BRITTANY.

I decided to come back here to see if this would help. Tumblr used to be my way of getting away and saying what I needed to say through writing. Now that I’m here, I’ve finally noticed why this has helped so much. It’s because there is no one for me to verbally talk to. There is no one to comfort me and be there for me the way I want. Where the focus is actually on me this time, rather than on themselves or on other subjects. Although I state that I fake being happy, I believe that being around people actually distracts me from what is going on in my life. I don’t say my life is hard or difficult. But I’m tired. 

I’m so tired of being by myself. I’m so tired of caring for other when it is never reciprocated. I’m so tired of making sure other people are okay other than myself. I’m so tired of having to take care of myself when I’m trying to take care of others or others are taking care of others. I’m tired of everyone believing that I can do this all on my own when help is appreciated. I’m tired of being there for people when it is more of a want than a need. I’m tired of needing someone there and yet no one is. I’m tired of being the proactive one to make things happen. I’m tired of being the one to always plan everything and being in “charge” when other people are capable of doing or helping. 

I feel comfortable with you. Moments feel as if we’ve known each other forever and joke around with no boundaries since no fucks are given. Fuck it. You don’t make me feel like a mother figure and you don’t make me feel like I am taking care of you. It is mutual. You care too much. You put others before yourself while I am the same. You try to do what you feel that I want. I won’t allow it. It’s mutual. 

You give me body confidence. You give me care. You give me laughter. You give me smiles. You give me entertainment. You give me cuddles. You give me happiness.