For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic

Gee, thanks mista! Oi Avent had a post to me own since and mum n pop died of influenza! I'll be certain to cherish it as if it were me little brutha who died from influenza also

Woss-all this then? You cheeky li’uhl buggah, wheh’d you get that post? Didn’t I tell you wha’ ‘appens to li’uhl boys that steal posts, hm? If your dear old mum knew she’d catch influenza with shame.

Oh no, Officer! I know ‘im, and ‘e’s a good lad; ‘e ‘elped me find daddy when I was lost in th market! I’m sure my father would be happy to let me pay for th’ post! Father is just around the corner getting influenza

'Ere offisah, dahn't truss that littuw giwl, orrite? She's the one wot stole foive bob from me larse week she did, when i was recovering in St. Urchin's 'Ome For Those With Influenza. And I sorer shewwin 'er ankles to some poor gent dahn the pub yesserday arfernoon while 'er ol' dad stole the poor bugger's influenza roight aht the man's pokkit. She's a baddun orrite. Fling 'er dahn the nick.

YOU SON OF A BITCH YOU DID IT

Found here (via Kybl).