S L A T E R

Arriving at Wollstonecraft Manor in a car that had been ordered for her on the arm of a man that made warmth bloom in her chest and butterflies blossom in her stomach was not something Annaliese had thought the Halloween season would bring her. In all the years she had lived on the island, Anna hadn’t received an invitation to the party that happened once a year. The invitation that was stowed in her golden clutch was something that she would keep close, possibly something she might keep forever. 

Because they hadn’t driven themselves, both she and Ahren were drinking, the liquor making her feel warm all over, something like contentedness curling around her bones. The flush that colored high on her cheekbones and across her ears wasn’t just from the drink, however, nor the attention her gown had received, but from Ahren himself. 

There was something about him tonight that felt different, looser and more open than a lot of the times she had been out with him in public. Not even when he was working at Whispers, smiling and laughing and running the place his way, had Anna seen him so…carefree. It was a good look on him, even if she disliked where part of it came from. Every single person he could find to listen was told how beautiful she looked, how stunning, and there was a part of Anna that almost didn’t believe it, that she was hearing it so often that it almost didn’t seem real. 

Except it was, and Ahren kept saying it, over and over again.

The blonde was mid-conversation with a group of old high school friends, some she had kept in contact with and others she hadn’t seen in a long, long time, when she felt a warm presence press up into her side. The smile was automatic as she took the drink from him, thanked him quietly, and then leaned into his side when he wrapped an arm around her waist. Ahren was introduced efficiently and then he melted into the conversation just as easily as Anna had, listening as people she had grown up with chatted and filled her in on their lives, where they were at now. 

“Stop it,” she whispered into his ear, grinning as she smacked her free hand into his chest. “You’re being a sap, or you’ve had way too much to drink because I am not. It’s just a dress, Ahren.” Granted it was a very nice dress, soft and silken and slit down to the navel, held up by a golden collar, but it was just a dress. Still, even as she said it, she smiled, leaned her head against his shoulder, and let herself believe that he was right. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t, but Anna was determined to enjoy the evening with him, his birthday, and call it a night worth remembering. 

💀

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it,” he hummed with a bit of a smile, one that had been stuck there practically all night. “I’m just being honest.” When Anna brushed his gushing over her off as compliments to how she was dressed, Ahren simply shook his head a little as he hummed in protest; the alcohol making him a little more fluid in his movements while also amplifying how drunk he was. But the thing about Ahren was that he was a very, very honest drunk- especially when he was in a mood like he was right then. 

“I wasn’t talking about the dress though, Anna. I’m talking about you,” he said then with a bit more of a serious tone to his voice, clearly doing his best not to slur or stumble over the lag from his brain to his mouth. “Sure, the dress is nice and looks even better on you, but I mean..” he trailed off a bit as he looked at her, his mind wandering while his heart seemed to shuffle it’s way in and speak instead; giving himself a minute not to trip over his words again before he spoke. he casually slipped his hand from her lower back to find her hand, lacing his fingers between hers slowly while he let himself really think on the words he wanted to say. at this point the small group of people had migrated off to wherever, leaving Ahren and Anna standing among small groups of people here and there but as far as Ahren would say, it was just them in the room at that moment. the feeling in his chest pulsed when she rested her head on his shoulder, turning his own head to speak softly next to her ear.

“I mean, when something shitty happens to me and I feel like the walls are closing in, you’re the one I wanna call. When I’ve had a shit day, and want to vent about it, you’re the one I wanna call. When I’m excited, or I see something I think you’d like or that reminds me of you, I want to call you right that second just to tell you.. just to hear your voice. I want to hear about your day, every day. everything I do these days, the thought of you is right there alongside it in some way. whether you’re just on my mind, or if it makes me think of you in some way, you’re always on my mind. You’re...the only person I’ve been myself with in a really, really long time and..” he slowly moved so he could stand in front of her and look at her, his free hand finding hers so he was holding them both while he spoke. “When I tell you you’re beautiful, I mean all of you, but more than anything I mean you-who you are as a person. the way you carry yourself, the way you’re there for me and everyone else you care about without a second thought, the way even just walk in the room..” he trailed off again, getting lost in her gaze before he sighed softly and smiled at her in a way he hadn’t before. 

“I’m talking in circles, I’m sorry- what I mean is..” he took a deep breath, trying to push past his nerves so he could get his words out right-Ahren hadn’t been this nervous in what felt like years.

