a thousand words

🤡

not once has deli heard adrian swear, so when he did, he knew: adrian was really going through it. in some horrific way, this moment felt like deja vu. he thinks back to when they first started this whole ordeal and how he was doing anything he could to lighten the mood. if only it was that easy now. nothing could have prepared him for this moment. this sobering realization about what they were doing, pretending to be boyfriends to appease adrian’s parents… and maybe adrian really couldn’t care less about him in the end, that he could live with; all he knew was that this- this thing with adrian’s family weighs heavy and this was really a huge deal for him. for the first time, deli started to wonder and really consider how this will play out. for the first time, deli felt nervous not for himself but on adrian’s behalf. he doesn’t want to mess anything up for him. he wants to make a good impression. he wants it to go so well so that he’ll never have to witness adrian looking this way again. once again, adrian seemed to have the magic - rare - ability to make him shut up. what could he possibly say to make adrian feel better? deli held adrian’s hand firmly in his and continued to squeeze for reassurance as he thought about what to say. “nooo don’t pass out, you’re so sexy aha,” deli tried to joke half-heartedly. though the delivery was clearly a weak one, it helped relieved at least some of the tension he was holding in his body. “i don’t blame you for being nervous. from what you’ve told me, your family seems intense but who’s to say it won’t go well! i’m charming, remember?” he nudges adrian on the shoulder. thankfully, the joke lands a bit better this time around and he’s able to offer a hopeful smile.

— 🌌

the response throws adrian so off guard that he bursts out into laughter, the reaction surprising even adrian himself. did deli really think adrian was... sexy? the thought makes his stomach burst out into butterflies. but he said it in such a joking and lighthearted way, maybe he was trying to lighten the mood as he usually does. suddenly, the warmth that he feels turns a bit colder and more akin to disappointment. but why would he be disappointment? it’s not like they’re officially together, anyways. adrian, feeling just a teensy bit worse, lets go of their hands and sighs. he’s not quite sure what exactly he’s even sighing at, anyways. “yeah, they’re intense. like really intense. so if you want to back out, this is the last time you can do it, just let me know. no hard feelings, i promise.”

despite the jumble of emotions adrian feels, deli’s smile feels grounding.“but you really are charming, though. and i thought it was part of your cool guy thing at first but you’re so good at connecting with other people and making them comfortable.” adrian judges deli back, a soft smile growing on his face. “anyone would be lucky to be your boyfriend. seriously.”

at the diner, ariela found herself swirling sugar into her cup of tea with a sense of dread. she wasn’t sure what the two photographers thought of the whole on-air exchange, but she knew that they witnessed it, and that was enough to make her want to bury herself in the snow. instead, she was at the diner, surrounded with people who most likely also watched the viral moment unfold. “ it’s bad enough that the fi–the heated debate was in a bakery. i was fully convinced i’d be pulling pumpkin cream out of my hair for a week, but then she has the nerve to just walk off !! if you’re going to make barbarianism your whole ‘ thing ’, you could at least stick to the script, so the civilized people around you know what bizarre antics to expect. she looked like she was crying, which is so rich, adrian !! of course someone walks off after being unable to handle the mess they themselves created. “ she explained. taking a sip of her now-sugared beverage, she takes a moment to breathe. after all, she had to admit that she sounded like a maniac. “ anywho, now i get to go home after this wretched holiday season is all over and explain to my therapist that baked goods are on my shit-list. “ she sighed. it was sad that she had to say that aloud, but then again, it was sad that she was trapped here with her highest of foes. “ oh, goodness, me !! you’ll have to excuse me, as i definitely made this entire exchange about me again. i’ve been told it’s annoying, and my life goal is to not be the next-coming of she-who-must-not-be-named. in that case, how are we doing ?? how’s the love life ?? are we still kissing people near trees or what have you ?? “

— ☕️

adrian takes a sip of his coffee, listening to ariela and letting her rant. he figures she needs it. “wait, how was pumpkin cream involved? i was half watching and it’s been a couple of days so my memory is a bit fuzzy.” he places his cup down, pointing at ariela with raised eyebrows. “but that’s a good thing right? maybe it’s the same for other people.” adrian stays quiet regarding maxine; he’s not one to take sides in an argument, plus maxine looked pretty shaken up. he gets it. “i’m sorry this hasn’t been a good experience for you so far. i swear living in northmount isn’t this crazy!”

