Advice From Crandle

("I envy your species - you can speak - but then you insist on refusing to do so!")

"And it's a great spot for pics!"

"Yes, yes, a hundred times yes. I get lonely with no one to talk to."

"Imagine having slowly descended from an apelike being, helped along in finger dexterity and mental cleverness by my own kind, crafting an omniscience machine that works by sending lightning through crystal, and using those aforementioned dexterous fingers to painstakingly press each symbol, each symbol developed over thousands of years to represent a sound, which when strung together in markings or in speech can express any thought, sensation, or happening in the universe. And you use it to inform me of infidelity."

"I don't have eyes at all."

"I'm out of questions. Anyone care to send in some more?"

"Then apply to the inflamed area. It'll kill the bacteria and make it go away in a couple of days. Sounds good?"

"It won't make it all better, but it will make it a little better."

"As much as I care to make. It doesn't last long though, and there's nothing to buy."

"To the job!" "...Also, I'm the only person here."