Airplane Friends

On a recent flight from Washington DC and Syracuse I met Arlene.  She is a spitfire of a 60 year old who could run laps around me with her fun energy.  I could tell she was a talker from the beginning so you already know I was excited! Arlene lives and works in DC but she was on her way to Syracuse for a training for work.  One thing I want to say about Arlene, is that she is one of my first airplane friends who invested in getting to know me and much as I did with her, which felt nice (insert warm and fuzzy emoji).

Arlene is a Capture Management Principal for Lockheed Martin Mission Systems and Training.  What does that mean you ask?  Well, your guess is as good as mine.  She explained it to me and I honestly was having a hard time following and did not want to make her keep dumbing it down for me. Let me see if I can give it a shot though. Basically she puts together proposals and bids that she then presents to board and higher-ups about suggested ways to internally manage the company’s capital.  She helps Lockheed Martin better understand where they should be investing their money and time within the company.  I have Arlene’s email address and will be sending her this, so I’ll let ya know if she has any addendum to how I described that, haha!

Arlene is a Pittsburgh native who attended Chatham College, an all women’s school with one of the country’s prettiest campuses located in her home city.  She went to Carnegie Mellon for one year and was not happy there so she transferred to Chatham who gave her more money anyway.  She is the middle child of five – all girls.  Each one of her sisters is more impressive than the next. I unfortunately do not remember they all do, but I know one is a doctor, one is professor, one is a rocket scientist, and most of them are mothers, too.  Also, one of her sisters grew up with moderate schizophrenia and Arlene told me stories about her sister calling her in the middle of night saying there was someone standing at the top of her stairs and a unicorn in the yard.   Arlene, being a good sister, would go over and check on her and assure her that no one was there.   

One thing I loved about Arlene was just how sure of herself she was.  It was very impressive and contagious.  She spoke about standing up for herself in rooms full of men and never letting anyone talk down to her. Also, she and all of her sisters went to college during a time that not nearly enough women were being encouraged to do so. I asked her where her confidence and drive came from.  Was it something her parents instilled in her or just something she picked up?   She said growing up her parents never limited her or her sisters.  Education was very important in their household and her and her sisters just always knew that they would go to college.  

Arlene then told me a story about a time when she was quite young and her family went to her aunt’s house. She remembered her aunt just kept picking on her and she was starting to unravel and even cried because of the incessant rude comments.  Her father saw this unfolding and he pulled Arlene outside to talk to her.  She remember he knelt down next to her and looked her in the eyes and said “Do you want to leave?  We don’t have to come back here.  We don’t have to come back here ever again.”  When she finished telling me the story Arlene was in tears and my eyes were ready to open the floodgates as well.  She said after that her father always supported her and how amazingly grateful she was for him.  “He was a great dad,” she said.  

Based on the careers of her sisters and the business savviness of Arlene, I asked if she was the rock of the family.  Her sisters are all brilliant in their own right but it was very evident how emotionally intelligent Arlene is.  I could see her winning over a room or charming the pants off of someone in one her proposals.  It is often these individuals who serve as the sounding board for everyone else around them because they build up so much trust from others.  Arlene confirmed that my hunch was correct.  She got the business brain in her siblings.  Her Dad was an entrepreneur by trade and was always starting new ventures, just last year Arlene started her own new company. Basically what they do is eliminate the need for black boxes on airplanes.  All of the information and data that is being collected by each flight with her system on immediately gets sent to a secure, off plane, server.  

I was sitting comfortably in my emergency exit row seat on a recent flight from Chicago to Minneapolis.  Next to me sat a petite woman who was still wearing her backpack.  I asked her if I was in her way and she said she was waiting to switch seats with the person next her husband a handful of rows up.  I told her I would switch and she was shocked that I’d give up my exit row but I told her I did not want to be in the way of love!  Unfortunately for me the window seat I switched to did not actually have a window…smh.  As a big man in a window seat I rely on the window to give me a little extra shoulder room so I’m not all up in my neighbor’s life.  

I was texting my girlfriend and told her about my #firstworldproblem, but it’s all good because I did the right thing. Then I met two people that I am excited to introduce you to: Sara and Michael.  The stars were aligned in that moment, friends, because after Sara sat in the middle seat she and I cracked a couple jokes while others boarded.  Then a gentleman in a pilot’s uniform came up to the woman who was sitting in the aisle and was struck because they both had the same seat on their boarding pass.  Until the lady rechecked hers and learned that she was upgraded!  Michael sat down and we all had a chuckle about the lady could not have showed less emotion about getting to sit in first class.  

The three of us immediately started talking.  Most of the questions initially were directed at Michael because he was a pilot and Sara and I had questions about flight and he couldn’t go anywhere.  Unfortunately for me the loudspeaker was right around “cacophonous” so I lost much of what was during the flight attendant’s safety briefing.  I jumped back in while we were taxiing though, have no fear!  Michael did at one point pull out his headphones and drape them around his neck…but you can’t stop the friendship train and Sara and I were DTT (down to talk).