🤡

deli couldn’t stop his smile from widening into something more like a smirk once adrian looked at him. he’s not blind. adrian was totally checking him out and deli is reveling in it. he notices the way that adrian seems to still, not too far off from the expression he wore the previous night as deli left his apartment after yet another makeout session that got his head spinning. he can’t help but wonder if they’re both thinking about the same thing but he doesn’t want to be too hopeful, after all. “my man has impeccable taste,” deli winks, shrugging his shoulders as he walks closer. yes he was laying it on thick, playing this up way more than necessary. he chuckled. “you know what they say about how money can’t buy fashion sense. that’s clearly not a problem you can relate to and now i can vouch for it!” shit fuck. now adrian was opening the door for him. the Simp™ simps again. he can already tell christmas with the lau’s is gonna test his resolve more than ever before. adrian sure as hell was contributing to that - fuck him! ( literally. he was in a perpetual paradox of wanting to do just that and really not wanting to fall into that trap which will inevitably get his feelings hurt ). because deli’s brain is constantly rattling with thoughts, it only took about 3 seconds to process all of these thoughts at once and he responded with ease. you gotta give the mad lad some credit - he knew how to play into the more freewheeling and nonchalant side of himself when he needed to. “an old fashioned gentleman too? you really DO know how to treat a guy!! careful, i might actually fall in love with you,” he laughs as he slides into the passenger seat, desperately trying to ignore how loud his heart was pounding now because WHY DID HE SAY THAT!!?!? STUPID. 

when adrian settles into the driver’s seat, he stills in a different way - frozen in place and not starting the engine. while deli hasn’t actually known adrian for more than a week, he knows: adrian is in panic mode right now. instinctually, and without fully thinking through the action, he reaches out and grabs adrian’s hand to comfort him. “hey, it’ll be okay.” at least he hoped it would be. “you ready to do this?”

— 🌌

adrian’s glad he can blame it on the weather for the way his face and ears are turning red. although, he’s not sure if he can blame the freezing cold snow for the warmth that’s blooming all over his body. “your man’s impeccable taste is because his parents wouldn’t let him shop anywhere below zara.” your man. huh. adrian repeats those words in his head. jay’s man. his man. it does sound nice, actually—

his grip on the passenger seat door handle tightens, hearing the words from deli and repeating it in his head, over and over. i might actually fall in love with you. i might actually fall in love with you. i might actually fall in love— adrian quickly shuts the door and makes his way to the other side of the seat so he can catch his breath for once. just what exactly are they doing, him and deli? how insane is all this, pretending to date your coworker so your parents can stop riding your ass for once? oh god, the town knows he’s already back home. there’s no way at least one person didn’t tell mom—

his thoughts are temporarily interrupted when he feels a pair of hands grab his. adrian snaps out of it for a bit and sees that his and deli’s hands are joined in a comforting hold. his breath is starting to quicken so he appreciates the comforting presence of deli. his man. despite this, the anxiety overpowers everything. “jay.” his voice is contained, as if he’s trying his hardest to sound like he’s not about to fall apart at the seams. “i’m not ready for this. i’m so fucking nervous i feel like i’m going to pass out.” adrian squeezes deli’s hands: a steady anchor in whatever metaphorical storm is going on inside his mind right now. 

at first, when adrian sees the museum display, he thinks nothing of it. besides, who would be interested in reading some rando’s letters a long time ago? but as he takes a closer look, he is completely horrified to recognize that all-too-familiar handwriting. letters from a merchant trader to their companion, 1654, the display reads. below is a rough translation of each page; it is believed that perhaps these letters are more romantic in nature, despite both the writer and the recipient being men.

oh no. oh no, oh no, oh no. how the hell did the archaeologists find these letters? he thought they were safely stored away with the rest of his belongings! adrian’s stomach churns. he can’t let deli see this. he can’t let him find out from a fucking museum display that he’s been crushing on him since the literal 17th century! seeing deli approach the gallery, adrian approaches him with a forced smile, trying to appear as if everything’s a-okay. “hey, deli! this room is a bit drab, there’s nothing too interesting. how about we go to another gallery while we’re at it?”

