Pairing: Kim Seokjin X Reader
Genre: established relationship; high angst; husband!seokjin; wanting to give up; mentions of Infidelity; marriage AU; hurt/comfort; smut; second chances; miscommunication
You and Seokjin were each other’s first everything. Ten years later, you’re just two strangers sharing a bed. When it comes down to it, do you still choose each other, or let go?
Warnings: discussions of divorce, perceived infidelity, alcohol consumption
Author’s Note: did i mention i live and breathe angst? oh the misery of it all! anyways i love angsty seokjin fics so much and have had the opportunity to read some really great pieces of fiction here so here goes my little contribution. one thing i like to say is “there can never be enough angsty seokjin fics” as i begin writing 4+ seokjin fics….so yeah. please enjoy this two shot unedited thingy i wrote to cope with the immense workload that’d been thrown on me this past week. happy reading!
It’s way past midnight and you’re lying alone in your bed, one side cold and untouched.
You can’t even bring yourself to be bothered anymore because you’ve lost count at this point. A hundred times in the last six months, maybe more. You barely see him these days. He leaves for work while you’re still asleep and comes home long after midnight, when you’re already back in bed. Somewhere along the way, your lives began running parallel instead of together.
You can’t remember the last time he kissed you or told you he loved you. Then again, you can’t remember the last time you wanted to either.
Things were not always like this. You were high school sweethearts. You shared every first imaginable together. Your first date, first kiss, first apartment, first victories. You both used to be disgustingly in love, one of those insufferably affectionate couples that your friends would groan at whenever you walked into a room together.
Everyone around you was convinced that if there was one relationship that would survive everything life threw at it, it would be yours.
Five years into your marriage, your friends couldn’t have been more wrong. You can’t pinpoint exactly when did things started changing.
Was it when he began bringing work home with him every night, his laptop permanently occupying the space between the two of you on the couch? Or was it when he’d take work calls during your date nights and spend most of it on his phone? Maybe it was when he stopped telling you about his day altogether.
Or was it after his promotion?
Yeah. That was probably it.
The day Seokjin became a senior partner at one of the country’s most prestigious law firms. You still remember how happy you were for him. You celebrated with champagne in your tiny kitchen, laughing as you smeared frosting from his celebratory cake onto his nose while he complained dramatically about wasting the delicious cake.
You had no idea that the very thing you’d both worked so hard for would slowly begin taking him away from you.
You remember one of the first work galas you attended with him after his promotion. You spent almost two hours getting ready, curling your hair twice because you didn’t like how it looked the first time, carefully putting on the jewelry he’d gifted you last month. You wore the nicest gown you owned.
You were excited. You were standing in front of the mirror that evening, nervously smoothing down the fabric one last time before turning around asking Seokjin,
His eyes widened ever so slightly before a smile spread across his face.
He walked over to you in a few quick strides, his hands finding your waist before settling on your sides.
“God,” he murmured, eyes slowly taking you in, “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how beautiful you are.”
Heat immediately rushed to your face.
He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss against your neck before whispering against your skin, “You’re the most stunning woman I’ve ever seen, love.”
He smiled before one hand slid up, fingers gently cradling the nape of your neck, tilting your face up towards him.
His gaze flickered between your eyes and lips. “You know I really love you a lot? Like really a lot?”
Then he kissed you. His plush lips moved softly against yours, unhurried and affectionate. You kissed him back almost instinctively, your hands coming up to rest against his chest as his thumb gently brushed against the side of your neck.
“How did I get this lucky?” he murmured once he pulled away.
You laughed, immediately placing a hand on his chest and gently pushing him back.
“Seokjin, stop! You’re eating my makeup!”
He looked at you in mock offense.
“So, it took me forever.”
He groaned dramatically. “You’re telling me I have to wait all night to kiss my own gorgeous wife?”
You rolled your eyes despite the smile tugging at your lips. Grabbing your clutch from the vanity, you giggled seeing your husband dramatically holding the door open for you before following right behind.
Twenty minutes later, the two of you were stepping inside an extravagant ballroom nestled atop one of the city’s most exclusive private clubs.
