𝔸𝔻ℝ𝕀𝔸ℕ

nodding, helena gave him a warm smile, “understandable, but i’m glad you’re doing alright.” she couldn’t imagine the pain that adrian had gone through, or the pain he was still going through. her heart ached for him, and she could understand why even now things were still difficult. “that has to be hard, ade, but i want you to know you’re not - you don’t have to do this alone. if you want someone there, i’m here” she offered. whether to took the offer or not she didn’t mind, but she wanted him to know it was there. giving him a small smile, helena said, “i’m glad you didn’t, but i also would have understood if you had. i’m sure none of this is easy” she admitted. helena could see that this was difficult for him, and she wondered what it was that had him so frazzled. still, she took a drink of her water and allowed him to settle himself for a moment. helena was patient and could happily listen to what he needed to say. 

as he spoke, she kept quiet and mulled the situation over in her head. he might have missed seventh year, but there were still ways to make it up. most of their lessons were electives by that point, and while it certainly advanced magical education, it was nothing that couldn’t be learned through job training. when he finished, helena gave him a nod and reassuring smile, “i’m really glad you reached out. i know that isn’t easy, but i want to be able to help and i think i might have a solution,” she admitted. helena knew that it was possible to have a career without finishing the last year of hogwarts, and she was happy to help where she could. “i could easily help you get an internship within one of the ministry departments. it would substitute some of your education, give you training in your field, and then would ultimately allow you to move into the position fully so long as training goes well. i just need to have some idea of what you’re looking for,” she provided. 

he nodded his head as she spoke. a lot of people had said that, that they’d be for him. it wasn’t that he didn’t believe that they’d be there for him, it was that he struggled to reach out. it was admitting to himself he needed the help that was the hard part. “ i appreciate it, hel. ”

relief crossed his expression when she said that she did have a solution. there was a part of him that had been fixed with worry that nothing could have been done except him returning to school. that wouldn’t have been an option for him “ that would — that would be spectacular, honestly. ” the expression on his face was earnest. “ i’m not too picky ? i don’t think i’d want to be an auror or in the department of mysteries or anything like that. i’m just — not of their caliber. but maybe something in regulation or legislation ? i’m honest and believe in rules having a purpose, and i always did well enough in history of magic, i suppose. i think i could be of some use there ? ”

Marlene scoffed with a humourless laugh “Sweetheart, I’m barely keen on anyone, let alone a half-brother I only just found out existed.” she said, but she sighed “But I don’t hate you.” She didn’t bother pointing out that hating him would require as much effort as liking him, but nevertheless.  “I just hate my mother. Or our mother, I guess“ she finished with a small shrug.

She raised an eyebrow at the snark in his voice; maybe he had some spine after all. She wondered if her father knew, though knowing her mother, probably not. Hell, she’d kept an entire child a secret from her children. A wicked thought came to her about possibly using this against her mother, and she filed that away for later. “Look I’m not sure what you’re expecting and this isn’t the greatest week. I barely have a relationship with my other brothers.” she said, as she stood up. How did she possibly explain to him years of trauma her parents had inflicted on her? “Just count yourself lucky you didn’t grow up under the McKinnon roof.”

a part of him knew that this might not have gone well, but a larger part of him had hoped it would have. he couldn’t disguise the disappointment ( the sadness ) that settled across his features. family was family. it was supposed to be important and — he could feel his jaw start to tremble.

don’t cry, don’t cry, don’tcrydon’tcrydon’tcry.

he’d see how well that mantra worked for him. 

“ but i’m not your other brothers. you could have a relationship with me. ” it was a challenge. he said it with his chin raised, his gaze surprisingly steady for how uncertain he felt. his brows drew together at her last remark. “ i think it would have been nice having my mother around more. ”

Sirius stared at him for a long moment before a humorless laugh left him. He knew most of the McKinnon story, how their family was somehow just slightly less fucked up than his.  “No… No, because… If that…” he trailed off, starting at the boy, leaning in closer, but he could see it—the similarities. Maybe because he’d stared at Marlene for so long, but he could see the same flecks of gold in his eyes, the way his nose curved just slightly, just like Marlene and Sebastian’s, and then the way he pursed his lips while nervous. It was the same. “Fuck…” he muttered, leaning back, running a hand through his hair. “Does Marls know this? No wonder you’re… And I… Uh… Huh…”

adrian frowned, his shoulders dropping when sirius denied his claim. he knew it was stupid. he should have kept his mouth shut and tried to lie that he remembered her from school or heard about her from narcissa or helena or — he blinked owlishly when sirius seemed to finally accept it.