to deli’s luck, just as he thought that he wanted to hold adrian’s hand a little longer, adrian retracted and nudged him instead. if deli didn’t care about how it would look, he would’ve pouted once he felt the loss of adrian’s warm hand. as it were, he was almost too aware of how it would look so instead, he frowned and rubbed his hands together to generate his own warmth. fortunately, the disappointment doesn’t last long as adrian blows hot air into his cupped hands and grabs his hand again.  he almost sighs in relief at the physical contact and reddens at the comment. this was only made worse by the calming sensation of adrian rubbing his hands over his. “yes-s,” he responds, teeth chattering. “i’m an LA boy! i’m still not entirely used to the freezing cold here so excuse me for being a big baby right now.” it grows quiet between them for a moment as deli sinks into the feeling of warmth. he thanks god every day that his brown skin doesn’t reveal how much he’s blushing right now because he’s positive he’d look like a tomato otherwise. “shut up, i know how this is gonna sound… but do you mind if i keep holding your hand? it feels nice.”

📸

adrian smiles, a bit amused at jay’s lack of tolerance to the cold weather. for a moment, he forgets that he moved here for work; it just seemed like he already fit in so well with the northmount population (or at least, the population who currently works at the same place they both do. which, as small towns usually, is a good handful of the townspeople). adrian doesn’t think twice when jay asks if they could keep holding hands, especially when his hand feels like a block of ice. “yeah, that’s totally fine.” he relaxes his hand, lacing his fingers with jay’s. it’s definitely more comfortable than when them just awkwardly clasping hands like they’re in elementary school. plus, it’s good practice right? since they’re technically going to be pretend boyfriends. well, they already are, but he figures it’s best to get in the habit if people are going to be watching.

jay’s right. holding hands does feel nice, especially as the night gets colder and colder. as they’re heading to his apartment, adrian glances over at him and decides, for once, to start up a conversation. “so, uh... speaking of LA.... what made you move here? i thought california was the place to be.”

as much as deli tries to quell the butterflies in the pit of his stomach, he can’t deny it: those little fuckers are here to stay and they won’t stop fluttering goddamn it! it was so ridiculously schoolboy of him but as he stared at himself in the mirror, in the outfit that adrian bought for him, to wear to the lau christmas party, reality began to really settle in. holy shit he’s playing the role of adrian’s boyfriend tonight. as much as it was supposed to be pretend, his physical reactions couldn’t lie. the moment his phone buzzed, deli’s chest tightened even before his eyes saw the message appear — I’m outside your apartment.  once he did see the message, deli didn’t know what took over him; he beelined toward the window and opened the curtain slightly to chance a peek at the other man. deli was thankful he gave himself this moment to steel himself, as much as he was certain he was gonna have a nosebleed any second because HOLY SHIT! he shut the curtain immediately out of undeniable gay panic, pacing around the living room for a moment, until he returns again to the windowsill to take a look. the sight of adrian adjusting his outfit and hair alone was doing something funny to his heart and nether regions. and because he can’t help but indulge himself, deli takes one last long glance at adrian walking his fine self around his front yard before he finally closes the curtains. deli walks around his living room again to shake out the nervous energy, remembering who he is: hot and charming! he exhales the breath he’d been holding, shrugs on his coat from the coatrack, and opens the door. here, he sees adrian staring at him and the tips of his ears begin to heat up. all at the same time, he plays it cool, places an easy smile on his face, and greets his boyfriend of the evening. “hey, you look good!”