Halloween was Ahren's favorite time of the year for too many reasons, but one of the biggest was that it was his birthday. no matter the amount of stress and drama Ahren had in his life, he always allowed himself his birthday to forget about everything until the morning after; and this year was no different. though he would normally drive and pick Anna up, he decided instead to get them both a ride and pick her up on the way to the party; invitation tucked away in the leather jacket of his Punisher costume. it was fitting both in being one of his favourite comic book characters, as well as going hand in hand with one of the colors associated with the 7 deadly sins theme of the party. 

considering Ahrens choice not to drive, he had started drinking before the uber had shown up–though only being slightly buzzed by the time he was picked up and rolling up in front of Anna's place. maybe it was the addition of alcohol, maybe it was the cocaine, but the moment he saw Anna step out of her home while he was having a cigarette he let out a whistle that was nothing short of a compliment to the way she looked; one of many that Ahren uttered throughout the night. from the uber driver to the doorman of the manor and every person who would listen, Ahrens elevated, buzzy mood had him far more social and open than he was even at work when he needed to be; even if it was alcohol and chemical fueled it was clear he was missing his filter he usually never left home without. 

after another trip to the bar by himself as Anna made her way around to speak to friends, when Ahren found here again he couldn't help but stop in the doorway of the room for a moment and just look at her. Ahren wasn't ignorant to the way things had been developing between him and Anna–a little unsure of how solid the feelings may have been, but he was still fully aware of the way his heart seemed to flutter a little against his ribs every time he turned his head to look at her during the course of the night. without disturbing the flow of the conversation Ahren found a spot next to Anna again, handing her the drink he had gotten her while he fetched his own–before his dissolving filter chimed in when she smiled at him. 

"God, isn't she fucking gorgeous? Can you believe I talked an actual goddess into coming with me to this thing?" Ahren was sure he didn't even know the person standing next to him, but that wasn't about to stop him from saying what he had been thinking all night. he let his arm gently wrap around her waist as he kept her close, sighing as he shook his head while he looked at her. 

**

💀

As Anna held him to her chest with her cheek pressed against the crown of his head, Ahren just sobbed–just absolutely fell apart and let himself fall apart in a way he hadn't since his mother died; maybe even worse. When his mom had passed away, Ahren was at least anticipating it–he knew it was coming, knew he would eventually have to let go of his mothers hand and do life on his own; but this hurt in a way Ahren didn't know how to word or cope with. sure, he had been coping, but not in a healthy way and even he could admit that out loud to the right person. his frame shook as he sobbed and clung to Anna as gently as he could until he felt her hand meet his cheek and hear her telling him to look at her.

despite the uneven breaths and the tears that still streamed down his face Ahren looked up at her, his hand wrapping itself around her wrist as he leaned into her touch while she spoke, his eyes never once leaving hers while she spoke to him. he couldn't help but shut his eyes and wince a little when she spoke the painful truth, but nodded a little while she wiped the tears from his face with her sleeve. though when she kissed his forehead and his cheeks he shut his eyes again, but this time looked as though he'd calmed down; and a closer look would have given away the goosebumps that erupted across his skin when she kissed it. he stopped himself from responding and kissing her forehead back until she wiggled her way into his lap, returning the gesture and lingering for a moment before she was shifting around next to him.

he sighed in relief at the weight of Anna in his lap while she curled herself around him and slipped a hand through his hair, Ahrens eyes closing as he curled into her in return and just held her while she held him right back. he let her words sink in, and despite how much it hurt to hear he knew Anna was right–he'd known that since Kyla dropped this news on him.

"I know, I know, I just...I think what I'm really upset about, is the fact she took 3 years to tell me about it. obviously I'm upset about knowing I could have been a father but.. to keep something like this from me 'out of love'...out of everything, I hoped she would've at least given me a chance to change.." he trailed off as he sniffled and sighed, wiping his face again as he pulled Anna closer to him. "I hope you know how much I appreciate you just, listening and talking some sense back into me..you make the heavy shit feel so much lighter."

It feels like so motion watching Ahren react to the affection. It’s not unfamiliar but it is strange, it’s exactly what his mind does when he watches someone playing an instrument he’s never picked up himself before play. An involuntary, immersive instinct that kicks in when his brain decides whatever is happening in that moment is vital to the process of learning. That paired with his aim to always respect boundaries makes Ahren’s actions feel like less of a rebuff, especially when he links their hands. ‘He’s not used to that, is he?’ Although Wolfe’s not sure why the question rings in his head when it’s apparent. Wolfe is more curious as to the reason why and what aspect of it that seems to throw Ahren off balance. And even though it relates to something he’s wanted to ask for a little while now, he knows this isn’t the right time either.

Still, the musician was far more concerned with how Ahren felt and how he could help, if at all, but knowing himself he already knew there was nothing that would stop him from trying, besides Ahren’s own wishes if it ever came to that.