Michael dropped some aviation knowledge on us.  Some of the tidbits I recall are that the likely hood that you would ever die in an airplane crash, especially on an American carrier, are slim to none.  He said that based on probability if we got on a flight every day that it would take something like 24,000 years before we were involved in a deadly crash.  (PS it feels a little weird to be writing this on a plane 30,000ft. in the air, haha!)  We also learned that the reason why take-offs and landings are sometimes bumpier is because of “chop.”  He described that by using a river an analogy. He said wind closer to the ground is getting redirected and manipulated by the topography and buildings in the area, much like a river going through rapids being tossed and turned by rocks and ruts.  But once you get above a certain altitude, even though the wind is two to three times stronger it’s flowing smoothly (like a deep river) so the plane ride is much calmer.   Sara and I also learned about the work schedule of the flight crew.  They only get paid from the time the plane door closes to the time the plane door opens after they land.  He talked about the sleep requirements and how they measure them and also about getting to fly anywhere for free but needing to be willing to basically never have anything planned because there is no guarantee they will get on a flight. So instead of saying, “Hey, I am going to go to Munich.” He has to think, “Hey, I am going to go somewhere in Europe, hopefully it’ll be Germany!”  

After we thoroughly barraged Michael with all of our aviation asks, Sara and Michael learned that I was traveling to Minnesota to speak at Winona State University.  They asked a number of kind questions about my career and how I stumbled into it.  It was asked if this was my first time to the state and I told them how I am actually dating a woman from St. Paul, MN and how she has taught me many-a-fact about Minnesota.  They were excited that I knew what juicy lucy’s were, that I had been to Wild game and a Twins game, and that I have been for a boat ride on one the states 11,000 lakes (apparently the state slogan and, therefore, license plates are wrong…there are more than 10,000 lakes.  Minnesotan’s are just to nice to correct anyone so instead they make passive aggressive comments about it instead. Yay!)

I turned the attention off me to learn more about Sara.  She was flying back home to the Twin Cities after having a raucous time in Nashville for her friend’s bachelorette party.  She booked her flight about 5 months ago.  It was at that moment that I learned you could book a flight 5 months in advance.  I bought this flight 8 days ago.  Sara grew up in Alexandria, MN, about 2 hours north of the Cities. She slapped her first pair of ice skates on at age 3 and first started out figure skating until she was finally able to play travel hockey (her school didn’t have a woman’s team). Her travel team would play teams all the way up in the “hat” of Minnesota and even some southern Canadian teams.  She told Michael and I about one of the Canadian teams she played.  Apparently her squad rolled up there super confident because they were 15-17 girls deep and their Canadian competitor only had 7 players including the goalie. Sara’s team got absolutely smoked 7-1.  She could not believe the energy of the Canadian girls, they were skating circles around Sara’s team.  

Michael laughed but he was not surprised.  He was born in Jacksonville, Florida, but his parents moved the family to Twig, Minnesota when he was five. Twig is outside of Duluth, and one of the best and most Minnesotan town names I have heard.  He said his mom’s favorite story to tell about the move was when she was talking to a few moms in their new town about he and his siblings.  The other mom’s asked if the kids knew how to skate?  When Michael’s mom said, no, they were shocked and said, “Well if you put the 3 year-old in skates now he will probably be able to catch up, the other two won’t have a shot.”  Fortunately, Michael was not interested in hockey.  He grew up playing soccer.  He then returned to Jacksonville for flight school and now frequently returns there on his days off to enjoy his latest hobby: sailing.  

Sara went to undergrad and graduate school at the University of Minnesota (they call it, “The U”).  She moved to downtown Minneapolis and started working for Target after she earned her degrees.  She was buyer for them for quite some time in various areas: pet supplies, frozen foods, home goods, children’s clothing, products, etc.  Sara is now doing contracts and negotiations for Target and is climbing the ladder!  She recently hung up her hockey skates, sadly.  Now when she talks about playing right wing she is referring to chicken.  BOOM! #hockeyjokesfordays.  She has gotten to travel a bunch of places around the world though, including Australia!

Tammy and I sat next to each other on a recent United Airlines flight from Indianapolis to Washington D.C.  We started talking because she thought her bag under the seat in front of us may have been in my way.  I took that as an opportunity to ask her how her day was and if Indy was her home base. She then asked me where I was from and away our conversation went!

Tammy was born and raised in Indianapolis but then lived in many other places before returning home.  Most notably she lived in Switzerland for seven years, which allowed her to travel for both work and leisure around Europe – something she definitely took advantage of.  We also bonded because Tammy lived in Jersey City for awhile – a place I have also called home.  We talked about how preposterously expensive it is to live in Manhattan.  She told me about her former partner and how he lived in Chelsea and paid $3750/month for an 800-sq./ft. apartment with almost no amenities.  Her apartment in Jersey City was 2/3 that price and came with a parking spot, doorman, etc.  

Early in our conversation, Tammy asked me what I do.  When I told her that I speak to corporate and college audiences about authenticity her eyes lit up!  She immediately asked me if I was a Brené Brown fan.  I told her I most certainly was.  I have watched her TED talks multiple times and was reading her book, Daring Greatly, at the time.  Tammy told me she has been doing a lot of personal work to become more self-aware, more authentic, and more at peace with who she is.  She then proceeded to rattle off a ton of other authors that she assumed I must know.  People like Pema Chodron, Wayne Dyer, and various others.  I had heard of a couple of them, but not many. Little did Tammy know, but I had only recently become a reader and because of some difficult times in my life I had also just started to meditate.  I informed her of this though and asked her for recommendations for future reading I need to do that I promptly put into my phone.  