— ❄️

“hey–” adrian barely gets the greeting out before he is left stunned at how...  dressed up deli looks. especially with the outfit he got him at sak’s. his eyes rake up and down deli’s outfit and his heart races faster. even in the cloud of anxiety he’s going through, adrian couldn’t help but admire his eye for style. the turtleneck, hidden under two perfectly layered jackets, hugs his body in all the right places. oh, who is adrian kidding? deli looks amazing. no, he looks more than amazing. stunning. handsome. hot as hell. before he could stop himself, adrian’s mind flashes back to yesterday: him straddling deli’s lap, his hands sneaking under deli’s shirt, his lips kissing down his neck, breathless moans that makes him feel like he’s levitating...

nope! not gonna go there! especially not before he’s going to be seeing his family. instead, he returns his gaze to deli’s face. “you, uh, also look great. i’m glad the outfit i chose worked out.” adrian walks over to the passenger side and opens the door for deli. it gives his mind something small to focus on and if anything, deli deserves only the best fake boyfriend that adrian could ever be, considering he’s willing to spend an entire night with his crazy ass family. while he waits for him to get seated in his car, adrian’s mind does wander for a bit. would he be a good real boyfriend for deli? maybe if they weren’t going to his family’s house yet, he would take deli to his favorite spot over at his hometown. suddenly, adrian’s cheeks warm. is that something deli would enjoy? would he even consider dating someone as awkward and emotionally stunted as adrian...?

after a really terrible vodka shot that felt like literal hell and a couple sips of very sweet jungle juice that tasted like heaven, adrian starts tapping out during the three hour mark. on one hand, this is impressive because usually his social battery lasts for about an hour or two while sober. he figures that there is some truth to liquid courage if he can last this long and actually have a good time. on the other hand, the game hasn’t even started and he’s pretty sure he has hours left to go. adrian dismisses himself from his group, denying an offer to accompany him to the car. he’s grateful he has thoughtful friends who would help him out, but he’d rather not get in the way of them having a good time.

taking a cup of jungle juice with him, adrian walks across the grass and towards the parking lot, gradually moving from a sea of red to blue. if you asked adrian, he never really understood the whole school rivalry thing. at first he thought it was just another excuse to go wild and get drunk, but in the couple of hours he’s been here, he’s starting to realize that people actually take this shit seriously. regardless, it’s a pretty solid excuse for adrian an excuse to not do his schoolwork. just the mere thought of his accounting homework makes him want to throw up more than the alcohol he drank–

“oh, fu—” before he knows it, adrian ends up walking right into someone else, the collision of their bodies spilling a majority of his jungle juice onto his jacket and the very white shirt underneath. out of shock, he steps back and looks at the other person with wide eyes, his heart pounding in his chest. “dude, i’m so sorry. i really didn’t see where i was going.” adrian’s mind races and the panic suddenly courses through him. “i didn’t mean to bump into you. seriously. and uh, i think most of the drink spilled on me which is good.” desperate for his free hand to fidget, adrian grabs the hem of his shirt, trying to shake out the loose liquid and not caring if his midriff is a bit exposed. he needs the breeze to cool down.

if deli’s cheeks were feeling rather warm before, he was burning hot now. maybe it was from the residual feeling of mortification a moment ago or maybe it was how adrian suddenly tugs him along without a word, catching him off guard. either way, he was sure about one thing: he wasn’t simply simping this time — no, worse — he was swooning. what the hell? it goes without saying that logic has been escaping him lately but deli has a strong hunch all this had to do with how the other man is chock full of surprises and he couldn’t be more fascinated. his heart squeezes at the sight of him now seemingly beating himself up over something he did wrong. you couldn’t make this shit up - adrian apologizing after he’s apologized. deli stands by his original comment; adrian is one of the best people he’s come to know despite the family and status he comes from. objectively it shouldn’t be a big deal, yet somehow it hits him differently ( and subsequently, hits him hard in the feels ). he sighs, shaking his head while he lets out a giggle. “see?! this is exactly what i meant. you’re proving my point exactly!” after his exclamation, he calms to a gentler tone, his voice growing softer. “adrian, you did nothing wrong. it was on me for making that vague comment so i don’t blame you for taking it the wrong way. your apology simply won’t be accepted because it’s not needed.” he finds himself warming up on the inside too, touched that adrian was inviting him and sharing something rather personal about himself, likely a fault he’s thought deeply about. he files that piece of knowledge in a safe place in his memory for later. “gosh, i’m blushing adrian! what a charmer. you sure know how to treat a guy right,” he jokes, nudging against him with a wink, though the proof is in the pudding. he’s certainly blushing; he just hopes it isn’t so apparent this statement was a disguised half-truth. that’s right — the swooning. because on top of it all, here adrian stands being such a fucking gentleman offering to cook him dinner. suddenly, deli remembers he’s still holding adrian’s hand. the selfish part of his brain decides to not say anything for now, especially because adrian’s hand was so warm and comfortable in his. “no cap, i’m curious how bomb your wonton noodle soup is so bring it on! let’s do it!” 