He tries not to think too hard about the most unexpected aspect of the interaction. The way the older man chose to intertwine their hands, the way they fit so…perfectly. No, those were thoughts, daydreams best saved for another time when he was alone and allowed himself to think way too hard about these sorts of things. Instead he was ultra focused still, eyes locked with the soft, sometimes disarming hues of Ahren’s.

Wolfe finds himself smiling softly at the other mans confession. It’s not because he finds his words at all amusing, it’s because it’s he finds how earnest it is endearing. Of course Wolfe had come to the conclusion that Ahren wasn’t the most forthcoming with his feelings quite some time ago. It’s why he’s been so careful about the pacing of asking him anything too personal. As much as he’d love to learn every little thing about what makes Ahren tick, he knew that the club owner was the type of person who would have to be the one to set the pace. He’d do it when he was ready, when he felt comfortable enough, and knowing they’ve gotten to this attainment fills Wolfe with an elation he knows is best to contain for the time being.

“You’re protecting yourself. That’s hiding. The parts of you that are most fragile. Vulnerable. The parts that feel like they can never be rebuilt after people take piece after piece after piece and you trying so hard to preserve what’s left because you can’t imagine it feeling any worse. It’s terrifying to think what it would feel like when there’s nothing left when you’ve already got so little.” In his head he imagines leaning over and wrapping his arms protectively around the others form. Placing his ear against Ahren’s chest and singing along to the sound of the ocean waves churning and crashing just beneath his flesh. That sound is so prevalent now when he’s with him and sometimes he wants to tell him all about. He wonders if it will help him feel better to know he’s full, overflowing with such beautiful sounds but that would mean exposing himself. His feelings. “Stupid….fucking feelings.” He startles himself when he says it out loud. Especially since he hardly ever swears. He tries to contain himself in most ways and he’s always felt swearing is reserved for the biggest most in-containable emotions. But it’s fitting in tandem with what it is he’s expressing. It makes him chuckle a bit to the point that he shrugs and repeats himself. “Stupid. Fucking. Feelings.”

There’s goosebumps when he feels Ahren’s fingers drag softly along his skin. He can’t stop them working their way up his arm and blooming their way across his back. His heart speeds up and he finally allows himself to look down at their hands, committing the image to memory just as permanent as his favorite songs. To keep forever. Another daydream to escape his head when he needs it the most. He tries not to let his gaze linger too long though, he doesn’t want to be obvious or make things weird so he looks back up at Ahren, fireworks still going off on his skin. “Life is hard sometimes. Sometimes it really fucking sucks and there’s nothing wrong with sitting in that for a while. There’s nothing wrong with protecting the most important pieces of you because not everyone deserves them.” ‘How can I be one of those people? I want to be one of those people. I want to be that person.’ If he were alone his eyes would widen at the voice in his head. He’d berate it and tell it to shut up but he’s almost perfected his poker face. Years of interviews have taught him better. “As you should. You’ve got a lot worth protecting. Even if you don’t realize it yourself. That’s what friends are for.” Wolfe smiles softly.

💀

Ahren listened with his head half turned towards Wolfe as he spoke, only to turn towards him entirely as he continued to express something Ahren never really knew how to word. All the older man could do was scoff out a short chuckle and shake his head, swaying a little in his seat to bump his shoulder into Wolfes gently. "And who the fuck said you could expose me like that, huh?" Ahren chuckled, his tone clearly a playful tease as he smiled a little bit despite the heaviness in his chest. when Wolfe utters out a statement of 'stupid fucking feelings' only to laugh and shake his head and repeat himself, Ahren smiled a bit more and nodded lightly. "Yeah… stupid fucking feelings."

Ahren listened as Wolfe spoke, looking at him at first before he looked at the way their hands sat together while he said things Ahren wasn't used to hearing out of people. he was used to being told how shitty of a person he was and how bad his habits were, what he should and shouldn't do, how little he had accomplished compared to other people… but this? it was as if his body responded on it's own, shifting so he could curl an arm around Wolfe while his free hand replaced the one he had placed with Wolfe's own moments prior. Ahrens head found the others shoulder, resting there as he closed his eyes as he locked fingers with Wolfe again while his arm pulled him into his side as close as he could without being forceful.

there's nothing wrong with sitting in that for a while.