One of the most powerful things that Tammy and I talked about was the notion of “inauthentic compromises.”  The concept was illustrated by her transformational life coach (who sounded pretty amazing) who asked Tammy where in her life did she feel like she was making inauthentic compromises.  This blew my mind a little and I wish someone had asked me that question at various points of my life.  We are independent beings capable of independent thought. Frequently, however, because of self-doubt, insecurity and/or instability we become accommodators.  We do not stand up for what we want, what we think we deserve, and what we believe.  We become another cog in society’s wheel just going through the motions and fall victim to the “shoulds” of life.  

After going through a rough breakup, Tammy was faced with having to reflect on the inauthentic compromises she had made in her life. She decided to go on a spiritual journey of sorts.  Tammy told me that a couple years ago she quit her job and decided to travel.  She took nine months off and went to Bryce Canyon and Zion National Parks, she drove the coast of Oregon, and traveled to Bali and Thailand.  It was while she was in Bali that a headhunter called her and told her that a company in the pharmaceutical industry wanted to hire her, note: she had not applied for the job, nor was she actively job searching.  She decided to take it and that is what brought her back to the US and home to Indianapolis.

It’s not often I sit next to someone on an airplane with a better beard game with me. Alas, that’s exactly what happened on a recent United Airlines flight from Chicago to Denver.  Steven and I got to talking after we both shared a chuckle when a senior citizen behind us asked the flight attendant if putting his cell phone on airplane mode meant putting it on vibrate.  I asked him if he was traveling home or to work.  He responded in an Irish accent with, “umm, neither, I am on holiday.”  Turns out, Steven is from Belfast in Northern Ireland.  I immediately got excited because I had not yet made an international airplane friend!

When I asked what brought him to the United States, Steven hesitated and then someone tentatively said, WrestleMania.  I responded with an enthusiastic, “that’s awesome!” A big smile came over his face and he became more comfortable.  I told him I could sense his hesitation and then we talked about how he finds it annoying when people judgingly remind him, “you know wrestling is fake, right?”  He said he doesn’t care, he knows it’s fake but that doesn’t matter, he loves the story and the theater.  I said I did not understand why people who like wrestling always get made fun of – people watch way less entertaining scripted and half-scripted television everyday and we do not give them anywhere near the amount of crap we give to people who watch the WWE.

Steven never had any aspirations of being a wrestler himself, he has just been a fan since a very young age.  We talked about all the old greats, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Bret the Hitman Heart, Rick Flair, Ultimate Warrior, and The Undertaker.  I told him I had a buddy, Nico, who always used to get the big events on PayPerView and a bunch of us would have a sleepover at his place in middle and early high school.  He was also pumped to hear that I had been to a, what was then, WWF event in New York.  I did admit that it has been about 15 years since I had seen a match on TV but he said we could still be friends.  

When I asked Steven if he had ever been to the States before he said he had.  Then he told me a really cool stat.  Apparently, Steven, his identical twin brother, his mother and father have been traveling to the USA for the past 8 WrestleManias.  What a fun family tradition!  More than that, every year when they come over they first fly to a different city, explore that city for three or four days, rent a car, then drive to the city where WrestleMania is going down.  For example, one year they flew into LA then drove up to San Jose, another they flew into Chicago and drove to New Orleans!  This trip they are hanging out in Denver for a few days before they drive down to Dallas for the main event.  I told him he has probably seen more of the country than most Americans have!

When Steven is not watching people get put in “figure 4s” or doing “fireman’s carry powerbombs” or getting “face-raked,” he is an accountant.  I’m sure you guessed that.  He works for one of the world’s big four accounting firms in their auditing department (which he does not love but he’s trying to move up).   Finance is in his genes. His twin brother works as an accountant for Caterpillar and his mom was in banking.  Steven also majored in French in college and he is still proudly fluent.  I asked if he would ever consider re-locating and he said he has always wanted to live in Luxembourg because he loves the untouched look and feel of the country.  

Steven told me about how easy and relatively inexpensive it is to travel around Europe when you live over there.  His favorite county to visit is Germany but he has also been to Italy, Austria, Belgium, France, Spain, and others.   He frequently travels to London (he says it’s only 70 quid for a flight from Belfast to London) to watch football (that’s soccer for all of you in ‘Merica).   He’s a huge Manchester United fan.  I then referred to Manchester United as the New York Yankees of the Premier League…because they always win…and that’s a beautiful thing <cough> Go Yankees <cough>.  

I asked Steven about life in Belfast. He said the political climate is fascinating because one half of the city is covered in Irish flags and the other half is covered in Union Jacks.  There are two distinct political parties: those who want to unify Ireland and those who want to stay in the United Kingdom.  And they all promise that no matter what they will unite the people of Northern Ireland…but that never happens.  I told him that right now, as an American, I do not have a leg to stand on when it comes to politics.  I told him I can only imagine what our country looks like to those outside of the USA because we are not exactly showing our best side to the rest of world.  He knowingly laughed and said that most people around him think Hillary Clinton is our best shot at maintaining respect internationally.  