— !!

it’s something about the way deli speaks to him in that softer tone of voice that leaves adrian warm all over, even during the cold winter night. the words sound foreign in his ears but at the same time they’re reassuring, and suddenly he’s not as anxious as he was earlier. the warm and fuzzy feeling combined with his increased heart rate is quickly forgotten, especially when deli is back to being a teasing little shit. “shut up, i’m trying to be nice here.” adrian lets go of deli’s hand and playfully nudges his shoulder, immediately feeling the loss in contact. since when were they holding hands? and for how long?

the ghost of deli’s hand feels so present, adrian’s itching for his fingers to curl around something again. almost instinctively, he reaches over and grabs deli’s hand again, ignoring his remark about the wonton noodle soup. “holy shit, deli, your hand is ice cold.” adrian uses his free hand to quickly rub the top of deli’s hand, trying to generate some warmth for him. “has it always been like this?”

Hey. I’m outside your apartment.

as soon as he presses send, adrian steps out of the car, welcoming the bite of the cold night. while he waits for jay, he settles for pacing up and down the sidewalk where his car is parked, trying his hardest to calm his pounding heart. to say he’s nervous about tonight is an understatement; he’s pretty sure he’s about to spontaneously combust. usually, the most adrian had to do before family gatherings is brace himself for all the comments, but between bringing a “boyfriend” over and the looming fact that he’s basically done an impulsive career change that he technically hasn’t told anyone about, he’s really not looking forward to tonight.

after he realizes that he practically carved out a path from the snow he’s pacing under—a testament to his current mental state right now—adrian stops before he ends up doing something embarrassing like slip on the ice and snow. instead, he glances at the reflection of himself in the tinted window of his car, adjusting his hair and straightening out his cape so his hands have something to do. overall, at least he looks presentable? his mother is definitely going to be impressed by his coat cape thing, that’s for sure.

and when he finally has nothing else on his body he can adjust adrian turns around and leans against the car, trying to get himself to calm the fuck down and stop figeting so damn much. there’s nothing he can do except go through the motions and all he’s doing is making his nervousness worse. adrian glances out from across the street and towards the entrance of deli’s apartment, his eagerness to see him growing as each second passes.

iMessage 📲  baedrian 😍  

deli: it doesn’t sound sad deli: guess it’s a good thing dates are kinda my forte huh? 😉 deli: well yeah it sounded like u were dealing with a lot and it’s not like i had any holiday plans. i don’t see why not deli: omg stop why are u apologizing deli: i was the one who brought it up in the first place remember????? deli: if you’re worried about consent or whatever trust me u had it! besides i didn’t mind kissing u lol deli: oh… deli: really adrian it’s nbd

iMessage 📲  Jay De Leon (work)

fuck. deli fucked up. he really fucked up. he wasn’t sure what he did exactly but there was no use in denying it — adrian was upset now and it was all his fault. fuck. they were having a good time; he was delighted at the progress he was making in getting the other man to warm up and open up to him but then he had to go and ruin it with his stupid mouth. at adrian’s outburst, he grew still. he opened his mouth to speak but for once had nothing to say. before he could even respond, adrian was already ahead of him, definitively trying to downplay the gloomy energy that suddenly hovered between them. the gates were closed and he was being given the cold shoulder, so cold that it felt more bristling than the weather. it made deli feel uneasy. now normally deli would be cracking more jokes and he would’ve pushed adrian more but something about this moment was different. he could feel it and so he gave adrian the space. it made his throat lock up as he wracked his brain, desperately trying to figure out when it went wrong. all he could think of was his comment about… oh shit! it was his stupid vague response he gave when he didn’t want it to be apparent how much he was truly down bad for him, wasn’t it? like a car battery jump starting, deli was suddenly moved to action. his brain was on a 2 second delay as he processed what adrian was saying about dinner rush and was then moving faster away from him. in the spur of a moment, deli chased after and caught him — caught his hand, warmer than his — right as they stepped into the restaurant waiting area. “wait wait hey - adrian, babe, wait!” deli started, not really caring about his volume in favor of how he really needed to clear this up right now, his dignity be damned. one would think deli had just ran a marathon by the way he was out of breath and almost tripping over his own words in his fervor. “i’m sorry if what i said came off badly earlier. you’re kind, smart, attractive and you’re so humble about it. it’s like, illegal how genuinely good of a person you are so that’s why i said it’s cool that you’re so modest about everything. i meant it as a compliment,” he finished, trying to ignore how hot his cheeks were feeling all of a sudden and how silent the waiting area just got. he cleared his throat and attempted to redirect the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment bubbling up inside of him. “right, let’s check on that wait time yeah?” he dragged adrian along and walked up to the hostess with a small smile, who clearly saw the whole ordeal, only to be met with an answer of an hour long wait.

