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If your partner is struggling with self esteem issues and needs reassurance. Give it to them. It’s not their choice. There character is made of all the shit they have been through. Go out of your way to make sure you do. I promise that think of you every time. If you love somebody then lift them when they fall. That’s when they need you most. Just enjoying when it’s all good and easy is not ok.

I’m not sure that I’m supposed to have gone through all the hurt and loss I have in my life. I know that it has fueled my every thought, action and intent. I’ve been on my own pretty much since I was 14 or 15. Self sufficiency is a major part of my make up. With the affliction or disease that I have self sufficientc is the worst thing to be. God doesn’t want us miserable. I can’t avoid manufacturing my own misery relying on myself. My power must come from something bigger than me. All the things I’ve endured are not an excuse and I’m not a victim. I volunteered for all my misery. It’s no longer an excuse. When the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain to change, I’ll change. I’m empty no fight left. When your flat of your back there is only one way to look.

All life has ever been about for me is the people I love. When it comes to anything else in life I win. When it comes to that I have no idea. I’ve never gotten anything easy or lt gave to me. I don’t mind working for something. I know this whether you believe it or not. I’m on the bottom. Bug was the reason I did everything I did in my life. I proudest man on the planet. Then one day I didn’t have that choice anymore. I can’t explain the hurt and guilt. Then one day here she come. I knew when I saw her. Again the day come where I could no longer be what I’m supposed to for her. Again I can’t explain the hurt and guilt. Something has got to give.

At this point in life I am hopeless. I have given away every thing I have ever owned. I’ve fought the good fight with some success. It took 8 years for me to somevwhat build a life. Less than 2 to tear it completely apart. To give away everyone and everything I’ve ever loved. The things I can get back. It’s no big deal. My kid, my girl, my family and friends everyone I’ve came in contact with I hurt. I kills me. I have fight this disease for the last 15 years and came out on top about 10 of them. I can’t get it back. It’s all I want but it don’t happen. Is there hope still? I’m not sure. I do know I will not stop fighting till I stop breathing.