okay I have been thinking about this non. stop. and now I have IDEAS
First off, Obi-Wan takes a page from Qui-Gonâs book and finally starts ignoring the Council. (Obi-Wan is happy to die for a cause, especially something noble like peace or justice. This, however, is not a cause. This is a clusterfuck, and itâs one the Council threw Anakin into.) Whenever the council tries to check in, he says heâs busy. When he finally canât avoid them he stays on the call for all of three seconds before he pretends that space dust is causing interference, oh dear, I suppose we wonât be able to have a nice long chat about how my apprentice teamed up with a Sith lord because of all of you. What? Me, stomping on the commlink? That must just be the space dust. Oh, well, goodbye, see you in a year or so.
Next on Obi-Wanâs agenda, tell Anakin that heâs alive so that Anakin doesnât go teaming up with any more Sith Lords. This involves an extremely complex plan that hinges on three things: One, Anakin being easily led away from a partner, even when numbers would give him a clear leg up. (This, Obi-Wan isnât worried about. Anakin is easily distractible. Especially when thereâs lightsabers involved.) Two, Maul not following. (This will be a little more difficult, but heâs reasonably sure he can rig a trap for Maul. It shouldnât be too hard to short out his ridiculous legs.) Three, no one else interfering. (Obi-Wan doesnât even consider that this might be a problem. After all, whoâs going to get in the middle of a bunch of force-users swinging lightsabers around? (I am sure that you are laughing, because I am laughing, because we know whatâs about to happen. Poor, poor, Obi-Wan does not.))
Because Obi-Wanâs life is terrible (infinite sadness, everyone he loves is doomed, etc. we all know the drill) the plan does not go according to plan. (As many clever people through all of human history have pointed out, itâs a deeply bad idea to have a plan that relies on several things happening perfectly in short succession. This, however, is Star Wars, so not a single person, hero or villain, has ever gotten the message.)Â Â
Phase one, short out Maulâs legs, goes perfectly. Phase two, get Anakin away from Maul, also goes perfectly. Phase three, have no one interfere while Obi-Wan explains everything to Anakin, does not.Â
Why? Because oh, look, thereâs another Sith whoâs shown up to party! His name is Dooku, heâs wearing custom-designed space prada, and heâs ready to kill a bitch.
(For the record, this is all taking place in an abandoned factory that has star wars-typical non-OSHA catwalks over, letâs say⊠a radioactive sludge river? You know. For the drama.)
At this point you have: Obi-Wan, who is pretending to be Rako Hardeen, who Anakin, Maul, and Dooku all think is a secret Sith, Anakin, who is in theory still a Jedi, but whoâs been around Maul long enough to start using the dark side liberally, Dooku, who is a fallen Jedi that some might consider a Sith and some might argue is just a fallen Jedi, and Maul, who was certainly at one point a Sith, but is now in a sort of grey area, all in one room.
Let me clarify that for you: You have, from a certain point a view, either four sith, no sith, or any number of sith in between all in the same room. And no one is quite sure what is going on. What they do know? Theyâre ready to get their murder on. (Except for Obi-Wan, of course, who dearly wants a nap. Poor thing. His life can and will still get worse.)
âWait!â Obi-Wan says as all three debatably-Sith turn their blades on him. âIâm Obi-Wan!â
Anakin and Dooku, who would know that accent anywhere, both sigh deeplyâ in relief, and in utter exasperation. Maul, who may not know that accent, but certainly knows how to read a room, knows what to do: he lunges at Kenobi. Unfortunately for him, his legs are still⊠wobbly, and he trips and falls on his face. Cue Maulâs gay âKENOBIARGHHâ scream. Cue Dooku getting the hell out of there, but not without a lecture to Obi-Wan and Anakin about comportment and stupid plans. Cue Anakin trying to capture Dooku and it going badly.
In the end, Obi-Wan gains two things from this planâ Anakin back on his side and Maul sort of capturedâ and loses many more, not the least of which is his faith in his own ability to make plans. But he and Anakin are in the wide, wide, galaxy, all alone, with a Sith lord in tow, Anakin on the brink of Falling, and Dooku out to get them. Things couldnât get much worse. (This is, dear reader, is Star Wars, so they absolutely will.)
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