“ i told her the day everyone heard that james potter died — and it probably wasn’t the best time, i know, but in my defense, i hadn’t heard — ” and there was the fact that adrian went mostly unaffected by it “ — and she didn’t take it all that great ? i mean, i get that i sprung it on her out of the blue, and that was pretty dumb, but i’ve had this secret for almost twenty-two years. i was about to burst if i kept it any longer. plus, if she had to be mad at anyone, it should have been our mum, okay ? it’s all her fault. i’m not to blame, just a hapless victim. and i don’t know what i expected, i just wanted her to like me. i already have a sister and she’s great, but i don’t know. being a part of a bigger family was always something i wanted, and i wasn’t expecting some grand reunion, but i was expecting something a little more than what i got. ”

finally, after all the words had spilt from his mouth, he took a breath.

Without skipping a beat, Sirius said, “Try me.” For one, his curiosity was piqued, but for two, someone curious about Marlene made his protective side want to make sure nothing was going on that he should worry about. Though, from their brief meeting, Sirius could tell Adrian wasn’t a bad man. 

adrian stared at the older man for a long time, wondering if he should just drop it and refuse to answer. it wasn’t an easy thing to say, and really was it his secret to spill ? there were more people involved than just him but — finally, he spoke.

“ marlene’s my sister. half-sister, actually, but sister nonetheless. ” he stared down at the table instead of looking at him. “ we share a mum. ”

She didn’t really know what to say. Her mind was going a million miles a minute, it seemed like, and she was just so numb and shocked that James was gone. It didn’t seem real still, she didn’t know what was going to make it hit her. But she wasn’t looking forward to it. She just wanted to go to sleep and wake up and find out that this had all been some bad dream. Some sick dream. 

But she knew that that wasn’t going to happen. James was gone and she was going to have to get used to the idea. But she wasn’t there yet. She didn’t know when she was going to be okay again. Maybe she never would be.

Narcissa offered him a sad smile. She knew that he understood. She had been so young when it had all happened, when Adrian disappeared from her life, and she hadn’t really grasped the grief that he was feeling. It was a regret that she was going to carry forever, truthfully. But now she understood, knew what it was like. She listened to his words and nodded her head slightly. “I don’t know when the memories aren’t going to hurt anymore,” she said softly. “I don’t know…” she paused, looking down. “He was so important. And now he’s just gone and it’s like I can’t even breathe. I already miss him so much,” she told Adrian, softly.

She cleared her throat and tried to blink away the tears. She nodded her head. “Okay. I’ll just get a coffee with three pumps of vanilla,” she told him. She reached through her bag and grabbed her wallet and handed him some money to cover it. “Get whatever you want, okay?”

“ i can’t give you the answer to that. ” the sympathetic smile he wore was matched by the sadness in his eyes. “ something might make you smile, but something might make you feel like the world’s imploding around you, it’s ridiculous. ” he wished he could sugarcoat it. he wished he could make this easier on her. above all, he wish he didn’t know grief so well. “ i’m so sorry, narcissa, i am. ”

he saw her pull out her wallet, and he refused to take her money. “ i’ve got it, okay ? you’d do the same for me if the tables were turned. i’ll be right back. ” he stepped away from the table.

away from narcissa, all of his thoughts began to race. he felt so sorry for her. he wished he could make her feel better but he knew he couldn’t, not in a way that would count or be fair. he ordered her coffee and his own. he also picked up a cookie for her.

“ here you are. ” he took his seat again.

“ some people like distractions. i preferred to be alone — but i don’t think that was the best thing in the long run. not for me, not for anyone. just let me know if i can do anything for you, alright ? ”

having to stand away from regulus and his family gutted her. she and rabastan had covers to keep and despite the fact that they lived together it wasn’t something everyone knew. helena was good at keeping her private life her own, and good at playing the roles she was meant to. still, she wanted nothing more than to be up there with him, holding his hand, giving him the comfort he desperately needed. helena was there as the acting minister though, not as family. it was a sore spot that she was covering with a composure as she always did. feeling adrian’s hand, she put her own overtop of his, “i wish i could be up there with them. that’s my -” family. taking in a breath she gave a sigh, “how are you holding up? i can’t imagine this is easy. thank you for being here with me”.

for derek, he had been up front, on his knees at the grave. he could hardly stand up straight, all his weight put onto florence when he did. that compared to now, it was like he was a different person in a different world. still, he felt for his friend, he felt for everyone who had something to grieve for. “ i know you do, and i wish you could be there with them, i do ” he felt unbearably sad, both because of his own personal feelings and because of the grief she was stricken with. “ and i’m — struggling. ” he knew that he couldn’t lie to her. she saw right through him, reading his expressions and body language like no one else. “ but i’m doing alright. ” he swallowed. “ this is about you, though. i’m here for you. whatever you need, okay ? ” it was that resolve that kept him going. he wanted to be a good friend. he needed to be there for her like she had done — and was doing — for him. 

