Sexualization and minimization:

"Yeah, but sadly, a lot of people don't meet that minimum standard."

Let me be perfectly clear here. Being anti contact is the ONLY way you should be with a paraphilic disorder that includes children, animals, and the dead. I feel like I honestly shouldn't have to address why this is a fucking insane thing to say. I'm actually at an almost loss of words at the fact that this is a genuine text message someone sent willingly. If you do not meet the "minimum standard" of not committing a sex crime that is inexcusable behavior. This is an insane reduction of the fact it is being CLEARLY stated that sex crimes committed to a party that cannot consent is just a sad little thing that's really just unfortunate. They just need help after they committed and unspeakable crime.

Misue of mental health language:

"In most cases these are thoughts and urges you can't control, and urges & thoughts ≠ actions"

So very clearly this is just incorrect, and also quite harmful. To begin with, if you are someone who is having thoughts you can't control, those are called "intrusive thoughts". Intrusive thoughts are "sudden, disturbing thoughts or images that come into a person's mind without warning and refuse to go away." Non-intrusive thoughts can be ignored or indulged at will, and do NOT cause distress. If you are routinely having intrusive thoughts, this is a separate issue all together. If you are willingly indulging in thoughts surrounding a harmful paraphilia, without distress, this is not an intrusive thought. If you continue in this line of thinking without redirecting yourself, this is no longer just a thought. You are actively fantasizing about causing harm, this is an action. ESPECIALLY if you are posting about these thoughts and fantasies online or discussing them with others.

On the topic of urges. An urge is an impulse that makes you compelled to commit an action. For example, as someone who struggles with addiction, I occasionally have urges to return to what I'm addicted to. This includes thinking about my addiction. If you have the urge to commit a violent sex crime against someone, to the point where it is UNCONTROLLABLE (which, yes! Commonly means you are ACTING on it. If you happen to not act on them, I hate to tell you but regularly thinking of a sex crimes could have a desire to commit, this is also not okay. You also need to seek help. Period.) you are a danger to yourself, and others and help is no longer a suggestion, it is mandatory for the safety of others. Saying simply that they can't control their thoughts is incorrect, and saying they can't control their urges as an excuse is dangerous.

Restraint:

"The thing is it takes restraint. Besides, it's not something you can control in most cases, that's why you need to get help."

I refuse to acknowledge this beyond a minor comment. As honestly it would be an insult to my intelligence and yours to say much more. If you can't restrain yourself from committing sex crimes. Obviously, you need help, but there's absolutely no excuse for saying "it takes restraint". The bar is actually in hell. It should never take you physical or mental restraint from committing a sex crime or fantasizing about committing one. As seen above, if this is the case, you need to be seeking out inpatient care for the safety of yourself and others.

Nuance, and a message to SquidFreak:

"Eeehh honestly its nuanced" - "Being proud can come in many ways ??" - "…can open up more helpful resources and ways to cope/act out fantasies in a safe manner"

Hi SquidFreak, let's have a chat. It's actually not nuanced at all. You shouldn't be proud of having a harmful paraphilia. That's all. It's pretty simple. But that's not really all I want to talk about. I think it's particularly interesting you discuss the idea of acting out fantasies in a safe manner. I regret to inform you; this isn't helpful, nor is it less harmful. Feeding into these desires doesn't make them go away. Nor is there a safe manner to indulge in roleplaying about these crimes. Your brain isn't getting off to the idea of a fake crime you're committing. You're still getting off to the idea of indulging in your paraphilia. Sure, maybe you've decided to do it with a consenting adult, but we all know that's not really what your brain is thinking, is it? I'm sorry, but I'm not the person you can convince that "roleplaying" absolves you from the fact that you get off to committing a sex crime against someone or something that can't consent. (Oh, and don't worry Azrael, I saw you in the screenshot too. This applies to you too.)

OCD and sanism:

Now let's have a talk about something that's genuinely super dangerous. There's a common theme for some reason to use people with OCD and intrusive thoughts to people who have harmful paraphilias. In the sense that "You can't hate pedophiles! What about people with OCD :/"

Let me be perfectly fucking clear.

This is disgusting, harmful, and downright misinformation. People with OCD have intrusive thoughts. As I explained above intrusive thoughts are "sudden, disturbing thoughts or images that come into a person's mind without warning and refuse to go away." And they can be distressing enough to drive people to suicide. Intrusive thoughts are this distressing due to the fact that they are as far against the person's beliefs. People with OCD are not the same as those with harmful paraphilias. Period. People with OCD are regularly betrayed by their own body and mind in humiliating and violating ways. Whether it's in their thoughts or regarding groinal responses. Which people struggling with OCD suffer with because they DON'T want to. They are being physically betrayed by their own body only to be compared to people with harmful paraphiles which they are morally opposed to. It is IRRESPONISBLE and downright evil to compare the two. But then again, in convos like this, consent not being respected is not a shocker. Speaking out against harmful paraphilias is NOT harming people with OCD. Comparing them to those people is. So instead of spreading misinformation about a disorder that already leaves people feeling hopeless and suicidal, how about you realize this is a YOU problem, OCD and intrusive thoughts have nothing to do with you, and maybe!

Realize implying that we are at all the same is what's really ableist and sanism.

The victims, and what they're left with:

So it's about time we get to the (most) uncomfortable part. What about the victims. The people in this server clearly don't give a fuck about them. Well in the true spirit of it all. We're just kind of left to pick up the pieces of whatever we had before all this. Animals can't talk, and the dead can't either. Children can't. But typically, after abuse? They won't. We become adults and what do we get left with? We're left with the shame. The anger. The hurt. The memories. And somehow after all this, we're asked to also give our sympathy after all that was stolen. We should know how hard it is for THEM. The people who abused us.

We learn that after learning to trust other's again, and find community, that no, you're still never free. These people care much more about your abuser's happiness than what you got left with.

Because everyone deserves minimum respect.

But children aren't real to these people. They're a concept. They're explicit material. They don't matter. They're second to the feelings of paraphiles, because they're the only ones that deserve the consequences of the actions committed by others.

I'll never know peace after what happened to me. I can only hope others are able to find it themselves. But if I can't find it, these people don't get it either.