He was never able to describe to anyone the way he experienced peoples mood shift like this. He’s always been absurdly empathetic, ever since he could remember, even before the accident. It was almost like being in a wind tunnel going in reverse, all the air being sucked out of tube all at once. There was always an air of sorrow about Ahren but Wolfe never pushed or pried about it. He himself knew all to well what it was like to carry the weight of the mess that knots itself between your heart and head and sometimes he’d be struck by the shadow glazing over the glimmer of Ahren’s smile. It’s why he tried his best when he was around the older man to get him to smile. To try in his own way to remind him that shadows only reach so far, especially with a smile like his, even if he couldn’t bring himself to tell him out loud just yet.

The weight of whatever it is Ahren was holding on too started to rise and wisp around him like an invisible fog rolling through, growing thicker with every step over to the couch where he followed the slightly taller man. Wolfe’s eyes were now glued to Ahren, laser focused. The nervous excitement from moments ago having dropped away completely, replaced with an anxious weight of concern. He set his bottle down on the table in front of them as he sat next to Ahren on the couch, turning his body and tucking a leg underneath himself so that he could face the club owner completely.

Wolfe remained quiet as Ahren spoke. It was sacrosanct to Wolfe, that Ahren trusted him enough to share, to open up for the first time and as he spoke and finally unloaded just how heavy a piece of the knot he’d been carrying was, Wolfe could feel his own chest growing tighter and tighter. By the time Ahren had placed his wallet down between them, Wolfe’s eyes were already bleary. Still, barely moving his head, he stared down at it and felt the sear of the lump burning and expanding in his throat.

He didn’t try and hide it when he looked back up at the blond, he couldn’t if he wanted but the thing is, he didn’t. He didn’t care a thing about himself in that moment. All he wanted to do was be able to snap his fingers and absorb every little bit of pain and grief Ahren was experiencing. He knew there were no magic words, nothing he could say to take any of it away and it hurt him. It hurt him more than the knots he carried of his own. He knew he couldn’t fix himself and he probably never could and he had come to terms with that long ago but something about Ahren, who Wolfe only saw as this great big bright spot obstructed by clouds he didn’t deserve feeling even an inkling of that sort of turmoil made Wolfe’s stomach churn.

Wolfe’s big brown, glassy eyes were trained on Ahren but it wasn’t a gaze full of feeling sorry for Ahren. He wouldn’t put that sort of burden on the other man, knowing himself how much he hated people feeling sorry for him. How guilty it made him feel to unburden himself on others the very rare occasion it happened. It was meant to be a look of determined understanding because in situations like these, words just weren’t enough.

Wolfe doesn’t say anything as he reaches out takes Ahren’s hand. It’s something he’s wanted to do for a while now, a scenario he’s played out in his head like a schoolboy fantasy over and over the more time they’ve spent together. He would have never imagined it would have happened like this, or at all but the reasoning was different than the fantasies in his head. It wasn’t a gesture meant to satisfy his crush, all he wanted to do was comfort. Comfort and absorb as much of the weight surrounding the other man as he could. He squeezes Ahren’s hand and leans forward, his other reaching out until his palm was flat over Ahren’s heart. Wolfe’s eyes never leave Ahren’s as he moves. There’s no sense of fear tied to his actions because he’s not thinking about himself at all, he’s only imagining that if he tries hard enough he can make Ahren’s heart a little lighter. He can protect, even if only a little.

He wants to close his eyes and breathe in time with the soft thud just underneath the fabric but he can tear his eyes away from Ahren’s. Knowing what it’s like to carry things you feel like you can’t pass on to others is hiding yourself and it’s the most lonely feeling in the world to always be hiding. Wolfe takes a deep, only slightly shaky breath as he speaks softly but full of nothing but unmovable assurance and understanding. “You don’t have to hide anymore, Ahren. Not from me.” 

The last thing Ahren had expected when he looked back up was to see Wolfe misty-eyed and visibly upset about what he had shared, and for a moment Ahren almost apologized for it; but instead it came out in a different tone.

"hey, don't.. it's not that big a deal," his voice broke a little as he spoke but he ignored it, swallowing past the forming lump in his throat as he continued his thought. "that's not what I was looking for–" he cut himself off when he looked up and caught the gaze Wolfe had on him. it was rare for Ahren to find people he could just look at and understand and vice versa, and though he may have known it before, he didn't truly understand how deep it ran with some people until now. Ahren nodded a little as if to acknowledge the wordless understanding, knowing he wasn't being given pity so much as Wolfe was just emotionally sponging up every bit of pain Ahren was so inconveniently bleeding. though when Wolfe took a hold of his hand, his demeanor seemed to change.

the contact wasn't expected so when Wolfe’s skin met his own, Ahren jumped ever so slightly, caught off guard and a little taken back from such a soft gesture. there were moments when Ahren didn't mind physical comfort, but right then he wasn't entirely sure how he felt about it—only to full on finch when Wolfe’s other hand met his chest. the look of confusion on Ahrens face was genuine, unsure of how to take such open understanding and kindness while also being unsure of the feeling that sat beneath the surface of everything else. he swallowed hard as he sat up straight then, ever so gently moving Wolfe’s hand off his chest when he shifted, and despite looking like he was pulling his hand away, he simply moved so he could lace their fingers together instead; quietly hoping the small gesture wouldn't be taken the wrong way.

