tat's twaddle

Wow it’s been 2 years since I’ve posted and cant believe I was still able to retrieve this account. Just in time since I went for mental health check up and the psychologist advised me to start journaling again, so here we are.

ready - set - journal!

First of all, I feel young and old at the same time. Old because of my age and my priorities have definitely shifted. I remember 3 years ago, my dream is to just travel and hang out with friends. Now, my weekend is either house hunting, checking for great community for my future kids, or learning new recipes for dinner. Such a total 180! (Have to reread this sentence as I still can’t believe it lol!)

Young due to the fact that now I have the capacity to fund my dream lifestyle. In 2 years, I was able to triple my salary - how I’ve done it? I changed work 2x in 2 years 😂 One thing I learned is I will never work in a start up and will only stick to finance. Honestly, working for a private equity company still feels like a dream, I don’t know how I got it but I guess it was meant to be. My bosses are all supportive and very vocal with their appreciation and I have a great team. There’s no micromanaging as well as long you do your job well, I go to work at 9:30 am and often finishes at 3pm then go to the gym. Not to mention the work building has a lot of programs for the tenants, like free mental health check in, painting, workout classes, and networking meals.

Second chances, what does it mean to you? does it ring a bell? Does it give you comfort? and most importantly, do you believe it?

At the beginning of the year, I was holding on to something that was very dearly to me. Was it because of comfort with invested time? Probably. In spite of that - I was also in a headspace of sticking it out even when things gets rough. But at some point, when life gives you a million reason to let go and you still stayed, it will still give you another million reason to do so until you eventually leave. Forcing fate will never work out in this life and it’s a lesson I have to learn the hard way. 

One thing I learned this year is, you have to listen to the universe and what it tells you. At my lowest point - I stopped wishing and started to listen to the inner voice. I was asking the Universe or whatever God that is listening to me to give me an answer of what they think is what I truly and justly deserve - may it be financially, mentally, and in love. 

When I practiced being mindful to my inner self - over time, I did see and felt the signs. I let the signs guide me in my decisions and in no time, I was able to get a new job which practically waited for me for more than a month, gained new friends that supported me and comforted me during my heartbreak, obtained a new hobby (swing yoga) that kept me challenged and sane, and met my boyfriend on a time when I wasn't looking for love. To experience a love that is not forced and was natural from the first date till now gave me a rewarding feeling. 

Nowadays, I always compare myself how I was back in March 2022 to how I live my life now in September 2022, for a few months I was able to gain my sense of self and is now in a clear and much healthier headspace. I honestly just let things be.