Balrog Slayer

6 moons later and I’ve finished the selkie wip I started up in orkney

Cover art for Wildlife in North Carolina, July 1974. Illustration by Jay Johnson.

The work week can be hard to handle, so here’s a handful of newts to brighten your day. Eastern newts (Notophthalmus viridescens) are amphibians that can be found across much of eastern North America. Growing up to 5 in (12.7 cm) long, they dine on a variety of invertebrates including snails and insects. During breeding season, females lay between 200 and 400 eggs—many of which are eaten by predators. But, offspring that do survive can live for up to 15 years!  

But I know. I think it was me.

In my defense I never intended to start a rumor. Many years ago I worked as a cleaner at the school and one evening I had to transport one of those big floor washing machines from the basement to the second level via the elevator. When the doors opened a very confused looking man stood inside. He was one of those slicked back gym-bro IT guys and made no movement to get out. The elevator wouldn’t fit him, me and the machine so I asked “Where are you going? Up or down?”

He gave me a smug shit-eating grin and said “Down?” in a mocking tone.

It took me a second to realize that of course he wasn’t going down, we were in the basement, but his look and tone annoyed me so much I refused to admit I misspoke and instead said “Yeah, down. I don’t know if you’re going to the second basement”

His smile disappeared “There’s a second basement?”

“Yeah but it sounds like you don’t have access to it so I guess you’re going up? I’ll just wait”

I never thought of it as anything other than a funny story to tell about that time I got so annoyed with a guy that I invented an entire second basement, but it turns out he probably refused to believe a cleaner fooled him and the story spread.