After a situation, I am not going into detail here, I am going to put my Tolkien blogs on hiatus. I am not sure when I will come back to them but if you want to chat about our muses or toss things my way I will still be around for dms or notifications. I am not going to post what happened aside from something happened right as I was getting back into rp after thefatedfinwe died last year and it completely killed all motivation and interest in rp especially in the Tolkien rp community.
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Not sure if I posted this here or not, but a small piece of Manwe dealing with depression and visiting his half elf nephew (Maglor in a verse I have where he is Melkor's son not Nerdanel's).
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Manwe was tired. Not the physical sense of tired, not even the sense that said he was tired of his brotherâs constant assault to try and get free or to drive him to do something he would regret. This was a quiet soul deep thing. He wanted to rest and to simply exist without others demanding anything of him. It seemed ridiculous when he thought it but he also just wanted to find somewhere, anywhere, that he could curl up and simply be.
On impulse he sought out his brotherâs eldest child as a bird, he settled quietly near him and watched until he was beckoned to join him.
âAinur are rare on these shores, but you are welcome to join me for now.â Was his greeting and Manwe settled on the slim shoulder that also seemed to know the weight of the world yet that bore it with surprising grace despite everything. A few nights later he watched as the half elf moved around his camp before coming to a stop and glaring at him. âI am angry at you and your people. You treated us as children, and perhaps to you we were, but when we truly needed your help you did nothing. The Darkest one was the one who gave us what we needed to survive his creatures and only a handful of others even cared to help.â
Manwe watched him sadly, seeing the rage but more than that seeing the pain and the exhaustion that he himself had been feeling. Sighing he glided from the branch he had been perched on and landed on the elfâs shoulder, carefully preening his hair and cuddling closer to his neck.
âStop that.â The demand was biting, but brittle and so he ignored it.
In a few moments they were near the tree he had been perched in, his nephew sitting on the ground curled up a bit and he was sitting on his nephewâs shoulder while it shook with quiet sobs. Unable to just watch any longer, Manwe shifted forms and wrapped him in a gentle hug, his wings wrapping around them both as well. He closed his eyes and silently cried as he held him, both of them crying for everything that had happened. Eventually he felt his nephew curl closer and gently rubbed his back.
âI am still mad at you.â
â..... I know.â
âWhy?â
âBecause if I hadnât then I could have become worse than him, and the thought terrified me. Now⊠I just feel so tired.â
âIt doesnât get easier⊠but some days are better.â
âI donât know how you manage it if just breathing feels so tiring.â
âI remind myself that people need my help and that usually does the trick.â
Manwe simply nodded and stayed where he was, gently holding his nephew who was leaning heavily against him. He had to admit that he did feel less tired now but he still felt it, and knew that the exhaustion would return, but it seemed easier now. It was as if knowing he was not alone in his feelings made it easier to exist and keep going. Neither of them would mention this or any other visits, but he hoped that maybe with time they could regain something of the friendship that had once existed between them.Â
âWould-â
âI would like to visit you again in the future, but for now it is night and you are tired.â
â But the horror, the horror was for love. â (Mai)
"Horror for love?" The very concept seemed odd to him, but he often found that certain things simply did not make sense until he had truly seen it but this was one thing he had little intention of ever seeing properly. Instead he sighed and bowed his head for a moment before shaking it. "Whatever the reason damage was done and you, with your own hands and mouth, were the one to cause it. Love may have been the motivator but that does not excuse such cruelty."
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Ruffling his wings and seeing a couple of feathers fall loose Manwe inwardly groaned. It was not actually molting though it certainly looked like it. With a sweep of his hand the feathers rose and he caught them. "I am not... well not as such. It is not actually molting as you see some of the young birds doing."
(@the-constrainer) "I want to give you part of me before I am gone... like I did for Mairon."
Manwe regarded Melkor coolly, the implication that he would allow this after all that had been done and that existed between them was almost insulting. He vanished his wings with a thought then stepped closer to Melkor, standing just out of easy reach so he would have time to react should this be another trick- a thought that caused something inside him to ache and hurt- like the last time they spoke. "You had every chance already, the chance to bond as you wish to and the chance to do similarly already. You chose to follow this course Melkor, and I cannot save you from it. Nor will I grant you a chance to force yourself from it."
Then Melko sprang to his feet shouting in a loud voice and his folk came through all those dismal passages to his aid. Then lashed he at Manwë with an iron flail he bore, but Manwë breathed gently upon it and its iron tassels were blown backward, and thereupon Tulkas smote Melko full in his teeth with his fist of iron, and he and Aulë grappled with him, and straight he was wrapped thirty times in the fathoms of Angaino.
