Ur Local Kinky Feminist

She was a mess, clothes half off, grinding against her own hand, hair dishevelled, we could hear how wet she was as she whined and rubbed her clit. It was clear how much she liked it from the slick-squish sounds her fingers made, how humiliating. We paid no attention, her boyfriend and I were too busy making each other moan to notice such a pathetic girl on the floor. I suppose I kept him too distracted.

Let’s create a profile of emotional maturity that you can work towards. The following lists present a picture of how an emotionally mature person might interact and behave in relationships. Read through the following lists of new behaviours, beliefs and values and choose a few to practice. Just pick one or two at a time, and be gentle with yourself as you work on them. Some might be harder than others.

Being Willing to Ask for Help:

I’ll ask for help whenever I need to.

I’ll remind myself that if I need something, most people will be glad to help if they can.

I’ll use clear, intimate communication to ask for what I want, explaining my feelings and the reasons for my request.

I’ll trust that most people will listen if I ask them to.

Being Myself, Whether People Accept Me or Not:

When I state my thoughts clearly and politely, without malice, I won’t try to control how people take it.

I won’t give more energy than I really have.

Instead of trying to please, I’ll give other people a true indication of how I feel.

I won’t volunteer for something if I think I’ll resent it later.

If someone says something I find offensive, I’ll offer an alternative viewpoint. I won’t try to change the other person’s mind; I just won’t let the statement go unremarked upon.

Sustaining and Appreciating Emotional Connections:

I’ll make a point of keeping in touch with special people I care about and returning their calls or emotional messages.

I’ll think of myself as a strong person who deserves to give and receive help from my community of friends.

Even when people aren’t saying the “right” thing, I’ll tune in to whether they’re trying to help me. If their effort makes me feel emotionally nurtured, I’ll express my gratitude.

When I’m irritated with someone, I’ll think about what I want to say that could improve our relationship. I’ll wait until I cool off and then ask if the other person is willing to listen to my feelings.

Having Reasonable Expectations for Myself:

I’ll keep in mind that being perfect isn’t always necessary. I’ll get stuff done rather than obsess over getting things done perfectly.

When I get tired, I’ll rest or do something different. My level of physical energy will tell me when I’ve been doing too much. I won’t wait for an accident or illness to make me stop.

When I make a mistake, I’ll chalk it up to being human. Even if I think I’ve anticipated everything, there will be outcomes I don’t expect.

I’ll remember that everyone is responsible for their own feelings and for expressing their needs clearly. Beyond common courtesy, it isn’t up to me to guess what others want.

Communicating Clearly and Actively Seeking the Outcomes I Want:

I won’t expect people to know what I need unless I tell them. Caring about me doesn’t mean they automatically know what I’m feeling.

If people close to me upset me, I’ll use my pain to identify my underlying need. Then I’ll use clear, intimate communication to provide guidance on how they could give it to me.

When my feelings are hurt, I’ll try to understand my reaction first. Did something trigger feelings from my past, or did the person really treat me insensitively? If someone was insensitive, I’ll ask him or her to hear me out.

I’ll be thoughtful to other people, and if they aren’t thoughtful in return, I’ll ask them to be more considerate and then let it go.

I’ll ask for something as many times as it takes to get a clear answer.

When I get tired of interacting, I’ll politely speak up, asking if we can continue our contact at another time. I’ll explain kindly that I’m just out of gas at the moment.

This is a list of punishments that have been effective in modifying my own personal behavior. What’s effective for some isn’t for others. We’ve learned by trial and error. I have consented to all of these! Consent is so important!!!!!

Soap:

This has been used mostly when I have said something I shouldn’t. Jae makes me swallow it and I can taste it for what feels like years. I loathe the soap.

Time Out:

We have used several different types of time outs. They seem to vary on wha the offense was. And what the desired behavioral change is to come out of it. Often times they are used when I’ve gotten bratty and out of control. These time outs usually look like me getting sent to our room to sit on the bed and think. (And a fair amount of stomping usually follows until I’ve collected myself). This type of time out if effective because it meets me where I am mentally. They tell me if I act like a brat I don’t get the desired attention I want.

