Akarie

Wylan: Apart from telling me my Mother had died, locking her up in an asylum, abusing me all my life and then trying to have me killed?

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(ʘ‿ʘ✿) “what you say ‘bout me”

1) OP made a post that seemed interactive but then

2) Did NOT want anyone to actually engage

I remember tumblr at the time. It wouldn’t have changed OP’s post so lmao big L for OP making it weird

But best of all:

Most people didn’t realize there WAS a response until this fuckin UFO went by.

Matthias being from icy cold Fjerda and his family being killed by Inferni, Nina being a Grisha and describing using her power like a warm fire

Matthias needing Nina to maintain his body temperature high enough so not to freeze to death and Nina needing Matthias's familiarity with Fjerda's icy territory when they're stranded

fire being used by Fjerdians to kill Grisha without sending them to Djel and Matthias helping Nina bury one in the ice

- graduated early and was about to NOT TELL ANYONE UNTIL PROMPTED -> kaz

- casually had a model t-rex skull in their bag -> wylan

- carried around a giant (i cannot stress how big this was) container of roasted almonds, only there were only like. 10 left so it was just a comically large container -> jesper

- went on a 2 minute rant about her classmates assuming she’s stupid and then used “assuming she doesn’t know how CRISPR works” is as an example (this was in first year of college) -> nina

- silently returned handfuls (think like. 17) of ping pong balls that got stuck behind the gymnastics equipment in gym to the gym teacher, who asked where they got them, + they just waved a hand and said “around” -> inej

- straight-faced, explained how they watched their grandmother get eaten by vultures at 8am in the hall before class, finishing with, “yeah i thought that was normal until i heard it aloud” -> matthias

- came up with an elaborate way to smuggle someone into a dorm for a month, involving a pushcart, a laundry bag, and identity fraud (it worked!!) -> kaz

- responded to a request for life updates message two hours later with “uhh isopods! mango mango” -> wylan

- nearly had a teacher trip over their foot while they were bowing down to someone in apology -> matthias

- was the person being bowed down to -> nina (tbh this exchange could also be jesper/inej)

- tried making frozen mac and cheese with a blow dryer to avoid talking to people in the kitchen -> wylan

bonus:

“we have a goat and nobody’s laughing” - jesper

(not a hint of sadness on his face) “terrible. just terrible.” - kaz

“hey, comma, i really don’t want to be in a relationship ESPECIALLY WITH YOU” - inej

“such a cute little kid! would be a shame if he…” (looks around) “…went MISSING” - kaz

“and now i’m depressed! :D” - wylan

“he’s mine but i didn’t pay for him” - jesper

“not gonna lie, he kinda reminds me of an artichoke” - nina

“there’s always something wrong with me” - wylan

“somebody should buy a body pillow of me and take it on a date” - jesper

(while doing a full split) “it’s time for me to touch up my makeup” - nina

(staring at the floor blankly) “i’m going to slam my head into the concrete.” - matthias

“if i were you? i would NOT be you” - nina

“ICE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN TRUTH OR DARE” - matthias

“he looks like he’s dying of tuberculosis” - inej, about kaz

(with fear in his eyes) “what does….what does idk mean….” - matthias

“tell my writers they were supposed to make me a side character. what is this. why am i here.” - inej

“no wait this is about to be so good” (plays d-flat scale really fast, messes up 90% of the notes) (sighs sadly) “and if i just took this flute and found a really high cliff over the sea—” - wylan

+ bonus:

Jesper: I THOUGHT AMSTERDAM WAS IN LONDON??

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Wylan: that is the UGLIEST colour I've ever seen you absolute CHUNGUS

Nina: *cackles at full volume*

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Inej to Kaz: why is it that EVERY lesson we have you feel the need to propose communism

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Jesper: go suck nina's pussy or something

Matthias: *scandalised noise*

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Wylan: wait listen its actually really funny

*one trauma dump later*

Matthias: WHY WOULD YOU FIND THAT FUNNY

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Nina: have you perchance heard of the five nights at freddy's franchise

Kaz: i'm unfriending you

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Jesper: they have MATCHING CERAMIC TEACUPS

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Nina, not realising there's a teacher around the corner: yeah i'm really into lesbian animes

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Kaz to Jesper: your dad made me a PHOTOCARD of inej

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Nina: Matthias and i were watching a show and he didn't realise it was gay until the third season

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Wylan: go die in a ditch

Kuwei: what is your obsession with ditches

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Nina to Wylan: that character only gets emotional depth in the forth book so you have to wait

Wylan: NOOOO

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Matthias, about Nina: she giggles like ursula

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*handbell music*