I Figured It Out

#procastinating

I'm i....

"Over time, people change, things change, feelings change.... And there's not much you can do about it" #RIP2TheGreatesLoveStory

You should've never came back. I regret everything. I was fine.

I'm scared. I'm scared were growing out of love. We just love the memories and that's it. We don't want each other anymore. We're learning to possibly love another? And that's what I'm scared of. We're could possibly just lose each other for good. Forever? I get it, "us in the future" blah blah blah. Lol you really think that's gone happen were both 25 and mature? We couldn't make it work now. What you think we're gon work in the future. I'm scared. Everyday I can't get you off my mind but at the same time I don't wanna go back to us. Cause it just isn't good. The old me and the old you was perfect. But we're different now. I'm scared. As everyday pass by, our chances with each other gets smaller and smaller. I'm scared. I'm starting to open up to another. I'm scared. You'll never me mine again. I'm scared. One of us might wake up finding out the other one is "getting married" Or gon be a "parent" I'm scared and I'm scarred. Makes me wanna cry. I do wanna cry. I lost all my hope. I got no more sympathy. I don't wanna look at you anymore. Not in the eyes at least. I'm scared. Cause it could be forever. 😞 I'm scared. I loved Justine. Not you rn. But I'm not scared?

I cant believe I did that. Im a fool. NEVER EVER EVER SEEING MY SELF LIKE THAT. BEGGING FOR SOMEONE. Man that was just..... Ill show yall 

You see, I was the most naive boy ever. On everything, I love and care w/ passion about everything and everyone. I try to treat everyone fairly and keep everything in balance. Just very positive guy Yknow? I would do anything to see the people I love or who sorrounds me smile. I love bringing everyone together and I like meeting everyone and try to be cool with everyone. Thats just me. I'll do anything for people who show me mad love. And no doubt I'll show love back. I'm use to of being sorrounded with loud noises and affection. I just want everyone to be happy, before me if anything. And thats just me. But...... See that all change. It's like, trying to keep everyone happy. But I gotta take all the pain just so no one would Yknow? Thats the bad part. I wasn't too selfish before. People see that Im nice and I'll be there, no matter what happens. But then they start taking advantage of it. It's not funny, it's not cute. It hurts. But i try to just let it slip every single time cause i ain't perfect my self. But why is that, i do good for everyone then they take advantage of me? Like really? I really hate trying to explain everything when everyone should just see that. And the sad part is, when i do become selfish? I'm the asshole? But I'm just trying to protect my feelings now. Because i gave and done too much for everyone. Everyone always told me "be selfish and think about your self first" then i go ahead and do that. All of a sudden im an asshole? Then I'm still misrable? Seems like no matter what i do? It's always unfair for me, how ironic because I'm a person who lives with fairness you feel me? Like im losing my energy and passion and love for anyone and everyone. Lost my trust and respect for these people who i did so much for and now that i try to be the old me? They ain't widdit no more? And I'm still misrable. Hate this feeling and getting tired of it and everyone. Like fuck nigga, y'all do too much. I literally only trust like one person. Cause everyone has looked at me in the eye and promised and swore and still lie. Even the people you think is your last resort. But it doesn't work like that no more. Ain't nobody really give a fuck about you anymore. DONT TRUST ANYBODY. How sad, a guy like me who just wanted to make everyone happy became the misrable asshole. And now I'm so fucked in the head and forget everyone. LITERALLY and go somewhere far and never fucking come back cause I dont feel safe around the people I protected.... But life goes on. My shit ain't any special.