Living In A Lonely World

I am a model and an asexuality activist, and I am an aromantic asexual.

There was never really a time where I didn’t think I was asexual. I noticed when I was about eight and I was in primary school like everyone’s hormones seemed to kick in and all of a sudden the boys and girls didn’t want to just play with each other; they were going out with each other and they fancied each other and I was like, “Alright, what’s this?”

The default is straight so when people would ask me I’d be like “Well I guess I’m straight but I don’t like boys.” And they were like: “Well then you’re probably not straight.” They said: “Well do you like girls?” and I was like “No, I don’t really like anybody.” And they were like: “Well maybe you’re asexual or something?” And I was like “Alright, that sounds good.” So I Googled that and I was like “Yeah, sounds about right.” So when I was about 14, I just started using that word.

I find that most of the time, in my personal life, people just kind of re-interpret it their own way. So I’ll say: “Hey, I’m asexual” and they’ll be like: “Oh ok, so you’re well behaved.” They’ll just switch it. I’ll be like “I’m asexual” and they’ll be like: “Oh, you’ll find the right person, don’t worry” and I’ll be like “That’s not what I said.”

It has nothing to do with being a prude, it has nothing to do with being insecure, and antisocial, and introverted. It has nothing to do with how you look—that’s something I get a lot—people are like: “Oh but you’re good looking, you don’t need to be asexual,” which usually tells me that A) people think that there is an asexual look and that it isn’t a good one, and 2) that asexuality is a choice that people take when they can’t get dates or that they can’t get laid, which is really strange.

One of the benefits of being asexual is definitely that you don’t have to worry about–if you’re aromantic—you really don’t worry about relationship stuff. I know some asexual people do worry about that but I don’t have that problem.

I think that representation is definitely very important because I think the LGBTQIA+ community in general is pretty whitewashed in its representation. That is not only ironic for the community that’s supposed to be so inclusive and diverse if it doesn’t look like that, it’s also counterproductive for minorities that are part of it because it’s kind of seen as being a white thing, which definitely doesn’t help when you are trying to come out and people don’t take it seriously in your community because it’s seen as being this white kid thing.

I remember how throughout middle school - high school there was so much pressure around to be dating someone, and if you weren’t, you were a loser or deemed unattractive. Your relationship status was like a social status, and if you’ve never been in one, you’re inexperienced and missing out.

I always thought to myself, what about the work I put into my personal interests? What about the friends I build deep connections with? What about me just being capable of taking care of myself? I feel like there was a lack of emphasis of being your own self and not giving a shit about what other people are doing back in middle school / high school.

While some people may think it’s important to have had previous relationship experiences before (which yeah, it works for some people that way), there’s also nothing wrong with investing that time in yourself and your friendships, and placing yourself first ✌🏻

Here is the tweet with the source but it’s behind a paywall =\ https://twitter.com/michaelwwaters/status/1134902851111653376?s=21

Story of my life people. You know what’s real ? The struggle.

sassafrasish:

acewatch:

Posted by Asexual Explorations, after a discussion on AVEN. 

Awwwwww is hpoa considerable enough to be mentioned as part of a movement. Is this a sense of pride I’m feeling?

Seriously, I sort of want to put this on my fridge.

The first London Pride was in 2010, not 2009. Also, something I helped do is on ther! *bounces*

- u cant stop. its a legitimate addiction. there is no ‘seeing what its like’. its soso hard to stop it and believe me, because that was me. i thought i would sate my curiosity but all i did was make my life miserable - everything can become a trigger. someone carved things in a table?? trigger. u get a scratch by accident?? trigger. see something sharp?? yup.  - the scars dont go away and if people see them (and no matter how hard you try, people will see them) they get this awful fucking look on their face like a mixture of disgust and horror and pity  - u have to sit through people making shitty fucking jokes and calling people like you (real, struggling people like you) edgy emos looking for attention and it makes you feel sick but you have to sit there silently - in fact, any conversation about self harm becomes thoroughly uncomfortable because they’ll talk about it like no one in the room has ever gone through it (or, if they know, they’ll glance at you out the corner of their eye when they think you cant see) - any emotion can give you the urges- not just negative. ur body associates the happy feeling with the pain so ur brain is like ‘????? u cant have one without the other??’  - it can have been years. years. you can have stopped and got better and you’ll still feel the urge to hurt yourself and it makes you feel like you haven’t improved at all and you’re still fourteen and hating yourself - (maybe this is just me) but some part of you misses it?? you stopped and you know its horrific but its so difficult to get rid of your blades or whatever you use because you feel so weirdly attached to these things that are so awful and you dont even know why 

by saying only sga aces are allowed in the community, you are saying that being ace in and of itself is not queer, unless you have another, “actually”, “more valid” queer identity. asexuality, you are saying, is not actually queer; it is non existent; it is inconsequential and virtually the same as straightness; you are saying, unless it is modified by “actual” queernes, or by being sga, asexuality is essentially straightness.

You don’t have to be trans AND gay to be lgbt

You don’t have to be bi AND nb to be lgbt

You don’t have to be poly AND pan to be lgbt

And being ace and suffering mental illness just makes it harder because you wonder if you really are ace or your numbness to the world has spread to your sexuality. 

the drawings on this one are really shit, but I’m tired and I have school… please be nice I’m super self conscious lmao