The Tastiest Sauce On This Hellsite

hayden keeps telling me its so awesome to have a captain who appreciates the sober lifestyle and im like thats great man but i dont think where i go when im sucking dick and cock counts as being “sober” to be completely honest like idk if it’s the taste or just the weight of it or whatever but I’m like. Not on this planet anymore.

To be clear. Shane's whole thing about Ilya being a Sex God is because of the limerence. Ilya is nineteen and he can get a rhythm going and that's about it. He was throwing shit at the wall when he hit that 'Get on your knees' in Nashville but only he knows that because Shane's brain turned OFF. Ilya said "Let's do a little experiment here" and the results were "Oh my god oh my god oh my god." Shane came hands free because he was that obsessed with the idea of Ilya Rozanov being inside him. Ilya said "Do you like that do you like that" because he's nineteen and he needs the validation and Shane was like "YES YES YES I LIKE IT OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO DEEP YOU'RE SO GOOD" and objectively. It was okay. Ilya fully did not know where to put his hands a couple of times. He forgot about Shane's dick. Luckily, Shane is God's special angel who can come from the idea of Ilya's cockhead being in proximity to his prostate a few times. Mind over matter, says Shane Hollander's dick. And then Ilya said "Oh God Hollander" because it was also, objectively, one of the hottest things that had ever happened to HIM, Ilya Rozanov. Shane sits on that step afterwards plotting about how he's gonna get this over and over and over again for the rest of his life and he has no idea that there are women in Boston who have Ilya listed in their contacts as "Hockey Guy 6/10". Shane Hollander cannot fathom a world in which Ilya Rozanov doesn't lay the maddest pipe this side of Lake Michigan. "Ilya Rozanov is a some kind of nineteen year old sex God" No Shane honey he was just designed in a lab to score goals and make you cum and he's done scoring goals for the night.

To be clear I am not saying Fanon is attempting to elicit sympathy for the colonizer. I mean "Am I supposed to feel sorry for them" in an aghast way because the colonizer, who is suffering, feels he deserves sympathy. You see it again and again, all throughout history, and even now people complain about how traumatized they are from murdering civilians. How even in the end, in their eyes, the true victim is the perpetrator who lives rather than the dead person who is "at peace." As though any number of extenuating personal circumstances is supposed to make your guilt weigh more than the actual harms other people have experienced at your hands. As though people overseas wouldn't also like to go to college, would like to afford a house, would like to escape poverty. It's infuriating!

awww the like button turns into a rainbow when you press it! that's so cute...hey staff what's with all the trans women you keep nuking?

i think we should be ridiculing them more for this. you don't get to try and go all "queer website" when your staff likes to go on nuking sprees targeting the trans fem users

would be remiss not to mention that the rainbow notably straight up just removed the trans flag colors from it. like they’re gone. it’s the progress flag minus the trans flag colors.

hey staff what the fuck

hey staff don't you think you're being too on-the-nose

And it’s still marked as mature wtf tumblr

I think at some point Ilya’s therapist gets concerned by what seems to be a codependent and anxious attachment btw Ilya and Shane. When Shane the Doer hears about it, For the sake of his husband’s mental health’s improvement and the preservation of a healthy marriage, he convinces Ilya to try installing boundaries and do activities separately. It lasts a week before Ilya comes home sobbing from a video game session with Troy communicating that if they keep this boundary thing up he’ll need to switch his meds’ dosage because he’s miserable. Shane jumps from the couch he’s been sitting on for 40minutes because he was supposed to eat diner with rose but he kept wanting to make jokes and look at ilya to see him laugh but he wasn’t there and it SUCKED OMG and Shane starts sobbing too because if they keep this up he will have to get on his own meds and let’s never do this again I hate it when I can’t smell you near me

situationship to codependency final boss actually

Assignment misunderstood. I have now built a city.

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ilya starts this bit with shane where he claims he can psychically sense when shane gets horny whenever they’re apart and so he’ll text him out of the blue like “senses tingling. you are horny.” and the gag is that he’s not Wrong but its definitely a chicken or the egg situation as shane claims he only gets horny after ilya suggests it (also he’s kind of like. never not horny) and it kind of pavlovs shane to get hard every time his phone dings so he starts aggressively using do not disturb when he has sponsor deals and meetings and such only then the awareness of the texts he Could be missing from ilya is heightened and so its all he’s thinking about when he’s trying not to think about it and trying not to get hard in public unfortunately only turns him on more and ilya catches on whenever he goes to text shane and sees he’s in dnd mode he’s like oh he must be trying not to get hard right now so then shane will check his phone later and ilya will have texted him like “you were hard at 12:53 PM” and shane is like how the Fuck did you know that ilya is just like shane i told you i’m literally psychic 🙄

porn is bad because [christian talking point] and [alt-right study] and [misunderstood neurochemistry] and of course [feature of capitalism]

thank you SO MUCH for reminding me about [feature of patriarchy] and [problem caused by lack of kids' sex ed] random tumblr user in the notes! louder for those in the back!

The adult content warning on this post is really just the icing on the cake

We tried to warn you about the "adult content" bans. Now Kickstarter is starting that shit

"Fetishized imagery intended to arouse" well it's a good thing oppressed and vulnerable communities are never fetishized.