The venue itself was breathtaking. Crystal chandeliers illuminated the room while a live quartet played softly somewhere in the background. Servers floated around carrying trays of champagne and delicate hors d’oeuvres you couldn’t even pronounce.
It didn’t take long before he was being pulled from one conversation to another, introducing you along the way. You mostly stood beside him, smiling politely and listening as conversations flowed around you.
Soon enough, one of his colleagues turned towards you with a smile.
Your lips had barely parted when Seokjin suddenly spoke.
“Oh, did you hear they’re opening another office in Singapore next year?” Seokjin suddenly said, placing a hand on the small of your back as he redirected the conversation to another topic.
You remember standing there for a second too long. A slightly forced smile still plastered on your face. An awful feeling settling into your chest.
Was he embarrassed of you?
You hated yourself for even thinking it. This was Seokjin. So you brushed it aside. Like you would many other things over the months that followed.
The thing is you were busy too. Being an elementary school teacher wasn’t exactly a nine-to-five job either. There were papers to grade, lesson plans to prepare and children who somehow managed to drain every ounce of your energy by noon.
But you still tried. God, did you try. Suggesting a movie night every Friday. Leaving sticky notes in his lunch bag. Picking up his favorite snacks on your way home.
Then, when those stopped working, your efforts grew bigger. You made dinner reservations weeks in advance. Bought tickets to concerts. Organised game nights with your mutual friends.
But there was only so much one person could do when the other one barely showed up anymore. At first, he’d at least send a text.
Running late again, love. Don’t wait up for me please.
Eventually, even those stopped coming. Over time, the nights you both once spent cooking dinner together, cuddling on the couch rewatching your favourite comfort movies and going on spontaneous late-night dessert dates were gradually replaced by corporate galas, networking dinners, charity fundraisers, week-long conferences at another country.
Your friends started noticing too. It became impossible to avoid the inevitable question whenever you saw them.
And every single time, you’d come up with another excuse for him. You got surprisingly good at lying.
Until one evening, entirely by accident, you discovered he’d gone out for drinks with some of your mutual friends after work without ever mentioning it to you.
That night, when he stumbled home drunk, way last midnight, months of your bottled-up resentment finally came pouring out.
You couldn’t even tell who raised their voice first.
One second you were asking him why everyone else still got pieces of him except you. Was he embarrassed of your elementary school teacher job or the fact you no longer fit into the life he had built around work and status?
The next, you were asking him if he even wanted to be married anymore.
And then suddenly, he broke. The anger disappeared from his face almost instantly, replaced by pure despair.
Fat tears rapidly streamed down his face as his breathing grew uneven and his shoulders shook beneath every broken inhale. You stood there in shock as you watched him repeatedly shook his head, words poured out one after another as if he’d been holding them in for months.
He kept apologising, telling you how he didn’t deserve you, how much he loves you, how every day he woke up feeling like a loser for constantly failing you.
Eventually, his words dissolved into incoherent apologies. At one point, he grabbed onto your hands, tears still falling endlessly down his face.
“Please don’t give up on me, baby. You are everything to me. I am sorry. I am so so fucking sorry. Please.”
Then he shook his head almost immediately afterwards. All of a sudden, he cupped your face and kissed you through tears, his forehead resting against yours afterwards as he whispered I miss you into the space between you.
Another tear rolled down his cheek before he let out a broken laugh. “God, I missed you so much.”
Then he kissed you again. And for the first time in months, you kissed him back without hesitation. His hands found your waist, pulling you onto his lap before wrapping around you tightly, bringing you impossibly close until there was barely any space left between the two of you.
Later that night, after countless kisses and rediscovering each other in ways you hadn’t in months, sleep found the two of you with his head resting against your chest, one arm around your waist and your limbs entangled beneath the duvet.
When you woke up the next morning, he was still there. Still fast asleep beside you, one arm lazily draped over your waist.
For a second, you simply stared at him, your vision blurring with tears you hadn’t realised were gathering.
A few moments later, Seokjin stirred awake, his eyes fluttering open with a small smile already on his face. But it quickly disappeared the moment he noticed your tearful expression.
He propped himself up on one elbow, one hand coming up to cradle your cheek as his thumb gently wiped away the tears that had escaped.