“I mean, I didn’t run persay.” Wolfe clears his throat before taking a sip of water, totally casual. “I was just, you know,” he waves his hand around for emphasis, “around.” Wolfe smiles and pulls out his phone, “actually, I did have a grievance. Ahem.” He points on the most serious voice he can muster as he reads the text aloud. “And I quote, ‘I almost miss seeing you around.’“ Wolfe taps the water bottle to his chin appearing to look deep in thought as he scans over the text before repeating again with emphasis. “‘I almost miss seeing you around.’ Almost, Ahren?” Wolfe frowns dramatically, giving his best puppy dog eyes to the club owner. “I am almost offended.”

He rolls his eyes and smiles after a few moments, taking another swig of the water and almost choking when Ahren repeats the greeting back. Handsome. He coughs, patting his chest and bows his head, trying to blanket as much of his face with it for a few moments when he feels himself blush because that’s somehow more embarrassing than choking.

When he regains himself he nods, “oh you know, work mostly. That’s how I spend the majority of my time, honestly. Very, very exciting stuff.” He looks back up at Ahren hoping the blush has subsided enough not to be all that noticeable. “What about you,” Wolfe reaches over and tugs playfully at the fabric of Ahren’s shirt. “Not running into too much trouble, I hope. That scowl of yours is pretty intimidating I must admit, but I much prefer it when you smile so I’m always hoping you’ve got lots to smile about.”

💀

Ahren couldn't help but chuckle softly when Wolfe gently denied that he'd practically ran to the club when Ahren had messaged him, that is until the younger male admitted to having a grievance with him; cocking an eyebrow in curiosity. When Wolfe recited the text Ahren has sent him and emphasized on 'almost', the blond couldn't help but roll his eyes a little as his smile seemed to grow as he hummed with a playful shrug; bumping his elbow against the musician to further display his teasing. "I gotta maintain the whole 'intimidating' thing, you know that," he mused, his tone lighter than his mood really was.

he sighed heavily for a minute as he weighed the words Wolfe spoke about having hope that Ahren wasn't dealing with too much trouble. rubbing his bearded chin, Ahren looked as though he was conflicted on what he wanted to say–say and truthfully, he was. trusting people had never really been his strong suit, even when given every reason to, but a deep rooted distrust from countless failed relationships- both romantic and platonic- was truly to blame. he chewed on the inside of his lip for a moment as he looked back at Wolfe, before ultimately deciding that he'd seen enough of Ahren's spiral to be let in on it a little bit.

"I wish I could say I've stayed away from trouble but I'd be lying if I did," Ahren said in a tone that sounded low and deflated, a noticeable change in his tone as his shoulders dropped a little with his chin. he set his drink down then finally, before nodding towards the couch again to sit down. when he seated himself his elbows rested on his knees, folding his fingers together as he looked at Wolfe again then. "to be honest, my life has been a bit of a shitstorm lately… I ran into my ex-fiancee again, but only long enough to rip open a whole new wound inside an old scar," he muttered as he ran a hand through his hair, leaning back against the couch as he thought for a second. wordlessly he went into his back pocket, fishing his wallet out only to gently drop it between them open on the couch. inside the plastic sleeve where a photo would be, sat a clearly photocopied sonogram folded up and tucked into it as neatly as he could.

@ahren-slvter​

A panic attack. Ahren was having a panic attack. Shit. 

Anna hadn’t had one since high school, she was medicated now, but a pang in her chest at the sound of it in his voice, the lost and the broken and the miserable, made her entire being ache, and she found herself clutching the phone tighter, curling up into a ball as she sat further back into her chair. “Alright, okay. Can you…is there something you can focus on…” she thought for a moment before it clicked and she nodded to herself. “Listen to my voice, okay? And just breathe. Listen, and breathe. Count in with me, one two and then three, out one two and three.” 

The blonde demonstrated this breathing technique, one she used for centering herself during yoga session, for Ahren over the phone. She continued to monitor everything as he spoke, listening to the change in his voice. The world around them grew quieter at one point and she knew he didn’t have her on speaker phone anymore. The words he was saying, that he hadn’t wanted to call anyone else, that he didn’t know who else to call, made something in her chest swell and take up more space than it was used to possessing than ever before. 