The other type of time out if you will is more formal. Like standing in the corner with my nose to the wall, or kneeling with my face in the ground. This timeout also hits me in the mental state I’m in. It helps reset me and helps me submit in that moment. These timeouts often precede further punishment. Almost like getting me in the headspace to accept further punishment.

Loss of cell phone/video games:

This generally occurs when I speak disrespectfully or continue having an attitude after being given a warning. This is really effective for me because it makes me feel like a child being punished. It forces me to think about how I’ve acted and the fact that caused me to lose something I really enjoy. I also love my phone and I love video games so if I get them taken away it really hits me where it hurts.

I would say this might be the most common punishment I get.

Early Bedtime:

I don’t get this punishment a lot. But it has happened. It’s effective for me because I get serious FOMO (fear of missing out). If I’m being extra grumpy and it just doesn’t stop in the evening Jae will give me a warning and if I don’t improve I get sent to bed early.

This can also look like getting out before bed show taken away and going straight to sleep.

The Cane:

I might consider this the most effective punishment Jae uses. Mainly because I HATE the cane. I don’t like the stingy feeling. It hurts so bad. It basically strikes the fear of god into me. Jae only uses it when I have really crossed a line, and this isn’t very often.

Last time I got the cane it was because I yelled at Jae in a really disrespectful way and I sobbed my way through that punishment. But I gained a deeper respect for Jae in that moment and it instantly reminded me I’m not in control.

Face slapping:

Jae will when needed slap me across the face when I cross a line. I think it’s effective because it catches me off guard and immediately shows me I have crossed a line. It also is another tool that shows me im not in charge nor am I in control.

In conclusion,

Jae uses an array of punishments to keep me on my toes. I think it’s also to match the punishment to the offense. I think Jae is brilliant and thinks very carefully about what she feels will be an effective punishment. She realizes that not every punishment will do the job she wants it to do.

“I want someone who initiates sex every once in a while.”

“I don’t want some doormat with no opinions.”

“I want to be with someone passionate, not submissive.”

I see phrases like this all the time when people reject having a submissive partner. And I’ll admit—once upon a time, I rejected my own submissiveness based on the same misunderstandings. So let me try to clear it up.

When I say I’m submissive, it doesn’t mean I’m a robot awaiting instructions. It doesn’t mean that I’m dormant until a Dominant’s needs and desires activate me. It doesn’t mean that I expect my Dominant to take all the actions while I merely respond. 

I am submissive, but I am not passive. I am strong-willed, passionate, and energetic in pursuit of what fulfills me. 

I initiate sex with my Dominant. It’s different from how a Dominant initiates, but it’s not all that hard to read. I will straddle their lap and nibble their neck and talk about what a needy little girl I am. I will say that I’ve been thinking all day of the way they taste. I will lay their favorite implement on the bed with a sticky note that just says, “Please?” I will strip and kneel, and then I’ll beg for what I crave. 

I have strong sexual desires and needs, and I share them openly. But I don’t dictate what happens or when. And however my Dominant chooses for me to serve, I will pour all my energy into it. I will curl up between their legs for hours, lost in the joy of exploring them. I will moan and whimper and push back against them as they use me. I will ride them as long as my poor cardio fitness holds out. Being submissive does not make me quiet or passive. I am deeply passionate and completely unafraid to show the one who owns me.

And it’s not just in the bedroom. I have strong opinions about what I think is right and how things should be done, and I will 100% make those opinions known. But with the right partner—someone I can trust to put my needs first—I will defer to them on the final decision. With the right partner, I accept that they may make a decision I disagree with, but they won’t make a decision that harms me. And sometimes I do disagree. Vigorously. Sometimes a decision will make me angry enough to want to shoot lasers from my eyeballs. But if I submit to this person, then I trust them to do what’s right for both of us, and for the relationship. So I make my feelings known, and then I actively choose to follow. 

this entire post is wonderful, but this section right here ^^  – so much yes.

