"do you think i have no dignity?"

it's one of those evenings when you don't even know why you feel shitty, but you do. your shoulders are slumped, room in a disarray with clothes strewn around everywhere, cups left everywhere else except on the kitchen counter. your laundry basket is full, your fridge is almost empty and it just makes you feel like crying even more, so you do - you cry and cry and the tears really don't stop. you think it must be the kind of outburst that your body needed - maybe it's crying for something that happened a few days ago and you didn't have the time to cry for it then. whatever the reason, you don't know and that just makes you feel even more down and frustrated.

so you just curl up on your couch, still in your work clothes, and you feel like you should take a bath, but you also don't have the energy, so you just change into a fresh pair of pajamas (that you're thankful you have). you're on your way back to your couch when your doorbell rings and you stare at the door confused for a moment, not sure who it can be because you don't think you ordered any food?

you go ahead and open the door anyway and it's an understatement to say your jaw almost dropped to see hawks standing in your doorway, soft smile and a little sheepish and you wonder if you're dreaming.

"hello, earth to carrots?" he chirps and you shake your head to focus.

"h-hawks ?!"

he smirks, "the one and only."

"but, what are you doing here? and how did you even know where I live ?"

"you're my one and only assistant, it's only natural that as a hero who collects information, I would at least know the general direction of where all of my employees live."

once again, your admiration takes over any other feeling you might have.

"and for as to what I'm doing here, well," he pauses for a bit, "I was passing this way and tonight was pretty slow, so thought I'd take a small patrol break!" he dangles a plastic bag in front of you from your favourite cafe and it's all a little too much that your mind reels. he even knows my favorite place to eat from ?!

"so uh, if you're done with your interrogation...

your face heats up at how rude you've been to not only your boss but also the no.2 hero, when he was kind enough to be standing at your doorstep, with your favorite drink during a patrol.

"I am s-so sorry!!" you reply, all flustered and move away immediately to let hawks pass through your door. unfortunately only after that do you remember just how much of a colossal mess your apartment is and you reach up your hands without thinking to try and block hawks's vision.

"ahhh oh no, please don't look!"

you also forget that you're just five feet so there's no way you can cover his eyes. your hands just managed to reach his mouth.

you feel hawks purr against your hands and you just wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole. you don't have the courage to look at his face so you just sort of stare into his chest instead, your hands still on his mouth for some reason.

hawks sure doesn't seem to mind as he effortlessly closes the apartment door with one hand, while placing the drinks he was holding with his other hand on the counter.

"exactly what am I not supposed to be looking at, carrots?"

his lips move against your fingers and finally jolt you into existence. you're about to move your hands away immediately but it's like hawks read your mind because he holds your hands with both of his and now, you're really stuck.

"hey, look at me."

helpless, you lift your face and your eyes finally meet his. in the dim light of the sinking sun from your window, his eyes look even more golden than usual, and it's so striking and captivating, that it leaves you breathless for a moment. you're suddenly aware of how close you are to him and you just want to hide away.

the moment breaks when hawks opens his mouth again. "so, what am I not supposed to see hmm?"

your current predicament rushes to the front of your mind again and you wiggle your hands that are still caught within his, not entirely having the mind to pull away but you also need them to function by your side. thankfully he gets the memo and gently releases them.

"this", you point vaguely around your entire apartment, turning away from him so he doesn't see your face flush up more from the embarrassment and also from the sudden close proximity you were in with your boss and the no.2 hero. "my apartment. it's messy and definitely not in the state to welcome a guest..."

hawks just laughs, easy and like he's been in this situation a thousand times before. you wonder if you're the only one who feels like your heart is going to jump out of your chest with how quickly it's beating.

"don't be silly carrots, I came here to spend some time with you, not with your apartment. besides," he takes a look around, "it actually doesn't look that messy at all, you should see my place-"

you just let him chatter and try to keep yourself busy with tidying up the best you can, otherwise you think you might go a little bit crazy with how your stomach sweeps every time hawks says something even a little sweet. he's one of the most charming heroes around, this is not special. it doesn't mean anything it doesn't mean anything, you chant to yourself.

in the midst of your internal panicking, you don't notice that hawks has stopped talking and is moving towards you slowly. you only notice when he pats your shoulder gently to get your attention.