When his voice cracked a small sound came out of her throat and she realized it was a whimper; imagining the pain that he must have been feeling, something that she had gone through before herself, was like a physical reminder. “Of course,” she said, voice a bit choked. But, she smiled, once her mind had been made up. “Whatever you need, Ahren. Keep me on the phone if you want, too but, um, if you can’t drive I can–”

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She cut herself off and bit her lip, deciding against that. No, no he sounded okay enough for that, but it was something she hadn’t been able to do, before, so it was an automatic response. Instead, she rattled off her address and, moments after she hung up, called the front of the apartment complex to let them know she was having someone come in and to buzz the gates open. Then, she paced by her front door until she heard a knock, toying with her fingers, heart in her throat. 

In all the time she’d known him, Ahren had never, not once, had a panic attack. Not even when she’d learned about his mom. So whatever this was, whatever had set it off, was huge. And he wanted to come to her for it. That alone was staggering, but the sound of knuckles rapping at her front door pushed that thought to the back of her mind. Pulling it open so hard she nearly knocked herself backward, Anna pulled him into the hug she could already see coming, burying her face in his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his middle. 

“You’re welcome,” she said, voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt, “but you don’t ever have to thank me. Ever, okay? I’m glad you came here.” And it was true. She was. More than she could have realized before. But the anxiety of waiting for him to drive here, of hearing that sound in his voice and wanting to make it go away, it had all come into a stark reality then. When he pulled away, she dropped her arms away only to grab one of his hands and tug him gently toward the couch, dropping them both carefully onto the cushions and curling up into his side as much as he would allow. 

Some people wanted to be touched, others left alone. Anna was taking a gamble and saying, by the hug that she’d gotten opening the door, Ahren was the former. Her fingers stroked down the sides of his face, through his hair, down his arm, hand gripping tight before she started speaking, voice quiet but firm.

“Yeah I do. Ahren what happened? What’d she say?” 

Anna knew about Lily, knew that she and Ahren had been together for years before, that things had gone down, Ahren hadn’t wanted to get clean and she had but that–

–that couldn’t have been what caused this. 

Could it?

as Ahren tried to calm the panic within him, the moment Anna took his hands and guided him to her couch, he felt the weight on his chest ease ever so slightly–and the more she seemed to touch him the more grounded he seemed to get. he took a deep, slow breath through his nose and let it out through his mouth after holding it for a moment, practicing the breathing that she had tried to help him with before he drove over so he could get the words out and tell her what was wrong. the hand she still held shifted to interlace their fingers together, holding it firmly as he trembled slightly as he worked up the courage to speak.

while he was finding his words, his free hand fished his wallet from his back pocket and flipped it open, taking out a tightly folded piece of paper; two pieces folded up together  to be exact. he held it in his hand and stared at it for a moment, trying to figure out how to tell Anna about what was making him fall apart like this.

"she left again," he whispered with little emotion as he swallowed around the lump in his throat, a stray tear falling from his eye that he wiped away quickly. "but left me this with a note 'cause I asked for—" his voice cracked, his lungs sucking in another breath before he kissed her knuckles and took his hand back to unfold the was of paper in his grasp.

"...if I'd been there, if she had told me, if I had known.." he started again as he unfolded it slowly, only to reveal a sonogram of a baby girl and the note his ex-fiancee had left him before disappearing from his life again.

"Lily was five months pregnant with my daughter and...she miscarried..slipped on the top of our stairs while I was somewhere getting high and being a piece of shit.. she never told me she was pregnant, never told me how far along she was.. she wanted me to stop doing shit back then and I didn't, so she kept it from me.." despite the flat tone of Ahrens voice while the pain made him numb, tears streamed down his face while he brushed his thumb over the little silhouette of the daughter he never got to meet. "I'd have a 4 year old daughter right now if I had just fucking been there for her.."

that was when the emotion came back— like a wave that pulled a gut-wrenching sob from the bottom of Ahrens very being. he dropped his face into his palms, falling apart and leaning into the only touch he wanted right then while he unloaded the flood he'd kept behind a dam for weeks now.

@ahren-slvter​

Annaliese’s weekend, for being the weekend, was disgustingly busy.

First, the air in her apartment complex was scheduled to go out. Which, yah know, this might as well happen? It’s California. The weather here was like living in the devil’s armpit. The fires across the state were something she was cognizant of; while a native of Catalina and, thus, content to stay on her little island during the hell month that was August, she worried about those friends of hers who lived in Los Angeles or further into the state and liked to keep tabs on them. 

