my blog

i have a FUCKING KIDNEY STONE

how to express 2 every one that knows me that i am aware and ashamed of being so sick and so tired and so hurt and so incapable and that i am doing everything i can to fix it and i dont know why my body and mind are both deteriorating and im sorry

my room is a museum dedicated to someone else now. i haven't had the energy to wear those clothes, listen to those cds, thread those needles, string those beads, paint those canvasses for years. i shrink into my bed and hope my passion will one day return to me and define my life once again

overwhelmed with the weight of my exhaustion 2day, it feels like being around people is the single only thing that keeps it at bay, the adrenaline of loving and being loved carries me thru in the moment and then i come home and crash again. in my life i have two friends that are beyond reasonable doubt my identical twins; i watch both of them flourish, from a distance. one reaches greater & greater heights in their artistic abilities each day, and the other reaches life fulfillment milestones i've coveted for years. and both of them embody it better and prettier than i ever could. i sit behind and watch what my life could have looked like while i rot.