I also asked Steven what he thought about how we celebrated St. Patrick’s Day in the United States.  He repeated a phrase that he used multiple times during our conversation (namely when he was talking about New Orleans and Spring Break – which, fun fact, they do not have at their universities), he said people in Ireland usually say “look at what those crazy Yanks are up to now.”  He said every year there is a parade in Belfast and in Dublin for St. Paddy’s Day but only a couple thousand people come out.  Then they flip on the TV and see the ridiculous amount of people who are in New York City for the parade there.  He did say that most people in Ireland actually find it pretty flattering though, that their culture is being celebrated so much abroad.  

I have not made an airplane friend in a while!  Fortunately I’m back with a vengeance and got a two-fer on my latest United flight from Chicago to Minneapolis.  Friends, meet Eli and Karen.

Our friendship started when Eli landed in the middle seat between Karen and I.  He sat down and was so excited because he was flying stand-by and this was the last flight out tonight.  Eli was trying to get back to his home-city of St. Paul, MN.  He said stand-by is awesome because you don’t have to pay but you may have to stay in an airport all day waiting to get on a flight.   He then proceeded to tell us that he gets to fly stand-by because his girlfriend is a flight attendant.  I shared that I have always wanted to have a friend that works in the airline industry but have not struck that gold mine yet.   Eli said,  “yeah it’s amazing, we have been dating for only a few months and we have been flying all over the world.”

Eli’s situation gets even more badass.  As I mentioned, he is currently dating a flight attendant, she also happens to be his landlord.  But wait, it gets better… this woman also makes enough money on her rental properties that she told him to not get a job AND don’t worry about rent because she just wanted to travel with him.  I almost got up and hugged Eli in that moment.  Instead, as I started a slow clap, I told this former stranger turned friend that I am so proud of him.  In the handful of months they have been together they have been all over the US, Mexico City, India, and are planning trips to Rio and Japan this year.  Not bad, Eli…not bad.  

Eli had only recently moved to Chicago before their relationship started.  He moved there to do more stand-up comedy.  He decided college was not for him but he loves the rush that stand-up brings and the “crazy” people he gets to meet doing it.  He is still trying to figure out what he wants to do long-term but in the meantime he is crushing life.  

Karen works for a large bank in Rhode Island.  She was born on Long Island (like me!) and grew up in Manhattan before her father moved the family to Rhode Island.   She attended Connecticut College in New London, CT, where she studied modern dance.  After college she moved back to New York and was a full-time concert dance performer for over five years.  It was at that time that Karen realized she wanted to be more confortable later in life and left the dance world to find a career with health benefits and a 401K.  

It was around that time that Karen was talking to a friend who worked at a bank.  He told her to send him her résumé.  She laughed at that because as a dancer she didn’t really have a résumé per se.   She concocted something that looked like one though and sent it to her friend.  Little did she know, this man was quite connected.  She soon had an interview which she nailed and here we a few years later with her flying to Minneapolis to try and expand her bank’s opportunities.   She hated the first year on her job but now loves what she does. Essentially she does organizational psychology with teams at the bank behind the scenes using two methodologies, Lead and Six Sigma.  Or, as she puts it, she is a master manipulator and creates buy in for culture and change in the company.  

Friends, meet Yolanda.  I had the pleasure of sitting next to her on a recent United Airlines flight from Jacksonville, Florida to Chicago.  Yolanda was on her way to Detroit for her high school reunion and good times with friends and family. Our first interaction was when she bumped my arm, held up the safety instructions brochure and told me, “we’re supposed to read this,” after the flight attendant told us to do so since we were seated in the emergency exit row.  After we looked it over it I told her that she was in charge of first tossing the door out of the window and then throwing me right after, so get ready! Fifty-nine and a half year-old, Yolanda was only slightly amused.  

As we taxied to the runway I learned very quickly that Ms. Yolanda did not like flying.  Throughout taxiing and takeoff she kept saying, “Oh dear, Lord” and “Here we go” and making the same kind of  “mmm MMMMM!” sounds a parent makes to their child who is about to touch something they are not supposed to in a store.  She also occasionally elbowed me and flinched towards grabbing my arm a few times.  Fortunately once we reached cruising altitude she settled her mind down and looked out the window.  I also then showed her how to get the table out of her armrest, which made her adorably happy.

After she played a few hands of solitaire on her phone I think she got bored.  I noticed and asked her if she was excited about her high school reunion.  She said yes, she looks forward to it every year.  She moved from Detroit in 1988 because she hates cold weather, but most of her family and old friends are still there.  I also found out that she has been a nurse on the cardiologist floor of various hospitals for thirty years. I asked her a few more questions and each one got very short responses but I still felt like we could be friends.   I decided to ask a cliché one: “So what do you like to do for fun?”  When I tell you that Yolanda lit up like a carnival game it would be an understatement.  She turned to me and said she hosts ladies night every other month.  

Though I don’t have a wealth of experience, I feel like ladies nights are typically smaller gatherings of 5-8ish women who either drink wine and laugh all night or they go out on the town and treat themselves to a raucous evening.  So when Yolanda told me this I thought it was cute but I had no idea what I was in for.

