- k.

jimin returned from the kitchen, where she had put away the dishes and the tray she’d used to feed soah. when she walked back into the older woman’s room, it was dark again, and she had pulled the covers up over her head, just as she was when yu first arrived.

she turned on the light and walked over to the lump on the mattress, feeling it with her hand and eliciting a grunt in response. “i need to see the thermometer.” jimin whispered softly.

a hand emerged from under the blanket, holding the device, and handed it to her. jimin found it amusing. when she looked at it, she saw it read 38.5°C. she was sick, no doubt about it, but she hoped that now that she had taken her medicine, the number would go down a bit in a few hours.

she set the thermometer on the nightstand, then grabbed the blanket and carefully pulled it back from soah. once her head and torso were exposed, she shot her a withering glare, which was lost among the messy hair covering her face.

“let me see.”

soah pressed her face into the mattress, ignoring the younger girl, too weak to do anything, annoyed that she’d been uncovered and the light was now hitting her eyes. jimin placed her hand on the back of soah’s neck first, feeling her skin was quite hot and confirming that the fever was raising her temperature, and then moved down to her back, feeling the fabric of her t-shirt damp with sweat from soah’s feverish body.

she slid to the edge of the bed and got up to go to the private bathroom in soah’s room. from there, she took a clean towel from a cabinet and returned to the room to find a new t-shirt among her clothes, then brought it back to where she was.

“can you get up?” she asked with a touch of concern in her gentle tone.

“no.” the word came muffled against the mattress, soah was sprawled face-down across it like a starfish.

“i’ll help you,” she offered. “but i need you to sit up so i can change your shirt.”

“no.” she repeated without moving.

jimin rolled her eyes with a funny smile on her face at the childish attitude the woman had adopted in response to her discomfort. “please." she added.

the oldest turned her head toward her to look at her. “i’m fine." she assured.

“it’ll only take a second, i promise." she said gently. “if i leave you soaked in sweat, you could get hypothermia." she explained.

“fine.” she agreed upon hearing that. “but i can do it myself.” slowly, with no strength left in her aching body, she pushed herself up with her forearms, rising little by little.

“as you wish.” jimin didn’t insist and left the shirt and towel on the bed.

soah sat up and crawled to the edge, letting her feet drop to the floor. the movement seemed to have triggered her migraine again because she closed her eyes tightly with a look of discomfort for a moment until she calmed down. the pills would take some time to take effect and ease her irritation. she looked around as if using that time to ponder what she had to do, and after a bit, under jimin’s patient gaze, she brought her hands to the hem of the shirt she was wearing and began to pull it up. but when she had to lift her arms, she gave up and let them fall, along with the piece of clothing, letting out an exaggeratedly loud sigh of exhaustion.

“i knew you wouldn’t be able to.” jimin admitted, watching the woman give up and look sad. “you’re too dramatic.”

“i’m not dramatic!” she protested in what was meant to be a shout but barely came out as a whiny whisper. “it hurts." she said, staring blankly at some spot in the room.

“it’s just a fever.” she chuckled softly and approached soah.

“a fever and the flu,” she added. “and i got beaten up." she recalled.

“you’re right,” she finally agreed, smiling at the girl’s dejected demeanor, which she found entertaining. “you’re going through a lot.”

she took the hem of soah’s shirt, which was practically glued to her body from sweat, and lifted it, pulling it off with care to move her as little as possible. once she had removed it, she set it aside and grabbed the towel instead. she positioned herself in front of her and crouched slightly to wipe the sweat from her neck and chest. however, without realizing it, she was staring. a lot.

she took a deep breath, trying to make it seem like it was due to fatigue or laziness, but in reality, she was trying to stop the wave of thoughts that was crashing into her mind and distracting her.

but it didn’t work. the image of soah’s half-naked torso took her back to that night. she saw herself running her palms over her abdomen in a desperate attempt to bring her closer and closer, she remembered how she had kissed that area as if she wanted to mark her as her own.

she blinked rapidly and tried to get on with her task. she gently ran the towel over soah’s neck, but then realized she had rested her free hand on her waist, and she couldn’t help but be hyper-aware that she was touching her, and where. she wanted to squeeze, scratch, caress, and saturate her friend’s skin with her own essence. just as she had done that night.

she kept drying the sweat off soah, but really, she wasn’t paying attention to what she was doing. her eyes drifted downward, scanning the exposed parts of soah’s body. the sight was making her feel things she wanted to avoid, like that tingling sensation in the pit of her stomach she’d experienced earlier and had tried unsuccessfully to calm. maybe rushing over to see soah hadn’t been such a good idea after that little incident in her room.

as she tried to snap out of that strange trance-like state, she kept wiping her. as if trying to cover up the turmoil raging inside her. but then the hand resting on her waist began to move. jimin wondered if it was really her controlling it because it didn’t feel that way. she ran her fingertips over the woman’s stomach with a care, befitting someone handling a fragile object. tracing lines, her attention shifting to the areas her fingers traversed. and they came to rest at the edge of soah’s pants, merely touching the fabric, motionless, poised on the line between an innocent gesture and repeating that same mistake.

then soah shivered and quickly raised her arms to wrap them around her body, seeking shelter from the cold. the sudden movement snapped jimin back to reality. it pulled her from her room in the dorm, from the gray zone where she could kiss and touch soah however she wanted, from the heat of their bodies pressed against each other and the sound of moans filling the air, back to soah’s room, cold, silent, and lonely. the realization that she couldn’t touch her or even think of her that way, and worse, that she couldn’t even look at her as a friend because soah resented her at that moment, hit her hard.

she felt so many things in a mere fraction of a second that jimin was surprised a human could contain so many emotions inside. first came confusion at having immersed herself in those thoughts, then disgust at thinking that way about her friend and forgetting why they weren’t on good terms, sadness at realizing their friendship was still ruined and that being there together didn’t change anything, and finally, when she saw the older girl’s face, so pale, with dark circles under her eyes, tired, uncomfortable, her arms wrapping around her to ease the sensation even just a little, she felt compassion and concern.

“it’s cold.” soah murmured in a choked voice, still out of it, her gaze unfocused.

how could she have let herself get carried away again? her best friend was right in front of her, sick and weak, and jimin was distracted, sinking back into the very thoughts that had led to that rift in their friendship.

she straightened up with a start, forcing herself to come to her senses, and set about properly tending to the woman. wiping the sweat from the front of her body, she then knelt on the bed and positioned herself behind her, beginning to dry her back and neck as well.

when she finished, she picked up the clean t-shirt she had brought, but before helping her put it on, she looked at her from behind. without knowing what prompted her to do so, she wrapped her arms around soah, pressing her front against her back and resting her chin on the oldest's shoulder. soah didn’t push her away, perhaps she was too weak, or hopefully, she didn’t want to. jimin closed her eyes and was grateful to feel her friend in her arms again, just as she had so often before that night. after a few seconds, she stretched her neck slightly and placed a chaste, fleeting kiss on soah’s cheek.

she adored her so much, and she missed her.

not wanting to prolong the moment any further and wanting to let soah go back to bed, she let her go right away. she helped her put on the clean shirt, and when she was ready, she guided her back to lay down. once soah was comfortable, jimin settled beside her, ready to watch over her, keeping an eye on her to see if she was getting better, waiting for the next time she needed her.