You hesitated for a moment before quietly admitting that you were scared.
Scared that this wouldn’t last. That somewhere down the line, the two of you would slowly drift back into old habits and find yourselves exactly where you’d been only hours ago.
His expression immediately softened.
“We won’t. I won’t let it happen again, I love you so much, baby. There’s no me without you.”
He pressed a kiss against your forehead before resting it against yours.
“I’ll fix this. I promise.”
And because you’d loved him for more than half your life, because this was Seokjin and because a part of you desperately wanted to believe him, you did.
And for a while, things really did get better.
He’d text you whenever he was running late, kiss you goodbye every morning and occasionally even surprise you by showing up at your school with your favourite coffee in hand. Some nights, he’d come home early enough for dinner and you’d find yourselves laughing again over an episode of The Derry Girls. For the first time in months, your home started feeling like a home again.
One day, wanting to do something nice for him, you took the day off work and spent the entire morning preparing his favourite lunch from scratch before heading to his office to surprise him.
His secretary greeted you with a smile before telling you he was inside. You made your way towards his office and slowed to a stop.
A woman stood beside him, one hand resting on his shoulder as she laughed at something on his laptop, leaning close enough that their heads were almost touching.
At that exact moment, his eyes landed on you standing by the doorway and his face immediately brightened, a smile stretching across his face.
He stood up and walked over to you, leaning down to press a quick kiss against your forehead.
“What are you doing here?”
You lifted the lunch bag in your hand with a small smile.
“I thought I’d surprise you.”
“Galbi-jjim. Your favourite.”
The smile on his face only grew bigger when you told him you’d taken the day off and spent the morning making it for him.
Your eyes moved past him towards the woman standing a few feet away. Seokjin immediately followed your gaze.
“Oh.” He stepped aside slightly. “You haven’t met her yet.”
He gestured towards the woman standing behind him. “This is Hanna. We knew each other from law school. She recently joined the firm as a partner, so I’ve been helping her settle in.”
Hanna smiled politely before stepping forward to greet you. “We were just about to have lunch actually,” she said. “Great timing.”
You gave her a small smile in return. At the same time, you couldn’t help the flicker of surprise that ran through you.
Because in all your years of being with Seokjin, you’d never once heard him mention a Hanna. You’d always thought you knew the people in Seokjin’s life.
“Perfect,” he said easily, already taking the bag from your hands. “We can all eat together.”
The two of them moved towards the small meeting table inside his office, casually setting out the lunch you’d brought while continuing the conversation they’d apparently been having before you’d arrived.
You stood there for a moment, slightly taken aback.
All morning, you’d imagined this being a small moment between you and your husband. Instead, you suddenly felt like you were intruding. Which is so silly because Seokjin is your husband. You shouldn’t feel this way.
And yet as lunch went on, an odd feeling slowly settled in your chest.
Maybe it was the way they effortlessly bounced from one topic to another, occasionally bringing up names and projects you knew nothing about. Or maybe it was simply because they looked so comfortable around each other.
Not long after, you quietly excused yourself, despite barely touching your food. Seokjin looked up immediately.
You nodded, forcing a small smile onto your face before blurting out the first excuse that came to mind. “Okay, love. Text me when you get home.”
And then, almost as quickly, his attention drifted back towards Hanna saying something.
The entire drive home, you repeatedly told yourself you were overthinking it. There was nothing weird about the situation. Hanna had just joined the firm, Seokjin was helping her settle in and they were colleagues. That was all. You knew your husband better than anyone else. You trusted him.
Maybe you were just being sensitive. You hated yourself for even reacting this way. Either way, you decided not to think about it anymore.
You and Seokjin kept trying to make time for each other after that. It wasn’t perfect, but it felt like he was making efforts to meet you halfway.
At the same time, Hanna gradually became a more regular presence too. Her name would occasionally come up in conversation, you’d catch a text from her flashing across his phone or he’d mention staying back a little longer because he was helping her with something.
Every single time, you immediately shut those thoughts down. You weren’t jealous or insecure. And you certainly weren’t going to become one of those people who overanalysed every interaction their spouse had with someone of the opposite gender.
So you let it go. Or at least, you kept telling yourself you had.