Yolanda proceeded to talk almost the rest of the flight about her ladies nights.  She has been hosting them for a little over a year and she LOVES it.  Right now there are about 30 women in the group and they range in age from 31-60 years old.  They all have matching jazzy pink t-shirts with their nicknames on the back.  And they have done everything from dinner parties to line dancing to bowling to BBQs to bingo to wine tastings to clubbing.  She makes the invitations herself and mails them out to the crew.  Some of the events are t-shirt mandatory and others are not.

I told her I wanted to see the t-shirts.  Yolanda then pulled out her phone and proceeded to walk me through a year worth of photos.  This wound up being a pretty amazing way to get to know her because she has A LOT of photos.   I learned the names of some of the ladies night crew and got to see how she makes, from scratch, a poster for each ladies night to put on an easel at the entrance.  Her posters are combination of painting, markers, pictures, and lots of sequins and buttons – they were pretty adorable.  

Outside of her ladies night escapades I found out that Yolanda has a son who is in school and a grandson who is going to be a football player when he grows up. She also has a boyfriend named Nate who lives with his mother.  They have been together for seven years and he is helping her remodel her house.  I saw all of the before and after pictures of her kitchen, living room, and backyard.  In a lot of those pics, Nate was putting in work.  She said he treats her very well and she is happy with him.   Later this year they are going to Puerto Rico for her 60th birthday.  That will be the first time she will leave the country and she can’t wait!

One of my favorite fun facts about Yolanda is that she collects miniature pianos.  She showed me a bunch of photos of her collection.  She also loves gardening and told me all about how her tomatoes are flourishing this year.  She is also involved in her church.  

Yolanda did show me a couple of photos that I was not ready for, however. While scrolling through her phone she came across photos that she had taken of her deceased father in the casket the day of his funeral.  This is not a practice that my family does, but if that makes her happy and allows her to mourn his passing easier then she should do what she needs to do.   She kissed her phone when that picture was up there and told me that she can look at pictures of her father but she cannot look at pictures of her mother – it’s just too hard for her.  She is grateful for the life her parents gave her even though they did not have much.  

Everyone, I’d love you to meet Talon.  He and I shared a quick flight from Champaign, Illinois to Chicago recently and I packed in as many questions I could into about 35 minutes.  In full disclosure, Talon was not a brand new acquaintance to me.  We were flying back from a week-long inspiring and life-changing experience at the LeaderShape Institute. Unfortunately he and I never got a chance to sit down and hear each other’s story, though, so I was glad the airplane-friend Gods sat us next to each other.  

Talon and his family are members of the Navajo tribe, specifically the Diné.  They live in the mountains of northern New Mexico about an hour and a half from Albuquerque.  He has a younger brother still at home and an older brother in Phoenix.  Though his immediate family is not that big he has a large number of aunts, uncles, and cousins.  Most of his family is still in New Mexico.  

I asked Talon how much of how he views the world has been impacted being Navajo.  He said he his thoughts and beliefs about what is right and what is wrong is all directly related to being raised by the tribe.  His parents were particularly influential.  His Dad taught him about the value of thinking before you speak.  Talon said he used to be very long-winded and emotional in his responses to questions but he know has learned the power of reflection.  He said learning to take breath, walk away from whatever the situation is, and look at it from multiple sides has made him much more even keeled and successful.

Talon’s grandfather also played a big role in his upbringing.  He said his grandfather taught him about the importance of maintaining and caring about his appearance among many other lessons.  He then gestured to his watch.  Talon told me he would frequently cook ribs and steak for his grandfather and made sure to spend a lot of time with him.  When his grandfather passed away when Talon was 15, Talon said he did much better dealing with it than his brothers and cousins.  He recognized that he made the best of the time he had with his grandfather, unlike his siblings.  Of course he wishes he could have a conversation today with him because, beyond missing him, he owns that at 15 he did not absorb as much of the gravity of his grandfather’s wisdom.

One of my favorite stories that Talon shared involved his uncles. Apparently his grandfather was a very gracious man but that occasionally lead to him being taken advantage of.  That’s where his uncle’s came in, though.  Whenever anyone wronged his grandfather, Talon said with a knowing smirk, his uncles would go “take care of it.” He did not need to tell me more, I read very quickly between the lines.  I then proceeded to compliment Talon a few times so he knew I was a good guy and did not need to be “taken care of.”

Everyone, this is Kate! She and I met on a United Airlines flight from Chicago to Rochester.  I was a little nervous because I tried my usual attempts to start a convo and she didn’t bite.  Then, just as I thought I was going to be on a airplane-friendless-flight, the flight attendant started her safety reminders and the volume was so piercingly loud that we Kate and I both laughed and shook our heads and a connection was made.  

Kate was flying back from spending the weekend with her family in their home in the Chi-town suburbs.  She was eating a torta from La Frontera.  Which, in my opinion, is one of the best spots to grab a bite in Terminal B in O’Hare.  So we bonded over that as well.

Kate is a medical student at the University of Rochester currently doing her residency in pediatrics.  She said she wanted to work with children because they are more fun and she got a bigger sense of reward in helping them.  She also chose pediatrics because it’s one of the easiest areas to get hired in after finishing med school.  This was important to her because she wants to move back to the Midwest when she finished.   I asked her if she would ever consider doing Doctors Without Borders.  She said that after struggling without creature comforts for a month in Costa Rica that international rural/impoverished medical outreach was not for her.