I was listening to a recent episode of Over the Knee in which @amysubmits and @CynicalDom were discussing submissives having a voice within their dynamic (link to full episode). It got me thinking about my voice in my own dynamic with @sous-sir.

I feel I have more of a voice within our dynamic than before we started D/s. This is largely because our communication has become more deliberate and more purposeful. When I communicate something to SS now it generally falls into one of three categories; general conversation, expressing wants/needs, or providing information.

·         General conversation is fairly straightforward. We talk about things that happened at work or stuff going on with friends and family. It’s the same type of conversation we had before D/s and it’s a way for us to stay engaged in each other’s lives and feel closer.

·         Expressing my wants deliberately is new within our dynamic. It might come in the form of asking permission, such as when I asked if we could get some salad kits at the grocery store this weekend. It’s not a rule or expectation that I ask permission for groceries/meals. Instead, it was my way of expressing a want, essentially saying ‘I want to have salad with dinners this week but it won’t kill me if we don’t.’ Other times I express my wants more directly like when I tell him I really, really, really want Dutch Bros!

Expressing a need generally comes in the form of a meta talk. I might say, “When we get a few minutes, I need us to talk about denial as a punishment.” He knows this is something that must be addressed, and he makes sure we have time to have this conversation.

·         Providing information is something I do both from my own personal need and from a sense of responsibility. I trust him to make decisions for us based on the best information he has available. Sometimes I have knowledge of things that he does not, and it is my responsibility in our dynamic to communicate that information to him so he can use it to make decisions.

One example of this is when our ice-maker broke and the kitchen flooded. I thought of a potential solution before SS did, and I shared my thoughts with him so he could decide how we would proceed.

Another example came during a recent conversation with SS when I told him I had been able to get a healthy lunch from the cafeteria, but I was sorry I had not packed myself a lunch the night before. He already knew I hadn’t completed this task. What I was sharing with him was that I had not deliberately not completed the task, that there were not any extenuating circumstances that prevented me from doing so, and what I did to try to address the error. What he does with this information is not up to me, but if I do not give him all the pieces of the puzzle, I am hindering his ability to make the best decisions for us.

To start off, some facts:

-White wine is made from sweet pulp inside of the grape (minus the seeds).

-Red wine is made from both the skin and the grape (and the seeds and stems…sometimes? Can’t remember).

-Tannin is the substance found in red wines, coffee, dark chocolate. Tannins are responsible for the bitter taste in those foods.

-Tannins are found in the skin of the grape, as well as the seeds and the stems. Therefore, most red wines will have tannins, versus most whites will not have tannins.

-Red wines vary in level of tannins, depending on variety of grape, climate, and fermentation process. Pinot noir tends to be very low tannin. Shiraz/Syrah, choice of poison for our beloved brunette surgeon, is very heavy on the tannins.

-Some white wines (most commonly Chardonnay) are aged in oak barrels instead of metal containers. Oak barrels have tannins, which seeps into the wine during the fermentation process. That’s why Chardonnays tend to be “drier” aka it has tannins.

-White wines like Sauvingnon Blancs are usually fermented in steel barrels (aka no tannins. Aka usually very fruity and light and sweet).

Your ability to taste tannins is genetic.

There is a genetic marker determining whether your taste cells are sensitive to tannins.

Basically two people can drink the exact same wine and have wildly different reactions because: 1. Person A can’t taste tannins, so they taste the actual wine flavor. 2. Person B can taste tannins, and that tends to overpower ALL the other flavors in the wine. Basically all they taste is tannins and none of the wine.

I am super tannin sensitive, so if I drink a wine like Cabernet Sauvignon (very tannin heavy, aka “very dry”, it tastes like bitter ethanol alcohol to me, whereas my best friend can’t taste tannins so the same wine is maybe a little bitter but they can actually taste the grape and different flavors. To her, a wine like Sauv Blanc is too sweet, tastes like sugar water. But to me it tastes good.

So unless it’s the taste of the alcohol or all wines you hate, chances are you might hate the taste of red wine, especially the heavier red wines, because taste the tannin overpowers everything else. And all you taste is bitter bitter ethanol bitter more ethanol. 

