I’m also all too comfortable with it, too. Am I wrong? What’s the best decision from here? I wonder if she feels the same way. I hope that she isn’t.

Love isn’t Lost, I know exactly where I put it at

Love,