The second thing that happened was, of course, something broke on the hotel’s media page. Did they have anyone else there who could fix it? No. Did Anna really want to see her mother on what was supposed to be a day off? Absolutely fucking not. Did she go anyway? Sure as shit. That had eaten up a lot of her time, trying to figure out what had gone wrong with the code, how to fix it, how to make sure it didn’t happen again. 

Then, well, then her evening had been spent filling out stuff for her portfolio and making sure that she would have more information to give the Hirsch family (i.e. Ardin) next time they saw one another. And that was what she was doing, up late with a cup of coffee next to her at her drafting table, ink and pencil smudged across her fingers from a few different pictures ago, when her phone vibrated against the table. 

When she flipped it over and saw the caller I.D., the blonde’s stomach did a flip of its own. She slid the ‘answer call’ button over and shoved the phone between her cheek and shoulder and went back to her task, tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth while she concentrated. 

“Ahren, hey what’s–” The sound of his voice made her pause, sitting up straighter and dropping her tools on the tabletop. I just really needed to hear your voice. The noise feedback coming from his side of the call made everything a little bit muffled, too. Either that or she was on speakerphone. It was still concerning. “What’s wrong?”

💀

"I'm having a panic attack," he croaked with a bit of embarrassment soaked into the tone of his words as he pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed in an attempt to calm down but the added feeling of shame wasn't helping in the slightest. Ahren never fell apart like this–at least not where people could see him, and everything layering onto what had set it off to begin with started to push him under the surface he was fighting to stay above and forcing the air out of his lungs. he paused for a short second, switching the phone off of speaker now that he could just hold it to his ear; realizing only a few moments later that his legs were carrying him to his car. "I–I didn't know who else to call—I didn't want to call anyone else..". the confession sounded calmer as he climbed into his car, locking it behind him so he could sit and not have anything else to worry about on top of everything making him spiral in that moment.

"can I just—could I come see you? I can't get this shit out over the phone," he practically pleaded, a crack in his voice indicating that whatever it was that was bothering him, was serious. how could it not be?

once he got an answer from Anna and hung up, Ahren dropped his phone into his cup holder and gripped the steering wheel tightly and rested his forehead against it as he tried to steady his breathing enough to drive. what felt like hours had only been a few minutes when he finally lifted his head, starting up his car and heading to the address Anna had given him. he took the shortest route there in an attempt to get there faster, but time felt like it had melted together in one giant blur in front of him that couldn't reach. it had been four years since he had a panic attack like this, but the reason for it was more than enough to set one off to this degree. once he finally got there and gathered himself enough to get out of the car, he made his way up to the door and knocked, only to pace the small front step until the door opened.

"Fuck, thank you Anna.." he sighed out a shaky breath as he went straight for a hug when she let him in, wrapping himself around her in an embrace that was both searching for comfort and just happy to see her. "I didn't know who else to go to right now and I.. if I'm being honest, I really don't want anyone else right now." there was more depth to those words than Ahren realized in the moment–at least, not until he pulled away from the hug long enough to look at her. her face made his stomach flip and his heart rate pick up, but not in the same way the panicking had done–instead this sent redness to his cheeks and a wave of relief roll through him when his eyes met hers. in that moment he nearly corrected his thoughts, but that wasn't what he was here for.

when: Saturday August 22nd, late evening 

where: Whispers Gentlemans Club (to start) 

Anyone that had been paying close enough attention to Ahren would have known that lately, he hadn't been as put together as he normally was—especially while he was at work. The once stern, stone faced owner was now more of a miserable addition to that one spot at the bar near the main stage, or he was brooding up on one of the VIP balconies on the second floor with a drink in his hand that never seemed to empty; but ever since his last conversation with Lily a few weeks ago, everything had been worse. Every little thing was setting him off, he couldn't focus to save his life and his once well controlled emotions were instead nothing but anxiety and guilt and maybe just a little bit of rage. 

A baby. 

A daughter he never got to know about, or meet. 

A pain he never thought he would ever feel. 

The conversation and confession revealed to him has played like a sick highlight reel in his mind since it had happened, and though it had been a few weeks now since, Ahren couldn't shake the feelings that came with finding out he was supposed to be a father. He wasn't sure if he was overreacting or underracting, or if at this point the stress was just making him lose his mind completely, but he knew if he didn't stop throwing back shots he would more than regret it in the morning. Since he'd spoken to Lily he had done everything he said he wouldn't—from the drinking to the drugs, right down to taking home an employee or two; just out of pure spite. He wasn't sure if this reaction was his way of processing it, or grieving a loss he didn't even know about, but part of him seemed to be making up for it in any way he could. 

