non nobis solum nati sumus.

If life had been had been different for him, he would be the opposite or so he liked to think. He’d still be reserved for sure, that trait of his was never going to be replaced, but he wouldn’t have been such a recluse, there would be some sort of a social life, a job that he would be excited for — essentially it would be Ethan’s dream life, but dreams and reality were worlds apart. “Eh,” he said with a shrug, “It is what it is.” 

Instead of dwelling on the heaviness of the ‘could’ve been’  Ethan embraced the lightheartedness of his family’s genetic pool, “It’s a blessing and curse, and if you were to ask my parents to pick one the answer would vary depending on mood…our house was never quiet.” It was bitter-sweet to think about this now, those childhood days versus these current days are worlds apart dwelling on them only lead to heartache, but if given the chance Ethan would go back in a heartbeat. 

“Good idea,” he said on his way back to his room. While Lucian took to finishing his drink and putting his bags away, Ethan got changed into a regular pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt, throwing on a light jumper in case the night was chilly — not that the cold bothered him much, but it was just as precaution. True to his words, two minutes later Ethan stepped out closing his room door behind him. “Lead the way.”

*

Lucian wasn’t at all surprised when the topic came to a natural close shortly afterwards, there wasn’t exactly much they could have spoken about. Plus, it had become pretty obvious they’d both been through very different things over the last couple of years, leading them to have completely different lives. “It is...” They shrugged, deciding to let the subject lie, simply flashing their roommate a grin. 

A nod and they had to laugh a little, not at all surprised by what he had to say about his parents. It made a lot of sense. They could see it being something you’d change your mind on depending on the day. Sometimes it could be chaos, others joy, to be surrounded by family. The latter was a feeling that they’d never really experienced themselves. Family had a slightly bitter taste in their mouth. “That does make a lot of sense. Think I’d be exactly the same.,” they said with a slightly bemused expression. “No, no. I know I’d be exactly the same.” Honestly, they couldn’t imagine  single person who wouldn’t be.

While Ethan was gone, Lucian disposed of their holdall, dumping it on their bed, and then taking a moment to check they had everything else they might need. Meeting Ethan out in the main living area a couple of minutes later, they headed straight for the door, tugging it open and coming out with an enthused, “Let’s go!”

“Yeah?” Nath, perhaps, never thought about the island as home, but having been on the move for the past two decades of his life, they felt relieved to have finally had a place to stop. Even if they’d been pulled in and out of school during his childhood, Nath had still spent his formative years on the island, basking in the quaint island life, growing underneath the hot Catalina sun. 

“Seriously,” they repeat, hand reaching over to grip theirs. He just wants his friend to be okay. They’d always admired them for their passion and confidence, especially when he himself had none to spare. “Whatever you need. I’ll be there.” Already, he’s pulling out a slip of paper to write down the numbers and names of the suggestions he’s offered. “What do you wanna do first? Therapy or the spa?” Their tone is a touch facetious, trying to lighten the mood after it’d gotten so serious. 

*

“Or maybe it just sneaks up on you...” Like so many things did. Lucian had no real explanation for the island in particular, aside from their family, but it was nice to be living somewhere away from everywhere else. You could escape there, even if you felt like you needed to run sometimes, too. All of it was ridiculously confusing, to be honest, something he’d probably never make sense of. 

It did come as a surprise somewhat when Lucian found Nath’s hand covering theirs, but it was comforting, something they weren’t entirely used to. Over the years the majority of their relationships (family, friends, lovers) had been lacking in affection. So this was new and it was surprising, yet it was appreciated. “Okay. Noted.” A nod and they offered a smile, reaching for their coffee as soon as their friend is distracted with writing down numbers. “As tempting as the spa is, should probably start with the former...” It was a strange thing to admit out loud. “Although pools and steam rooms, God I do need that.”

GABBY: Me and dating on Valentine's Day? Never

GABBY: Me and working my butt off on Valentine's Day because people want to get married on this sappy day? Definitely

GABBY: So if you don't mind dropping by at like eleven you are more than welcome

LUCIAN: You and me both.

GABBY: This is more than fine.

GABBY: These flowers stay prettier for a longer time anyways

LUCIAN: Exactly! Virtual flowers are always better.

GABBY: Thank you Luce :)

GABBY: Although I have to say I'm happy you're doing it like this and not the physical kind of flowers

LUCIAN: 🌼🌹🌷💐🌼🌹🌷💐🌼🌹🌷💐

It had taken a while to reach the top, but Lucian wasn’t complaining, enjoying the company and a chance to get away from the hustle and the bustle of the island below. They’d been working flat out all weekend, back and forth on the ferry to the mainland, in-between shifts at the bar until the early hours of the morning. Their plan to try and cut down on things wasn’t really working all that well considering. But hey, at least the thought was there, even if they weren’t actually achieving it just yet. One day, one day. One step at a time.