A few weeks later over dinner, Seokjin mentioned an upcoming work trip abroad. You asked who was going.
You hummed in response. Both men had been Seokjin’s closest friends for years at this point. You’d met them many times over dinners and holiday gatherings.
You groaned before turning onto your back for what felt like the hundredth time.
It had only been two days since Seokjin had left and yet you already missed him. With a sigh, you blindly patted the bedside table until your fingers finally found your phone. Sleep clearly wasn’t going to come easy tonight. So instead, you opened Instagram and started absentmindedly scrolling through stories until one caught your attention.
It was Minho’s. It had been uploaded only a few minutes ago. You clicked on it without much thought.
It was a video from dinner. The camera slowly panned across the restaurant before landing on Seokjin sitting in the corner with a woman beside him, the two of them laughing at something.
Your brows furrowed almost immediately. Wait. Was that…Was that Hanna? It couldn’t be. He’d told you he was travelling with Minho and Jaehyun.
Your thumb hovered over the screen for a second before you replayed the story.
It was definitely her. Your stomach sank a little. Because not only had Seokjin never mentioned Hanna would be on the trip, but seeing them sitting that close together was enough to make your chest tighten.
Almost immediately, you started making excuses for him. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal. Maybe you were overthinking again.
But this time, those explanations didn’t come quite as easily as they usually did.
When Seokjin landed a few days later, you drove to the airport to pick him up. Most of the drive home was spent with him talking about the trip while you quietly listened, occasionally humming in response. It wasn’t until the two of you were sitting at a red light that you finally spoke.
“You never told me Hanna was there.”
“Oh, yeah. She ended up coming too.” He says dismissively.
He let out a quiet breath through his nose, already reaching for his phone again like the conversation had run its course.
Before you could say anything else, it started ringing.
After that, neither of you spoke much.
Things started falling back into old patterns. Before long, it felt like you were once again trying to fit yourself around his life instead of the two of you making room for each other.
It was well past midnight and you’re lying alone in your bed, one side cold and untouched.
You were about to turn over again when you heard the faint sound of keys, the lock clicking open.
You stepped out of the room to see him removing his tie. He didn’t say anything as he walked past you toward the bedroom.
You followed him. “Nari’s wedding is next week,” you said once he’d taken off his watch. You had told him about it before, more than once. You needed him there with you.
His hands paused for a moment before continuing.
“That week’s going to be difficult,” he said finally.
A quiet scoff leaves you before you can stop it.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means it's the first thing I've asked you to come to in months, and you still can't make it. You're never not busy. There's always something; a meeting, a call, a fucking fire to put out. So no, Seokjin, I'm not even surprised. That's exactly why I told you weeks ago, so you'd have time to actually plan around it for once. But hey, it's cool. I don't expect much from you anyway. I should've known better than to think this would be any different."
"That's not fair." His jaw tightened, a flash of hurt behind his eyes before his expression settled into something unreadable. "Do you think I don't want to come?"
You looked at him incredulously. “I don’t know what to think anymore.”
He exhaled, running a hand through his hair.
“I’ll try to move things,” he said after a moment.
You sighed. Without another word, you walked out of the room.
You wore a satin navy blue dress, that hugged your frame, simple and elegant, with a delicate gold pendant resting at your collarbone.
You stood outside by the car, waiting for the last 30 minutes. You had called Seokjin three hours ago, but it went straight to voicemai. You check your phone once again to see the time, the lockscreen lighting up with a photo of Seokjin leaning in to kiss your cheek, your eyes half closed as you laughed in the frame. You tell yourself you will wait for him another 15 minutes.
Your lower lip trembled slightly before you pressed it between your teeth, forcing it still. You blinked quickly, willing yourself to not cry.
Finally opening the car door, you asked the driver to leave. The ride to the venue passed in a blur, streetlights smearing past the window, your reflection staring back at you, dress perfect, face composed, a mask for the wreck underneath. You wondered when you'd gotten so good at this.
You arrived at the venue a short while later and stepped out, nervously adjusting your dress before walking in.
