heads will roll

maria prides herself in being a patient person. strict and no-nonsense kind of woman, yes, but she was also patient. she had to be if she was dealing with otherworldly people and at the same time run s.h.i.e.l.d. so it was definitely in her job description to be completely patient. but this? oh, this was testing her. “are you fucking kidding me right now?,” she muttered to herself when she found her gun turn into something she could buy at the toddlers section in a toy store, complete with the sound effects. “zip it,” she hissed at steve. “don’t even try.”

well there was at least one good thing that came out of her rubber gun problem: erik lehnsherr couldn’t try and ruin her weapons. anytime s.h.i.e.l.d. weapons were ruined by anyone, especially when some pissant decides to deal with lehnsherr, it was a blow to their artillery and their budget. contrary to what trigger-happy agents in s.h.i.e.l.d. believe in, they were not running on unlimited budget. “lehnsherr. you’re looking younger than when i last saw you.”

“what the hell happened to you?” maria looked at the young man from head to toe, a brow raised as she waited for an answer. “why do you look like a mascot from point pleasant?” now that she thought about it, she had it better with her rubber guns than the supers with their...whatever it is that happened to them. like what peter is now.

she busied herself with putting order in the place that they were currently in. maria was of the firm belief that the sooner they had the place in order, the sooner they can figure out how they were getting out of the place. “ah, carter. i ran into your aunt earlier, although not quite as old or as dead as she was back on earth.” the woman was a force to be reckoned with after all. “i need your help. try to look for the best vantage point from here. oh, and can i borrow your gun?”

“yes, we ought to hope they don’t get here, then.” peggy smirked. she’s never met a philosopher herself, but mr. jarvis was close to the type that wonder what this and that were. “some might say he’s a better version than howard, and i say that with full confidence knowing what howard had been like.” she almost never agreed with howard, among other things… like keeping steve’s blood after he went in the ice… but she supposed there was no point in dwelling in the past. “ah, like another avengers, then? i see earth is never short of them.” she took note of the name. it would do well to remember in case she came across a few more unfamiliar faces. her gaze drifted towards the power source. “vibranium… the rarest metal on earth? how do you suppose anyone got their hands on that?” she cautiously approached it now, taking the lid all the way up to further inspect and hope it doesn’t it blow up. “it could be powered by electricity, if not magic. although a bit of both can go a long way. you don’t happen to know where the god of thunder is, right?”

“ah. glad i didn’t meet howard then. one stark is enough for me.” tony was already too much work but she has heard of the stories about howard. maria rarely ever counted her lucky stars but having to deal with tony instead of howard definitely counted as one. “you could say that. avengers, fantastic four, champions, agents of atlas. there’s a lot and that’s not including s.h.i.e.l.d. itself. then there are the mutants.” now that she thought about it, there were much more teams to check now. “i trust charles xavier to take care of his mutants. nice fellow, very father-like. his friend, on the other hand, not so much.” she looked at the power source again, a little surprised at the other woman’s shock on vibranium. “we’ve been working with the people of wakanda, especially their king t’challa. wakanda has the largest source of vibranium in the world and they recently opened up their country for the world. i reckon the easing up of borders by wakanda meant people could get their hands on this as well.” maria knocked on the power source, confident that it wasn’t going to give up on him. “thor is here somewhere. but i assume this is powered by both; electricity wouldn’t work here but it looks like magic’s doing fine. we could probably get thor to try and rev this up.”

a drink did sound really good at the moment, and lorna wasn’t even much of a drinker. “wish i could help, but i didn’t have anything on me when all this happened – whatever this is.” she admitted, a quick hand smoothing through emerald green hair as she took a look around the vast expanse of orange. her lips almost pulled into a smile as she listened to her – leave it to maria hill to already have someone running numbers. “well, unfortunately i haven’t been as productive as you have. found some shelter, may have thrown that thor guy into a wall but he seemed nice enough about it. i haven’t found any real threats yet, just a lot of confused people.”

maria couldn’t help but snort out when the mutant told her of the thor situation. as powerful (and as handsome) as thor was, the god being thrown to the wall was hilarious. he had to hand it to lorna and thor—they handled that one better than she did. or majority of the other supers. “agreed. i’ve come across more confused people here than a kindergarten on the first day of classes.” and frankly speaking, it worried her that even the supers had no idea what was going on. god, she hated dealing with the unknown. it made her work more complicated than it already was. “let’s hope it stays that way for a while. i’m fine with confused but i am not fine with threats. i saw your father earlier, by the way. definitely more confused than threatening so that’s a plus in my books.”