As soon as they set foot in the tower itself, they turned back around to Marley and flashed a bright smile. “Sometimes I forget how pretty it is up here...” Their attention was soon on the view instead, looking out across the ocean glittering below. They didn’t remember the last time they’d actually made the time to take a hike up to the top, but they realised now that it was worth it, even if you got there a little on the breathless side. “You okay?”

Teddy listens on as the other details the nature and circumstances of their work. To be frank, Teddy can’t quite imagine such a job firsthand. Sure, his work at the orchestra was inherently collaborative, and are not exempt from the occasional fundraising and charity events. But their experiences were, of course, drastically different. Never mind the fact that he didn’t quite make a habit out of it, either. To him, it is as simply another condition for his work, another objective to be met. Perhaps that may be considered cold-hearted — but his acts of service, admittedly, manifest in rather unique ways.  

“I say it’s still impressive,” he says, smiling courteously, once the other is finished detailing their work. Teddy is surprised how much he means it. “I don’t think I would be as patient as you would, honestly. Especially if it came to contacting organizations like that,” he admits. Patience, to him, had never come easy. It was further especially difficult for him to interact with people on a regular basis; even in the orchestra, he’d kept to himself, dedicating his time to work and very little else. In retrospect, that was probably why his personal life had lagged drastically behind. Ever so curious (though the more accurate term would be nosy), he adds: “What motivated you to work there, then?” 

*

Did Lucian feel weird talking about their job and have people act like they were amazing because of it? All the time. But they supposed it’s because of how they’d lived all their life, wanting to do good, no matter the mess they made while achieving it. To them if would never be anything particularly special. So when Teddy continued, they found themselves rather keen to brush it off again, so keen in fact that they quite quickly blurted out, “Everyone’s different, right? If you knew what I’d been doing several weeks back I don’t think you’d have the same opinion of me exactly.”

Still, moving on to the questions that they were being asked, “But I’m used to it now I think. I’ve been doing it for almost a decade. Just one of those things that becomes part of the job, I don’t even think about it now.” That much was true, it came like second nature to them. They were sure it was the same for everyone in a job they did for so long though. “I don’t know exactly. I was involved in a lot of activist work at the time and I just sort of... fell into it I suppose. I passed the shelter all the time on the way to the bar I worked at and one night I decided to drop in. After that I never stopped dropping in.”

Gabby hadn’t even noticed that Lucian tensed up for a moment. If she had noticed, she would definitely have been a bit surprised. Simply for the fact that they had touched each other a whole lot more in the time that they spent together. Them squeezing back in her hands made the brunette smile for a moment. The smile disappeared for a moment as she frowned when they pulled a hand back. Gabby retracted her hands so she would not make them uncomfortable. Her eyes were taking them in for a moment, waiting for the next thing they were going to say and it made her smile return again. “I think my mom once told me… A problem shared is a problem halved?” Of course it would be her mother that had said that. Not that Gabby was someone who took that advice into mind, not until her head was flooding over and she just had to blurt it out and often it was Geo on the receiving end or Aly. But in the end she did feel better. “And I get how hard it can be to sometimes share something with someone else, but it does give a sense of relief.” Gabby leaned back into the seat she was in and she smiled at Lucian. “We can stop talking about it now if you want? Or we can continue talking. Whatever you want.”

“Your mom knows what she’s talking about. She’s a smart woman.” Lucian’s expression changed slightly as they said that, a very slight smile crossing their features. It was the type of thing they wished their own mother would say, but that was never going to happen. “I probably should have told someone to begin with, it might have helped...” they added, eyes slightly glassy as they spoke. When she suggested moving on from it, their gaze shifted slightly, but they knew that was probably for the best. Just knowing that someone else knew and could be there for them, to share in the way they were feeling, that was good enough. So they nodded.

“You appreciate the island, now, huh?” His tone reads as almost scandalous, as if being from the island meant that liking it makes it a sin. But Nath doesn’t judge, finding that lately, they’ve been experiencing it, a revitalization in how they see the island they so despised. 

In response, Lucian seems tired — maybe a tad hesitant to say their true feelings regarding their wellbeing. “Are you sure?” This is Nath, always pushing, always trying to swoop in to save somebody that neither wanted or needed it. “I know a few good therapists I can give you the number of, and oh — a really nice spa-resort place where you can relax…” These are the things they offer, shiny little bandaids to fix whatever is plaguing their friend. 

*

Appreciate the island. That was one way of putting it they supposed, Lucian had simply realised this was where they were meant to be, even if there was always a feeling of wanting to run away again. That had been ingrained in them from a young age and they were pretty sure it would never go away. They just needed to keep grounded and remember that it wasn’t really necessary, there were people on the island who would be there for them, no matter what. “Always have... but in a few different ways,” they responded.