Turns out Kate also did her undergrad at U of R.  Like a good student affairs professional I asked her if she was involved at all in undergrad.  She said outside of research she was not.   It was interesting because Kate was disheartened when she said it.  I pointed that out and she owned it.  She said looking back she wish she had done little more because she knows she missed out a little on the more “traditional college experience.”  She was still proud of her academic accomplishments and was grateful for her research experience – clearly it set her up for success!  

I recently flew out to Las Vegas to speak at UNLV.  On my United Airlines flight from Newark to Vegas I met the delightfully sassy, Dianne.  It was a 5.5 hour long flight so we did not chop it up the whole time, but we still gabbed for a good portion of it!  I did not think initially that she wanted to talk.  I asked her a few questions and got shorter answers.  Then she took a quick nap, had a couple of Jack Daniels on the rocks and she asked me while I was typing, “Are you a writer?”  For the rest of the ride we were thick as thieves!

Dianne is a real estate lawyer who owns one practice in northern Jersey and is about to open up a second one out by Alpine, NJ.   She says the real estate agents all love her because she’s actually a real person…not a stereotypical lawyer.  I believe them, she’s a hoot to hang out with!   I asked why she chose real estate over other potential options.  She said she thought about doing entertainment but really loved the freedom of being her own boss.  Also she likes the creativity aspect of being a real estate lawyer…I did not really understand that part but we were on a roll so I did not question it!

East Rutherford, New Jersey was where she was born and raised.  She now owns a home not too far from her mom and nanny (grandma).  Like a good Italian she stayed close.  She has one sibling, a brother, who does not live that far but sadly does not see that often.  As she put it, he and his wife are happy in their introverted world and don’t invite family over much unless it’s a birthday or holiday.  Their infrequent communication is evident because the background of Dianne’s phone is her best friend’s son… not her nephew.  

I found out that Dianne is Sicilian, though I probably could have guessed (we Italians have a nose for that).  After finding that out I asked her the next logical question I could think of, “Can you make sauce?”  She said she makes her Nanny’s sauce and it’s the greatest thing in the world.  I beg to differ because she has clearly never had Mama Robilotta’s sauce!  Dianne claims to be the best cook in her family, sadly the plane we were on did not have a stove or tomato paste or I would have asked her to prove it.  

Dianne was traveling to Vegas to celebrate her Uncle’s 50th birthday.  His only wish was to go see Britney Spears, so she got the two of them front row seats to her show in the Planet Hollywood Hotel.  Her uncle sounds like the man.  He has held some very powerful positions and companies you have heard of in Washington DC, he is delightfully gay, and he knows how to party like a champ.  I wish I got to meet him!  

Turns out, Dianne also wants to be a speaker!  When she found out what I do for a living, she said I was basically living her dream.  A couple of years ago, like a boss, she beat stage IV cancer.  It’s kind of crazy because right after her mom went in remission from having cancer, Dianne had back pains and it wound up being because of a baseball sized tumor on her spine!  Fortunately Dianne is doing great now and she would love to have the opportunity to share her story with others.  She wants to tell it from sassy/comedic point of view, kind of Dennis Leary-esque.  

Super Bowl Sunday, aka “The Other Christmas” in America.  I had my flights setup so that I could get home and indulge in as many dips as possible while watching the game and rooting for any team that had the opportunity to beat the Patriots.  Alas the airplane, weather, and football Gods had other plans for me because my flights got delayed and jerked around and, worst of all, the Patriots won.  Fortunately for me, though, on my United Airlines flight from DC to Syracuse I met an airplane friend – Jesse.  

Jesse and I were snugged up in the exit row for an hour longer than we should have been because Washington Dulles Airport (IAD) could not get their stuff together.  The two of us looked like two lovable hipsters from Brooklyn with our newsie hats, beards, and horn-rimmed glasses.  I forget how our conversation started, but I am glad it did.  

Jesse is originally from Los Angeles and he went to school at Humboldt State in NorCal.  He studied literature there and met his future wife in the process.  He proposed to his wife on stage at a concert of a former hardcore turned singer/songwriter artist.  Jesse had reached out to the artist when he heard he was going to be in LA.  He agreed and suggested that Jesse come up during one of his songs.  That was Jesse’s least favorite song by the artist but beggars can’t be choosers so he agreed.   After their engagement he and his wife got married in a barn in central California.  

For a few years after undergrad Jesse was a freelance programmer.  He would alternate between taking jobs that paid well and jobs that were in the non-profit  sector.  He is passionate about energy conservation.  When that became unfulfilling  both he and his then girlfriend/fiancée decided they wanted to go back to school, her for library sciences and him for 18th Century Literature.  They applied to a bunch of the same schools, she got into every one and he only got into Syracuse, so that’s where they chose!   She received her masters and now works as a archivist for one of Syracuse University’s specialized collections.  Jesse just finished is dissertation and is well on his way to being Dr. Jesse.  