having become the acting minister was something she was still trying to get used to. helena had never intended to go into politics, and yet, now she was leading. it was pressure that she didn’t particularly want, but she took it all in stride. there were some aspects to her job that she thoroughly enjoyed though, and that made it worth it. “yeah?” she asked, looking at him with a hint of concern. “adrian, it’s me. you don’t have to give me the party line,” she reminded. they were friends and had been good ones back at hogwarts, and helena still cared for him just as she had then. “it’s good to see you too. i’m actually really relieved to hear from you - i’m sorry i’ve been shite at keeping in contact lately,” she apologized, knowing that she had been less available as of late. “i’m certainly trying, but thank you. i’m glad you think so,” she smiled. helena gave him a grin, “i will always make time for you,” she promised, “what did you want to talk about?”

having her call him out, he blanched and then forced himself to shrug. “ honestly, i’m fine, or at least as fine as i can be ? it’s just hard sometimes. ” he managed a half-smile at that. it was true after all. he shook his head. “ don’t be sorry. i wasn’t necessarily talking to anyone anyways. i have stacks of letters all unanswered. i couldn’t talk to anyone. ” he swallowed his pride. “ it’s hard to talk to people still. you said yes to meeting me now, and i almost cancelled right then. i didn’t know if i’d be able. ” he reached for his drink, taking a long sip. he felt awkward, more seen than he’d been by anyone in a long time. it was somewhat uncomfortable. he’d never been one to like attention to be on him, and he didn’t like talking too much about himself either. it was strange to be in a position where both those things would be true, especially a position he’d put himself him in. he dipped his head, stricken with a sense of embarrassment for what he was about to ask — it was embarrassing to adrian. 

he felt lost and purposeless, and that was his fault. there was no way to move forward without reaching for it, though. still, he was comforted by helena. she seemed kind and genuine, and a part of him thought that was more than i deserved. “ you know i left hogwarts — everyone who knows me knows that actually — but i’m having trouble figuring out what to do now. my family has money, sure, and i could live off of that, but i don’t want to ? i want to do something, and right now i’m scooping ice cram at fortescue’s which has its perks, you know, free ice cream and all, but it’s not enough. i want to do ... something. anything, honestly, that feels like i’m doing something productive. i don’t know if hogwarts would let me retake my seventh year now that it’s been so long, and i don’t’ know. you were the first person i thought of asking. ” his face was flushed red, his voice small. “ i just need help figuring things out, hel, and i thought you’d be good at that. “

Sirius didn’t know quite what to make of Adrian’s voice, from how unsure he sounded to the loss Sirius recognized in his own voice from time to time.

“She’s not bad, she’s… Great, honestly, cares a lot about the people she is close to,” he said, tapping his fingers on the table. “So… Not many people know Marls, and I don’t know you, so… Who are you exactly? People aren’t exactly running through the door to know her,” he said, his mind getting a mental image of Marlene placing the door to getting to know her inside an iron forged fortress.

adrian listened with a curious ear, wanting to know more but not wanting to ask. to sirius, he was still a complete and utter stranger. it’d be an odd thing to seem so nosy. finally, that very same notion seemed to strike sirius. for a second, he was quiet, and then he shrugged his shoulders. his lips parted, but no words came out.

“ i honestly don’t think you’d believe me if i told you. “ this was entirely true to adrian. 

he pulled at the collar of his button down shirt, suddenly feeling as if he couldn’t breathe. the last funeral he had been at was derek’s, and that fact kept repeating itself through adrian’s mind. he shut his eyes, closing out the throng of people, and took a deep breath. that was over, that was long ago. he repeated those in his head over and over until finally he found some semblance of calmness. he was still bouncing on the balls of his feet, and his hand still tapped anxiously on his thigh, but it was better than nothing. he was here for helena. he wasn’t going to make this about himself. he couldn’t. he reached over to where she stood, his hand falling on her forearm. “ how are you doing ? ” this was going to be a long day for everyone.

Marlene felt like the world was spinning underneath her. Sure, Adrian could be lying, but.. why? What kind of lie was that? To make up being a sibling. Or half-sibling anyway. She opened her mouth to speak but couldn’t find the words. Her mother’d had an affair then? And a child? That she hadn’t done away with completely?

She slowly sat down on the bench, trying to process. There was a bitter sting, realising that her mother had yet another child she preferred over Marlene. A bastard child, at that. Her mother would never love her the same way she clearly loved her sons, and Marlene had known that for a long time. But seeing another son, a secret child brought back a pain she had tried to keep buried.

“You do understand that this is a lot to just drop on someone you know?” She said, when he said about leaving. “You can’t just drop that kind of bomb on me and then walk away. Who’s your father? How- How did she keep an entire pregnancy a secret?” 

he watched her sit and he remained where he stood, facing the ground, fingers twisting around each other with nerves. he wasn’t sure how she’d react, that was true, but she seemed — bothered, maybe. he didn’t know how to read her. he didn’t know her at all. 

“ i guess it is a lot, ” he said, nodding his head sharply. “ i didn’t really think about it beyond wanting to tell you. and i’ve been thinking about telling you for a while, you know ? i just finally built the nerve to do it, and now i’m here and you’re here, but i get the impression you’re not keen on me ? and that makes me really nervous, and i’m a little nervous to begin with anyways, and just please don’t hate me without knowing me. ” he took a breath. he had spoken so quickly, rushing the words as he thought them.

at the questions, he shrugged. “ i really wasn’t there for the pregnancy, you know. at least, like, consciously ? so how she hid it ? not sure, but magic probably. ” he couldn’t help the snark that crept into his voice. “ and my dad is damian selwyn ? i’ve got a sister — another half-sister — florence, too. but her mum is actually dad’s wife. ”

“Oh uh, yeah, wait, do you know her?” Sirius asked, part of him wondering if Marlene had gone and scared the boy at some point in his first week here. He wouldn’t be surprised, she could come off… prickly, though he’d argue with anyone that Marlene was truly  “Uh… Yeah we’re close. She’s my best friend, has been since we were… Uh… Fourteen? Before then it was more of… I was that boy that kept pissing her off, I guess actually that hasn’t fully changed,” he said, the last part mostly to himself. “Yeah, yeah… It’s… Complicated. We’re just friends, platonically married?” And also sleeping together, sharing a bedroom, a dog, and most of their life. Platonic. Right. But Adrian, having just met him, didn’t need to know how complicated his relationship with Marlene was.  “Whatever she did, I promise she’s not bad, just… Impatient.” 

“ i don’t know her — not really, ” his words were slow and drawn out, as if he were unsure of what he was saying. “ i know of her, though. i’ve heard a lot about her. ” his mother would tell him stories of his siblings at his pleading. she never seemed too keen on it, rather, she’d prefer to talk about him and his life. still, she could never not indulge her youngest child if he pled and begged.

he listened to sirius explain their friendship more.“ you’ve known her for a while. ” jealousy hadn’t crept into his voice, but there was something there. sadness, maybe. he had never seen marlene too much at hogwarts. they were different years, one, and then different houses, too. a part of him wondered if they could have had years of friendship to claim if he had spoken to her earlier.

“ i never thought she was bad. ” he didn’t know what he thought of her, only that he needed time to know her. he hoped he’d get that.

The drop of the name of the woman had birthed her gave her some pause, but she continued punching the bag. She was barely her mother. She scoffed humorlessly “Yeah that’s my mother alright, but if you’re looking for her I’m not the one to speak to.” Marlene barely spoke to her mother these days, or her family in general - aside from Sebastian but not if she could avoid it. 

And then, he dropped the bombshell. She came to a halt, stopping the punching bag, slowly turning to face him with knitted eyebrows. “What did you just say?” she asked, sure she had misheard him. 

" oh, if i wanted to speak to her, i’d just owl her myself ... ” he let his voice trail off as he watched her continue to punch the bag in front of her. she seemed uninterested in him and he couldn’t deny that it hurt a little bit. still, he acknowledged they were still strangers.

“ i said that your mum, ” he spoke slowly, his gaze fixed on the floor, “ is my mum. i’m twenty-one and she writes me and we see each other every so ofter. i could get a letter to show you, if you’d like ? but i was tired of it being a secret and — ” his voice cracked. maybe he was selfish for this. “ — i just wanted to know you and our brothers. ”

he let silence hang around them.

“ maybe this was stupid. i’m sorry. i’m really sorry. i’m just going to go. you can forget me. i want to forget me. maybe the ground will swallow me up right now — i’m just gonna — go. yeah. ”

it had been too long since she’d last talked to adrian, and she felt incredibly guilty for that. between the minister’s death leading to her unexpected promotion to the death of a dear friend, helena was left a little overwhelmed by the responsibilities but as usual, she adapted. being there for her family was second nature by this point, and she was adjusting to her new position in the ministry, even if it was only temporary. still, when adrian reached out, she had was quick to meet up with him. walking into the leaky cauldron, she gave him a smile, “ adrian !” she answered, weaving towards him with ease. “hey love, how are you?” she asked. 

it was strange, how different they were. she was the undersecretary for the minister — and, now, actually, the acting minister of magic. that was amazing. spectacular. and he himself had done nothing. he was nothing. suddenly, seeing her, he felt incredibly small. “ i’m alright. ” it was a lie, but it was what people wanted to hear. though he was never good at skewing the truth, somehow he could say that he was fine. maybe if he said it enough, he’d believe it. maybe if he believed it, it’d become true. “ it’s good to see you, hel. you’re doing — great, or so i’ve heard. honestly, good job. you’re great. ” he sat back down in his seat, his gaze flicking downwards briefly before meeting hers again. “ thanks for agreeing to meet me. i’m sure you’re incredibly busy. ”

Plants had always been a source of joy for Persephone. Her extended family really leaned into the “goddess of spring” namesake - they didn’t acknowledge the queen of the underworld bit until she brought her won personal devil to heel - and gifted her with her own little greenhouse at the age of eight. It was tiny and they wouldn’t let her play with anything but flowers, but it was her little sanctuary throughout her childhood. Flowers become her gift of choice; she would spend ages researching the perfect flower for the recipient and section of a portion of her garden - or greenhouse depending on climate - to grow the gift herself. Though Persephone took pride in never visibly initiating conflict, it became quite clear that if she offered someone a simple rose or, worse, didn’t even bother to grow the present herself, she was all but spitting in someone’s face.

Even though she’s graduated to plants that couldn’t be woven into crowns, flowers remain to be her first love. Which makes this new customer - who looks oddly familiar, though she couldn’t quite place where she knew him from and if she’d thought harder about it, she probably would have escorted him out - a delightful and welcome surprise. She beamed at the boy before her, pushing his possible familiarity from her mind to embrace a far more comfortable familiarity - finding someone the perfect flower. 

“I think I can manage something gentler than a Cobra Lily,” she laughed, gesturing for him to come further into the store. “Do you have a preference for magical or mundane plants? I carry both, of course, but I wouldn’t want to assume.” She had more questions for him - what relative climate he would be keeping them in, what options he had for potting the flowers, what sort of scents he was opposed to - but based on his start when she greeted him, she doubted he would respond well to a lot of questions at once.

adrian followed the woman further into — he assumed —her store. there was an energy to the shop he couldn’t quite describe. it was a little wild, certainly beautiful. he had only been in there for a few minutes but he already thought he loved it, at least a little bit. “ this is amazing. ” he was quiet, speaking mostly to himself.

“ uh, no preference, not really ? maybe non-magical. if i kill a non-magical plant, i think i’d feel a little less bad than having killed a magical plant ? like, if it had a purpose ? of course, i’d feel bad killing any plant. i don’t want blood on my hands, even if it’s from plants. though, i guess in that case, it’d be sap, maybe ? ”

he stopped. he was not going to let himself fall into a spiral over a plant.

“ i’d like something easy to care for. something hardy. but still pretty. ”

“No! I mean yes, I mean no!” Sirius said quickly, rubbing his eyes. This was certainly a first impression alright. “She’s my… Friend, Marlene McKinnon, we uh… She’s…” he trailed off. Possessive and he loves it?  “We…”  How the hell was he supposed to explain this to a stranger? He could barely explain it to himself. “We live together, and we… Uh lied to our landlord that we’re married and now most of the Ministry thinks we are… So naturally, it means that… Most people assume she’s my wife—because I… call her my… Wife…” he said not helping his case at all. “It’s complicated! You’ll understand at my old ripe age. Plus, it’s not like I meant to flirt! I was being friendly! Trust me, I rather have no one but Marlene.” Oh. That was definitely too much to say. 

" your friend, “ adrian echoed with a slow nod of his head. really, if he were being honest, he was confused, more questions bubbling up in his head the more sirius spoke. he hadn’t the chance to ask any because he kept talking. 

marlene mckinnon.

he stiffened where he sat. “ you live with marlene mckinnon ? ” he had to make sure he heard right. what was the chance he was speaking to someone who knew his sister ? should he say something about it ? no. that wouldn’t be smart. 

“ you, uh, sound like you’re close ? ” he said, his brows knit together tightly. “ it also sounds a little ... wild, and i’d be lying if i said i understood your relationship with her completely. ” he wondered if marlene would come around to like him more if he endeared himself to her friends.