"hey, you really don't have to worry so much carrots, I'm plenty comfortable alright? so really, don't stress out, that's not why I came here."

you take a deep breath, his words and his voice acting like some natural balm that your nerves soak in, even if they may not mean anything. did you want them to mean something?

"sorry, I've just been wrung a little tight this evening," you apologise.

"don't be sorry," hawks says and pats your head, before walking over to the counter and grabbing the drinks. "so, what do you say to having something to drink?"

you smile, despite all the nerves and the butterflies and the novelty of this situation and it's probably the most real smile you've smiled this entire day.

"thank you so much, hawks."

he just smiles, and it's as kind as you remember it, as he hovers near your sofa. "may I?"

you almost spit your drink out to reply in haste, "oh yes, please!" and it makes him laugh, and pulls another smile out of you.

you don't know how much time he has for his break but for some reason, you wish this moment in time never ends.

"so, what do you usually do when you're free in the evenings?"

you think for a moment. "I usually like to watch something light, like a movie or an episode until I feel sleepy."

"tv is nice, I like that too. got anything you want to watch?"

you think about it. "does that mean you'd like to watch something with me,"

hawks laughs again and you slap yourself mentally for asking the silliest questions. "of course I do carrots, that's why I asked."

"but what about your patrol?"

"ah well, like I said, it's a slow night and there are other heroes patrolling this area as well today. if they need me," he looks down at his walkie talkie, "they know where to find me."

you stare at your lap, still feeling a little guilty and conflicted.

"relax carrots," hawks speaks up and its funny how quickly your body responds to that. almost embarrassing. "I've been doing this for years, I wouldn't be here if I knew I wasn't needed anywhere important, okay?"

"okay," you squeak out and manage to smile, just happy about the simple fact that you were somehow important enough to the wing hero hawks to take his time out of the day and spend some time with you.

"alright sweet, now that that's out of the way, what are we watching?"

you've really been missing zootopia ever since you watched the new movie and you're the kind who loves rewatching stuff so you ask, "have you seen zootopia by any chance?"

-

you're out like a light by the time the credits roll out. your head keeps lolling to the side so hawks gently puts his hand to your head pushes your head to his shoulder and watches you smile in your sleep as you get more comfortable.

to be honest, the real reason he was here was because he was worried. thanks to his fierce wings, he could pick up that you weren't feeling too well and he wanted to help in any way he could - though he's not really sure if he was much of any help as he felt like he just stressed you out by appearing on your doorstep unannounced.

but as the evening progressed, you smiled more and your heartbeat slowed down and you looked more comfortable the more time you both spent chatting and nothing could make him happier.

he looked outside. it was getting a little stormy and the night was still long, he would need to get back to duty.

happy that you're finally asleep and not crying anymore, he keeps a pillow to support your head instead of his shoulder and quickly writes off a note and leaves it on your table, before opening your window and flying away into the night.

hawks who we often see staring out into the night from rooftops, I wonder what goes through his head ? I imagine him using his feathers to gently attach them to random people, not for work or gathering information but just to feel something, when he hasn't been given the opportunity to feel authentic emotions much - always on hero duty during the day and working for the commission off duty, I imagine he's learnt to build so many masks and walls around himself to allow himself to experience emotions freely.

• you're quirkless, just like the famous hero deku, he was your inspiration and it's what led you to apply to hawks agency. tbh you didn't think you'd get accepted (the part of you that is ashamed that you're quirkless tells you so) but the interview with hawks went so smooth compared to any other agency you went to, you were just so surprised. it was almost like hawks took one look at you and accepted you. you wanted to return that kindness.

• so even though you're quirkless and five feet something, you always tried your best, especially at crowded public events where everyone seemed to want to get close to your boss or touch him in some way to get his attention. you made sure to stand tall, feet firmly planted in the ground as you kept people at a respectable distance from hawks - especially this one man who kept trying to push past you to get to him. "sir, I'm sorry but you may not get closer to him, please wait your turn." you turn around to just barely catch hawks looking at you with wide eyes (something like wonder in them) before he turned back around with that usual million-dollar smile plastered on his face. you try not to think too much about it and fail miserably.

• the next day you find a shiny bracelet with stones on it on your table. you look around, try to find a note but there's nothing to know who had left it there or if it even was for you, because it looks quite expensive ? you walk into hawks's office to update him about the day's schedule but his eyes fly to your wrist first, and then come up to meet your eyes. you tense on the spot, mind running miles a minute as you try to grapple with this situation.