I asked him why he chose 18th Century Literature as his focus.  He said he is actually studying food in 18th Century Literature.  So he had read a ton of historical cookbooks as well as other pieces written during that time.  He said the reason this fascinated him is because he has found that it is during the 18th Century when culturally based cuisines began to be celebrated and assimilated into other cultures.  For example, the signature curry dishes of India started being made in European nations and being referred to as “Indian food.”

We talked a lot about food, which was just fine with me.  I found out that Jesse does not really like barbecue, which broke my heart a little, especially because he lives minutes from one of the best BBQ joints in the country, the original Dinosaur BBQ.   So we talked about foie gras, sweetbreads, Napa valley wines, how we both want to eat our way around Montreal, and how he hates all beer from New York.  

Jesse has taken his passion for food and culture one step further than most with the help of his background in programming.  He recently developed a program that tracks what ingredients and colors are most prominent in cultural cuisines.  By using it you can punch in the ingredients of a dish and find out what nationality it is most likely derived from.  

On a United Airlines flight from Syracuse to Chicago I met my latest airplane friend, Dan.  Truth be told, I wanted to sleep on this flight because it was at 5:15am but then I coughed and Dan said, “sounds like you’ve got what I’ve got.”  We both laughed and I realized Dan was DTT…down to talk.

Dan is originally from a town just outside of Whitewater, Wisconsin…about 2 hours from anything you have heard of. He grew up very poor and did not have much given to him.  In his teens he realized that he could make a little money fixing cars so he started doing that.  A handful of years later Dan and his brother opened their own auto mechanic shop. They ran it for 17 years until dealing with insurance companies became more hassle than it was worth. He loved working on cars but wasn’t a speed freak. His first car and his first love was a 1968 Buick Special and he spoke about her fondly. Dan met his wife shortly thereafter and with his earnings he bought her a beauty shop in town and they lived a fun life being storeowners.

While Dan owned his mechanic shop he also had a side hustle, which, if you have ever seen my “Finding Your Third Place” work/life balance speech, you know I am all about. His side gig was quite random… he was a teacher/salesperson for a company that specialized in confined space rescues – more on that in a bit. When it came time for him to sell his mechanic shop Dan decided he wanted to be a fireman. He applied and tested in the city of Milwaukee and, much to his surprise due to his age, he got in!   Since he was now a city employee he and his wife had to move 2 hours northeast to the city. They sold his wife’s beauty shop and his shop and made the move to Milwaukee.

Dan was a fireman for 18 years in Milwaukee.  During that time his wife worked as a phlebotomist, which could be one of the most fun words to say ever. He said he worked long enough to receive a pension but the city began to wear on him and his wife. He spoke harshly about people who were “taking advantage of the system,” and said he finally had had enough. Dan and his wife moved back to their hometown and settled in to partial retirement.

I say partial because the reason Dan was on our flight was because he just came from teaching the emergency response and facilities teams at Cornell University how to perform confined space rescues. Friends, Dan is the man. He is probably in his late 50s and to make some side money he teaches different companies and municipalities how to strap on some ropes, hook up carabineers, and save people who get caught working in cramped spaces around the world. The company he works for is CMC Rescue and feel free to click on the link to see what they do.   In a couple months he is going to spend a week in China, next week he is going to Vegas, and just got back from a trip to a hydroelectric damn in Washington State.

Estelle and I met on a United Airlines flight from Chicago to Charleston, SC. We had both gotten upgraded to first class, so we were both feeling like bosses before we even took off. I cracked a joke to the flight attendant and Estelle cracked a smile so I thought I would say, hello. She did not seem too engrossed in her Glamour magazine so we started chatting.

Estelle was on her way to Charleston for a bachelorette party. I was disappointed that they did not all buy big hats and plan on talking in delightful southern accents the whole weekend. She too was disappointed at her oversight and she jokingly chastised me for not helping her out sooner. She said she was going to Philadelphia for another bachelorette party and asked me what should their theme be? I replied “big hats and southern accents.” Throughout our conversation we laughed a lot which made the flight “fly” by…sorry.

Estelle was born by Normandy in France but her parents moved her and her 2 siblings to St. Louis when she was younger. After her parents moved back to France her family went in every direction. She attended Georgetown. Her sister when to school in England, met a boy, and then moved to South Africa and her brother is still trying to figure life out. Fortunately he is doing it by living and skiing everyday in Switzerland…not a bad way to “find” yourself. This past Christmas was the first time they were all together in 2 years. They went to stay with her sister, her husband, and the child they are excitedly expecting down in South Africa. As a surprise, their parents packed an entire suitcase filled with French cheeses, wines, and bread. Estelle rolled her eyes when she said that and laughed.

We then got to talking about work. She works in the corporate offices of a major fertilizer company – not at all where she thought she would be working. I told her about my speaking career and coaching business and finished by saying, “there is something special about doing what you love.” Estelle thought about this for a minute and then responded with, “I guess I am not doing what I love, but I love what I do.” BOOM – MIC DROP! I love what she said and I am going to tell you all about why in an upcoming “Robo Thought.” Sign-up at the top of this page if you haven’t already!

Estelle and I then got to talking about her new role as a supervisor. She oversees a small but feisty staff of 4; a couple of which applied for the position she got and are significantly older than her. She said she was still trying to figure out how to best approach it and is still learning her supervision style though she is not afraid to put the hammer down if they get out of line.   I asked her, “how do you work on building rapport with them?” She thought about it and did not really have an answer so we processed that in a conversation that’s not worth documenting now.