- The Book of Lost Tales
Okay, can we please talk about how Melkor, pissed, tried to flog Manwë and Manwë shoved his iron flail back by casually blowing on it?
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"They're like a big, feathery blanket! So warm." ((Rossiel, honey, no))
For a moment Manwe was startled at the unexpected touch then he smiled and shifted his wing to gently settle over the Child. He was amused by the boldness and her curiosity. "They are nice and warm, and make good protection from really cold winds too."
send in â stay where you are, iâm on my way. â for the sender to go out of their way to find the receiver in the middle of the night and bring them home safely from a night out. ( this can be anything from a date gone wrong, to a party, to clubbing, a midnight investigation, ANYTHING! )
Manwe blinked in surprise at hearing the instruction. It was still somewhat odd to hear others after so long in the still relative silence of his cell there in his brother's home. Looking upwards at the stars he considered whether it was wise to do so, but his child had asked and he would do as requested unless there was a pressing reason to do otherwise. Slowly he sat on a boulder and waited in the peaceful silence of the night content to wait in the gentle breeze and soft starlight.
SĂșre nodded in understanding, seeing clearly the fatigue that should never have been on his fatherâs face. âCome then. I am strong enough now to carry you. And what I lack in strength, the gifts you have granted me will help.â
He went forward to ManwĂ«, wrapping his arms around and under him. Lifting the elf light weight into his arms felt more than odd, and his cast a glance to meet his sires sky like eyes. âFor all the times you carried and protected me.â He leapt into the air then, his wings flaring wide as the magic of his inner winds came and lifted them from the ground.
Not wanting ManwĂ« to feel small or weak in the face of the other Valar, SĂșre angled his flight toward the aerie of the eagles. He knew he and his father both would be safe with Thorondor, and it would give ManwĂ« time to think of a cure or plan for what had happened.
"Thank you, Sure. I am sure that this is not what you had in mind when you asked me to stay were I was." Manwe said gently, a chagrined smile on his face. There was no doubt in his mind about Sure being able to take him safely to wherever he decided they needed to go.
He suspected that if he had not been found by Sure when he had that Orome or one of Orome's Maiar would have found him, but Manwe was glad it was his son. He longed to feel the wind on his face once more, however long is had been was too long by far. Manwe kept his voice soft as he explained what he suspected of the situation. "Melkor wanted to keep me there so I would stay out of his plans and any fighting."
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(@the-constrainer) "Manwe.... help me...something is wrong, I feel... hot."
"Mel?" Manwe asked, worry filling his voice as he shifted across the room to Melkor's side in an instant. He wrapped an arm around his brother and when he noticed some others starting to move closer he flared his wings out to indicate for them to stay back. "What can I do to help you?"
(@aicarosse) The young Ainu came blowing into where his father was, the air around him swirling a bit in response to his mild increased emotions. "Atar? Atya?" He moved closer, coming right up into Manwe's lap. "Can we talk? I have... Things on my mind that are bothering me, and I think you're the only one that can help."
ManwĂ« wrapped his arms around his child and held him close, his wings wrapping loosely around the two of them. He watched him concerned but seeing that he was unharmed merely upset he calmed, simply holding him. âWhat is it little cloud? What troubles you?â
He sat within the safe warmth of Manweâs wings and thought of how to best form his concerns.  Finally he simply spoke the words that troubled him, âAre you afraid I will become like him?  Or are you silently pleased when you see flashes of him in me?â
He frowned, knowing the wording was off somehow and tried again.  âI see how some of the others look at me sometimes.  And if I âmisbehaveâ or âact outâ in any way, they shake their heads and mutter things.  But I cannot always stay within their lines.  I don't feel evil, but then a storm can be destructive without knowing it has left evil behind.â
He met Manweâs eyes, his pale, pupilless, ice blue eyes dancing with a bit of swirling storm, âDo you think I am fine the way I am, and alright to simply ignore the looks or mutterings of the others?â
"Melkor is my brother, and I love him dearly. I am happy to see that there are pieces of him in you as you do things, though sometimes I wish it was less so because I fear it will distance you too much from others." Manwe admitted and he curled his wings closer to them, fluffing the feathers a little.
He looked out the window, eyes focusing on something far in the distance that only he could truly see from here. After a moment he seemed to remember that he had not answered all the questions asked and looked down at his son.
"The others remember only the destructive tendencies of Melkor, not who he had once been. They also forget that we all can be equally destructive." He gave a small secretive smile at that, rich blue eyes sparkling warmly. "You are yourself, and though I teach you to control yourself."