— !!

adrian is a couple steps into the restaurant when he hears jay call out to him, his stomach dropping at the casual ‘babe’. he doesn’t have time to process it because a hand grabs his, stopping him in his tracks. he doesn’t have time to respond, because as soon as he turns around, jay bursts into an outburst of words—not just words, but compliments too? he stares, his jaw open. the lobby suddenly is quiet, with dozens of nosy people watching along and continuing in hushed whispers.

he blinks. once. twice. no matter what, his brain couldn’t really wrap around it. did jay really think of him as everything he just mentioned? sure, he can be modest and humble at times (to a fault, really), but kind? smart? attractive??? surely, was this just for the public display? but that doesn’t explain why jay looks more embarrassed than he is his usual teasing self. before he knows it, he’s getting dragged to the hostess who, to adrian’s detriment, is the restaurant owner’s daughter and thus is an old family friend of the laus. the surprised look on her face too… oh god. right. everyone’s looking at them. fuck.

as soon as holly confirms the wait time, adrian decides to take charge this time. there was no way he was going to wait here for an hour with people that just saw his very public moment with jay. still holding his (incredibly cold) hand, adrian  guides them out of the restaurant, only stopping when he’s sure no one is in earshot. “i’m sorry,” he blurts out, glancing down at his feet and kicking the snow, feeling suddenly guilty for making jay uncomfortable. “i— i overreacted. i didn’t mean to put you on the spot there.” adrian coughs, looking up at him awkwardly. “i tend to jump to conclusions a lot and it’s a whole personal thing. i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have assumed the worst.” even in the bone-chilling night, adrian’s cheeks warm. he wants to ask about the compliments and why jay said them, but he doesn’t want to seem too greedy. “can i make it up to you? i can make some wonton noodle soup at home. it’s way quicker than waiting, that’s for sure.”

ariela sighed as she mentally processed the series of events all over again. if he saw the last five minutes, he almost certainly witnessed the chaos of it all, even if it was in the background. shaking her head, she dropped her shoulders in a sort of comical defeat as she exhaled. “ i’ll tell you at the diner. are we using your car or mine ?? “

-

“sure, sam goal!” max agreed brightly, “my boss was pretty enthusiastic about this assignment, and everything. i mean, i get the appeal, it’s so pretty, kind of idyllic; like, i get why someone at home would just wanna learn more about this place,” she offered. she loved broadcasts like that, the fluff pieces, feel-good stuff that had little substance beyond making people smile. all news was important, and much of it was more technically important than the fluff pieces, but there was something to be said for the dreaming, wasn’t there? sometimes people just wanted to see something nice, to think i’d like to go there. there was nothing wrong with that. “ahh, thank you! we try,” she accepted the compliment with a soft smile. “yeah, the tree lightning ceremony especially turned out really good, y’know, we had a good through line and everything, and it was visually really nice, too. good ratings, and everything. but, i mean - then there was the bakery, which…” well, how the fuck did she even begin to describe or justify that? she wasn’t sure if she hoped adrian had seen it or not. 

— !!

iMessage 📲  baedrian 😍   deli: then it’s a date! deli: officially? lol deli: i totally exposed us so i owe you for that first off deli: at least three things? like what? deli: sounds fake

iMessage 📲  Jay De Leon (work)