After work talk we bonded when Estelle told me her boyfriend was about to move to Chicago to put an end to their long distance relationship. My wife, Jacqueline, and I did long distance for 5 years. She chuckled because she frequently indulges in “retail therapy” so there is no space for her boyfriend’s clothes as of yet in her apartment!

Earlier this week on a United Airlines flight from Rochester, NY to Washington DC, I made a new airplane friend! His name is Anwar we hit it off pretty quickly as our flight was held up because they could not get the front door of the plane to close. He is 6’8” and I am 6’3” so, needless to say, there was a lot of man in those two seats! Our talk started, like most small talk does, about the weather and gas prices. The gas was a full dollar cheaper where he was headed in Texas than it was in Rochester. Got to love New York taxes!

Anwar told me his father named him after Egypt’s third President and Nobel Peace Prize winner, Anwar Sadat. Originally from the Bronx, NY, he went to college in Philadelphia and played Division I basketball. One of my favorite stories he hold me was about when he was being recruited.

My man lived in a tough spot in the Bronx. There were a lot of drug dealers and other “self-employed” people in his building. Once they found out how good Anwar was at basketball though they all left him alone and did not bother him. They knew he was going to have exciting opportunities in the future.   When he started being recruited, the coaches would come to his home to meet him and his family.   Brining middle-aged white men into his building looked suspicious to the “entrepreneurs” who lived there. Anwar did not want it to look like he was bringing narcs in, so he had speak really loudly and say things like, “So if I come and play ball for you, I could start AND I would get a scholarship?” That was very eye opening to me. Talk about a problem I would never have to even think about living in white-bread suburbia…and being a barely mediocre basketball player.

Anwar wound up being red-shirted his first season and by his Junior year was starting as a power forward. The stories he shared about being a college athlete were colorful but shall not be repeated. Let’s just say he had a very different experience than I did as a Resident Assistant.

At the end of his senior year he had one more year left of playing eligibility but was also finishing up his biology degree. Anwar decided, kind of on a whim, to take the MCAT. When his score came back way better than he expected he talked to his mom and asked her if he should stay and play one more year or if he should apply to medical school. She asked are you going to make it into the NBA? When he said, “probably not,” she said something to the effect of, “then I think you have your answer.”

Everyone, this is Joe. We became  airplane friends on a recent United Airlines flight from Syracuse to Chicago. I noticed Joe’s deep southern accent and asked him where he was from. When he told me Smithfield, NC I told him about how I went to school in Wilmington and the conversation flowed from there!

Joe is a sweetheart of a man who says “Yes Sir” and “Oh that’s nice” after just about everything you say. He used to be a TV repairman who worked on old tube TVs. The flat screen age put an end to that career so he became a truck driver. He knows the US interstate system really well but he told me that despite getting to see a lot of the country, he didn’t get to experience a lot of the culture because his truck was too big to get off the road and explore (future blog post about my thoughts on that coming soon).

Joe is now a school bus driver, but not the kind you’re thinking. 2-3 times a week Joe gets in an empty school bus in Tulsa, OK and drives 1100 miles to drop it off in upstate New York. He then flys back to Tulsa and does it again. Joe hasn’t been to his home in Smithfield since Christmas.  Joe loves fishing, going on short hikes, eating haddock, Manchu Wok in the Chicago O’Hare airport, and the sweet Indian couple who owns the motel he stays at in Rome, NY before he flies back to Tulsa.

He and I both have older siblings and have very similar relationships with them – ones founded in love and support even though we don’t talk that much. There is no doubt that we have each other’s back, we just live independent lives. Joe, despite all of the flying he does, does not belong to any frequent flyer programs. I told him he needed to sign up for one because, as a fellow independent contractor, that’s one of the few ways we get “benefits” in our job and that he needed to treat himself!

Everyone, meet Bonnie. I had the opportunity to sit next to this warm-hearted rural Minnesotan on a recent United Airlines flight from DC to the Twin Cities. She had the best accent & told me all about her husband, Earl Dean. They were flying back from Memphis after celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary!

I asked Bonnie if she and Earl Dean traveled a lot.  She said this was only her second time in her life outside of Minnesota.  I asked her if this trip has sparked her inner travel bug and she replied, “Oh no, that was quite enough for me, I’ll stick to Minnesota.”

Bonnie told me they met at a polka and he asked her to dance. He was apparently a terrible dancer but she fell for him anyway. The whole ride she would lean over and tell him across the aisle about what kind of drink he should order (tomato juice) & that they were serving scones. 

Hello!  My name is James Robilotta and I am passionate about other’s stories.  On this Tumblr I will be sharing the stories of people who I sit next to on airplanes that are courageous enough to open up to me.  I will always try to get a picture with my new airplane friends, but not everyone is ready for that jelly so it may not always happen.  

You’re perhaps wondering who this bearded wonder is that goes around making his plane neighbors talk with him for the duration of a flight.  Well, I am the author of the book Leading Imperfectly, an Authentic Leadership speaker, a Personal Coach, and a freestyle-rapping improv comedian.  If you want to learn more check out my website: JamesTRobo.com