i borrow happiness from tomorrow

Actually I will say to my beloved mutuals and followers of colour who were waiting for my verdict to decide whether they watch this season...my verdict is either Do Not Do It, OR do it but be prepared for some serious violence, objectification, and overall condescension towards Black characters and their bodies in service of a white saviour's trauma-plot driven faux "redemption" because that was so prominent even in this episode that it was nauseating. Why was there a whole scene where Lestat is being interviewed by Daniel while a Black character (at that point unamed) showers behind him in the frame? Why does he violently and gleefully kill another Black vampire in the episode's climax??? Why is Louis, main character of the prior seasons, relegated to background bait and switch??? Why is one of the "comedic" scenes Lestat yelling at a Black child who's only crime is dressing like Louis? Why are most, if not all of the Black characters I could keep going but we know why, right?? Same reason the show itself suddenly has a marketing budget now the show is lead by the white guy instead of the Black and Brown characters...cos this is a show written by white people where Black and Brown characters and their bodies are just fodder to uplift what actually matters.... The white people.

oh wait no one more thing!! I dead ass could not stop laughing every time Lestat was like "guys the music I made was bad but it's way better now see!" and then the episode fades into playing music that is still the shittest shit ya ever heard aksksksjsn

anyways I did indeed watch "The Vampire Lestat" on the plane...........it was........let me put it this way: there were so many lines of dialogue said that were so condescending and preposterously cruel towards, not just the audience of this show, but the things ppl loved about the previous seasons that it took me almost 2 hours to get through it because I kept rewinding it being like, "oh surely the writers didn't have Lestat make a make America great again joke?" "Oh surely Lestat isn't misgendering someone just cos he's high and they said his song sucked (it does)" "oh surely he's not referring to Louis' account of Lestat's abuse towards him as being painted as a 'mayonnaise psychopathic villain'" "oh, surely Lestat didn't unironically use the word chuegy" "oh surely they did not set up the whole episode baiting you into thinking Lestat and Louis were texting and gonna hook up only for him to actually be texting his mum and end the episode with him fucking his mum and referring to that as "some ppl like dirt in their Sandwich" and there was such a high concentration of this that after a certain point it felt like being in a conversation with someone who's trying to ragebait and shock you like oh okay so you're just saying and doing whatever it takes to make everyone go "omg that's insane!!!" there's an extended sequence of vampires pissing blood and Lestat looks at the camera like, "I bet you're SHOCKED vampires do this, huh!!!!"..........and the worst part is they think making the show this condescending, glib, and ragebaity on purpose somehow makes the lack of integrity or sincerity meaningful!!! and it doesn't !!!! For the sake of being Fair And Balanced™ I will pray tell of the something I actually enjoyed which was the opening scene set in the future featuring handsomest guy Justin Kirk as "Raglan James" (iykyk lmaoooo) watching Lestat's shit be set on fire. Aaand the only other nice thing I can think of to say is I thought the set design of Lestat's tour bus was really cool with all the secret compartments for the instruments and I liked the pinky silk corset style set Lestat wore in the third act. Don't ever say I don't say anything nice. I have more serious things to say about the racial dynamics we saw in the episode but I'm on my 20th hour with no sleep so more to come on that.

sorry to bang on about this.....but anyways. I know it's ultimately a good thing to understand things about myself so I can handle it better BUT the amount of times I've said to my new psychologist something like "yeah so had a conversation with a few ppl in the last month or so who were genuinely concerned I don't care about them because I don't text or call regularly but the thing is I just forget to do these things with everyone. I really don't mean to, but it's like....I can't remember what I've forgotten to remember" or something else like, "almost every person I've ever worked for or with has sat me down at some point and asked if I'm missing obvious mistakes on purpose or being lazy and idgi because I'm often exerting as much energy as I can and it's really hard being stuck in that loop with almost everything". anyways, almost every single time my new psych sends me the literal DSM5 section or whatever that lists the corresponding symptom to the experience I'm describing. On the one hand, it's helpful to know many of these struggles I've had are not Me Being Inherently Bad™ but are part of various conditions that can be addressed. On the other hand, it feels.....hard that some of these things have a root cause in factors that are almost completely out of my control without therapeutic intervention, many of which don't seem to work well for me so far. you know? anyways it's been really hard learning how numerous behaviours that I thought were #myquirks or whatever are like. bonafide symptoms (not everything about me obviously but you get what I mean!)