The men cry out the girls cry out The men cry out, oh no

Off, off with your head Dance, dance 'til you're dead Heads will roll on the floor

“i don’t believe i can just fly out of here either,“ thor confirmed, placing his hand on his hip as he looked to the sky. “if we cannot contact anyone on the outside - then that means we are trapped within something.” he mused, frowning a bit before turning to look at her with a smirk. ”ah yes, beer would do. though i believe it would be unwise for most of the folks here.”

himself included. he crossed his arms over his chest and heaved out another sigh, contemplating whether it was wise to try to throw stormbreaker at the sky. “i have seen… stark. he’s… not dead.”

maria looked up at the seemingly empty orange skies, her eyes narrowed as her mind ran. what thor said made a lot of sense but that didn’t mean she had to like it. “have you tried calling any of your asgardian friends? what about that guy with the sword? the one you always call to?” the only asgardian gods she knew were...well...thor and his brother. “if i could find any alcohol, i’ll be sure to drink a bottle or two.”

but maria stopped, whipping her head to the god. did she hear him right? “i’m sorry? did you actually say tony stark is not dead? how?” what the hell is the place? and why is tony stark being alive completely possible?

peggy smiled ruefully upon being recognized. though the woman’s reaction was a far better cry than a few others that kept telling her she was no longer alive. “oh? i rather thought this place to be more for people that aren’t quite alive.” she replied dryly, but there was some humor in her tone. at the mention of the name stark, peggy nodded. her gaze drifted towards the location where she had found the power source only days ago. it was a bright idea that she didn’t trifle with that lot just yet. “howard’s son, then. i’m sure he’s around here somewhere. richards, however, i’m not familiar with. but there’s always a chance for us to get everything ready for them.” she approached the power source, making no move to touch it at the moment. “this is a little more advanced than what i was used to. do you know what it’s made of?”

“well with the way things are going, being dead or alive is up for debate right now. philosophers would have a field day here.” the concept of death and nothingness have always been a topic among philosophers anyway; maria preferred to stay within the realm of praxis. “ah yes, i forgot you worked with howard stark. but yes, tony’s a character but nothing too serious. i heard he shares a few similarities with his father besides their big brains. doctor richards is also one of our big-brained scientists. he’s also leading his own group of superheroes. interesting fellow. you’ll find a lot of them these days.” but as much as maria appreciated their brains and hearts, she can’t deal with their egos. she stood beside the other woman and nodded. “vibranium but that’s all i’m getting. i can’t say for sure what the other parts of the power source is made of. hopefully not magic because otherwise, we’ll have to call in the magic-wielders.”

“you want me to get naked, hill?“ natasha mused, a small smirk on her lips as the fellow agent pointed her gun at her. “weird way of asking me, but if you insist.” she continued to tease, knowing entirely too well what maria actually meant. “out of all the strangeness of waking up and finding yourself here, you think seeing me is the deception?” tilting her head, she let out a soft sigh. “i am me, natasha romanoff, what would you like me to do to show you proof? i suppose you could shoot me, but being dead already, i don’t think it will do much.”

maria’s eyes narrowed a bit more at the woman in front of her before putting the safety back on her gun and keeping it in her holster. natasha’s personality wasn’t something anyone can just replicate. “it’s a new place, kind of goes with the thought.” this was, after all, somewhere she didn’t know and would rather not deal with again in the future. “as great as it is to see you again, natasha, we’ve got a lot of work to do here. looks like you’re not as retired as you thought you were.” and if maria was relieved to see natasha again, she wasn’t one to voice it out loud. “so what can you tell me about this place?”

maria really wasn’t good at this comforting thing but that didn’t mean she didn’t have any sympathy or empathy. besides, considering the situation they were in, she was actually glad the kid was alive—that meant less problems to solve. besides, it was always fun to see peter make a mess of himself with michelle or with any woman, frankly speaking. “trust me kid, being alive always counts for something. let’s work on keeping that status consistent until we get out of here,” she said with a rare smile on her face.

god, if only this was hell, she would take it wholeheartedly. she’d at least know she was no longer in the land of the living. maria never did see herself growing to at least fifty years old anyway considering the nature of her job. unfortunately, it seems like the universe had other plans. “nah, too bright to be hell. but without any sort of alcohol, it’s very close to hell and very very close to getting on my nerves.” she was trying not to lose temper in this situation and maria liked to think it was working. “you ever been to hel? isn’t that one of the nine realms?”

was she relieved to see tony alive and well? definitely. was she shocked to see him alive and well? definitely, especially after witnessing his funeral herself. but of course, she’s come to the realisation that whoever dies at this point doesn’t really die—at least with people who are deeply embedded in the saving-the-universe-slash-fucking-up-the-universe business. “well it looks like retirement’s doing you good, tony, but looks like i’m going to have to bring you out of retirement now. i’m glad to see you, despite the circumstances.”