He had been in the process of going over the count for alcohol in the bar when his miscounting finally almost brought him to the point of snapping. He tossed the clipboard on the bar with frustrated defeat before asking the girl he had tending the bar that evening take over before he broke something. Instead of stomping off to his office he made his way out the back door to the parking lot, patting his jeans for his lighter while he tried to calm his panicked rage enough to get a cigarette. After nearly lighting the wrong end of his smoke he took a few drags in hopes it would calm him down enough to go back inside,  but the more he stood outside in the quiet of the parking lot the more he felt the anxiety build in his chest. 

The less he could think the more it seemed to panic him further, and the next thing he knew he was having a hard time smoking his cigarette or even breathing, for that matter. This had happened when his mom died—a full on panic attack to the point where his vision wanted to blur. He pressed his shoulders against the brick wall next to the back door of his club, trying his best to steady his breathing before his brain started screaming for the only solution he could think of: call Anna. 

His hands moved on autopilot, holding down the little square in the middle of his android screen and voice commanding his phone to call Anna for him and put it on speaker. He took a few deep breaths while the phone rang, hoping like hell that she would pick up the phone and not mind him asking for her help right now. When the phone call connected, he sighed in relief before he spoke. 

For: @ahren-slvter​ Where: Whispers

Wolfe was having a rather late dinner and a few drinks at a restaurant not too far from the club. He didn’t bother trying to talk himself out of looking forward to seeing Ahren so much. He knew pretty early on that there was something about the man he couldn’t help but be drawn too. The fact that he inexplicably felt so at ease and the closest thing to normal he’s ever felt when he’s around Ahren was a treat within itself. The club owner being more than easy on the eyes was another plus.

He doesn’t bother responding to the text message, deciding he might as well just head over instead. He figures, as he pays for his food that if he walks fast enough, he can be there in under ten minutes. He decides to time himself which makes his pace even faster than he’d expected which in turn causes him to be slightly disheveled, hair looking a little more distressed than usual by the time he makes it to the club. What he’s not expecting within two minutes of entering and making his way to the bar for a bottle of water is at least two girls running at him with their arms outstretched. He manages to catch one who jumps up, wrapping her legs around his waist. It’s one of those moments he’s thankful about the fact that even though he’s kind of shit at taking care of himself, gym is one of his vices so he doesn’t make a fool of himself and is able to catch her with relative ease. Wolfe laughs and hugs her back, genuinely grateful that they seem to appreciate his presence so much.

As soon as he sets her down he sighs because they’re immediately ribbing him about this not being his “usual night” but it’s not surprising he’s shown up since Ahren is here. Wolfe playfully rolls his eyes and pleads the fifth by keeping quiet as one of the girls fixes his hair while telling him with a knowing look that Ahren is at his usual post up on the balcony of the VIP’s. Wolfe’s eyes drift upward, not having to scan the rail for too long before he spots him in a stance that’s become all too familiar, arms crossed, seeming to watch everything like a hawk. It makes him laugh because the easygoing, even soft and sweet demeanor he’s experienced with Ahren is such a contrast.

Wolfe grabs his bottle of water from the bar, leaving a generous tip on the counter before slipping half of what’s in his wallet to the girls, ignoring them still teasing him about seeing Ahren, poking his tongue out at them in retort before making his way up to the balcony. He practically bounces his way next to the man on the balcony, smiling wide as he taps him on the shoulder. “Hey there, handsome. I was just in the neighborhood and got your text, figured I’d stop by. How’s it looking tonight? See any goons down there that need handling?”

💀

Ahren hadn’t been paying much attention to his phone after answering a series of messages and emails, but he made a point to check it here and there after he’d texted Wolfe. When he didn’t get a response, part of him was compelled to call him before overthinking it and considering the possibility that he’d upset the young musician in some way; which he wouldn’t have argued with how intoxicated he had been lately. So with a drink in one hand and his other hand pocketing his phone, he made his way to one of the balconies that were on the second floor overlooking the entire place- the other spot he hid within his establishment that wasn’t his office. 

Once he made it upstairs he seated himself on the end of one of the plush couches, eyes scanning the floor to keep watch over his staff that he had working tonight. Despite the drink in his hand, Ahren had actually done his best to avoid parking himself at the bar and letting himself get too distracted to deal with anything- at least in the sense of his sobriety. 

He had finished his drink off rather quickly by the time he noticed anyone come up next to him, eyes too focused on the main stage floor to pay those around him much mind- that is until his shoulder was tapped. Arms crossed over his chest, standing there practically glaring until he turned to find the man he had messaged maybe ten minutes before hand.