"did you not like it?"

"sir?"

"hawks, just call me hawks."

"but-" at this he shoots another look at you so you decide to just listen, "okay, h-hawks"

he smiles and it does something to your stomach because it's not the smile you see him wearing around other people, at social events, this smile looks kinder, softer.

"are you perhaps talking about the bracelet?" you ask, because you need to know.

"of course I am, is it not to your taste?"

"um, I'm not sure because I haven't tried anything like it?"

at this he smirks and you're not sure why it makes your face heat up. "I see, it'll look good on you."

you leave his office with a flaming face, his smirk digging holes onto your back and in one swift motion, head to your desk, grab the bracelet and put it on. the next time hawks passes your table, he flashes a smile at you and you feel like you did something right.

• you're at another social event (unfortunately your boss had to attend a lot of those) when you feel something tickle your blouse on your back and you put your hand behind to find one of hawks's bright red feathers. a little horrified at the thought that you somehow ended up brushing one of his feathers by mistake while passing by him (because doesn't it hurt, even if you didn't pluck it out on purpose) , you ask him to step to the side to have his attention for a little bit.

"hawks, sir, could I have your attention for a moment?"

hawks easily brushes away whoever he's talking to (you admire his social skills really) before he gently guides you to the side with a hand on your back, "sure, what can I do for you carrots?" you're not really sure where the nickname popped up from (you guess it's from the carrot pen that you have hanging on your belt - you're a huge zootopia fan, so you're not really complaining).

"hawks, um," you gently take out his feather from your pant pocket and show it to him. "I am so sorry, I didn't realise I may have mistakenly ended up brushing your feather when I passed by you at some point , I only found it stuck to my shirt right now, um, I hope it didn't hurt -"

at this hawks starts laughing and you're sort of distracted and relieved that you're both not in the main hall and that you have somehow been blessed to hear him laugh.

"oh sweet carrots," he purrs and you don't expect that to give you as much pleasure as it does, "of course I put it there on purpose, so you don't need to worry your little head about that, okay?"

you just stare at him, not really knowing what to say to that. he just pats your head, tells you that he has to get back to the hall and leaves you there. you're pretty sure you keep standing there and staring at the wall for a while.

• you're late to work that day because of a series of few unfortunate incidents where you couldn't find your apartment key until the last moment, and you rush out to catch your bus but it just left, so you take a short cut through a mall to cross over to your office building on the other side. but just as your stinky luck that day would have it, the moment you step into the mall, it starts shaking and gives you vertigo - you think it's an earthquake but it doesn't stop shaking, instead the tremors only get stronger by the minute - it's a villain attack. you take out your phone to notify the office but just then, a lot of events happen in quick succession - the floor sort of wobbles, you lose your balance and drop your phone and get pushed around in the stampede that happens in the mall. you try to find your footing but you fail and the last thing you remember is the building shaking even more, people screaming as you get pushed against a far wall and eventually lose your consciousness.

you open your eyes slowly to someone calling your name. you didn't really want to open them but their voice sounded so frantic, it pulled you to do it. the first thing you see is a magnificent golden, and the only one who has such pretty eyes would be-

"h-hawks..."

"hey, carrots, oh thank god!" he exclaims, his tone of voice immediately calming down and bringing you some relief.

"what , ungh-"

"hey, don't move, please," he begs and something in you feels so bad to see him look so shaken... you don't think you've ever seen him so shaken, even in really big social events that are ought to be stressful.

"the mall collapsed but I got to you in time so you're okay," he finishes in a single breath and it sounded more like he was reassuring himself than you.

"you saved me..? " you croak weakly, your body just exhausted from the entire ordeal.

"of course I did, what kind of a hero would I be if I couldn't save the people important to me-"

you wanted to listen to everything he was saying, you really did but you were also really tired and just wanted to sleep.

"hey, hey carrots, please, keep your eyes on me, hey, hey !!"

(you were not hurt badly thanks to hawks, but he made sure to get you checked at the hospital anyway.)

• after that incident, you keep noticing his feather without fail, somewhere on your belongings or on you. it's in your handbag sometimes, on the back of your shirt, where your hair hides it, or neatly hidden in your file where only you would see it. you can't decide whether to be embarrassed that a part of hawks is always with you or impressed that the man somehow manages to find such inconspicuous places to put his feather every time.