It wasn’t at all surprising that Nath questioned what they said in response. It seemed they hadn’t been too good at masking their feelings just lately. People knew there was more than meets the eye going on. “Not really, but there’s only so many times I can go over it before I go insane,” they admitted, shaking their head. At the suggestion of therapists they found themselves sighing, hands idly running through their hair. “Yeah? Might be a good idea.” As much as it pained them to admit that. “On both counts...” this time a breathy laugh escaped with the words.

She nodded. That thought hadn’t really occurred to Daphne, but she suspected it was harder for smaller groups like the shelter to receive donations than the larger and better known ones like Goodwill. “Well, I’m glad to hear somebody will have use for them” Daphne said, relieved to know she wasn’t wasting anybody’s time by bringing stuff that the shelter wouldn’t have any use for. She considered the question, then said “I would like that. But are you sure I wouldn’t be intruding?” She knew a lot of the people who were there had probably been through a lot, especially the teenagers. She didn’t want to put any of them on the spot or force them to make conversation if they didn’t feel up to it.

“Always,” was Lucian’s easy response, a smile crossing their features. They took a moment to move the bow to behind them, where there were a few other bits and pieces a couple of people had dropped off  —- they had regulars who would drop off a box or two whenever they cleared out their garage. At her response, they shrugged their shoulders very casually. “You wouldn’t,” they answered her, beginning to lead the way a couple of moment later. “Definitely not. Come on through.” They gestured into the main room, essentially giving her a bit of a tour as they walked.

“Well, I mean so did I…” Ethan confessed, “Pretty much came out of the apartment for my morning runs and work.” It felt all kinds normal back then, leaving his apartment only when it was necessary, having a only a handful of friends scattered about the island, whom of which he barely made plans with, resulted in an almost non-existent social life and silence for company for majority of the time, and looking back on it now nothing much had changed, excluding the living situation. “Wow, is definitely a word for it,” he said. Lucian’s reaction was typical anytime he disclosed his sibling situation; it was all shades of disbelief that made Ethan laugh each time. “My grandpa, on my dad’s side, was a twin, so I guess it runs in the family? Or well, at least that’s the semi-logical reasoning I can give.” 

Ethan smiled at the suggestion, though he did believe Lucian should rest, the coffee combined with the explanation he was provided had him get up from the couch, “Definitely can,” Ethan said with a nod, “Ice cream is definitely a guilty pleasure of mine, one that I’ll never say no to. Give me two minutes to change out my PJs.”

*

"That’s... a shame, man,” Lucian concluded with a shake of their head. “But I guess if life had been different for me, I might have been the same.” They’d always been a busy person, someone who had to be doing something at pretty much every second of the day and that often led to little time to even breathe. It was a habit they’d gotten into back when they were in school, those days when they went out of their way not to go home. Things would probably be a little calmer now, now that they’d forced themselves to quit one of their jobs. Of course, there was absolutely no guarantee on how long that would last. 

The laughter wasn’t surprising really, Lucian imagined that Ethan heard it all the time —- how else was someone supposed to respond? “It makes sense, at least,” they answered with an easy smile. “Such a strange thing to carry through genetics, though...”

When Ethan said he’d need to change out of his PJs, they nodded their head and flashed. “I’ll need that long to drink my coffee anyway, so that works.” And then, with that, they took another long drink before heading back to the front door to grab their bag. “Should probably put this away, too,” they added with a laugh, because they’d only be falling over it when they came back in.

“I know how much you like keeping busy but I’m glad you’re giving yourself a bit of a break. Sounds like you need it.” He speaks as he begins maneuvering around the kitchen. “At least until you pick something else up, I’m sure.” He teases playfully, not really expecting them not to keep so busy for too long. If anyone knew about burying their stress in work, it was Wolfe.

When Lucian changes the subject, Wolfe goes along with it. Although he wishes they were a little more forthcoming with their feelings around him, Wolfe understood. Especially given how hypocritical the thought is on his part. There are things he doesn’t discuss himself, after all. Instead he nods as he turns the kettle on. “Yeah, a lot better than expected. I’m shocked actually. Turns out rock’s not dead after all.” The musician grins as he turns and leans against the counter.

*

Wolfe wasn’t wrong, of course, Lucian needed nothing but a break. But they also supposed that’s exactly what their extended stay in LA had been in the end... a break. They could have done with months away really, life didn’t work like that though, and eventually they’d had to get back to reality. There was only so far couch surfing could get you. “Now you mention is, I was thinking about finally going to college, studying something,” they answered with a light shrug. They’d been considering it anyway, but after everything that had gone on, it had kind of put things into perspective and made them realise it might actually be a good idea, to finally become qualified in something.

As the other man concentrates on making the tea, they hovered by the breakfast bar, arms folded very casually, just watching. Maybe they should have been saying more, but they were still struggling with the words, so it was simply easier to offer an apology and some kind of explanation, and then move on from it again. For now at least. “Pretty sure it never has been,” they commented lightly. “But then, what do I know about music?” Literally nothing, they’d always been more of movie score person, something playing away in the background while they were busy.