You barely made it past the entrance before your aunt found you and pulled you into a hug. She pulled back and looked past you, scanning the space behind you, clearly expecting someone else to follow. "Where's Seokjin?" Your mother joined a moment later, her eyes doing the same search before settling on you, brows knitting slightly. "Is he coming later?"
“He got held up” you said, smiling slightly. Your mother looked at you like she didn’t quite believe it, but to your relief she didn’t press further.
As the night went on, you thought you might as well enjoy it now that you were here. You refused to spend the rest of the evening thinking about Seokjin, refused to let him take this too.
Someone called your name from across the table, pulling you into conversation. Your cousin slid into the seat beside you, immediately teasing you about how you used to cry really hard over losing board games as a kid, and despite everything, you found yourself laughing. A few drinks later, you were laughing harder than you had all week, you were genuinely enjoying yourself, and for a little while, you almost forgot.
Then, your phone vibrated against the table. Your stomach dropped before you even looked at the screen. You excused yourself and stepped outside before answering. Seokjin picked up almost immediately, his voice already moving fast, halfway through an explanation about a work emergency; something urgent, something that apparently couldn't wait, as if your cousin's wedding could.
You didn’t speak. Three hours. It had taken him three hours to even think of calling.
Before he could say anything else, you simply ended the call and switched your phone off.
You stayed inside for a while longer after that. The rest of the evening passed without much fanfare - toasts, more drinks, someone's terrible dance moves that had the whole table in stitches. You let yourself be carried along by it, grateful for the noise, grateful for anything that wasn't silence.
As the night came to an end, you said your goodbyes, hugged Nari once again.
“I'm so happy for you," you said, and you meant it, even as your eyes stung. You pulled back before she could notice, forcing a smile as you smoothed a hand over her arm. "You deserve all of it, Nari!”
Nari beamed at you, completely unaware of the turmoil behind your smile, and squeezed your hands once before she was pulled away by someone else eager to congratulate her.
Instead of going back home, you decided you would confront Seokjin today. You really had it with him. You hailed a cab and gave the driver his office address. The car slowed as it approached the building. It was already dark outside, the glow from the streetlights casting long shadows across the pavement.
That was when you saw him. Seokjin was stepping out of the office, his arm draped around someone’s shoulders.
You squinted slightly through the dim light. Wait. Was that… Hanna?
As they got closer to where Seokjin’s car was parked, any doubt you had vanished. It was indeed her. You watched Seokjin open the car door for her signalling her to go in. He followed after her and settled into the driver’s seat.
You stayed frozen for a moment, watching as the car pulled out. Seokjin had lied to you.
How many times had he lied to you while you blindly believed him? Did he and Hanna have fun making a fool out of you? Did they laugh when you walked into his office that day completely unaware of what was happening? Had they been together during that trip abroad as well? How long had this been going on?
Was that why he had become so distant lately? Was that why he never spent time with you anymore? Had he been with Hanna all this time while you were desperately trying to save your marriage? Why did he let you keep trying?
You couldn’t stop the sob that wrenched through you. Your chest hurt so suddenly it felt like you had been knocked out of air. You were certain you heard your heart break. Tears cascaded down your cheeks in heavy streams, blurring your vision almost instantly.
Ten years together. Five years married. Fifteen years, gone just like that. You’d never thought Seokjin would do that to you. Of all the things you had ever thought him capable of, betrayal and cruelty was never one of them. Oh, how massively you overestimated his love for you.
You wrapped your arms around yourself, but it did nothing to stop the ache spreading through your entire body. Suddenly, you felt a few raindrops land against your skin before it started pouring altogether.
With trembling hands, you pulled your phone out and called your best friend. She picked up on the second ring.
“Minji, can you come pick me up please?” you asked through your sobs.
There was a brief pause on the other end, you could practically hear her sit up straighter. ""Wait, what's wrong? Are you okay? Where are you?" All trace of sleep gone from her voice entirely, replaced by panic.
“Talk to me.” You could hear her moving now, footsteps, a drawer sliding open.
"I—" Your voice broke. "Can you just come, please?"
“Okay. Okay, just breathe. I'm coming, alright? Send me your location. I've got you."
You sent it without another word and stood there as the rain soaked through your clothes, your tears now impossible to distinguish from the water running down your face.
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