More tannin info: -Tannins bind to fat.

-This is why tannin heavy wines are recommended with fatty foods (Shiraz and steak). Whenever you eat food with high fat content, the fat builds up on your tongue. A sip of red wine will bind with the fat on your tongue and clear it away. That’s why the sip of wine between bites of fat heavy foods is considered a palate cleanser.

-By that logic, this is why white wines are recommended with low fat foods, like fish. Salmon is fattier than most fish, which is why Chardonnay (tannin heavy white wine) or Pinot Noir (low tannin red wine) is recommended with salmon.

-People who are sensitive to tannins can drink tannin heavy red wines with fatty food and generally the wine won’t taste gross. The fat on your tongue (from that steak) will bind with the tannin and neutralize the tannin taste. Aka the only time I ever drink Cabernet Sauvignon or Shiraz is with a steak or heavy, creamy pasta. Aka never bc I don’t often eat either.

-The reason dairy helps coffee taste better is because the fat in milk/creams binds with the tannins in coffee and neutralizes the bitter taste. This is why people who can’t taste tannins can generally drink coffee black without milk (sugar is a different story). It’s also why almond milk in coffee is the worst idea (almond milk is already bitter and has no fat).

More wine facts: -90% of the “aromas” of wine are marketing BS

-You know the labels that say like “cherry with a hint of blackberry?” There’s no real way to infuse cherry or blackberry into grape wine without screwing with the fermentation process. It’s all created by the wine marketing industry to sell you win. Sometimes if you smell cherry before you drink the wine, you might taste it in the wine (because majority of flavor comes from smell). Or if you think there is cherry flavor in the wine, your brain can trick your taste buds into tasting it.

-The only true flavors found in real grape wine are grapes (obviously), oak/earthy flavor (the barrels), vanilla (barrels, oak sticks), tannins. (There are a few others but can’t remember. I think maybe cinnamon?).

-People’s perception of wine often affect how good it tastes to them. Social psychology studies show that people will rate the exact same wine differently if they’re told the wines are different in price. (They rated the more expensive wine as tastier).

This is an interesting article about the genes that let you taste it if you’re into the sciency shit

Quiet, docile babies are best.

Green baby.

This is one example. He was the Senator from Delaware. Delaware is where most businesses are “from”. They don’t have corporate taxes. And they have a judicial system stacked in businesses favor, businesses get a friendly judge, no jury. That’s why Biden sucks so much, his priority has always been delivering for the massive businesses “in” his state.

If there’s a way a business fucks you over, Biden has record of voting for it. If there’s a way you can defend yourself against businesses lying and cheating, Biden has a record of voting against it. Scum of the earth.

It’s not all economic though. Long ago, he was against full school integration! He was mealy mouthed about what he actually meant, but he basically said these racist parents have a right to be concerned. And he gave a glowing eulogy at the most notorious segregationist’s funeral, Strom Thurmond. People forget, Obama picked Biden as his VP to foolishly try and assuage conservative racist fears that he was a black radical as they insanely saw him in their fever dreams.

Not great on women issues. When Clarence Thomas was up for the supreme court, Biden was the head of the judiciary committee. He was in charge of how the hearing of Anita Hill’s testimony went. She accused Thomas of sexual harassment. The committee fucking grilled her. Why was he ok with giving shit to sexual harassment victim? Here’s an image search for “Biden smelling hair”. No accusations beyond just being a fucking creep have come out, yet, but if he isn’t #metoo’ed I’d be insanely shocked.

He was good on gay marriage. He pushed Obama on that. Point for him. On the subject of pushing Obama, when he was vice president he conspired with fellow catholic, chief of staff Bill Daley, to sneak a meeting with catholic clergy onto Obama’s schedule in an attempt to convince him to allow catholics to not have to give health insurance if it covered a woman’s constitutional right to abortion.

Sorry to rant, I know I’m really annoying about this, I just hate this guy so much. He’s literally the perfect embodiment of what I hate in a politician. Nothing but lies, and enemy to everyone I care about, except I guess rich gay people.

But to actually answer your question: