idk

Bite the hand that Nothing you #neglect

cold.. jealous of printer paper.. imagine getting slid through a machine and you come out all warm.. they don't even know how good they have it.

candy before beer youre in the clear. beer before candy hurricane sandy

the most tumblr thing in the world is no one mentioning that i forgot st patricks’s day but everyone mentioning that i forgot the ides of march

Wtf????

Smoove with it too 

This is the kind of shit you see in anime that shows that a certain character is stronger than other characters. 

“Pathetic.  You can’t even hold the bat you dare step to the plate? Have you no respect for the sport?”

Baseball players are to be feared

Reblogging for the last one

^Same for me

They just kept getting progressively more “woah”

much woah

Oh my god this is a lucky universe

every time this post comes around, my favorite part is the “I know it’s the Mets” qualifier at the beginning lmao like how baseball that this zillion note posts starts with “sorry for putting this hellteam on your dash, bUT”

Y’all have no idea how hard I was trying not to laugh in class at that poor bird

They…they just blew up a fucking bird…

World Heritage Post

Dude popped that bird and made it his whole personality. And you know what, I respect it. I’d do the same if I had that to my name.

still believe that one of the greatest bits of all time was on January 6th, 2021 when. well. you know. and twitter was understandably an echo chamber of panic and fear and Justin McElroy just tweeted a selfie with a filter that was like “have a delicious national spaghetti day” followed by 3 tweets that were like “fuck. i’m sorry. i don’t know how to delete scheduled posts” and as i type this two years later i’m laughing